Grief is the biggest all-consuming thing going on right now, and not just in my life but in the zoomed-out version of the world. It’s a really heavy atmosphere right now. And I thought, how can I delve into grief and tell a story that is close to me but also has elements of fantasy, has elements of playfulness and beauty as well?

This story starts right after a funeral. It’s an auntie and a niece in the images, and the niece is on her own after the funeral. It’s the first moments in which she’s not surrounded by people, and she can reflect on what’s going on and how she’s going to move forward without her auntie. The auntie visits her in a form — it’s scary at first because the niece is thinking, “I know she’s not really here, but she’s here.”

In the second part of the story, they’re coming toward each other, crying. Both of them are crying because the auntie’s going on her journey, but the niece also is moving forward without her auntie. It’s not saying goodbye, necessarily, because they’re not really going to ever part, but they aren’t going to be together in a physical way anymore. So, there is that sadness, that overwhelming feeling of loss.

Noelle wears vintage plastic knit dress, Agent Provocateur lingerie, custom-made jewelry by Chloé Maratta.

Rosie wears Versace dress, Saint Laurent heels.

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Then, the ending of the story is really sweet — it’s a relief to have somebody have your back on the other side. The auntie’s going to always be there for her niece as an ancestor. It comes kind of in a circle, it doesn’t end. The grief has a purpose.

I just lost an auntie recently. I deal with a lot of grief about losing my mom too, even though that was a long time ago. And my grandma was huge — she had a big part in raising me, and I lost her too. The more people you lose, you start thinking about all of them. You start thinking, “What are they all doing up there?” It was really special to be able to create something that’s personal, but it’s also a fiction, it’s not totally real. There’s room to play.

Rosie wears Stacey Nishimoto top.

It’s not a glamorous thing to constantly tell people, “Oh, I’m sad.” Nobody wants to hear about that, and it’s also awkward. People don’t always know how to comfort each other. I think people have good intentions, but there’s not a lot of education on how we can support each other in times of grief. People always say, “Time heals everything.” But I don’t know if grief ever really goes. It can be transformed into something else, into different types of feelings or energies, but I don’t think it can ever just end or stop. So, for me, the ending of the story here, I love the idea that it’s not a goodbye. It’s like, “I’m going to see you when it’s my time. I’m going to see you later.” And there’s a comfort in that.

Rosie (left) wears vintage fur coat from the Corner Store, Lanvin blouse, Saint Laurent boots, custom veil by Chloé Maratta. Noelle wears vintage dress set, Pleaser heels.

I always think about this other place where these people are now, and I just think of sparkles. I think of glitter. I think of a place where there isn’t pain, where there isn’t the way of being here on the physical Earth. Glam was really important to be a part of this visual story. And the stylist Angelina [Vitto] went above and beyond because she understood that there’s a way of honoring the characters. When you doll them up, it’s like seeing them at their best in a beautiful way.

I thought the space, [the Highland Park Ebell Club], was perfect to tell the story. With me being from a film and art background, it was interesting to be in a theater and have that as the setting. Even just the idea of the curtains closing and not fully being closed, there’s this opening. And with the darkness, I wanted it to be separate from a reality that we’re familiar with. Spookiness is always fun. And it’s just this other world. When you’re overtaken by grief, it’s a dark time, and you might not have the clearest state of mind. That felt important to me to have a little bit of experimenting in terms of the quality of the image and maybe having some things blur and stuck in the shadows. You can’t really see everything, but that speaks to how we move when we’re grieving.

As told to Elisa Wouk Almino

Kids need empathy alongside parental limits, and what you’re responding to with your stepdaughter is that this balance seems out of whack. By your account, your stepdaughter doesn’t allow for her daughter’s discomfort, which she needs to experience to develop resilience and a sense of competence in the world. Maybe this is because of the way that your stepdaughter was parented, and she’s either trying to emulate or move away from that.

Sometimes, too, single parents fear being the “bad guy” when they are navigating divorce or compensating for the pain from a divorce by “protecting” the child with extra tenderness. Or maybe your stepdaughter feels that adopting her own parenting style is one of the few ways she can maintain a sense of control while dealing with an uncooperative ex.

In families that have more adults in the house, kids benefit from seeing different ways of handling situations, and while you don’t live with your granddaughter, you are one of those adults in her life. You can adopt an aquarium approach, allowing her to express her emotions without your contempt (she’s not a “brat,” she’s struggling with emotional regulation) while also setting clear expectations and offering brief explanations for your decisions. (You can’t eat the cookies now because we’re about to have dinner, but you can have them after.) If your granddaughter pouts in response, you don’t need to react — you could redirect her by inviting her to play a game with you instead, and still be warm but nonreactive if she rejects this and continues pouting.

The more comfortable your granddaughter feels being with you, the more time you might get with her without her mother present. (As a single mom, your stepdaughter might enjoy the downtime!) You may be surprised by how a child can adapt to different expectations in different environments when those expectations are delivered with warmth and consistency.

You can also work on strengthening your relationship with your stepdaughter by not bringing up your differences. When she feels seen and valued by you, she may even become interested in the kind of parenting you’re modeling instead of what she likely perceives now as intrusive criticism. But even if she doesn’t adjust her tendency to over explain, her daughter’s witnessing of a friendly and noncombative relationship between you two will likely make this girl more inclined to trust you and be more receptive to your approach. And when you feel that surge of frustration from watching your stepdaughter parent, pause to ask yourself what beliefs or experiences might be informing your response. This self-awareness can help you engage more constructively with both your stepdaughter and granddaughter.

In the end, you can’t control how your stepdaughter raises her daughter, but you can control how you show up in the family dynamic. You might need to adjust your expectations and recognize that your influence will be greatest if you can position yourself as an ally, rather than as a critic.

Want to Ask the Therapist? If you have a question, email askthetherapist@nytimes.com. By submitting a query, you agree to our reader submission terms. This column is not a substitute for professional medical advice.

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Published March 16, 2025 6:00 PM PDT