Culture
Could a small-market team be a surprise fit for Roki Sasaki? Parsing his agent’s words
At last month’s Winter Meetings in Dallas, agent Joel Wolfe held court in front of a large group of reporters and caused a stir when discussing his client, Japanese right-hander Roki Sasaki, who is expected to sign with a major-league team after the international signing period begins on Jan. 15.
Speculation about where Sasaki would ultimately land in MLB has simmered since his Nippon Professional Baseball debut in 2021, stoked by his stellar performance in the 2023 World Baseball Classic. The Dodgers are currently seen as a favorite, but it’s clear they’re not the only team in the hunt.
At the Winter Meetings, Wolfe said that Sasaki was looking for a team that has had success on the field and a history of developing pitchers. He also mentioned access to direct flights from his new city to Japan as a consideration. But perhaps most interestingly, he said that because of Sasaki’s personal experiences growing up in the spotlight in Japan, a small market team outside of the media glare might have a greater chance than some might think.
“I think that there’s an argument to be made that a smaller, mid-market team might be more beneficial for him as a soft landing coming from Japan, given what he’s been through and not having an enjoyable experience with the media,” Wolfe said. “It might be — I’m not saying it will be — I don’t know how he’s going to view it, but it might be beneficial for him to be in a smaller market.”
Teams took note, with some altering their presentations to account for the perceived preferences.
Sasaki, 23, was officially posted last month by Japan’s Chiba Lotte Marines. He can pick his team, but because he is not a free agent, he will be bound by international signing bonus limits.
Just before the new year, Wolfe held a teleconference and said 20 teams submitted pitches for Sasaki.
But where will he go? And could it really be a team outside of the big coastal juggernauts? Would it be possible to break down which teams might be good fits for Sasaki, using only the criteria Wolfe laid out? (While of course understanding that there are many, many factors at play beyond these.)
For this exercise, we looked at all 30 teams and graded them on four factors (history of success, small media market, pitching development and access to Japan), ranking each team from one through 30 based on a specific metric. The best earned 30 points and the worst earned one point in each category.
We don’t know who will ultimately win the Sasaki Sweepstakes, but perhaps some teams have a better chance than we previously thought.
History of success
What Wolfe said: “The best I can say is, he has paid attention to how teams have done, as far as overall success, both this year and years past. He does watch a lot of Major League Baseball.”
Methodology: This is pretty straightforward. Does the team win? For this, we’ll look at the winning percentage of MLB teams over the last four full seasons.
Limitations: Using just the regular-season win totals from the last four seasons doesn’t include postseason success. This formula also weighs each season equally, and the 2021 Orioles (52 wins) and the 2021 White Sox (93 wins) are in much different situations than their 2025 counterparts.
Team winning percentage, 2021-24
| Team | 2024 | 23 | 22 | 21 | Total | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
98 |
100 |
111 |
106 |
415 |
30 |
|
|
89 |
104 |
101 |
88 |
382 |
29 |
|
|
88 |
90 |
106 |
95 |
379 |
28 |
|
|
94 |
82 |
99 |
92 |
367 |
27 |
|
|
93 |
92 |
86 |
95 |
366 |
26 |
|
|
80 |
99 |
86 |
100 |
365 |
25 |
|
|
95 |
90 |
87 |
82 |
354 |
24 |
|
|
85 |
88 |
90 |
90 |
353 |
23 |
|
|
80 |
79 |
81 |
107 |
347 |
22 |
|
|
74 |
89 |
92 |
91 |
346 |
21 |
|
|
93 |
82 |
89 |
79 |
343 |
20 |
|
|
89 |
75 |
101 |
77 |
342 |
19 |
|
|
92 |
76 |
92 |
80 |
340 |
18 |
|
|
83 |
71 |
93 |
90 |
337 |
17 |
|
|
81 |
78 |
78 |
92 |
329 |
16 |
|
|
91 |
101 |
83 |
52 |
327 |
15 |
|
|
82 |
87 |
78 |
73 |
320 |
14 |
|
|
83 |
83 |
74 |
71 |
311 |
13 |
|
|
86 |
78 |
66 |
77 |
307 |
12 |
|
|
77 |
82 |
62 |
83 |
304 |
11 |
|
|
89 |
84 |
74 |
52 |
299 |
10 |
|
|
78 |
90 |
68 |
60 |
296 |
9 |
|
|
63 |
73 |
73 |
77 |
286 |
8 |
|
|
62 |
84 |
69 |
67 |
282 |
7 |
|
|
86 |
56 |
65 |
74 |
281 |
6 |
|
|
41 |
61 |
81 |
93 |
276 |
5 |
|
|
76 |
76 |
62 |
61 |
275 |
4 |
|
|
69 |
50 |
60 |
86 |
265 |
3 |
|
|
71 |
71 |
55 |
65 |
262 |
2 |
|
|
61 |
59 |
68 |
74 |
262 |
2 |
Conclusion: The Dodgers are good. We knew that. Only once in the last four years has the team failed to win 100 games — and in that season, they won the World Series. With no repeat World Series winners over that period, it is clear that if winning is all that matters, joining the Dodgers is the way to go.
But don’t count out the Braves. Atlanta has the second-most regular-season victories over the last four seasons and a recent World Series title of their own. The Astros, who won the World Series in 2022, have the third-most victories over that time. The Rangers won a World Series in 2023, but only eight teams have fewer regular-season victories over the last four years.
If there’s a sleeper in this group, it’s the Milwaukee Brewers. Milwaukee’s won the fifth-most regular-season games (366) and only the New York Yankees have won more regular-season games (367) without a World Series title in that timeframe.
Small media markets
What Wolfe said: “I think that there’s an argument to be made that a smaller, mid-market team might be more beneficial for him as a soft landing coming from Japan.”
Methodology: Not all media markets are created equal. Boston is the seventh-largest TV market in the country, but playing in Boston is traditionally considered a particularly intense media experience. Boston, New York and Philadelphia have reputations as among the toughest media markets, while large markets like Los Angeles, Dallas and Atlanta don’t have the same reputation. For this exercise, we’ve used the 2024 Baseball Writers Association of America rolls and ranked each chapter by the number of members listed in that chapter as a reflection of the media attention.
Limitations: Using the BBWAA chapters just tells total numbers, it does not include just how many writers are at the ballpark every day. Also, there are five chapters — New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Baltimore-Washington and San Francisco-Oakland — with two teams. Both teams share the same score, even if the media surrounding the Dodgers or Cubs is greater than the Angels or White Sox. The New York chapter is by far the largest because many national writers also live in New York. Of the one-team chapters, only Boston had more members in 2024 than Miami, although many of Miami’s members cover players from Spanish-speaking countries as much or more than the Marlins. Also, this metric does not include TV or radio coverage. It also doesn’t factor in the Japanese media, which travels to cover the country’s best players, regardless of where they are playing. In 2020, at least two Japanese media members were in Cincinnati for much of the season just for Shogo Akiyama, who spent that season mostly as a platoon player.
Media market size
| Team | Chapter | Members | Points |
|---|---|---|---|
|
Milwaukee |
8 |
30 |
|
|
Tampa Bay |
10 |
29 |
|
|
Cincinnati |
11 |
28 |
|
|
Colorado |
13 |
27 |
|
|
San Diego |
13 |
27 |
|
|
Cleveland |
14 |
25 |
|
|
Kansas City |
15 |
24 |
|
|
Arizona |
16 |
23 |
|
|
Houston |
17 |
22 |
|
|
Dallas-Fort Worth |
18 |
21 |
|
|
St. Louis |
18 |
21 |
|
|
Pittsburgh |
19 |
19 |
|
|
Atlanta |
20 |
18 |
|
|
Minnesota |
20 |
18 |
|
|
Seattle |
21 |
16 |
|
|
Detroit |
23 |
15 |
|
|
Philadelphia |
28 |
14 |
|
|
San Francisco-Oakland |
30 |
13 |
|
|
San Francisco-Oakland |
30 |
13 |
|
|
Toronto |
32 |
11 |
|
|
Chicago |
33 |
10 |
|
|
Chicago |
33 |
10 |
|
|
Miami |
34 |
8 |
|
|
Baltimore-Washington |
37 |
7 |
|
|
Baltimore-Washington |
37 |
7 |
|
|
Boston |
39 |
5 |
|
|
Los Angeles |
60 |
4 |
|
|
Los Angeles |
60 |
4 |
|
|
New York |
132 |
2 |
|
|
New York |
132 |
2 |
Conclusion: The Brewers, Rays, Reds and Rockies could really bear down on Wolfe’s comments about small markets and media attention in their pitch.
Developing pitching
What Wolfe said: “He’s talked to a lot of players, foreign players, that have been on his team with Chiba Lotte. He asked questions about weather, comfortability, pitching development.”
Methodology: For this exercise, we’ll use Cy Young Award voting from the past four years. This, of course, benefits teams with established pitchers and teams like the Yankees who sign big-name free agents, but using the cumulative voting totals hopefully gives credit to teams whose pitchers consistently garner votes. For pitchers who were traded during the season in which they earned points, we’ve used the team that pitchers started the season with because the bulk of the innings and the preparation were from the first team.
Limitations: This is less quantifiable than simple W-L records. Some teams are known for developing their pitchers at the minor-league level and some, like the Astros and Rays, are known for taking talented pitchers and improving them.
Using just the Cy Young voting limits the pool to mostly starters, which is OK since Sasaki is going to be signed and used as a starter. But this method only measures the very best performances, and how much of that is on the pitcher and how much of that is on the team? It also discounts previous advancements, such as giving the Yankees credit on Gerrit Cole, who became an ace while with the Astros and was drafted by the Pirates. It also gives more weight to the voting results, with unanimous selections earning a much higher point total than close decisions.
Cy Young votes, 2021-24
| Team | 2024 | 23 | 22 | 21 | Total | Points |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
0 |
86 |
88 |
207 |
381 |
30 |
|
|
133 |
28 |
48 |
141 |
350 |
29 |
|
|
199 |
64 |
75 |
0 |
338 |
28 |
|
|
0 |
210 |
4 |
123 |
337 |
27 |
|
|
59 |
204 |
7 |
0 |
270 |
26 |
|
|
18 |
6 |
224 |
14 |
262 |
25 |
|
|
0 |
0 |
210 |
0 |
210 |
24 |
|
|
210 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
210 |
24 |
|
|
0 |
13 |
20 |
172 |
205 |
22 |
|
|
0 |
0 |
97 |
93 |
190 |
21 |
|
|
18 |
86 |
32 |
7 |
143 |
20 |
|
|
141 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
141 |
19 |
|
|
0 |
0 |
66 |
73 |
139 |
18 |
|
|
0 |
115 |
0 |
8 |
123 |
17 |
|
|
0 |
68 |
45 |
0 |
113 |
16 |
|
|
0 |
0 |
0 |
113 |
113 |
16 |
|
|
47 |
42 |
0 |
0 |
89 |
14 |
|
|
0 |
0 |
82 |
1 |
83 |
13 |
|
|
67 |
0 |
5 |
0 |
72 |
12 |
|
|
38 |
31 |
0 |
69 |
11 |
||
|
25 |
31 |
0 |
0 |
56 |
10 |
|
|
53 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
53 |
9 |
|
|
0 |
1 |
0 |
41 |
42 |
8 |
|
|
0 |
19 |
10 |
0 |
29 |
7 |
|
|
1 |
16 |
6 |
1 |
24 |
6 |
|
|
0 |
0 |
0 |
23 |
23 |
5 |
|
|
4 |
0 |
1 |
3 |
8 |
4 |
|
|
5 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
5 |
3 |
|
|
2 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
2 |
2 |
|
|
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
0 |
1 |
Conclusion: The Blue Jays, surprisingly, top the list. Much of that comes from Robbie Ray’s 2021 Cy Young campaign, but the team also had third-place finishers in 2022 (Alek Manoah) and 2023 (Kevin Gausman). Manoah is the only one of those three to come up through the Blue Jays’ system (and we’ll ignore what’s happened since then), while Ray won the award in his first full season. Gausman’s third-place finish came in his first year with the team after signing as a free agent.
The Phillies finished second, followed by the Braves. The Brewers finished ninth by this metric, but that would seem low considering the pitching the Brewers have gotten over the last four years. The Astros, a team credited with turning around several pitching careers, finished sixth.
Direct flights to and from Japan
What Wolfe said: “When we supply information to our Japanese players, long before they come over here, one of the things that we provide for them is direct flights from Japan and the amount of time it takes for family to come and visit you. I think about five or 10 years ago that was something that maybe they weighed a little bit more, but now you can fly direct from Japan to most of the major cities in the U.S.”
Methodology: There are direct flights to Japan from 15 different airports in the continental United States. Toronto also has direct flights to Japan. For this exercise, we will use the distance from the team’s home ballpark to the nearest airport with a direct flight to Japan.
Limitations: There are a ton, but we’ll start with the fact that when traveling, the most relevant unit of measurement is time, not distance. However, variables including frequency of flights, schedules, traffic and overall distance come into play — a flight with a stop from the West Coast will likely take less time than a nonstop flight from the East Coast to Japan. And, yes, O’Hare airport may only be 14 miles from Wrigley Field, but there are times of day that it can be a long drive.
Direct flights to Japan
| Team | Nearest non-stop | Miles from park | Points |
|---|---|---|---|
|
SAN |
4 |
30 |
|
|
BOS |
6 |
29 |
|
|
JFK |
9 |
28 |
|
|
DFW |
10 |
27 |
|
|
MSP |
12 |
26 |
|
|
SFO |
12 |
26 |
|
|
SEA |
12 |
26 |
|
|
ORD |
14 |
23 |
|
|
IAH |
17 |
22 |
|
|
JFK/EWR |
17 |
22 |
|
|
LAX |
19 |
20 |
|
|
ORD |
20 |
19 |
|
|
DTW |
20 |
19 |
|
|
DEN |
22 |
17 |
|
|
ATL |
23 |
16 |
|
|
YYZ |
25 |
15 |
|
|
IAD |
28 |
14 |
|
|
LAX |
39 |
13 |
|
|
IAD |
61 |
12 |
|
|
ORD |
80 |
11 |
|
|
EWR |
85 |
10 |
|
|
SFO |
96 |
9 |
|
|
DTW |
157 |
8 |
|
|
IAD |
238 |
7 |
|
|
DTW |
251 |
6 |
|
|
ORD |
298 |
5 |
|
|
SAN |
360 |
4 |
|
|
MSP |
435 |
3 |
|
|
ATL |
450 |
2 |
|
|
ATL |
655 |
1 |
Conclusion: San Diego is the clear winner here. San Diego International Airport doesn’t have the volume of flights available at LAX, but it does have the bonus of not being LAX or having LAX traffic, which can add hours to travel time. The Twins are a sneaky good spot with direct flights.
Of note: Though it isn’t reflected in our calculation, Seattle offers the shortest flight time (10 hours, 10 minutes) to Tokyo.
Final conclusion
Final totals
| Team | Total | Wins | Development | Flights | Media |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
|
103 |
20 |
26 |
30 |
27 |
|
|
97 |
28 |
25 |
22 |
22 |
|
|
91 |
29 |
28 |
16 |
18 |
|
|
89 |
26 |
22 |
11 |
30 |
|
|
81 |
22 |
20 |
26 |
13 |
|
|
78 |
27 |
27 |
22 |
2 |
|
|
77 |
21 |
30 |
15 |
11 |
|
|
77 |
24 |
29 |
10 |
14 |
|
|
75 |
23 |
10 |
26 |
16 |
|
|
75 |
14 |
17 |
26 |
18 |
|
|
72 |
30 |
18 |
20 |
4 |
|
|
70 |
12 |
24 |
19 |
15 |
|
|
63 |
18 |
12 |
8 |
25 |
|
|
63 |
25 |
7 |
2 |
29 |
|
|
59 |
9 |
2 |
27 |
21 |
|
|
58 |
16 |
8 |
29 |
5 |
|
|
57 |
13 |
11 |
23 |
10 |
|
|
55 |
19 |
6 |
28 |
2 |
|
|
55 |
5 |
21 |
19 |
10 |
|
|
53 |
10 |
16 |
4 |
23 |
|
|
52 |
6 |
19 |
3 |
24 |
|
|
48 |
15 |
14 |
12 |
7 |
|
|
48 |
11 |
3 |
6 |
28 |
|
|
47 |
17 |
4 |
5 |
21 |
|
|
47 |
2 |
1 |
17 |
27 |
|
|
40 |
7 |
24 |
1 |
8 |
|
|
39 |
2 |
16 |
14 |
7 |
|
|
39 |
4 |
9 |
7 |
19 |
|
|
38 |
8 |
13 |
13 |
4 |
|
|
30 |
3 |
5 |
9 |
13 |
Why are the good teams good? Well, those good teams win games, develop players and have money. Those three are actually tied to the categories given — with market size in part determining both direct flights to Japan and media attention, both of which impact revenue. That’s why it’s no surprise that the top three teams in our exercise are the Padres, Braves and Astros.
It is only when we get to fourth place that we have one of those small-market teams in the Brewers. The Brewers tick all those boxes, with an out-of-the-box pick in O’Hare International. (It may be in a different state, but O’Hare is just over an hour and a $114 Uber ride from Milwaukee.)
Will the Brewers be the pick? It seems unlikely, but Matt Arnold’s team can make some interesting points in its sales pitch.
The Padres had already been a team seen as having a shot at Sasaki’s services, and not just because of the team’s recent history of handing out major contracts and making big splashes. The Padres tick all the boxes that Wolfe laid out, both in general terms and in our exercise. While the top 10 is littered with big-market bullies, the Mariners, who have as much history with Japanese players as any team, finished 10th, followed by the Twins. Both teams are ahead of the Dodgers on this list, but somehow, it seems Los Angeles still has a pretty good chance of landing another Japanese superstar.
(Photo of Roki Sasaki: Eric Espada / Getty Images)
Culture
What Happens When We Die? This Wallace Stevens Poem Has Thoughts.
Whatever you do, don’t think of a bird.
Now: What kind of bird are you not thinking about? A pigeon? A bald eagle? Something more poetic, like a skylark or a nightingale? In any case, would you say that this bird you aren’t thinking about is real?
Before you answer, read this poem, which is quite literally about not thinking of a bird.
Human consciousness is full of riddles. Neuroscientists, philosophers and dorm-room stoners argue continually about what it is and whether it even exists. For Wallace Stevens, the experience of having a mind was a perpetual source of wonder, puzzlement and delight — perfectly ordinary and utterly transcendent at the same time. He explored the mysteries and pleasures of consciousness in countless poems over the course of his long poetic career. It was arguably his great theme.
Stevens was born in 1879 and published his first book, “Harmonium,” in 1923, making him something of a late bloomer among American modernists. For much of his adult life, he worked as an executive for the Hartford Accident and Indemnity Company, rising to the rank of vice president. He viewed insurance less as a day job to support his poetry than as a parallel vocation. He pursued both activities with quiet diligence, spending his days at the office and composing poems in his head as he walked to and from work.
As a young man, Stevens dreamed of traveling to Europe, though he never crossed the Atlantic. In middle age he made regular trips to Florida, and his poems are frequently infused with ideas of Paris and Rome and memories of Key West. Others partake of the stringent beauty of New England. But the landscapes he explores, wintry or tropical, provincial or cosmopolitan, are above all mental landscapes, created by and in the imagination.
Are those worlds real?
Let’s return to the palm tree and its avian inhabitant, in that tranquil Key West sunset of the mind.
Until then, we find consolation in fangles.
Culture
Wil Wheaton Discusses ‘Stand By Me’ and Narrating ‘The Body’ Audiobook
When the director Rob Reiner cast his leads in the 1986 film “Stand by Me,” he looked for young actors who were as close as possible to the personalities of the four children they’d be playing. There was the wise beyond his years kid from a rough family (River Phoenix), the slightly dim worrywart (Jerry O’Connell), the cutup with a temper (Corey Feldman) and the sensitive, bookish boy.
Wil Wheaton was perfect for that last one, Gordie Lachance, a doe-eyed child who is ignored by his family in favor of his late older brother. Now, 40 years later, he’s traveling the country to attend anniversary screenings of the film, alongside O’Connell and Feldman, which has thrown him back into the turmoil that he felt as an adolescent.
Wheaton has channeled those emotions and his on-set memories into his latest project: narrating a new audiobook version of “The Body,” the 1982 Stephen King novella on which the film was based.
A few years ago, Wheaton started to float the idea of returning to the story that gave him his big break — that of a quartet of boys in 1959 Oregon, in their last days before high school, setting out to find a classmate’s dead body. “I’ve been telling the story of ‘Stand By Me’ since I was 12 years old,” he said.
But this time was different. Wheaton, who has narrated dozens of audiobooks, including Andy Weir’s “The Martian” and Ernest Cline’s “Ready Player One,” says he has come to enjoy narration more than screen acting. “I’m safe, I’m in the booth, nobody’s looking at me and I can just tell you a story.”
The fact that he, an older man looking back on his younger years, is narrating a story about an older man looking back on his younger years, is not lost on Wheaton. King’s original story is bathed in nostalgia. Coming to terms with death and loss is one of its primary themes.
Two days after appearing on stage at the Academy Awards as part of a tribute to Reiner — who was murdered in 2025 alongside his wife, Michele — Wheaton got on the phone to talk about recording the audiobook, reliving his favorite scenes from the film and reexamining a quintessential story of childhood loss through the lens of his own.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
“I felt really close to him, and my memory of him.”
Wheaton on channeling a co-star’s performance.
There’s this wonderful scene in “Stand By Me.” Gordie and Chris are walking down the tracks talking about junior high. Chris is telling Gordie, “I wish to hell I was your dad, because I care about you, and he obviously doesn’t.”
It’s just so honest and direct, in a way that kids talk to each other that adults don’t. And I think that one of the reasons that really sticks with people, and that piece really lands on a lot of audiences, and has for 40 years, is, just too many people have been Gordie in that scene.
That scene is virtually word for word taken from the text of the book. And when I was narrating that, I made a deliberate choice to do my best to recreate what River did in that scene.
“You’re just a kid,
Gordie–”
“I wish to fuck
I was your father!”
he said angrily.
“You wouldn’t go around
talking about takin those stupid shop courses if I was!
It’s like
God gave you something,
all those stories
you can make up, and He said:
This is what we got for you, kid.
Try not to lose it.
But kids lose everything
unless somebody looks out for them and if your folks
are too fucked up to do it
then maybe I ought to.”
I watched that scene a couple of times because I really wanted — I don’t know why it was so important to me to — well, I know: because I loved him, and I miss him. And I wanted to bring him into this as best as I could, right?
So I was reading that scene, and the words are identical to the script. And I had this very powerful flashback to being on the train tracks that day in Cottage Grove, Oregon. And I could see River standing next to them. They’re shooting my side of the scene and there’s River, right next to the camera, doing his off-camera dialogue, and there’s the sound guy, and there’s the boom operator. There’s my key light.
I could hear and feel it. It was the weirdest thing. It’s like I was right back there.
I was able to really take in the emotional memory of being Gordie in all of those scenes. So when I was narrating him and I’m me and I’m old with all of this experience, I just drew on what I remembered from being that little boy and what I remember of those friendships and what they meant to me and what they mean to me today.
“Rob gave me a gift. Rob gave me a career.”
Wheaton recalls the “Stand By Me” director’s way with kids on set, as well as his recent Oscars tribute.
Rob really encouraged us to be kids.
Jerry tells the most amazing story about that scene, where we were all sitting around, and doing our bit, and he improvised. He was just goofing around — we were just playing — and he said something about spitting water at the fat kid.
We get to the end of the scene, and he hears Rob. Rob comes around from behind the thing, and he goes, “Jerry!” And Jerry thinks, “Oh no, I’m in trouble. I’m in trouble because I improvised, and I’m not supposed to improvise.”
The context for Jerry is that he had been told by the adults in his life, “Sit on your hands and shut up. Stop trying to be a cutup. Stop trying to be funny. Stop disrupting people. Just be quiet.” And Jerry thinks, “Oh my God. I didn’t shut up. I’m in trouble. I’m gonna get fired.”
Rob leans in to all of us, and Rob says, “Hey, guys, do you see that? More of that. Do that!”
The whole time when you’re a kid actor, you’re just around all these adults who are constantly telling you to grow up. They’re mad that you’re being a kid. Rob just created an environment where not only was it supported that we would be kids — and have fun, and follow those kid instincts and do what was natural — it was expected. It was encouraged. We were supposed to do it.
They chanted together:
“I don’t shut up,
I grow up.
And when I look at you I throw up.”
“Then your mother goes around the corner
and licks it up,”
I said, and hauled ass out of there,
giving them the finger over my shoulder as I went.
I never had any friends later on
like the ones I had when I was twelve.
Jesus, did you?
When we were at the Oscars, I looked at Jerry. And we looked at this remarkable assemblage of the most amazingly talented, beautiful artists and storytellers. We looked around, and Jerry leans down, and he said, “We all got our start with Rob Reiner. He trusted every single one of us.”
And to stand there for him, when I really thought that I would be standing with him to talk about this stuff — it was a lot.
“I was really really really excited — like jumping up and down.”
The scene Wheaton was most looking forward to narrating: the tale of Lard Ass Hogan.
I was so excited to narrate it. It’s a great story! It’s a funny story. It’s such a lovely break — it’s an emotional and tonal shift from what’s happening in the movie.
I know this as a writer: You work to increase and release tension throughout a narrative, and Stephen King uses humor really effectively to release that tension. But it also raises the stakes, because we have these moments of joy and these moments of things being very silly in the midst of a lot of intensity.
That’s why the story of Lard Ass Hogan is so fun for me to tell. Because in the middle of that, we stop to do something that’s very, very fun, and very silly and very celebratory.
“Will you shut up and let him tell it?”
Teddy hollered.
Vern blinked.
“Sure. Yeah.
Okay.”
“Go on, Gordie,”
Chris said. “It’s not really much—”
“Naw,
we don’t expect much from a wet end like you,”
Teddy said,
“but tell it anyway.”
I cleared my throat. “So anyway.
It’s Pioneer Days,
and on the last night
they have these three big events.
There’s an egg-roll for the little kids and a sack-race for kids that are like eight or nine,
and then there’s the pie-eating contest.
And the main guy of the story
is this fat kid nobody likes
named Davie Hogan.”
When I narrate this story — whenever there is a moment of levity or humor, whenever there are those brief little moments that are the seasoning of the meal that makes it all so real and relatable — yes, it was very important to me to capture those moments.
I’m shifting in my chair, so I can feel each of those characters. It’s something that doesn’t exist in live action. It doesn’t exist in any other media.
“I feel the loss.”
Wheaton remembers River Phoenix.
The novella “The Body” is very much about Gordie remembering Chris. It’s darker, and it’s more painful, than the movie is.
I’ve been watching the movie on this tour and seeing River a lot. I remember him as a 14- and 15-year-old kid who just seemed so much older, and so much more experienced and so much wiser than me, and I’m only a year younger than him.
What hurts me now, and what I really felt when I was narrating this, is knowing what River was going through then. We didn’t know. I still don’t know the extent of how he was mistreated, but I know that he was. I know that adults failed him. That he should have been protected in every way that matters. And he just wasn’t.
And I, like Gordie, remember a boy who was loving. So loving, and generous and cared deeply about everyone around him, all the time. Who deserved to live a full life. Who had so much to offer the world. And it’s so unfair that he’s gone and taken from us. I had to go through a decades-long grieving process to come to terms with him dying.
Near the end
of 1971,
Chris
went into a Chicken Delight in Portland
to get a three-piece Snack Bucket.
Just ahead of him,
two men started arguing
about which one had been first in line. One of them pulled a knife.
Chris,
who had always been the best of us
at making peace,
stepped between them and was stabbed in the throat.
The man with the knife had spent time in four different institutions;
he had been released from Shawshank State Prison
only the week before.
Chris died almost instantly.
It is a privilege that I was allowed to tell this story. I get to tell Gordie Lachance’s story as originally imagined by Stephen King, with all of the experience of having lived my whole adult life with the memory of spending three months in Gordie Lachance’s skin.
Culture
Do You Know the Comics That Inspired These TV Adventures?
Welcome to Great Adaptations, the Book Review’s regular multiple-choice quiz about printed works that have gone on to find new life as movies, television shows, theatrical productions and more. This week’s challenge highlights offbeat television shows that began as comic books. Just tap or click your answers to the five questions below. And scroll down after you finish the last question for links to the comics and their screen versions.
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