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How ‘Heated Rivalry’ became a joyful community: ‘It gave us a reason to dance’

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How ‘Heated Rivalry’ became a joyful community: ‘It gave us a reason to dance’

Picture this: You’re scrolling TikTok when a video grabs your attention — it’s a packed dance floor at an L.A. venue, lights low and moody with people vibing together as clips from “Heated Rivalry,” the hit queer hockey romance, flicker across the walls. The crowd sings along to pulse-thumping anthems from Britney Spears, Charli XCX and Bad Bunny, with a Paramore sing-along thrown in for everyone’s inner emo babe. Cheers erupt whenever favorite moments with the show’s central couple, Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander — played by Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams, respectively — come to life around them.

A TikTok offering a glimpse of this gathering, posted by Raven Yamamoto at a Heated Rivalry Night at the Vermont Hollywood, reads: “Never kill yourself. Just go to Heated Rivalry Night.”

The sentiment is tongue-in-cheek, but the feeling behind it is not. The dance party held at the Vermont and organized by Club 90s, channels the sensuous vacation-from-reality energy adored by fans of the TV show, and the book series it’s based on, that premiered in November and became a breakout hit for HBO Max. The show, acquired from the Canadian streamer Crave, has already been renewed for a second season and made stars out of its two leads, whose steamy onscreen romance has given rise to a new fandom and sprung a series of events that reflect its culture.

Heated Rivalry Night, curated by Club 90s founder and DJ Jeffrey Lyman, began as a single event that quickly sold out, leading to extra dates — another is being held at the Vermont on Sunday — and more than 100 multi-city pop-ups are planned over the next few months in places like Brooklyn, Washington, D.C., Chicago and London. Social media, particularly TikTok, has amplified the events, turning clips from the dance floor into viral, word-of-mouth-fueled promotion. The events almost didn’t happen: After a supporter emailed requesting a themed night, Lyman hadn’t considered it before because the show’s soundtrack has limited danceable music. But between his love for the series and an “I’ll figure it out” mindset, he dove in.

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2 A a pair of women wearing colorfully tinted sunglasses scream as they stand on a crowded dance floor.

1. Heated Rivalry Night features different genres of music and clips from the TV series play on the walls of the venue. (Ronaldo Bolanos/Los Angeles Times) 2. Kaliah Dabee, center, sings during the event at the Vermont Hollywood. (Ronaldo Bolanos/Los Angeles Times)

“Me and my co-video creator were just working nonstop all week long figuring out how to make the night work. We found all these edits on TikTok and trimmed them into full-on music videos for the night, and then put together the show in four days. I had no idea what to expect. The response was just insane,” Lyman recalls. “Every single post I saw on TikTok was from the night, with hundreds of thousands of views and comments. I was like, all right, we gotta get this thing going because everyone was requesting us in every single city.”

The event has become a space for fans to gather and feel understood, surrounded by others who are drawn to the show’s tenderness, longing, steamy sex and emotional intensity that define it. For many, the universe also sparks a quiet, personal question: Is that sort of romance real — and could it exist in my own life too?

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“Nights like these make life worth living. I had so much fun, more fun than I’ve had at a club in a long time,” says Yamamoto, whose entire friend group was “obsessed” with “Heated Rivalry” from the start. “I think it’s really easy to feel alone in a room with hundreds of people, even at events where you have something in common with everyone there.”

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But Heated Rivalry Night, he says, is different, noting the warmth and mutual comfort among the crowd members in attendance. “I mean, you could have shown up alone and left with 10 new friends,” Yamamoto adds.

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That sense of community is exactly what Lyman hoped to create, where people of all ages, genders and sexual preferences can come together to celebrate the themes of the show.

“I think it resonates so much because the show is just beautiful, everything about it,” he says. “That’s been my ultimate goal with every party — one big accepting space where everyone can let their freak flag fly and be whoever they want, with no judgment.”

Music is another key element of that celebration.

“I want everyone to have their culture represented. I’m Latino myself, I love Bad Bunny — of course I had to throw him in. This is kind of a no-holds barred thing, I’m throwing in every genre,” Lyman says, highlighting how the eclectic music selection mirrors the crowd’s range of tastes. A typical night can seamlessly bounce from CupcakKe to Robyn, Chappell Roan to Beyoncé and Lady Gaga’s aughts banger “Telephone,” and also “Rivalry,” the show’s theme song by Peter Peter.

A crowd of people on the dance floor, many holding cups and water bottles.

“I think it resonates so much because the show is just beautiful, everything about it,” says Heated Rivalry Night organizer Jeffrey Lyman. “That’s been my ultimate goal with every party — one big accepting space where everyone can let their freak flag fly and be whoever they want, with no judgment.”

(Ronaldo Bolanos/Los Angeles Times)

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Some moments hit even deeper emotionally. One of the standout sequences of a Heated Rivalry Night is when Lyman played a video montage of Shane coming out to his parents, set to Lorde’s “Supercut.”

“The first time I played it, I had, like, this emotional breakdown almost and I was in tears because everyone was cheering him on,” recalls Lyman, explaining that he didn’t personally get to come out to his family and the initial response was not positive or affirming. “And so flash forward so many years later, to have people literally screaming and cheering for this scene for him coming out — it blew my mind. And it just made me so happy for how far we’ve progressed in terms of acceptance.”

How the show has created a community

Ask a viewer on their umpteenth rewatch of “Heated Rivalry,” or a fan in the comments of a meticulous scene breakdown on TikTok, or a Hollanov enthusiast decked in cheeky merch, and the answer is consistently clear: The “Heated Rivalry” universe is a world that feels good to inhabit and revisit. In Los Angeles, the interest in the show has inspired other events as well, like “Heated Rivalry”-themed hot yoga and comedy shows, and fan-made merch, ranging from cozy blankets to graphic tees to custom hockey jerseys, has become ubiquitous.

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Jose Bizuet, an educator in training, is still relatively new to the series — he’s four episodes into “Heated Rivalry — but loves it so far. Waiting in line to enter the Vermont, Bizuet explained his motivation for attending the event.

A woman in a white tank top holds up a small poster with circular cutouts of scenes from the TV series "Heated Rivalry."

Fans have created “Heated Rivalry” merch, and several events themed to the TV show have emerged in L.A. and beyond.

(Ronaldo Bolanos / Los Angeles Times)

“I feel like a lot of spaces aren’t accepting of queer bodies, but I know that this space will be accepting of it,” he says. “I’m just excited to have fun, be with my friends, explore different bodies, and just have fun with everybody.”

Inside, pop hits and 2000s classics played alongside clips of Ilya and Shane, as well as fan edits — like a montage of the character Scott Hunter (played by François Arnaud) set to Usher’s “Daddy’s Home” and the infamous IYKYK Google Drive edit set to Megan Thee Stallion’s “Big Ole Freak.” The latter, a fan-made video of Ilya and Shane, was originally shared widely on Google Drive before becoming difficult to find in full, making it a treasured “if you know, you know” gem among the fandom — and the kind of moment that had the crowd cheering in recognition.

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Rachel Jackson and Nicole Chamberlain have loved hockey — and a good romance story — for years; they’re fans of the Nashville Predators and Chicago Blackhawks, respectively. “This series was right up our alley. We fell in love with it and read a bunch of the books,” says Jackson as she waited in line to enter the Vermont.

Chamberlain adds: “It’s cool to be part of something, and it’s just lovely to see the community rally around this story.”

Two people wearing hockey jersey with Rozanov and Hollander on the back, look down at a big crowd from a balcony.

Partygoers wearing Rozanov and Hollander hockey jerseys at Heated Rivalry Night. Organizer Jeffrey Lyman says he’s been surprised by the response to the themed dance party.

(Ronaldo Bolanos / Los Angeles Times)

In a post-quarantine landscape marked by isolation and digital overload, fans described a hunger for physical spaces where online connection could translate into real-world presence. Queer nightlife has long functioned as both refuge and community, and Heated Rivalry Night slots neatly into that lineage.

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“I think it’s really special that ‘Heated Rivalry’ has become so popular in the U.S. under an administration that relentlessly attacks the rights and livelihoods of queer people,” says Yamamoto. “Celebrating a show about queer love with so many other queer people and allies who understand that felt like a protest in some ways.”

Assessing ‘Heated Rivalry’s’ effect and influence

Rachel Reid, the author of the Game Changers book series that the show is based on, has been struck by the scale and intensity of the fandom that’s grown around “Heated Rivalry.” From watch parties at a resort in the Philippines to drag shows, themed skate nights, and lively gatherings at West Hollywood’s gay sports bar Hi Tops, she’s seen fans across the globe bring the story to life in ways both big and intimate.

“I wish I could get to them all. I’m so proud to be a part of something that’s making people so happy and is also creating community and creating safe places for people to go,” Reid says. “It’s a really good feeling. It’s been my favorite part of all of this.”

She says people have told her the show has helped them try to find romance again. “Quite a few people have reached out to tell me they’d given up on relationships, and watching ‘Heated Rivalry’ made them want to try again, to believe in falling in love. That’s been incredible to hear.”

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The tender queer romance depicted in "Heated Rivalry" has been refreshing for viewers. From left, François Arnaud, Robbie G.K., Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams in scenes from the show.
Two men in a shower leaning toward one another.

The tender queer romance depicted in “Heated Rivalry” has been refreshing for viewers. From left, François Arnaud, Robbie G.K., Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams in scenes from the show. (Sabrina Lantos/HBO Max)

The prioritization of queer joy and queer pleasure are foundational to the show, which is present even during emotional highs and lows, and that’s intentional. The trauma, harrowing ordeals or deaths that are typically depicted onscreen, and that audiences have come to expect from queer TV and films, were refreshingly absent.

“That’s extremely important to me, and I knew it was important to Jacob Tierney as well, who made the show,” says Reid. When the two brainstormed the creative direction, Reid says they were on the same page. “It would just be joyful. And it would be sexy in a way that nobody got punished for it. It was really important to me and really important to him, and I think it came through in the show for sure.”

Jacob Tierney, who adapted, wrote and directed the series for television, echoed this perspective. “Rachel’s book is unapologetically queer joy, and from the very first read, I knew I wanted to bring this shamelessly funny, glorious, romantic story to life, complete with the kind of happy ending that gay people so rarely see in the media,” he says.

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He told Reid he wanted to honor the book with the seriousness it deserves.

“At a time when queer lives and love are still so often framed through pain or erasure, I felt it was important to tell a story that celebrates pleasure, tenderness, and happiness as something worth protecting,” Tierney adds. “Watching the series bring people together and spark meaningful conversations about how these stories are told has been profoundly moving.”

A woman in a white long sleeve top holds an arm up as she's surrounded by a crowd of people dancing.

“Watching the series bring people together and spark meaningful conversations about how these stories are told has been profoundly moving,” says Jacob Tierney, who adapted “Heated Rivalry” for television.

(Ronaldo Bolanos / Los Angeles Times)

As the night wound down in Hollywood, partygoers lingered, sweaty and smiling, voices raspy from singing with friends and strangers who felt like friends.

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Outside, the crowd spilled onto the sidewalk, already talking about the next Heated Rivalry Night. For a few hours, the story had leapt off the screen into something tangible — proof that the right song, room and people can make all the difference.

“Heated Rivalry” cannot fix all of the world’s ills, of course, but its influence is evident in Los Angeles and beyond. “It gave us a reason to dance. We haven’t had a lot of those in the past year,” Yamamoto says.

“Joy is resistance, too.”

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Movie Reviews

Movie Review – Jimpa (2025)

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Movie Review – Jimpa (2025)

Jimpa, 2025.

Written and Directed by Sophie Hyde.
Starring Olivia Colman, John Lithgow, Aud Mason-Hyde, Daniel Henshall, Kate Box, Eamon Farren, Hans Kesting, Zoë Love Smith, Romana Vrede, Deborah Kennedy, Jean Janssens, Frank Sanders, Cody Fern, Tilda Cobham-Hervey, Bryn Chapman, Parish Len, Leo Vincent, and Julian Cruiming.

SYNOPSIS:

Hannah and her non-binary teenager Frances visit her gay grandfather Jimpa in Amsterdam. Frances expresses a desire to stay with their grandfather for a year, challenging Hannah’s parenting beliefs and forcing her to confront past issues.

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Both gay activist/somewhat estranged grandfather Jim (certainly a bold performance from John Lithgow that plays to his charismatic strengths) and his non-binary teenager grandchild Frances (Aud Mason-Hyde, the child of writer/director Sophie Hyde, who is evidently telling a personal story here) are complex characters in Jimpa (a combination of the name and grandpa, which fittingly reflects two very distinct ways in which Frances perceives him, perhaps first and foremost as a gay rights fighter more than a family member).

As Frances and parents, Hannah (Olivia Colman) and Harry (Daniel Henshall), visit Jim in Amsterdam, where Frances, much to their chagrin, is thinking about staying for a year with Jimpa to enjoy his enigmatic company and study abroad in a more progressive community, the more frustrating, problematic sides to him become more pronounced. It’s a side of Frances’ parents they warned has always been there, but even after a stroke, the openly flamboyant, provocative, no-filter man can control and captivate an entire room effortlessly.

Jim has had many lovers and has no doubt been an instrumental force in fighting for gay rights. He has also slipped into conservatism and lost sight of the greater picture, insistent that there is no such thing as bisexuality, which, to him, as an idea, negates everything he has fought for. Naturally, Frances very existence as a non-binary individual sexually attracted to women or non-cis men is a challenge to that worldview. Much of that frustration with Jimpa’s stubbornness is reflected in a tremendously nuanced performance from Aud Mason-Hyde, a natural at playing what is unquestionably a multilayered and complicated role, given the circumstances.

There is also an aspect that sees Hannah, a filmmaker clearly standing in for Sophie Hyde here, looking to channel a family history in which Jim came out as gay and left the family when she was 13, into conflict-free art, something that creative collaborators over Zoom advise her isn’t possible. At times, it feels as if Sophie Hyde is executing this film similarly, which isn’t as interested in some of the above clashes as one might be led to believe. Instead, the third act involves a bit of tragedy and some extended wrapping-up that doesn’t seem to address much of what comes before.

The film also primarily wants to be about Frances and their rocky relationship with their Jimpa, but also individual experiences such as discovering aspects of their sexuality, experiencing intimacy for the first time (in numerous unconventional and casual ways that some might deem inappropriate, but then again, it is Europe…), and how living in Amsterdam could provide a more fulfilling and welcoming upbringing. Throughout all of this are vague montage-like flashback glimpses to these characters, replaced by younger actors in a stylistic choice that is substantially empty.

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The longer Jimpa goes on, the more it feels overstuffed with plot concepts and thematic ideas that are either discarded or never cohere into anything profound, especially since the focus is scattered all over the place. It’s a film that might have worked better by sticking with the perspective of one of its major characters, rather than ambitiously piling everything into a family affair that doesn’t necessarily resolve, but instead transitions into about 30 minutes of sentimentality.

In some ways, it isn’t tightly coiled enough to prioritize both Frances and Jimpa, shortchanging both of them as complex people. By the time Hannah is having filmmaking epiphanies about how to tell this story, one is likely confounded by this family’s dynamics and has checked out. Jimpa is a story of fascinatingly messy, contradictory LGBTQ stances and character relationships that is far more interesting than it is rewarding.

Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★

Robert Kojder

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=embed/playlist

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Review: Two new novels ask why a woman with a secret is always a threat to Western civilization

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Review: Two new novels ask why a woman with a secret is always a threat to Western civilization

Book Review

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Two figures will always haunt the human imagination: the woman in ecstasy, and the woman in madness. This enduring fascination may stem as much from the paper-thin line that separates the two states as it does from our deep-seated fear of both. If the devoted nun resembles the raving patient, does that not justify locking them away, protecting ourselves from their unsettling power?

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Two recent novels go behind the walls of anchorite and lunatic cells in different centuries and for different purposes, yet wind up demonstrating how women forced by circumstance behind walls influence the lives of others into the future. In “Canticle,” a debut from Janet Rich Edwards, a young woman named Aleys enters religious life in 13th-century Bruges, Belgium, after a Franciscan, Brother Lukas, witnesses her fervor. A series of unfortunate events ultimately lead to her permanent cloister, a tiny cell built into the wall of a cathedral. Paula McLain’s new book, “Skylark,” spans several centuries in Paris, beginning in the 17th when Alouette Voland is sentenced to the Salpetrière asylum after protesting the arrest of her father, an expert fabric dyer, from prison, for the brilliant blue hue he has concocted — actually his daughter’s recipe, which contains dangerous arsenic. Alouette’s attempts to reclaim her work as her own instead of her father’s result in her consignment to Salpêtrière.

While both novels feature terrific and authentic detail about the rough confines Aleys and Alouette endure, the message beneath the descriptions is far more terrifying and authentic: for centuries, the fear of female agency and non-male approaches to power has led to deep trauma, not just for individual women, but for Western civilization itself. For instance, Aleys’s late mother cherished books, even though common people rarely knew how to read and write, let alone owned books. Aleys cherishes the tiny, exquisite psalter her mother inherited from an abbess aunt. Although Aleys’s mother cannot read, she knows the stories of the saints and relishes embroidering them with “goriest” details to keep her children interested. Yet, even as Aleys’s world begins to change with the rise of lay literacy, those lay people are almost entirely men. Women, whether secular or religious, remain forbidden to read, write or tell stories.

“Canticle” author Janet Rich Edwards.

(Laura Rich)

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Aleys, at first, seems to be on a path toward personal enlightenment. Brother Lukas declares her a Franciscan, convincing his superior, Bishop of Tournai Jaan Metz, that the young woman possesses special spiritual gifts. The Bishop agrees, but insists that since no other Franciscans are female, Aleys must be sent to the nearby Beguines—laywomen who take no vows, live in community, and work to support the church. While Aleys initially finds the Beguines “wanton” due to their “strange rites,” including casual dress and meetings, their charismatic leader, Grand Mistress Sophia Vermeulen, convinces Aleys of the group’s higher purpose.

Aleys later discovers that a beguine named Katrijn Janssens has been secretly translating Latin scripture into Dutch. In the evenings, the women often perform ecstatic dances while someone reads from the “Canticle of Canticles” (also known as the “Song of Songs”). Aleys already has a strong mystical bent, and after some time in the Begijnhof, she supposedly cures a young boy’s illness. Unfortunately, she’s unable to do the same when Sophia becomes sick. Her subsequent eviction from the Beguines leads to her accepting the Bishop’s offer of sanctuary—as an anchorite, destined to live out her days in a tiny stone outcropping. Her only contact with other humans is a slit through which she can hear daily mass, save for Marte, the low-ranking Beguine assigned to deliver her meals and empty her slop bucket.

Meanwhile, Alouette has become an adept of dye recipes. Even though she and other women are able to read, write, and keep ledgerbooks by this date, the complicated and often secret tinctures concocted for fabrics remain the province of men.

Like Aleys, Alouette forms alliances with other women, Sylvine and Marguerite, the latter of whom carefully documents the guards’ abuses in a ledger. These abuses include the murder of inmates’ infants, a fact that galvanizes the pregnant Alouette (the father of her child, Étienne, is a quarryman) into joining a plan for escape through the Paris sewers. The women find refuge in a convent and, ultimately, in a seaside town where some measure of peace awaits them.

It’s a far happier ending than Aleys’s, who is met with a darker fate. That is partly because McLain’s novel doesn’t end with Alouette’s relatively soft landing; “Skylark” continues in 1939 through the perspective of Kristof Larsen, a Dutch psychiatrist in Paris. His relationship with his Jewish neighbors, the Brodskys, grows closer as Nazi power corrupts France. Despite his ties to the resistance, Kristof cannot save the entire family during the 1942 Vélodrome d’Hiver roundup, but he takes responsibility for their 15-year-old daughter Sasha. Along with his compatriot Ursula, they are guided to safety through the same Paris tunnels that sheltered Alouette centuries earlier.

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"Skylark" author Paula McLain.

“Skylark” author Paula McLain.

(Simon & Schuster)

The fragile tie between Alouette and Sasha rests in a tiny piece of glass found during the restoration of Notre Dame de Paris after the 2019 fire. A conservator uncovers the shard, which bears an intense blue figure of a skylark — evidence, at least to the reader, that Alouette’s recipe endured, and a symbol of how both she and Sasha escaped. Female creation and resistance, the novel suggests, endure, too.

At first, that seems at odds with Aleys’s tragic fate. “As the crowd parts before her, Aleys sees the path of gray cobblestones receding to the stake. Parchment is piled high at its base. Smaller fires have already been lit, dotting the plaza. They’re burning her words, too. . . ” Yet, it’s no spoiler to reveal that during her long weeks and months as an anchorite, Aleys found the means to slowly and secretly teach Marte, lowliest of the Beguines, how to read and write. “They write words on the sill between them and wipe them off, their palms and feet dark with dust.” Just as Aleys’s mother passed on her passion for books and Alouette pursued her passion for beauty, Marte will carry on a passion for stories.

More important, however, and something that ties “Skylark” to “Canticle,” is that Aleys and Alouette, Marte and Sasha, live on through work done by and with women. Whether it’s a recipe for dye, a hunger for divine knowledge, or the means to freedom, the main characters in both novels believe deeply in women’s full humanity. Aleys acknowledges the contentment of the Beguines, understanding that their communal labors knit their “hopes, their labor, even their disagreements” as “strands in a single weave. Kristof says of Ursula that she “charts her course in full light with eyes wide open, and still she chooses danger. Chooses–over and over–not to surrender.”

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It’s true that the authors of these novels live in 21st-century North America, where many people believe in equality even if the full humanity of others is under attack, but neither Edwards nor McLain indulges in anachronisms. Aleys yearns for divine ecstasy but does not come across as a would-be influencer, let alone as a Mother Ann Lee fomenting spiritual revolution; she believes in the church, even if not fully in its leadership, until her end. Alouette and her comrades pursue a different life but do not seek it for everyone, which feels right not just for their era but for their experience of trauma. Even Ursula and Sasha rely on men for their escape, accepting that whoever has the correct experience and expertise should lead the way.

What “Canticle” and “Skylark” get right about their very different heroines and time periods is that change doesn’t happen overnight, nor does it benefit everyone. Aleys teaches Marte to read, but Aleys will suffer for her ideas. Sasha will escape Vichy France, but her family will still die in the concentration camps. Switch the clauses in those sentences around, however, and you’ll be reminded that change can and does happen, one determined woman at a time.

Patrick is a freelance critic and author of the memoir “Life B.”

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Stream It or Skip It: ‘Relationship Goals’ on Prime Video, a shameless commercial for self-help fodder passing as a romantic comedy

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Stream It or Skip It: ‘Relationship Goals’ on Prime Video, a shameless commercial for self-help fodder passing as a romantic comedy

LET IT BE KNOWN that Relationship Goals (now streaming on Amazon Prime Video) is less of a romantic comedy than it is an act of synergistic corporate-religious shamelessness. Ostensibly, it’s a lightweight love-hate Valentine’s Day-themed banterfest between musicians-turned-actors Kelly Rowland (of Destiny’s Child) and Cliff “Method Man” Smith (of the Wu-Tang Clan). But that’s a flimsy tissue-paper cover for The Truth Of The Matter: It’s a 93-minute promotional tool for Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex, a faith-based self-help tome by nondenominational Christian megachurch pastor Michael Todd, and a book that the movie’s dialogue tells us can be purchased at a certain online retailer that just so happens to be producing this movie. Michael Todd, who’s prominently featured in the story, and is depicted so glowingly, the movie barely stops shy of slapping wings and a halo on him. Michael Todd, who once went viral for coughing up a loogie and wiping it on his brother’s face during a sermon, to prove a point about faith. Gross, yes – and almost as gross as this advertisement trying to pass itself off as a movie.

The Gist: “Today is the day!” declares Leah Caldwell (Rowland) as she emerges from refreshing slumber. She works as a producer at Better Day USA, a network morning show in the GMA vein, and she’s in line to be promoted to showrunner. Total slamdunk. No questions. It’s just waiting for her once her boss (Matt Walsh) finally retires. IF ONLY, RIGHT? Here’s the wrench in the works: The invisible, nameless, faceless Higher-Ups – honest-to-gum deities or just corporate boardroom chair-moisteners? We can’t be sure! – have dictated the need for competition for the position, so in comes nighttime TV vet Jarrett Roy (Smith) to nudge our protag. He’s nudged her before, too – Jarrett is her ex, and she dumped him for cheating like a dog. You’ve got to be kidding me. Leah’s rightfully flaming pissed, and her besties, makeup gal Treese (Annie Gonzalez) and show anchor Brenda (Robin Thede), support her by listening and puffing her up and insisting that “God has a plan.”

But Leah doesn’t go full atheist. Oh no. She digs in, more determined than ever. In a pitch meeting for Valentine’s Day segments, her idea gets shot down. But Jarrett’s gets greenlit, and here’s where the movie gets really icky: Do a story fluffing up Michael Todd, a megachurch pastor and author played by real-life megachurch pastor and author Michael Todd, who’s introduced as a “YouTube sensation,” although nobody mentions the viral loogie incident. Specifically, the piece will transparently promo- er, that is, delve into megachurch pastor and author Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals, which Jarrett says changed his life. It chased that dawg right out of him, and now he’s a new and improved man. O RLY is the look on Leah’s face, which squinches up even more when the boss dictates she and Jarrett team up to work on the story, which requires a trip to Tulsa where Brenda will interview megachurch pastor and author Michael Todd, and a visit to his church, which is also the church from real life, and we therefore get to see the church’s logo many times over, but understand the urgency with which we should immediately experience his mindblowing sermons (or, in lieu of that, consume his products).

Some boilerplate romcom stuff happens – Brenda can’t get her longtime basketball player boyfriend to propose, Treese goes on too many dud first dates, Jarrett and Leah get stuck in a car together traveling cross-country and encountering sassy waitresses at podunk diners – but the real narrative emphasis is on how megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals can solve all the characters’ problems. Granted, these are simplistic situations and megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals offers simplistic solutions, but one assumes there’s so much more to megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd’s book Relationship Goals that you should probably order it right now from a prominent online retailer so you can live your bestest life forever and ever, and by the way, here’s the cover of the book in a couple dozen scenes so you know what it looks like. Meanwhile, said prominent online retailer wouldn’t mind if you also ordered a bunch of other products from it, including a variety of snack foods and small kitchen appliances whose logos are prominently featured in nice, clean, perfectly focused closeup shots. Helluva movie you’ve got here!

RELATIONSHIP GOALS AMAZON PRIME VIDEO MOVIE REVIEW
Photo: ©Amazon/Courtesy Everett Collection

What Movies Will It Remind You Of? Think Like a Man and What to Expect When You’re Expecting became lousy movies too, but they weren’t so egregiously promotional. In the meantime, I’ll very impatiently wait for the movie Peacock Presents Flo From Progressive Insurance Insists You Should Bundle And Save On Home And Auto

Performance Worth Watching: I’ve heard it’s tough to play yourself in a movie, but megachurch pastor and author (and YouTube sensation!) Michael Todd proves just how easy it is to play himself in an infomercial.

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Sex And Skin: Megachurch pastor and au- OK, I’ll stop already. Anyway. The guy who wants you to buy his book says he’ll inform you how to “win at sex” – whatever the hell that means – although the movie never shows us or even talks about it. I call hypocrisy!

Our Take: I’d say Relationship Goals is as subtle as a fart in church, but in this case, Michael Todd’s mega-decibel rock-concert presentation would drown out even the most elephantine flatulence. And once we see Michael Todd spew his catchphrase-laden spiel – “You can’t Facebook faithfulness or Instagram integrity” couldn’t possibly be whipped cream coiled atop a steaming-hot cup of snake oil, could it? – for a Better Day USA interview, and witness his EARTHSHAKING sermon buffered by billowing clouds from the smoke machine, even the most hardcore agnostic will be coughing up a loogie of a prayer to save them from this junk. 

I will hereby curb my cynicism for self-help philosophies and products under the assumption that some folks are empowered by them, whether it’s from motivational types like Michael Todd, Brene Brown or Matt Foley. You do you. We’re all doing our best to get through the day whether we’re reading the bible, speaking affirmations into the mirror or blasting Slayer while on the stationary bike. But this quasi-movie is pathetic in its attempt to paper over an advertisement with romcom tropes: quasi-clever banter, cutesy girl-bonding dance sequences, the love/hate dynamic between the leads, etc. And even without the relentless promotional considerations, the movie shows no interest in anything but featherweight cliches.

Granted, there’s no room for narrative innovation when you have content to push, be it via printed materials, live events or YouTube videos. Relationship Goals – the movie, not the book, although they blur together so thoroughly you’d think someone purchased a multi-speed immersion blender from a certain online retailer to guarantee a smooth mixture – features the Better Day USA segment on Michael Todd multiple times, with people in lobbies and offices stopping what they’re doing to watch, instantly converted, wide-eyed and nodding in agreement. Leah, forever steadfast in her dislike of her cheatin’ ex Jarrett, might even be swayed by the Power Of Michael Todd’s Word. Like I said, shameless. I’d be lying if the movie never made me laugh, however – there’s a moment where Leah and Jarrett high-five over having made a “well-rounded story” about our man-of-the-hour subject here, and one assumes if it wasn’t the luminous glow-up we see, it would’ve been a straight-up hardcore blowjob video. 

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Our Call: Um. No. SKIP IT.

John Serba is a freelance film critic from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Werner Herzog hugged him once.

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