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Feeling drained? Here's how to rediscover your childlike wonder

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Feeling drained? Here's how to rediscover your childlike wonder

The older I get, the more I enjoy acting like a kid.

I jump at every opportunity to do backflips in the pool and absolutely love seeing the circus when it’s in town. I’ll giggle over banana splits at Fluffy McCloud’s and relish the silly moments when my friends want to watch an animated movie or order an absurd treat like Carvel’s “Fudgie the Whale” ice cream cake. Every few months, my partner and I make a pilgrimage to the desert where we climb huge rocks and lie beneath the stars to feel existentially tiny.

I’ve loved all of these activities since I was young, but my last year has been especially joyful since I started learning the art of childlike wonder.

The phrase first came into my life as a way my partner would justify ordering Shirley Temples, but the more I thought about childlike wonder, the more I began to notice it. I’d find posts about it on social media and contemplate it with friends, including my co-worker Kailyn, who told me about the whimsy she felt as she rolled down a grassy hill at the Getty Center.

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And though these notions aren’t new to the world, recent research shows that experiencing awe and wonder can positively affect our mental and physical health, ultimately benefiting our lives. So in 2023, I sought out experts on awe and play and tried to reframe my life in L.A. around the big and tiny things that propel people into states of reverence and joy.

Through this, I discovered something profound yet simple: With the right perspective, and a little bit of effort, we can teach ourselves to generate childlike wonder in all sorts of places.

1. Look for awe in the mundane

Though Dacher Keltner has lived in Berkeley since 1996, he still has a distinctly SoCal vibe. His flowy blond hair looks eternally sun-kissed, and his disposition is equal parts optimistic and laid-back.

“Raised by an artist and a literature professor and living in the wild Laurel Canyon in the late ’60s, you know, life was awe,” Keltner said from his light-dappled kitchen.

A psychology professor at UC Berkeley, Keltner has been formally studying awe since 1999. As a scientist who focuses on the social functions of emotion, Keltner recently wrote “Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life” and was a consultant on Pixar’s “Inside Out.”

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Keltner said that when he first started researching awe, there were a few early studies on goosebumps, chills and neuroaesthetics, but no one had really zeroed in on the impact of the feeling.

“I always think in terms of phenomena. Where is the motion? Where do I see it? How do I feel it?” Keltner said. “It just seemed like almost everything that really mattered to me — from being at a concert, to sports teams I love winning a championship, to people I really admire, to having children — it’s just all awe.”

Nearly 25 years later, Keltner has these experiences — and what triggers them — down to a science.

“Awe is an emotion that you feel when you encounter vast things that are mysterious,” he explained. “Wonder is what follows awe. It is a mental state, less so an emotion. It’s just a mental state where you’re curious and wanting to explore and discover.”

Keltner has been able to determine eight wonders of life that often propel people into states of awe: moral beauty (witnessing the virtue of others); collective effervescence (often experienced in large groups like those at weddings, rallies or sporting events); nature; music; visual design (beautiful buildings, paintings and the like); spiritual and religious experiences; life and death; and epiphanies.

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Learning about these different kinds of wonder made it easier for me to zoom in on moments of awe that I could’ve otherwise forgotten, like carving through Laurel Canyon this summer in my beloved convertible, listening to KCRW play Sampha’s “Spirit 2.0” as the moon rose over the city.

When it comes to researching awe, Keltner often mixes qualitative questions and stories with quantitative measurements. One of his experiments had people create self-portraits while looking at either Yosemite Valley or San Francisco’s Fisherman’s Wharf. The self-portraits from Yosemite consistently had smaller subjects, suggesting that people’s sense of self — or ego — can shrink or even disappear when they’re experiencing awe.

“How much awe do you feel? Tell me a story? How small is your self? Do you feel humble? Draw a circle of the people you’re part of?” Keltner said as he listed various ways to measure awe. “Goosebumps, tears, vagal tone, default mode network deactivation, vocalizations, body postures. I mean, man, we can measure it, and that in its own right some people would not have predicted.”

Shrinking your ego or “self” may sound intimidating, but I like to think about it as feeling like a little guy. That might come from something literal — like wearing a size 5XL sweater for comfort — or it could be more poetic, like finding places where you feel tiny. I often experience this when I dive into the Pacific and roast marshmallows over the fire pits at Dockweiler Beach. Maybe you’ll get that same 5-year-old-in-an-adult-body sensation learning about far-off galaxies at Griffith Observatory’s planetarium or feeling the wind whip over the edge of a canyon.

2. But don’t forget to appreciate wonder in unsurprising places

Some of Keltner’s eight wonders might feel a bit obvious — of course you’ll feel awe when a new baby is born, or while processing a life-changing epiphany. It’s not shocking to learn that people access awe and gratitude while volunteering in their local communities, and by reflecting on the people who shaped their moral compass.

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“We were surprised that moral beauty was the most prevalent source of awe around the world,” Keltner said. “People aren’t talking about the Grand Canyon; what they’re talking about, it’s like, ‘Man, I had this teacher and she did everything for her students.’”

Spiritual wonder is another form of awe that’s always at our fingertips. Angelenos can partake in death meditations and sink into sound baths. We take trips to breakup boot camps, energy vortexes or atheist retreats. We laugh and cry inside the most ethereal sacred spaces and find ways to revel in the beauty of our loneliness.

For Keltner, working on this book in the wake of his brother’s death made grief feel like its own complex yet obvious source of wonder. His work made him wrestle with the awe-lessness that he was feeling, and eventually brought him to appreciate the cycles of life that are constantly in motion around us.

Your obvious sources of wonder might look different. I know that awe is guaranteed when I plan a night out with my friends at a crowded gay bar or buy tickets to see Beyoncé perform for a silver-swathed crowd of thousands at SoFi Stadium. I know I’ll find it at weddings, as I watch loved ones reflect on finding someone who turned their world upside down, and I’m guaranteed to feel it every time I get to hug my mom or dad, who live 2,500 miles away.

People aren’t talking about the Grand Canyon; what they’re talking about, it’s like, ‘Man, I had this teacher and she did everything for her students.’

— Dacher Keltner, author of ‘Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life’

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When I really need to ground myself, I’ll return to my favorite botanical gardens. Though I love taking special trips to the Huntington (to marvel at bonsai trees and sample various teas) and Descanso Gardens (to appreciate summer nights filled with ambient music and glowing foliage each winter), I’m loyal to UCLA’s garden, which is completely free. I find awe in the monstera leaves, often larger than my head, and make silent wishes on my favorite orange-and-black koi fish every time I visit.

It’s also easy enough to stumble upon the kind of jaw-dropping and awe-inspiring nature and design that Keltner mentions around California: We have drive-through redwoods, architectural triumphs, vibrant fields of flowers and spectacular ceilings. I can visit national parks of every flavor; float in lakes and swimming holes; and trip on psychedelics in the desert.

All of these channels for accessing wonder make Keltner hopeful: If awe is able to quiet the negative voices that get trapped in our heads, perhaps this sensation can better people’s lives.

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“I started to think about the problems associated with too much self-focus — depression, rumination, anxiety, shame, self-harm, suicide, body-image issues,” Keltner said. “People are sick of the self-focus [that’s] imposed upon us by Instagram and the like. They want to be free of the self.

“Here’s an emotion that frees us of that, and gets us to see how we’re a part of much larger things,” he continued. “And what good news.”

3. Allow yourself to be more playful

Though prioritizing awe is a huge revelation, it’s only one piece of this existential puzzle.

So many of the things that brighten my life are tethered to the softest and brightest parts of my childhood. My partner and I make up silly dances and comedy bits as we move through the day to make each other laugh. Even as I try new hobbies, I find myself returning to the activities that I loved when I was a teenager: swimming, watercolor painting and pottery. When I need to get out of a deep emotional funk, I’ll usually order birria tacos and put on my favorite movie of the last two decades: Pixar’s “Ratatouille.”

That’s all to say that staying close to my playful childhood habits has made it easier to access awe, so I wanted to find out how these aspects of life are intertwined.

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Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play, began studying play in 1966, when he was tasked with figuring out a motive behind the Texas Tower shooting.

“I subsequently went to the Texas state prison system, through a grant, and studied homicidal males,” Brown explained. “And I found out in a pilot study of 26 or so of these individuals, that their play life was very different than a control group.”

This study set Brown on a lifelong mission to study play and how it shapes people’s lives and allows them to enter a gleeful state. Throughout the years, he has interviewed thousands of people — “from Nobel laureates to murderers” — to map out their play patterns.

Brown listed examples of his interview questions: “What did you really, really enjoy as a kid? What’s a joyful moment you had? What’s the first toy you had? Did you have pets? Were there vacation times that were tremendously important? Can you remember a moment of joyfulness where you were absolutely at peace with yourself?”

From those interviews, Brown identified the different play patterns that naturally manifest in each person. For some, that looks like body play — think of dancing or playing a sport — while other people will be more interested in musical play or object play (think of using a Lego set or collecting stamps or keys).

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Brown likened these play patterns to our fingerprints, saying they’re deeply embedded within each of us, but he added that many people don’t prioritize play as a significant part of personal well-being and fulfillment.

“Can you remember a moment of joyfulness where you were absolutely at peace with yourself?”

— Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play

That’s one huge challenge that the NIFP comes up against: Many people don’t see play as indispensable.

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“If you go back 50 years, people didn’t know that sleep was important,” said Tony Christopher, the executive director for the institute. “And today, it’s very clear that [if] you don’t get a good night’s sleep you are far from at your best.”

And when people don’t get to play, there are clear drawbacks. Brown said that people can be grumpier, more rigid, and worse problem solvers when they’re play-deprived.

“From birth to death, [play is] a part of being human,” Brown said. “But when it’s not experienced, there are consequences. And the consequences are mild depression, or an outlook that’s not optimistic and not creative and not innovative.”

(Changyu Zou / For The Times)

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4. Fill your life with people who expand your universe

When I hear Brown talk about play, it makes me think about Randy King Lawrence, the man behind Echo Park’s colorful and astounding Phantasma Gloria. Lawrence is the kind of person who always brings out my playful side, constantly showing people new ways to look at the world. He’s convinced me that everything looks a little more beautiful through one of his metal stencils or ruby-colored marbles.

“It’s just so damn fun, and it’s so easy,” Lawrence said of his art as we stood in his front yard in 2022. His words and enthusiasm struck me with a feeling that is now, clearly, awe. I had just moved to L.A., and seeing his art was one of the first experiences that convinced me that moving across the country wasn’t a massive mistake.

I’m lucky to be surrounded by many people who love to play, like my friend Charlie, who brought me to Griffith Park for Clown Zoo last spring to partake in a night of comedy. I think of my friends Sophia and Riley, who joined me at Akbar’s craft night one rainy Wednesday to decorate paper owls with pom-poms and beads, or Simone, whom I met in a ceramics class, and all of the long days we’ve spent at the Pottery Studio experimenting with glazes and throwing pots that sometimes crumple.

My roommates sometimes tease me about how silly my schedule often sounds — I’m not free that night because I’m seeing Cirque du Soleil. Wednesday I have to wake up at 6 in the morning to see the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile with the Los Angeles Breakfast Club — but these activities keep me feeling playful. Sometimes I’ll be sampling various crafts around the city and learning archery in Van Nuys, or jet-skiing to Catalina and riding railbikes through Ventura County.

But you don’t need to buy a jet ski or start woodworking to play more (though those are both great ways to get the feeling going). Swapping stories, making weekly or yearly rituals with friends and attending dinner parties are all great ways that adults can play.

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“Adult play is not the same as childhood play,” Brown said. “We all have changed our tune as we age. I’m a grandfather and telling stories to my grandkids is a lot of fun to me. Whereas if I was telling stories when I was 18, I would have thought I was nuts.”

5. Slow down to appreciate things you take for granted

When Ingrid Barreneche is having a tough moment, she likes to move slowly and spend a little time on her patio.

“I walk out there and just close my eyes and I let the sun touch my skin,” Barreneche said. “That contact with the sun makes me feel immediately alive and [makes me] wonder.”

Barreneche, who did her MFA thesis on reclaiming wonder, was inspired by Rachel Carson’s 1965 book, “The Sense of Wonder.” Barreneche still creates art that’s intended to “awaken the viewer to rediscover the wonders of the world around them,” and as a resident of Boca Raton, Fla., she often finds awe and joy in admiring the fruit trees that surround her.

“In my backyard, I have a starfruit tree, and my nephew [and I], we call the tree the giving tree,” Barreneche said, a nod to the book by Shel Silverstein.

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“It’s such a beautiful thing and people throw [it] away — there’s just fruit everywhere,” she continued. “[When] there’s too much going on, we don’t notice those things.”

She described wonder as something that comes from her gut — a deep, instinctive practice that shapes the way she views the world throughout each day.

“I paint every day; I cook; I walk the dogs; I love,” she mused. “I’ve been with my husband 27 years, and I wonder, ‘How come I’m so blessed to have a love in my life? And such a good human being?’”

That perspective is exactly what Catherine L’Ecuyer, author of “The Wonder Approach,” suggests for those who are trying to reconnect with wonder.

“Wonder is the desire to know,” she said. “Wonder is not taking anything for granted, so it is seeing things as if it were for the first — or for the last — time.”

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“I paint every day; I cook; I walk the dogs; I love. I’ve been with my husband 27 years, and I wonder, ‘How come I’m so blessed to have a love in my life? And such a good human being?’”

— Ingrid Barreneche, artist

Ingrid Barreneche’s “A Tale of Life” (2023).

(Courtesy of Ingrid Barreneche)

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L’Ecuyer, who is a doctor of both education and psychology, said that adults often approach the world with more cynicism, which is “the opposite of wonder.”

“In my speeches, I often invite people to identify how capable of wonder they are by asking them, ‘When you woke up this morning and you saw the person that was at your side, did you feel wonder and awe?’” L’Ecuyer continued. “We adults tend to get used to the beauty of the world and take it for granted.”

Talking with L’Ecuyer made me feel lucky to have a love who makes every morning feel more exciting than the day before. My partner, Reanna, always finds new ways to make me appreciate the world on a deeper level. They introduce me to their favorite foods — a bucket of popcorn at Brain Dead Studios, or maybe a Fat Sal’s sandwich — with unbridled enthusiasm and always make me laugh while we run errands. On date nights, they’ll surprise me with mini-golf games at Sherman Oaks Castle Park or trips to the piers of Marina del Rey to admire the basking sea lions.

We’ll often spend joyful afternoons at their favorite museum, the bizarre and wonderful Museum of Jurassic Technology, which serves tea in a captivating rooftop garden filled with doves. Sometimes I’m able to bring them to a new-to-us hidden gem, like the Velaslavasay Panorama, which houses a breathtaking 360-degree panoramic painting of China’s Shenyang city in the early 1900s.

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Even on the hardest days, appreciating the presence and company of a loved one is a sure-fire way to access a little wonder.

6. Create new daily rituals, like ‘awe walks’

Keltner speaks of the world with an unbridled enthusiasm, as if he can find awe in nearly everything around him: when he’s noticing how the leaves change color in the fall; when he’s revisiting the music of Brian Eno; when he’s reading the work of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Walt Whitman or Rachel Carson.

He makes his work a daily practice through taking “awe walks,” where he’ll slowly observe the beauty surrounding him. He’ll often focus on small details, like a leaf on a tree, and then expand out to the big picture.

“You can get to awe quickly, but to really make it rich, it’s got to be part of this broader pursuit of wonders — of life,” he said. “It’s about a lot of deeper stuff. It’s about your life philosophy, and what you find meaningful, what Aristotle called eudaimonia: What do I care about? And how do I find it in music? And then act upon it?”

By centering awe, Keltner believes that people are more inclined to preserve nature, help each other and reach “big ideas that move our mind.”

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“Awe tells you what’s sacred to you,” he said. “And we will fight for sacred stuff; we will sacrifice for what’s sacred.”

The daily awe practices that I’ve integrated into my own life are fairly simple. I now take a 30-minute-long walk every morning, and try to take a photo of something special that I wouldn’t have noticed if I were in a hurry. As I explore my neighborhood day after day, I’ll find myself pausing to take in a lush natural tunnel made by curving trees and the tropical birds that one of my neighbors keeps in their front yard.

I’ve been trying to slow down and really appreciate the beauty that’s constantly around me. I’m acknowledging the small and special joys, pausing for even just a second to acknowledge a new leaf that sprouted on one of my houseplants, or how lucky I am to live two minutes from a taco stand with the best homemade tortillas I’ve ever tasted.

I’m doing my best to appreciate my life for what it is — not what it once was, or not what it could be in the future. (There’s no way to say that without it feeling corny, so please cut me a little slack.) It doesn’t always feel like it’s working, but I’m sure that even the most optimistic people still have bad days.

I don’t believe that awe will combat all of the depression and anxiety that plagues my brain, but I know that strengthening my sense of wonder has helped me appreciate things more deeply. I hope that I’ll continue to find awe each morning, as the sun streams through my window and my partner snores lightly from the other side of the bed.

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If nothing else, I hope that this reinvigorated sense of playfulness and wonder will keep compelling me to move through the world with a little more kindness and buoyancy, so I can float down the river of life knowing I didn’t miss all the beauty it has to offer.

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Remembering Rob Reiner, who made movies for people who love them

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Remembering Rob Reiner, who made movies for people who love them

Rob Reiner at his office in Beverly Hills, Calif., in July 1998.

Reed Saxon/AP


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Reed Saxon/AP

Maybe an appreciation of Rob Reiner as a director should start with When Harry Met Sally…, which helped lay the foundation for a romantic comedy boom that lasted for at least 15 years. Wait — no, it should start with Stand By Me, a coming-of-age story that captured a painfully brief moment in the lives of kids. It could start with This Is Spinal Tap, one of the first popular mockumentaries, which has influenced film and television ever since. Or, since awards are important, maybe it should start with Misery, which made Kathy Bates famous and won her an Oscar. How about The American President, which was the proto-West Wing, very much the source material for a TV show that later won 26 Emmys?

On the other hand, maybe in the end, it’s all about catchphrases, so maybe it should be A Few Good Men because of “You can’t handle the truth!” or The Princess Bride because of “My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.” Maybe it’s as simple as that: What, of the words you helped bring them, will people pass back and forth to each other like they’re showing off trading cards when they hear you’re gone?

There is plenty to praise about Reiner’s work within the four corners of the screen. He had a tremendous touch with comic timing, so that every punchline got maximum punch. He had a splendid sense of atmosphere, as with the cozy, autumnal New York of When Harry Met Sally…, and the fairytale castles of The Princess Bride. He could direct what was absurdist and silly, like Spinal Tap. He could direct what was grand and thundering, like A Few Good Men. He could direct what was chatty and genial, like Michael Douglas’ staff in The American President discussing whether or not he could get out of the presidential limo to spontaneously buy a woman flowers.

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But to fully appreciate what Rob Reiner made in his career, you have to look outside the films themselves and respect the attachments so many people have to them. These were not just popular movies and they weren’t just good movies; these were an awful lot of people’s favorite movies. They were movies people attached to their personalities like patches on a jacket, giving them something to talk about with strangers and something to obsess over with friends. And he didn’t just do this once; he did it repeatedly.

Quotability is often treated as separate from artfulness, but creating an indelible scene people attach themselves to instantly is just another way the filmmakers’ humanity resonates with the audience’s. Mike Schur said something once about running Parks and Recreation that I think about a lot. Talking about one particularly silly scene, he said it didn’t really justify its place in the final version, except that everybody loved it: And if everybody loves it, you leave it in. I would suspect that Rob Reiner was also a fan of leaving something in if everybody loved it. That kind of respect for what people like and what they laugh at is how you get to be that kind of director.

The relationships people have with scenes from Rob Reiner movies are not easy to create. You can market the heck out of a movie, you can pull all the levers you have, and you can capitalize on every advantage you can come up with. But you can’t make anybody absorb “baby fishmouth” or “as you wish”; you can’t make anybody say “these go to 11” every time they see the number 11 anywhere. You can’t buy that for any amount of money. It’s magical how much you can’t; it’s kind of beautiful how much you can’t. Box office and streaming numbers might be phony or manipulated or fleeting, but when the thing hits, people attach to it or they don’t.

My own example is The Sure Thing, Reiner’s goodhearted 1985 road trip romantic comedy, essentially an updated It Happened One Night starring John Cusack and Daphne Zuniga. It follows a mismatched pair of college students headed for California: She wants to reunite with her dullard boyfriend, while he wants to hook up with a blonde he has been assured by his dirtbag friend (played by a young, very much hair-having Anthony Edwards!) is a “sure thing.” But of course, the two of them are forced to spend all this time together, and … well, you can imagine.

This movie knocked me over when I was 14, because I hadn’t spent much time with romantic comedies yet, and it was like finding precisely the kind of song you will want to listen to forever, and so it became special to me. I studied it, really, I got to know what I liked about it, and I looked for that particular hit of sharp sweetness again and again. In fact, if forced to identify a single legacy for Rob Reiner, I might argue that he’s one of the great American directors of romance, and his films call to the genre’s long history in so many ways, often outside the story and the dialogue. (One of the best subtle jokes in all of romantic comedy is in The American President, when President Andrew Shepherd, played by Michael Douglas, dances with Sydney Wade, played by Annette Bening, to “I Have Dreamed,” a very pretty song from the musical … The King and I. That’s what you get for knowing your famous love stories.)

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Rob Reiner’s work as a director, especially in those early films, wasn’t just good to watch. It was good to love, and to talk about and remember. Good to quote from and good to put on your lists of desert island movies and comfort watches. And it will continue to be those things.

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‘This feels like home.’ A fashionably late night out to the Pico Rivera Sports Arena

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‘This feels like home.’ A fashionably late night out to the Pico Rivera Sports Arena

This story is part of Image’s December Revelry issue, honoring what music does so well: giving people a sense of permission to unapologetically be themselves.

The belt used to belong to his father. Black leather, silver stitching, “RUBEN” spelled across the side with the initials “R.V.” on the buckle, for Ruben Vallejo, a name both men share. Now it sits on the waist of the younger Vallejo as he gets ready for a night out at the Pico Rivera Sports Arena, a place he’s been to “over 50 times,” he says, but this one’s special. He tucks in his thrifted button-up shirt, adjusts his belt buckle and looks in the mirror.

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For the Vallejo family, the arena is a second home and dancing there is tradition. It stands as a cultural landmark for Los Angeles’ Mexican community, hosting decades of concerts, rodeos and community celebrations. Vallejo’s parents first started going in the early ’90s, when banda and corridos began echoing across L.A. Tonight, the beloved crooner Pancho Barraza is performing and Vallejo is going with his mom, sister, aunt and godmother.

Portrait of Ruben Vallejo in a black tejana.

Vallejo wears a black tejana from Marquez Clásico, a thrifted vaquero-style button up, thrifted jeans and a belt passed down from his father.

At 22, Vallejo doesn’t see música regional Mexicana as nostalgia — it’s simply who he is, something he wears, dances to and claims as his own. “I want to revive this and let other people know that this art and culture is still alive,” says Vallejo. “From the way that I dress, from the music I listen to, I want to let everybody know that the kids like this.”

It’s a little past 6:30 p.m. on a Sunday in late October, and the sound of a live banda carries from a small Mexican restaurant near the Vallejo family’s Mid-City home as the excitement for the night builds. The horns and tambora spill into the street as the neighborhood celebrates early Día de los Muertos festivities. Inside, Vallejo opens the door to his storybook bungalow, where his parents lounge in the living room. But it’s his bedroom that tells you who he is — a space that feels like a paisa museum.

Thrifted banda puffer jackets hang on the closet wall: Banda Recodo, Banda Machos, El Coyote y su Banda Tierra Santa. Stacks of CDs and cassette tapes line his dresser, from Banda El Limón to Banda Móvil and a signed Pepe Aguilar. On one wall, a small black-and-white watercolor of Chalino Sánchez he painted himself hangs beside a framed Mexico 1998 World Cup jersey. “Everything started with my grandpa,” Vallejo says. “He was a trombone player and played in a banda in my mom’s hometown in Jalisco.”

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Assorted music cds and cassette tapes on the desk.
A Banda jacket hanging in the closet.
Photo collage of family photos.
Family portrait of Ruben with his mother and sister.

Music runs in the family. His uncles started a group called Banda La Movida, and Vallejo is still teaching himself acoustic guitar when he’s not apprenticing as a hat maker at Márquez Clásico, crafting tejanas and sombreros de charro.

“I feel like being an old soul gives people a sense of how things used to be back in the day,” he says of the intergenerational bridge between his work and personal interests. “That connection is something so needed right now.”

Beyond the banda memorabilia, the real story lives in the old family photos — snapshots of backyard parties, his parents in full ’90s vaquero style in L.A. parking lots and a large framed portrait of his uncles from Banda La Movida, posing in matching blue jackets and white tejanas.

“This is a picture of us in the [Pico Rivera Sports Arena] parking lot. We’d go to support my cousins in a battle of the bandas. Which also meant fan clubs against fan clubs. The pants were a lot more baggy then,” explains Vallejo’s mother, Maria Aracely, in Spanish.

Ruben is pulling on his boots.
Framed photo inside the Vallejo's home.
Belt buckle that once belonged to Ruben's dad.

The belt used to belong to his father. Black leather, silver stitching, “RUBEN” spelled across the side with the initials “R.V.” on the buckle, for Ruben Vallejo, a name both men share.

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Vallejo’s look for the night is simple but intentional: a black tejana from Márquez Clásico, a thrifted black-and-white vaquero-style button-up patterned with deer silhouettes, loose “pantalones de elefante,” as he calls them, his dad’s brown snakeskin boots, and, of course, the embroidered belt that ties it all together.

“This is very Pancho Barraza-style, especially with the venado shirt. I looked up old videos of him performing on YouTube. I do that a lot with these older banda looks,” Vallejo says.

A rustic leather embroidered bandana with “Banda La Movida” stitched vertically hangs from his left pocket — a keepsake his mom held onto from her brothers’ group back in the day.

crowd of people at a Banda event

“I feel like being an old soul gives people a sense of how things used to be back in the day. That connection is something so needed right now.”

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Running fashionably late, Vallejo arrives at Barraza’s concert with less than an hour to spare, but he seems unbothered. His mom and older sister, Jennifer, are there, along with his aunt and godmother. A mix of mud and alcohol hangs in the air as the family makes their way across the fake grass tarps covering the lower level of the arena. Barraza is onstage with a mariachi accompanying his banda. With the amount of people still out drinking and dancing, it’s hard to believe it’s past 10 o’clock on a Sunday night.

Walking past the stands, Vallejo’s mother is in awe as she points out a certain upper level section of the arena and recalls the amount of times she would sit there and see countless bandas before she had Ruben and his sister. As the concert nears the end, Barraza closes with one of Vallejo’s favorite songs, “Mi Enemigo El Amor,” which Vallejo belts out, jokingly heartbroken.

“I hadn’t seen him live yet and the ambiente here feels great because everyone here is connected to the music. Even though we’re in L.A. this feels like home, like Mexico.”

Frank X. Rojas is a Los Angeles native who writes about culture, style and the people shaping his city. His stories live in the quiet details that define L.A.

Photography assistant Jonathan Chacón

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Portrait of Ruben Vallejo at an event.
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All about character: Jane Austen fans on their favorites

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All about character: Jane Austen fans on their favorites

Jane Austen ready to party for her 250th birthday at the Jane Austen Society of North America’s Annual General Meeting in Baltimore.

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In her six completed novels, Jane Austen excelled at love stories: Elinor and Edward, Lizzie and Darcy, Fanny and Edmund, Emma and Knightley, Anne and Wentworth, heck even Catherine and Tilney. As her fans celebrate the 250th anniversary of her birth, they’d like you to know it’s a mistake to simply dismiss her work as light, frothy romances. It’s full of intricate plots, class satire and biting wit, along with all the timeless drama of human foibles, frailties and resolve.

Tessa Harrings (left) learns English country dance at the Jane Austen Society of North America's 2025 Annual General Meeting

Tessa Harings (left) learns English country dance at the Jane Austen Society of North America’s 2025 Annual General Meeting

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“The basic reason why Austen is still popular today is because all of her characters are people we know in the world,” says Tessa Harings. She’s a high school teacher from Phoenix and one of the more than 900 attendees at the Jane Austen Society of North America’s Annual General Meeting, held in Baltimore this year. “We all know of someone who’s shy and aloof and needs to be brought into the crowd. We all know someone who’s quite witty, naturally. We all know someone who is a bit silly and always looking for attention.”

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Colin Firth, properly memed from the 1995 BBC miniseries. His Darcy is a big favorite with the JASNA crowd.
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Shy and aloof? That could be Darcy. Naturally witty? Lizzie Bennet. Silly and looking for attention? Take your pick: baby sister Lydia or maybe the haughty Caroline Bingley or the unctuous Mr. Collins, all creations from what might be Austen’s most popular novel, Pride and Prejudice.

Her characters have permeated modern pop culture, even among people who’ve never opened her books. Harings says that’s one reason her students want to read these Regency-era novels. They want to understand the jokes in all those short videos and memes, like Mr. Collins making awkward dinner conversation.

He wants a wife, he compliments the potatoes. In Mr. Collin’s head, it makes sense.
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Her students enjoy the tension between Darcy and Lizzie: he’s very rich, so besotted by her against his will that he can hardly dance, glower and talk at the same time. Lizzie initially cannot stand him and refuses his first proposal, as shown in this soggy scene from the 2005 movie adaptation.

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Harings says Lizzie is her favorite Austen character. “She has such sharp, sarcastic wit and she’s so self-confident, despite the fact that she’s constantly being put down by the people around her for her supposedly lower position in life as the slightly less pretty of the mother’s two oldest daughters.”

Dannielle Perry (right) and her assistant Mia Berg of Timely Tresses in their Regency-era togs.

Milliner Dannielle Perry (right) and her assistant Mia Berg of Timely Tresses in their Regency-era togs.

Melissa Gray/NPR

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“When I was a teenager, I loved Lizzie and I wanted to be Lizzie,” says milliner Dannielle Perry of Oxford, N.C. She’s read and reread all of Jane Austen’s books and she loves how they change for her as she’s gotten older. She’s now more sympathetic toward Mrs. Bennet, Lizzie’s mom: a woman desperate to get her five daughters married, least they be penniless since they can’t inherit their father’s estate. “I feel sorry for her in a way I never did before,” Perry says. “She is sort of silly, but she’s lived with a man for 20 years who largely dismisses her and thinks she’s frivolous.”

Doctoral student Katie Yu, of Dallas, has this analysis of Mrs. Bennett and her husband, who seems mentally checked-out at best: “He’s not a great father. He’s always putting his wife down in front of his daughters, he’s putting his daughters down in front of his daughters.” Yu says Mr. Bennet married Mrs. Bennet because she was pretty, treats her as an inferior, and often ignores her. This is why Mrs. Bennet goes on about her nerves and “has the vapors” whenever she’s stressed: she’s trying to get his attention.

“But,” says Tessa Harings, “she still has a level of street smarts that she has to get her daughters married. And yes, she’s sincerely concerned about their future … she actually, of the two of them, is the more concerned and involved parent.”

Tom Tumbusch explains 19th century dance moves to JASNA members.

Tom Tumbusch explains 19th century dance moves to JASNA members.

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Dance instructor Tom Tumbusch, of Cincinnati, says men can learn a lot from Austen. “Modern men struggle to find good role models,” he says. “Reading Austen’s works can help them see the places where men can go wrong.” Mr. Bennet, for example. Or the libertine George Wickham who lies and runs off with the flighty Bennet sister, Lydia. Or maybe Willoughby from Sense and Sensibility, who leads Marianne Dashwood on, ghosts her and is later revealed to have abandoned an unmarried woman who gave birth to his child.

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Oh, Marianne, he’s so not worth it!

On the other hand, Tumbusch says Jane Austen’s heroes can show men “how to be masculine in a constructive way,” like owning mistakes, taking responsibility and treating women with respect. It’s not just Darcy, who works behind the scenes getting Wickham to marry Lydia, it’s also Captain Wentworth from Persuasion. Tombusch says Wentworth does what men of his station should: he uses his own resources to help someone less fortunate, the poor, partially disabled widow Mrs. Smith. And in Sense and Sensibility, there’s the steadfast Col. Brandon. Hoping to make Willoughby’s rejection of Marianne less devastating to her, he exposes the libertine’s behavior. He rides hours to retrieve her mother when Marianne is near death. He patiently, oh-so-patiently, waits for her young, broken heart to mend.

All this while wearing a flannel waistcoat because he’s on the “wrong side of five and thirty” and needs to keep those ancient bones warm.

Before he rocked worlds as Snape, Alan Rickman made the earth move for viewers of the 1995 movie adaptation of Sense and Sensibility.
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JASNA president Mary Mintz, of McLean, Va., says though Jane Austen is largely known for her marriage plots, it’s really the human need for connection that grounds her stories. “She writes about the relationships between parents and children, between siblings or among siblings, she writes about relationships with friends. And she is really insightful. When you combine that with her knowledge of human psychology, it’s a great formula for success.”

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Mintz is fascinated by Emma’s pivotal character, Miss Bates. She’s a spinster and member of the gentry class who lives with her elderly mother on an extremely limited income. She’s also a nervous chatterbox, “someone who can’t stop talking,” says Mintz. “I’ve known a lot of Misses Bates in my lifetime… people who seem insecure and feel as though they have to fill up silence, but are really good-hearted people.”

When Emma is rude to Miss Bates, she’s firmly chastised by her neighbor, Mr. Knightley. It becomes a turn-around moment in the story. Humbled, Emma apologizes. She also sees how she’s been wrong to meddle in the love life of Harriet Smith, a pretty teenager whose parents are unknown.

Mintz says there’s an interesting link between Bates and Harriet, if you put two and two together.

“In Jane Austen’s actual life, mothers and daughters often share the same name,” she explains. That pattern can be seen in many of her novels. “We don’t know who Harriet Smith’s natural mother is, but at one point Miss Bates is referred to as ‘Hetty,’ which could be a diminutive for ‘Harriet.’ “

That’s the first clue. The second clue occurs during that scene where Knightley sets Emma right. He says of Miss Bates, “she has sunk from the comforts she was born to.” He then draws a contrast between the spinster’s current station and her former one: “You, whom she had known from an infant, whom she had seen grow up from a period when her notice was an honour…”

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Emma’s father is quite wealthy, so why would Miss Bates’ notice have once been so esteemed? Mary Mintz asks, “Is because she had a child out of wedlock?”

And could that child be… Harriet Smith?

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The mind: it boggles! A Jane Austen Easter egg! It’s just one example of how multi-dimensional her novels are and why so many people will continue loving, analyzing and discussing her work well into the next 250 years.

Jacob Fenston and Danny Hensel edited and produced this report.

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