Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: He said I was smarter and funnier than his ex. So why was he conflicted?
Jay and I matched on Hinge the night I was going to delete my account. His profile painted a picture of intellect and being well-traveled, active and fun. His messages were witty, and he knew how to keep the conversation going. I was more invested in getting to sleep, so I eventually replied with a question and logged off.
When I didn’t hear from him the next day, I deleted my account as planned, disappearing from our conversation. Days later, I received a connection request and message from Jay on LinkedIn. He was traveling for work, and when he went back on Hinge, he thought he had accidentally deleted our match and panicked. He was relieved to see that a search for my name and occupation led to my profile on LinkedIn.
I could have been creeped out, but instead it felt like old-school dating, when you’re in a room full of people and you see that one person you want to talk to. He looked for me, and I felt chosen.
On LinkedIn, we had mutual work connections, we were both in leadership and our careers intersected. I worked in animated films, and he worked in toys, producing children’s toys for characters in films I have worked on. “Given the intersection of our careers, shouldn’t we at least meet?” Jay asked.
We met at Brand Library & Art Center in Glendale. Within the first few minutes, I made a quirky remark about the library’s collection of music CDs that made him snort-laugh. As I was thinking, Did he just snort?, he said, “Great, I snorted. So much for first impressions.” The ice was broken.
We went from the library to a nearby bar. I was drawn to his smile and laugh, which were on display often. His sense of humor was in sync with mine, which is a much sought-after connection for me. I liked his quiet confidence. Conversation was natural and easy, not one-sided. We ended the evening with a hug and a “Let’s do it again.”
Our next date was playing pickleball immediately followed by dinner at the French bistro Entre Vous in Pasadena. I loved that we went from the court to the restaurant with zero expectation of having to change from our athletic wear. This man was winning points for not expecting me to get fancy for dinner.
A turning point for us was a date that started at Echo Park Lake. We rented a swan paddleboat on a picturesque day when we could see the downtown L.A. skyline with great clarity in the distance, with the water and fellow swan boats in the foreground. I felt completely myself without the self-consciousness that sometimes comes with those first few dates. After paddling, we took a leisurely stroll around the lake, twice. Our conversation got deep: previous trauma, relationships, vulnerabilities, outlook in life.
We talked about our last relationships. He was in a long-distance relationship for two years with a woman who lived in another state. She helped bring him out of a deep depression following his divorce. They talked of building a future together, she met his kids, she planned to relocate and move in with him. After a great first year, things fizzled. She became inconsistent in how she showed up to the relationship, and he ended it.
I asked if he still had feelings for her. “She is dead to me,” he said bluntly. This seemed harsher than his usual persona, so I clearly hit a nerve. But it was reassuring.
I talked about my regrettable three-year relationship with a man who was a prolific liar when it came to other women and was completely devoid of emotional support when it mattered most. Jay listened intently as I shared my journey of understanding why I stayed with a man who came into the relationship waving red flags.
During that walk with Jay, I felt more seen, heard and supported than I had in the entire relationship with my ex-boyfriend. After shaking off the seriousness of our conversation, we drove to Barnsdall Art Park for a picnic. “Rise” by Herb Alpert came on in the car. Jay turned up the volume and rolled down the windows, and we cruised up to the park like teenage sweethearts pulling into high school. The song became the first in our soundtrack. “Suddenly” by Billy Ocean would later join it as the song we slow-danced to in Jay’s kitchen while both chuckling at how ridiculously corny the scene was and wondering if anyone in the hills of Highland Park could see us.
It was an exciting two months. We could talk shop. He valued my work experience and expertise, turning to me when he had what he called WWBD (What Would Bernie Do) moments. I exposed him to new hikes. He taught me how to cook Mediterranean dishes. We saw live music and we laughed a lot. I even thought he was cute when he arrived for one of our hikes looking like a beekeeper with his wide-brimmed safari hat. He jokingly wondered how I’d allow myself to be seen with him looking like that, which made me like him even more.
Everything was great until his ex-girlfriend was resurrected from the ashes of “She is dead to me” with one phone call to Jay. She professed her love for him and owned up to the ills of her ways. He ended that call by telling her that he needed time to process their conversation.
To his credit, Jay told me about the call, and his resulting conflicted feelings. He said that by all accounts, he and I were more compatible and that I am smarter, funnier and in a better place in my career than his ex. But he valued the memories he had of their relationship, especially at its high point. I respected Jay for his honesty and transparency, but I was blindsided.
While teetering on the line between being supportive and standing my ground, I shared my thoughts simply: “I’m not going to pitch myself to you. This isn’t ‘The Bachelor.’ I don’t compete. I’m either the first choice or I’m not.” He asked for a night to think things through. While I already considered that to be a choice against what we had, I agreed.
Ultimately he chose his known history with his ex over the potential we had. I was heartbroken. It felt like I was unexpectedly hurled out of a roller coaster going full speed. It was tough to hear, but I understood.
I don’t know how the conversation with his ex went or if he eventually got on a plane for an in-person conversation or if they gave their relationship another go. It doesn’t matter.
Being with Jay showed me a partnership rooted in intellectual and emotional connection, belly laughs and honesty. Even if we had continued dating, it was too early to tell where things could have gone. All I know with utmost certainty is that I want the same deep connection we had, but with a man who will always choose me.
The author has been a Valley girl her entire adult life. In addition to having a day job, she is a freelance writer and creative director. She shares local outdoor inspiration on the Instagram account @h5tolife.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
Mundane, magic, maybe both — a new book explores ‘The Writer’s Room’
There’s a three-story house in Baltimore that looks a bit imposing. You walk up the stone steps before even getting up to the porch, and then you enter the door and you’re greeted with a glass case of literary awards. It’s The Clifton House, formerly home of Lucille Clifton.
The National Book Award-winning poet lived there with her husband, Fred, starting in 1967 until the bank foreclosed on the house in 1980. Clifton’s daughter, Sidney Clifton, has since revived the house and turned it into a cultural hub, hosting artists, readings, workshops and more. But even during a February visit, in the mid-afternoon with no organized events on, the house feels full.
The corner of Lucille Clifton’s bedroom, where she would wake up and write in the mornings
Andrew Limbong/NPR
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Andrew Limbong/NPR
“There’s a presence here,” Clifton House Executive Director Joël Díaz told me. “There’s a presence here that sits at attention.”
Sometimes, rooms where famous writers worked can be places of ineffable magic. Other times, they can just be rooms.
Princeton University Press
Katie da Cunha Lewin is the author of the new book, The Writer’s Room: The Hidden Worlds That Shape the Books We Love, which explores the appeal of these rooms. Lewin is a big Virginia Woolf fan, and the very first place Lewin visited working on the book was Monk’s House — Woolf’s summer home in Sussex, England. On the way there, there were dreams of seeing Woolf’s desk, of retracing Woolf’s steps and imagining what her creative process would feel like. It turned out to be a bit of a disappointment for Lewin — everything interesting was behind glass, she said. Still, in the book Lewin writes about how she took a picture of the room and saved it on her phone, going back to check it and re-check it, “in the hope it would allow me some of its magic.”
Let’s be real, writing is a little boring. Unlike a band on fire in the recording studio, or a painter possessed in their studio, the visual image of a writer sitting at a desk click-clacking away at a keyboard or scribbling on a piece of paper isn’t particularly exciting. And yet, the myth of the writer’s room continues to enrapture us. You can head to Massachusetts to see where Louisa May Alcott wrote Little Women. Or go down to Florida to visit the home of Zora Neale Hurston. Or book a stay at the Scott & Zelda Fitzgerald Museum in Alabama, where the famous couple lived for a time. But what, exactly, is the draw?

Lewin said in an interview that whenever she was at a book event or an author reading, an audience question about the writer’s writing space came up. And yes, some of this is basic fan-driven curiosity. But also “it started to occur to me that it was a central mystery about writing, as if writing is a magic thing that just happens rather than actually labor,” she said.
In a lot of ways, the book is a debunking of the myths we’re presented about writers in their rooms. She writes about the types of writers who couldn’t lock themselves in an office for hours on end, and instead had to find moments in-between to work on their art. She covers the writers who make a big show of their rooms, as a way to seem more writerly. She writes about writers who have had their homes and rooms preserved, versus the ones whose rooms have been lost to time and new real estate developments. The central argument of the book is that there is no magic formula to writing — that there is no daily to-do list to follow, no just-right office chair to buy in order to become a writer. You just have to write.
Lifestyle
Bruce Johnston Retiring From The Beach Boys After 61 Years
Bruce Johnston
I’m Riding My Last Wave With The Beach Boys
Published
Bruce Johnston is riding off into the California sunset … at least for now.
The Beach Boys legend announced Wednesday he’s stepping away from touring after six decades with the iconic band. The 83-year-old revealed in a statement to Rolling Stone he’s hanging up his touring hat to focus on what he calls part three of his long music career.
“It’s time for Part Three of my lengthy musical career!” Johnston said. “I can write songs forever, and wait until you hear what’s coming!!! As my major talent beyond singing is songwriting, now is the time to get serious again.”
Johnston famously stepped in for co-founder Brian Wilson in 1965 for live performances, becoming a staple of the Beach Boys’ touring lineup ever since. Now, he says he’s shifting gears toward songwriting and even some speaking engagements … with occasional touring member John Stamos helping him craft what he’ll talk about onstage.
“I might even sing ‘Disney Girls’ & ‘I Write The Songs!!’” he teased.
But don’t call it a full-on farewell tour just yet. Johnston made it clear he’s not shutting the door completely, saying he’s excited to reunite with the band for special occasions, including their upcoming July 2-4 shows at the Hollywood Bowl as part of the Beach Boys’ 2026 tour. The run celebrates both the 60th anniversary of “Pet Sounds” and America’s 250th birthday.
“This isn’t goodbye, it’s see you soon,” he wrote. “I am forever grateful to be a part of the Beach Boys musical legacy.”
Lifestyle
On the brink of death, a woman is saved by a stranger and his family
In 1982, Jean Muenchrath was injured in a mountaineering accident and on the brink of death when a stranger and his family went out of their way to save her life.
Jean Muenchrath
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Jean Muenchrath
In early May 1982, Jean Muenchrath and her boyfriend set out on a mountaineering trip in the Sierra Nevada, a mountain range in California. They had done many backcountry trips in the area before, so the terrain was somewhat familiar to both of them. But after they reached one of the summits, a violent storm swept in. It began to snow heavily, and soon the pair was engulfed in a blizzard, with thunder and lightning reverberating around them.
“Getting struck and killed by lightning was a real possibility since we were the highest thing around for miles and lightning was striking all around us,” Muenchrath said.
To reach safer ground, they decided to abandon their plan of taking a trail back. Instead, using their ice axes, they climbed down the face of the mountain through steep and icy snow chutes.
They were both skilled at this type of descent, but at one particularly difficult part of the route, Muenchrath slipped and tumbled over 100 feet down the rocky mountain face. She barely survived the fall and suffered life-threatening injuries.

This was before cellular or satellite phones, so calling for help wasn’t an option. The couple was forced to hike through deep snow back to the trailhead. Once they arrived, Muenchrath collapsed in the parking lot. It had been five days since she’d fallen.
”My clothes were bloody. I had multiple fractures in my spine and pelvis, a head injury and gangrene from a deep wound,” Muenchrath said.
Not long after they reached the trailhead parking lot, a car pulled in. A man was driving, with his wife in the passenger seat and their baby in the back. As soon as the man saw Muenchrath’s condition, he ran over to help.
”He gently stroked my head, and he held my face [and] reassured me by saying something like, ‘You’re going to be OK now. I’ll be right back to get you,’” Muenchrath remembered.
For the first time in days, her panic began to lift.
“My unsung hero gave me hope that I’d reach a hospital and I’d survive. He took away my fears.”
Within a few minutes, the man had unpacked his car. His wife agreed to stay back in the parking lot with their baby in order to make room for Muenchrath, her boyfriend and their backpacks.
The man drove them to a nearby town so that the couple could get medical treatment.
“I remember looking into the eyes of my unsung hero as he carried me into the emergency room in Lone Pine, California. I was so weak, I couldn’t find the words to express the gratitude I felt in my heart.”

The gratitude she felt that day only grew. Now, nearly 45 years later, she still thinks about the man and his family.
”He gave me the gift of allowing me to live my life and my dreams,” Muenchrath said.
At some point along the way, the man gave Muenchrath his contact information. But in the chaos of the day, she lost it and has never been able to find him.
”If I knew where my unsung hero was today, I would fly across the country to meet him again. I’d hug him, buy him a meal and tell him how much he continues to mean to me by saving my life. Wherever you are, I say thank you from the depths of my being.”
My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
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