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‘Money pervades everything’: the psychotherapist delving into our deep anxiety about finances

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‘Money pervades everything’: the psychotherapist delving into our deep anxiety about finances

I am a generous tipper. I’ve always thought, to the extent that I have thought about it at all, that this is a positive trait. Recently, however, I’ve begun to wonder. Is it normal to feel a deep sense of anxiety after ordering a takeaway pizza, then realising there is no change in the house? Does everyone spend their spare time searching Google to find out if one should tip the Waitrose delivery driver – or whether to do so might cause offence? Are hotel stays meant to be such a stressful experience, requiring constant calculations to determine the appropriate amount of cash to reward every personal interaction?

These are the kinds of questions that arise while I’m reading Money on Your Mind: The Psychology Behind Your Financial Habits. Written by Vicky Reynal, Britain’s first self-styled “financial psychotherapist”, the book outlines a wide range of unhelpful financial behaviours, offering something that will resonate with almost every reader, and makes a convincing case that these are rooted in our emotions – driven by fears and desires – and influenced by past experiences. Perhaps we struggle to spend money on ourselves or others. What do we fear might happen if we do? Some of us are incapable of budgeting. What do we gain from our overspending? We may see our colleagues rewarded with salary increases while we languish on the same pay grade. Why do we struggle to ask for a raise? Are we battling with doubts about our self-worth?

I’m fascinated by what my own financial choices might reveal about my psyche. So, when I go to meet Reynal at her consulting space in Vauxhall, London, I take the opportunity to ask her. Reynal greets me in the manner one would expect from someone who deals with money matters: with a firm handshake and a businesslike demeanour. Smartly dressed in black trousers and shirt under a monochrome patterned blazer, she would not look out of place in any boardroom in the City. After we take our seats, she encourages me to think more deeply about my behaviour. What is behind my compulsion to express gratitude for small acts of service? What do I fear might happen if I don’t? “Is it about wanting to be liked by the other, or wanting the other to think positively of you, even if it is just for a few minutes?” she asks. “I guess the question that pops into my mind would be: is there a part of you that expects people to be critical, so you choose to appease them upfront to avoid that feeling?” I have to admit, this sounds like a definite possibility.

Illustration: Peter Reynolds/The Observer

Ten years ago, Reynal started practising psychotherapy and began to notice how often clients’ problems were linked to finances. We tend to think of money in terms of cold hard numbers: the size of our bank balance, the interest rate on our savings account or credit card debt, the number of years it will take to save a house deposit. We believe our financial decisions to be rooted in rationality. Having worked with enough clients for whom money was the source of emotional distress, Reynal sees things differently. Five years ago, she began describing herself as a financial psychotherapist, helping people explore their money troubles as a formal part of her practice.

In the book, Reynal cites a series of statistics to illustrate how money is causing us all kinds of problems. One UK poll found that 32% of us find it stressful talking about our finances with family and friends. Another found a third of couples had argued about money. People with substantial debt are reportedly more likely to suffer from ulcers and migraines, and six times more likely to experience anxiety and depression. Clearly, an absence of money can have a serious impact on the quality of our relationships and our health. But Reynal sees money troubles among the wealthy, too. “If anything, they feel guiltier about their unhappiness, because there is this conception that money should buy happiness,” she says. “And so, if you’re unhappy despite having a lot of wealth, it brings up a lot of shame and guilt.”

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Reynal remembers a conversation in her consulting room that drove this point home. A client came to her with what he described as a “£2m problem”. Reynal assumed the man had somehow run up a huge debt. In fact, it emerged he had been granted an unexpected windfall. “They were completely distraught over it,” she recalls, “and who could they tell that to, hoping to find empathy and understanding and to really help them unpick what’s behind that? There was this real fear of people’s envy, how it would spoil the children, how it would ruin his marriage trying to decide what to spend all this money on. It was a person in distress, even if some people might find it difficult to empathise with that.”

Listening to this story, I do find it a little hard to empathise. I don’t doubt that to this particular client this was a very real problem. On the other hand, to many people struggling through a cost of living crisis, a £2m problem will not sound like much of a problem at all. Reynal’s case is that, while money can cause us real problems, for some, the way we feel about money can be just as challenging. And aren’t all money problems relative? No doubt my own money anxieties would cause some eyes to roll. But by focusing so intently on our individual relationship with money, I wonder if we risk ignoring the factors that create inequality and leave so many people facing financial hardship. “Well, they definitely relate, because what is going on at a macro scale often affects the individual,” says Reynal. “But ultimately, all we can do is manage our own experience of what is going on out there in the world.”

Reynal believes financial literacy can only take us so far. “I do make the point in the book that we have to teach children about money, because it’s not an innate skill. A lot of books out there tell people how they should behave with money and what they should do with money. But, for many, something gets in the way of being the way they want to be with money. So they end up overspending, or being overly greedy, or keeping financial secrets from their partners. And what I tried to do in this book is go to the roots of what experiences, what feelings, what longings, sit behind our money behaviours. It’s only by understanding these that we stand the chance of changing them.”

It won’t surprise you to learn that the process often involves looking back to childhood. Here, Reynal’s own story is illuminating. She is cagey about revealing certain personal details, in case that affects the way clients relate to her in her practice. (When I ask about her accent, she declines to say where it’s from, explaining that clients’ assumptions about her background can often be revealing.) She is happy, however, to reveal certain biographical information. After completing a psychotherapy degree, she studied for an MBA at the London Business School. Why the MBA? “Family pressures?” she laughs. “I think that in itself says a lot about the meaning of money in my family.”

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How we spend is rooted in early experiences and attitudes towards money. Photograph: Ben Birchall/PA

Reynal learned early in life how money can cause heartbreak. “My father had two very difficult experiences with money that involved loss, betrayal and deceit,” she says. “The consequences of that – both financial and emotional – affected the whole family negatively.” Through therapy, she explored the meaning of those experiences, which she now describes as “financial trauma”, and their broader ramifications. “Unpacking all the different aspects of that was important to move on from it and to make different choices.” She felt drawn to the idea that she could help others do the same.

Still, for some time, Reynal felt torn between her passion for psychology and the expectation that she go into business – to forge a career in the world of money. Gradually, she began to wonder if the two paths needed to be distinct. She was fascinated by the aspects of her MBA studies that touched on psychology, such as behavioural finance. Fittingly, it was a piece of advice from one of the world’s richest men that encouraged Reynal to combine her two interests. As part of her MBA studies, she was invited to Nebraska to meet the legendary investor Warren Buffett. She asked him how to make such a pivotal decision as how to spend one’s professional life. His message? “Follow your passion, because only by doing something you love, can you ever be good at it.”

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Buffett’s advice stuck. After spending some time in the corporate world, Reynal returned to study psychotherapy at postgraduate level. Just as she had been struck by the psychological aspects of finance, she observed how discussions about money were largely absent in therapeutic circles. “If you look at the psychoanalytic literature, there’s thousands of papers written about the relationship with sex, with food, with other objects,” she says. “And so little written about money.” Reynal saw a way to bridge a gap between her two passions – and also, perhaps, to meet both her family’s expectations and her own.

Sometimes, we need to hear advice in terms we’re primed to understand. In the face of family pressure, it took some words of encouragement from Warren Buffett for Reynal to act in her own interests. Intriguingly, she saw something similar happening when she started calling herself a financial psychotherapist, attracting clients who finally had permission to seek help. “More men started coming,” she says. “I think you can interpret that in a number of ways. But I think, especially for some of the older men I saw, who might have grown up in a generation that wasn’t open-minded to psychotherapy, calling it financial psychotherapy might have enabled them to access it with less shame than if they were just going to a psychotherapist.”

The behaviour Reynal hears about in the consulting room and which she describes in Money on Your Mind, ranges from the mundane to the extreme. Some people engage in unsustainable shopping habits, others steal from their employers or blow their life savings engaging in “findom” (financial domination), a sexual kink in which the participant derives pleasure from giving money for nothing tangible in return. On the spectrum of money troubles, I feel reassured that my anxiety around tipping must fall at the less troubling end of the scale. Nevertheless, Reynal’s questions point to the way even my seemingly mundane behaviour may still be emotionally revealing. What does tipping represent for me? What does my anxiety say about the way I see myself and what I expect of others?

Addressing the way money affects our relationships, Reynal writes: “Arguments about money are rarely about money.” I think about the times my partner and I have argued about money. Were these disagreements really about money or were they about other things, such as fearing the loss of independence – or coming to terms with new responsibilities? Thinking about these questions, I realise how many of our relationships have a financial aspect to them. Money pervades everything. Examining our emotions may give us a way to understand how we feel about it. But should we all be thinking about money in order to understand our emotions? “It’s a window into something, you know?” says Reynal. “By being curious about why you behave a certain way with money, you can find out something about yourself.”

There are rarely easy answers when it comes to self-discovery, says Reynal. Regular readers of financial self-help literature may be disappointed to find Money on Your Mind lacking in investment tips or simple saving strategies. That’s an attitude Reynal has encountered among money-minded people who seek therapy. “It takes a bit of time to break through that so that we can get into a more reflective space,” she says. “We can get into: ‘What is this really about?’” Then there are those who seek to avoid money discussions altogether. For Reynal, the remedy is the same: “Understanding it more, understanding our relationship with it more, will ease our anxiety,” she says. “But to do that, we need to start talking and thinking about it.”

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Money on Your Mind: The Psychology Behind Your Financial Habits by Vicky Reynal is published by Lagom at £16.99

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Finance

Canton High School students find success in personal finance

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Canton High School students find success in personal finance

CANTON, Miss. (WLBT) – A group of juniors at Canton High School has won back-to-back state championships in Mississippi’s Personal Finance Challenge.

The team’s work can be seen through the school’s reality fair, where students are assigned careers and salaries and must make the same financial decisions adults face each month.

Teena Ruth, a personal finance teacher, said the exercise resonates beyond the classroom.

“It’s an eye-opening experience,” Ruth said. “They kind of see what it’s like for even their parents when they have to make these decisions every day — when they are writing out those checks.”

For student Jalynn Dunigan, the program carries personal significance.

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“To be known for something else outside of cheer and not just what I do on a court, on a field. I can do something and put my brains to it and people can know that I’m not just pretty,” Dunigan said. “I’m smart as well.”

Student Henser Vicente said the team’s success sends a broader message.

“We’re making a statement that we’re not what you think we are,” Vicente said. “Like, we’re greater than what you think. We can do better than what you think we can do.”

A proposed financial literacy bill in Mississippi would require students to pass a semester of personal finance as a graduation requirement.

Alexandria Luckett said the team’s national success is already motivating others at the school.

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“I’m so happy that people are getting more involved in things like this and stepping out of their comfort zone and just putting themselves out there,” Luckett said. “Because I know there’s a lot of shy students [who] don’t necessarily join clubs or anything. So, when they see a group like this going to nationals two times in a row, I feel like that motivates a lot of students.”

Nelly Rosales said competing at the national level has given the team a platform beyond the competition floor.

“We’ve gone to Cleveland, Ohio, we’ve gone to Atlanta, and then hopefully this year we get to go out of state again,” Rosales said. “Being able to be a role model to a lot of children — like especially Hispanic girls who don’t see a lot of role [models] especially in the community — being able to be a role model is a really big thing.”

The students are currently gearing up for this year’s State Personal Finance Challenge set to take place next month.

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A 27-year-old drew down half of her stock portfolio to buy real estate. It’s part of her plan to hit financial independence.

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A 27-year-old drew down half of her stock portfolio to buy real estate. It’s part of her plan to hit financial independence.

A few years into her accounting career, Carolyn Yu began thinking seriously about financial independence.

“I’d feel very stressed and tired,” Yu, who was working at a Big Four firm at the time, told Business Insider. “I thought, maybe someday I could have more freedom and not spend 24/7 working at a very demanding job.”

She picked up “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” and started listening to the popular real estate podcast, BiggerPockets. One takeaway stood out: focus on buying assets that can grow in value.

Yu, who’d been consistently investing in the stock market since college, felt compelled to make a move. In late 2024, she drained about half her stock portfolio in order to pay cash for a two-bedroom, two-bathroom condo in Fort Worth, Texas.

The Bay Area-based Gen Zer had been eyeing Texas in part for its tax advantages, including the absence of state income tax. She considered other Texas markets, but Fort Worth stood out for its affordability and growth potential.

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“The population growth, the crime rate, the property value growth — they all looked good to me,” she said.

She flew to Fort Worth, toured the condo, signed a contract the next day, and closed within a month. Yu intentionally kept her first purchase under $100,000, unsure whether she had the capital or experience to take on something larger.

“Pretty much 50% of my stock portfolio was gone,” she said. But the drawdown didn’t faze her. “I knew that $80,000 transitioned into another investment.”

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Scaling to 5 properties in 2 years by recycling capital

Yu grew her portfolio by reinvesting equity from one property into the next.

Her strategy centers on buying below market value, improving the property, allowing it to appreciate, and then tapping into the built-up equity to help finance another purchase.

As her portfolio expanded, her financing evolved. She moved from paying all cash for her first condo to using conventional loans and later DSCR (debt service coverage ratio) loans, which are designed for investors and rely heavily on a property’s cash flow.

Her second purchase was a two-bedroom, one-bath single-family home. She bought it in June 2025 for about $105,000, putting down 25%. After investing about $50,000 in renovations, she said the home appraised at $195,000 and rented for $1,500 a month.

“This property allowed me to execute the BRRRR strategy successfully,” she said, referring to buy, rehab, rent, refinance, repeat. She said she was able to pull out about 70% of the appraised value to help fund her next purchases.

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Within about two years of buying her first condo, Yu had a five-property portfolio. Her first three are cash-flowing, while her fourth is currently listed for rent, and her fifth is being prepared for tenants. Business Insider reviewed mortgage documents to confirm ownership and lease agreements to verify rental rates.


carolyn yu

Yu resides in the Bay Area, but invests in real estate in Fort Worth.

Courtesy of Carolyn Yu



One of the challenges she’s faced since buying property has been vacancy.

She purchased her first condo in late 2024 — “probably the worst time to rent because of winter vacancy,” she said — and it sat empty for six months. She eventually lowered the asking rent by about $100 a month before securing a tenant.

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The vacancy was stressful, but manageable because she had paid cash and didn’t carry a mortgage. Still, she owed about $600 a month in HOA dues.

Her advice to other investors: keep at least six months of reserves, know your numbers inside and out, and expect vacancies and repairs.

Why she prefers real estate to stocks

Yu still invests in stocks, but said she prefers real estate because it feels more controllable and scalable. In addition to generating a few thousand dollars a month in rental income, she’s also building equity in her properties.

“Real estate gave me more control, more tangible assets, more tax efficiency,” she said, pointing to depreciation, mortgage interest deductions, and the ability to refinance without selling. She also enjoys negotiating deals.

She funnels most of her rental income back into her stock portfolio. Her end goal is financial independence and work flexibility.

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Yu wants to own at least eight properties by 2027 and have her portfolio appraised at roughly $2 million. By then, she hopes rental income will cover her expenses and provide enough cushion to leave her W-2 job, so she can focus solely on her real estate business.

She’s also changed how she thinks about spending. Early in her career, she said she coped with work stress by traveling frequently. Now, she prioritizes investing over lifestyle upgrades.

“I would rather put my money into investments right now in exchange for vacations in the future,” she said. “I think it’s totally worth it because I think in two years, I could be financially free.”

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When making travel plans, timing and financing are major considerations

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When making travel plans, timing and financing are major considerations

For the true travel fan, there’s often a built-in conflict on how best to plan for your next adventure.

On the one hand, the world awaits. Spin the globe, cover your eyes and point. Or, throw a dart at the map! Then it’s time to dig in and research your next dream destination.

On the other hand, getting the best bargain can be a last-minute proposition. There may be a fare sale today, but not tomorrow. How does that mash up with your bicycle tour in Italy? Or your friend’s wedding in Hawaii?

Spreading out all the options on the table can be daunting. It’s a bit like taking a sip from the fire hose. And we all have varying degrees of tolerance for changing prices, tiny seats and geopolitical uncertainty.

So let’s take a snapshot of what’s happening now, knowing you won’t likely drink from the same river, or fire hose, twice.

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Since most of today’s snapshots are on the phone, there are some handy settings: You can zoom in for a closer look at that fruit and cheese platter, frame it up nicely for a good shot of your seatmate, or look out the window and get a nice view from 30,000 feet.

Fares we love. There are just a few fares to zoom in on right now.

Anchorage-Chicago. Three airlines will offer nonstop flights this summer: Alaska, United and American. Alaska and United fly the route year-round. There are just a couple of months where travelers have to stop in Denver or Seattle on the way. Right now, the Basic price is $349 round-trip. United has the least-expensive Main price of $429 round-trip. Alaska charges more: $449-$469 round-trip.

The rate to Chicago is steady throughout the summer, as long as you’re open to flying on other airlines, including Delta and now Southwest, starting May 15.

Anchorage-Dallas. Choose from four airlines with competitive prices. United and Delta offer great rates starting on March 30, for travel all summer and into the fall for $331 round-trip in basic economy. Remember: Basic economy means you’ll be sitting in the middle seat back by the potty. There are few, if any, advance seat assignments permitted and you’re the last to board. Don’t expect to accrue many frequent flyer points. Alaska will give you 30%. Delta and American offer none. United is axing MileagePlus points for basic travelers soon.

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Delta and United offer the chance to pay $100 more for pre-reserved seats and mileage credit. Of course, they may charge you more for a nicer seat on the plane. But that’s another story.

American Airlines charges a little bit more, about $20 more for a round-trip, to fly nonstop. It’s a nice flight.

Anchorage-Albuquerque. Delta is targeting this route with a nice rate: $281 round-trip in Basic or $381 in Main. But it’s just between May 23 and June 29. Why? Well, it lines up nicely with Southwest’s launch on May 15. Who knows why airlines cut their fares during a traditionally busy season? It’s just a hunch.

Looking at airfares more broadly, there are a few more bargain rates out there, but most only go through May 20. Airlines are hoping for a robust summer — so prices go up after that.

For example, between March 29 and May 20, Alaska Air offers a nonstop from Anchorage to Los Angeles for $257 round-trip in basic. For pre-assigned seats and full mileage credit, the main price is $337 round-trip. Prices go up to $437 round-trip in the summer.

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The view from 30,000 feet is pretty clear, although past performance is no guarantee of future results. Several carriers, including American, Delta, United, Southwest and Alaska are adding flights for the summer. There will be robust competition, which means lower fares. Just last week, Alaska Air dropped the price from Anchorage to Seattle to $210 round-trip. That rate is gone, but others will come along.

Charge it. Banks own the airlines by virtue of their popular credit cards. Do they own you, too?

Sifting through the various credit card offers and bonus points emails, it’s easy to forget that banks, not travelers, are the airlines’ biggest customers. At a Bank of America conference last year, Alaska Airlines reported it receives about 15% of its total revenue from its loyalty plan. That adds up to more than 1.7 billion in 2024. Delta has a similar deal with American Express, which paid the airline about $8.2 billion last year.

Think about that the next time the flight attendants are handing out credit card applications in the aisle.

Zooming in, if you’re going to play the Atmos loyalty game on Alaska Airlines, you have to have an Alaska Airlines credit card from Bank of America.

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I carry the plain-old Alaska Air card. I used to have two of them, primarily for the $99 companion fare. That’s still a compelling offer. But to get that benefit, you have to charge it on an Alaska Airlines Visa card.

So the question is: Is it worth it to pay $395 per year for the new Summit Visa card from Bank of America?

If you use your credit card for your business or if you regularly charge thousands of dollars every month, the Summit card may be the card for you.

One of the foundational benefits is for every $2 you charge, you earn one status point toward your next elite tier, such as titanium. It’s possible to charge your way to the top tier of the frequent flyer ladder without ever stepping on a plane. If that’s your level of charge-card use, then the Summit is for you. For the lesser Ascent card like mine, you earn one status point for every $3 spent.

For a little wider view, consider that your other travel costs, including accommodations, can hit your budget a lot harder than an airline ticket. It’s one reason I carry a flexible spend credit card in addition to my Alaska Airlines card. Here’s a snapshot of some popular options:

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1. Bilt Rewards. I finally signed up for a Bilt account, although I haven’t yet received my card. There are two big benefits with Bilt: You can charge your rent and transfer points to Alaska Airlines. There also is a scheme to charge your mortgage, but it’s more convoluted. But the charge-your-rent option is a stand-alone gold star for the Bilt program, even if you don’t fly Alaska Airlines.

In addition to the link with Alaska Airlines, Bilt points transfer to other oneworld carriers like British, Japan Airlines and Qatar Air. Hotel partners include Hyatt, my favorite, and Hilton. A big bonus comes with the “Obsidian” card, $95 per year: three points for every dollar spent on groceries.

But there’s also a Bilt card with no annual fee. And there are no extra fees incurred when you charge your rent.

2. American Express. If you fly on Delta, the American Express card is a natural choice.

The two companies really are joined at the hip. The last American Express card I had was a Delta “Gold” card, which included a 70,000-point signup bonus. Cardholders get a free checked bag, although Delta offers two free checked bags for SkyMiles members who live in Alaska, and 15% off award tickets.

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The Delta card is free for the first year, then $150 per year thereafter.

There is a dizzying array of American Express cards available, including some with no annual fee. But with Delta there is a narrowed-down selection, including one that’s more than $800 per year. That includes lounge access and some other benefits, including a companion pass.

American Express cardholders also can transfer their points to Hilton and Bonvoy as well as to 15 other airlines.

Capital One offers the Venture X card, which offers cardholders 75,000 points plus a $300 travel credit at their in-house travel service. The cost is $395 per year. Get the slimmed-down Venture card for just $95 per year. You still can earn the 75,000 bonus points after spending $4,000 in the first three months. Plus, there’s a $250 credit with Capital One Travel.

Airline partners include EMirates, Singapore Air, Japan Air and EVA Air, from Taiwan. Hotel partners include Hilton and Marriott.

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I’ve carried several Chase cards for years. Right now I have the Chase Sapphire Preferred card, for which I received 80,000 bonus points. But that was several years ago. More recently, I got the Chase-affiliated Ink Business Cash card to harvest a 90,000 point bonus. Previously, I carried the Chase Sapphire Reserve. I got a 100,000 point bonus for that. But I dropped that card when the fee went up to $795 per year.

Stacking the cards like that — getting more than one — has helped me to get more bonus points, both for American Express and for Chase.

The best value for Chase points that I’ve found is for Hyatt Hotels. Right now, it’s the best redemption ration, but that can change. Chase also allows for transfers to Emirates, United, Singapore Air and Southwest, among others. The Chase travel portal is managed by Expedia, so you can redeem points for other hotels at a lower redemption rate.

The long view: All airline mileage plans are now credit card loyalty plans. Terms and conditions change, along with signup bonuses and other features of the cards. Last year, Chase dropped its airport restaurant feature, which offered $29 per person at select restaurants in Los Angeles, Seattle and Portland. A couple of years ago, the Priority Pass affiliated with Chase dropped the Alaska Airlines lounges as a partner.

It takes some time and effort to keep up with the programs and get the best value. But airline credit card plans are here to stay, even if the frequent-flyer programs are watered down year after year.

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