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‘The Union’ Doesn’t Make a Lick of Sense, Which Makes Sense

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‘The Union’ Doesn’t Make a Lick of Sense, Which Makes Sense
Mark Wahlberg and Halle Berry in The Union. Laura Radford/Netflix

I’m no stranger to lament when it comes to the disintegration of quality in what passes for movies today, but then along comes a bucket of swill like The Union to remind me things are even worse than I thought. This contrived, pointless, blindingly boring Nutflix vehicle is a pathetic, desperate attempt to keep Halle Berry and Mark Wahlberg’s careers alive. Berry’s beauty is pleasant enough for a single-star rating, but the rest arrives six feet under and stays that way.


THE UNION(1/4 stars)
Directed by: Julian Farino
Written by: Joe Barton, David Guggenheim
Starring: Hally Berry, J.K. Simmons, Mark Wahlberg
Running time: 109 mins.


She plays Roxanne, a sexy spy and two-fisted killer who works for a powerful secret agency called “The Union,” dedicated to saving the free world. (It’s not clear from what.) After a job that goes wrong in Trieste, Italy, resulting in a colossal massacre, The Union decides it needs a new face, plain as pizza dough and unrecognizable to the criminal underworld (translation: i.e., a nobody). Roxanne thinks immediately of her old high school boyfriend Mike (Mark Wahlberg), a construction worker in New Jersey whose banal life of sophistication and adventure extends no further than climbing ladders and hanging out with his brain-dead buddies drinking beer. When she looks him up to renew old memories, he moves in for a clinch, but instead of a kiss, she stabs him in the neck with a hypodermic tranquilizer and he wakes up in London, where the boss of The Union (J.K. Simmons) encourages Roxanne to teach him the power of persuasion any way she can. 

Mike hasn’t seen Roxanne for 25 years, and now she’s recruiting him to risk his life as an innocent, inexperienced and untrained secret 007. The purpose of all this hugga-mugga is neither coherent nor believable, but the lure of being the next James Bond, delivering five million dollars to an army of the world’s most dangerous international thugs while simultaneously falling for a sexy spy with an assault weapon, convinces Mike to join The Union immediately (provided, of course, that he gets back to Jersey in time to be the best man in a pal’s wedding). He’s never been anywhere beyond downtown Hoboken, but before you can say Rambo, he’s dodging bullets, leaping from London rooftops, and driving on the wrong side of the street. The movie doesn’t make one lick of sense, which means it falls perfectly in line with most of the other moronic time-wasters that are polluting the ozone these days.

Roxanne focuses on rigorous physical and psychological training to prepare Mike for his first mission: infiltrating an auction offering stolen intelligence information to the highest bidder for hundreds of millions to retrieve a hard drive containing the names and identities of every spy in the history of Western civilization which, if obtained by the wrong spies, could destroy the free world. In a movie composed of endless predictable cliches, it’s got Iranian terrorists, a motorcycle race through the Italian streets, mediocre explosions and shootouts we’ve seen before in scores of Tom Cruise programmers. The goofball heroics are so second-rate they rob the film of any personality of its own. Hack director Julian Farino lacks the talent and the interest to explain what The Union is all about in terms anyone can understand. The script by joe barton and David Guggenheim never rises above a second-grade level, and there is nothing original or engaging about the film or the shallow performances in it. Halle Berry and Mark Wahlberg have zero chemistry, but who can blame them for being so bland in a movie that reads like a manual from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology?  

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It’s not surprising for an action picture to be this humorless, but how can any film be so noisy, deadly and boring at the same time? The Union is to movies what salami on rye is to four-star gastronomy.

‘The Union’ Doesn’t Make a Lick of Sense, Which Makes Sense

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Movie Reviews

'Krishnam Pranaya Sakhi' movie review: Formulaic, middling love drama

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'Krishnam Pranaya Sakhi' movie review: Formulaic, middling love drama

Actor Ganesh’s latest outing follows an age-old template of romantic movies. Krishna (Ganesh), a 32-year-old industrialist, falls head over heels for Pranaya (Malavika Nair), an orphan running an orphanage. With the entry of  Jahnavi (Sharanya Shetty), we get the love triangle. If that wasn’t enough, there’s also the memory loss angle.

As soon as one talks of rich boy-poor girl movies with an element of amnesia, the first movie that comes to the mind of a Kannada movie connoisseur is ‘Hrudaya Sangama’ (1972). While the gripping Rajkumar-Bharathi starrer hinged on emotional performances, director Srinivas Raju chooses a fun narrative for this one.

The urge to mix a laughter riot with a middling non-linear storyline compromises the plot severely. The logical inconsistencies and lack of character development add to the woes. The first half is middling but director Srinivas Raju does an impressive job in holding viewers’ interest through it. 

What works greatly for the film is Ganesh’s knack for playing typical romantic characters with flair and his camaraderie with seasoned comedian Sadhu Kokila. 

Malavika impresses in her Kannada debut. She imparts the perfect dose of innocence that her character demands. Rangayana Raghu is hilarious as a comic villain. His Kannada accent typical of Telugu people from the Chikkaballapur region is  spot on. 

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Raghu’s performance is brilliant at times and meek elsewhere. But for the mess, Ganesh might have as well got that critical mid-career break that he has long hoped for. 

Published 16 August 2024, 20:13 IST

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Dominic Savage’s ‘CLOSE TO YOU’ (2023) – Movie Review – PopHorror

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Dominic Savage’s ‘CLOSE TO YOU’ (2023) – Movie Review – PopHorror

When I was a kid, I was different from my entire family. I fit right in punk rock; that was my passion and style choice. However, the torment I went through does not compare to people who aren’t happy with their gender. We put people who are different into a big pot of culture. I love being an outsider, and Close To You, directed by Dominic Savage, was almost like an anthem of strength for people who deal with darkness and confusion.

Synopsis

Sam (Elliot Page The Umbrella Academy) who found comfort in his new purpose and gender, is headed home for their fathers birthday. Sam had been gone for years and fell off the map. Upon Sam’s return, he struggles with acceptance from the people he loves. Sam protects his dignity and fear of not being accepted.

After his family welcomes him with open arms and general conncern Sam has to dig deep to find the love he used to have. With the entire family together, he has to deal with strong criticsm from his brother in law Paul (David Reale Molly’s Game). While Sam is growing, he runs into an old love Katherine (Hillary Baack, Helen). When the pot boils over between Sam and Paul, Sam’s  life collapses. He slowly starts to bring himself back. Old memories and old flames are rekindled.

“The films I have been making over the past years have all been made with, and written
specifically for, a particular lead actor. They are, I feel, special collaborations that result in
stories that are rooted in absolute truth that have deep meaning and resonance for both me
and, most importantly, the actor. They are films about the complexities of our relationships, the
difficult parts of our lives, the every day of our existences, yet the striving for meaning and truth
within them.” -Dominic Savage

As much as I live for the horror community, sometimes drama movies impress me. However, I wouldn’t exactly call this drama. I think of it as empowering for people who can relate to it. I understand how hard it is for someone to accept and love you as you are. Sometimes, we need to hear that it’s OK to be different. That is what Close To You was centered around. The acting and emotion are powerful. Everyone landed their role perfectly; you could feel the tension in your own mind. What got me the most was the realism of the situation for so many people out there who just feel different.

In The End

I also loved the acceptance from the people who love Sam the most. I didn’t have the love I always yearned for with my parents. There are many scenes where you cheer on Sam and feel the crushing weight of emotions built inside. You can also feel everyone trying to build Sam up in self-confidence. Close To You is a movie I think everyone should see just once, just for a perspective for the people who may be intolerant. Some of us still believe in equal rights, and we don’t have to live it to accept it.

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Close To You hits digital platforms August 16th.

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Movie Review: Yep. They’re back! ‘Alien: Romulus’ introduces next-gen Xenomorph foe Cailee Spaeny

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Movie Review: Yep. They’re back! ‘Alien: Romulus’ introduces next-gen Xenomorph foe Cailee Spaeny

“In space, no one can hear you scream,” went the tagline for the original “Alien” in 1979, a terrifying thought on multiple levels.

Movie Review: Yep. They’re back! ‘Alien: Romulus’ introduces next-gen Xenomorph foe Cailee Spaeny

There may indeed be a scientific rationale for a space scream to be inaudible, but isn’t it scarier to simply realize nobody’s around to hear you? That was the case for Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley, once she became the last one standing against the fearsome Xenomorph. Nobody could hear her scream — nobody human, that is — because, duh, everyone was dead.

In any case, hearing won’t be a problem here on Earth at any multiplex showing “Alien: Romulus,” the much-anticipated new installment to the “Alien” franchise This is a very big, very loud, very jumpy horror flick, and the screams will come, and they’ll be audible. Which is precisely what “Alien” fans are surely waiting for.

And speaking of Ripley, no, neither she are present in this new version by Fede Álvarez, closer in feel to the horror roots of Ridley Scott’s original than James Cameron’s more action-focused 1986 “Aliens.” But now we have Rain Carradine, played by rising star Cailee Spaeny , a new-generation Ripley in everything but name. Spaeny takes up the mantle of badass space fighter with aplomb, and is easily the best part of a movie that, like the 1979 original, is short on character development.

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There are many other parallels to the original . But like we said, don’t call it a sequel. In fact it’s an “interquel,” which wouldn’t be a bad horror film title in itself. The dictionary explains that it’s neither sequel nor prequel, but rather a “middlequel” between installments, known as “quels.”

Just kidding! It’s not in the dictionary. But it’s worth noting that Álvarez, in placing his movie between existing versions to form a new trilogy, yet aiming also for standalone entertainment, risks some tonal confusion. Not that you’ll be able to hear your thoughts, should this occur to you.

The premise is new, sort of. Álvarez, who co-wrote the screenplay with Rodo Sayagues, has said he got the idea from a deleted scene from Cameron’s film, in which young kids were seen amongst workers in a mining colony, and wondering what their lives would be like when they reached their 20s.

At the beginning, we find out: life is bleak indeed in the colony on Jackson’s Star, owned by the worker-exploiting Weyland-Yutani firm.

Rain’s miner parents have died of lung ailments. They’ve left her a caring brother, Andy, who is actually a “synthetic,” or humanoid robot. The “human” element is crucial because it allows an empathetic David Jonsson, in the role, to connect to the audience in a way that otherwise only Spaeny does — the rest of the cast is given virtually nothing to work with.

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In any case, the two are not long for Jackson’s Star. After Rain is turned down for a travel permit to finally escape dark colony life, she and Andy join a risky venture.

There’s an decommissioned space station hovering above, and if they can raid it of hardware and other loot, they can bypass the brutal wait for permits and finally make it to a new home. And so, reluctantly, the two agree to join the others — Rain’s ex-boyfriend Tyler , his sister Kay , Bjorn and Navarro — on a bumpy flight to the Renaissance station.

Surely we’re not spoiling much to say that it’s best not to get attached to anybody.

Because, we all know what’s waiting up there, don’t we? It’s already been teased in the opening, with the rickety old station looking much like USCSS Nostromo, that ill-fated space tug in the original.

We hardly needed the hint, though. This is an “Alien” movie and it’s all about the Xenomorph, that terrifying creature who is diabolically “perfect,” able to survive in any atmosphere and to multiply, obviously, in the most disgusting of ways.

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It’s not really a party — or a movie — until the creatures show up. And that, they do. Much has been made of this film’s use of practical effects, rather than a CGI-created universe. The actors have said this — as well as shooting in a linear fashion — helped them feel the genuine horror needed for their portrayals.

Does all this elevate the film beyond any of its predecessors? Like so many franchises that depend on intense fandom, that truly depends from what vantage point you’re joining in. Fans of the original will appreciate the many respectful echoes of that film Fans of Cameron’s take will appreciate the action that comes later in the film.

And while some will applaud the wild, outlandish, creative and possibly ridiculous swerve of those final minutes — not to spoil it — others may even laugh rather than scream.

It’s all good, though. In space, probably no one can hear you laugh, either.

“Alien: Romulus,” a 20th-Century Studios release, has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association “for bloody violent content and language. “ Running time: 119 minutes. Two stars out of four.

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