Crypto
It’s the bitcoin boom, baby! I’m bailing on Beanie Babies and investing bigly! | Opinion
I haven’t been this excited about obtaining oil-baron-level wealth since the Beanie Babies boom of the mid-1990s.
Bitcoin hits $100,000 amid optimism over Trump’s crypto plans
Bitcoin has finally hit $100,000. The landmark was reached amid expectations of a friendlier U.S. regulatory approach to cryptocurrencies under U.S. President-elect Donald Trump.
Great news, fellow dream chasers! Bitcoin is booming and we are all going to be rich!
If you pay attention to mainstream media sources (I don’t), you’ve probably seen headlines like “Bitcoin tops $100,000 as monster 2024 rally reaches new heights” and “Bitcoin breaks $100,000 barrier amid post-election cryptocurrency surge.”
USA TODAY reported: “The price of bitcoin surpassed $100,000 for the first time Thursday amid expectations that Donald Trump will create a friendly regulatory environment for cryptocurrencies when he heads to the White House next year.”
WOO-HOOOO! It’s raining difficult-to-comprehend cryptocurrency that is apparently rooted in nothing but vibes but somehow still exists, according to the anonymous person or persons who created it! Hallelujah!
From Beanie Babies to bitcoin, baby! Let’s get rich.
I haven’t been this excited about obtaining oil-baron-level wealth since the Beanie Babies boom of the mid-1990s.
Back then we were taking sharp investment advice from people who predicted unprecedented returns on plush stuffed animals with names like Nip the Cat, Inky the Octopus and Bongo the Monkey. They knew what they were talking about, as evidenced by my three mortgages and the 37 large plastic bins filled with Beanie Babies that I call my “attic-based retirement.”
But now the bitcoin craze is buoyed by even-more reliable people: con artists. Chief among them, of course, is President-elect Donald Trump, who has made a fortune and become leader of the free world by persuading people to spend $30 on cheap-looking red hats.
If you can’t count on Donald Trump for investment advice, who can you trust?
Trump is all in on crypto, and he touted the bitcoin news Thursday on his social media site, Truth Social: “CONGRATULATIONS BITCOINERS!!! $100,000!!! YOU’RE WELCOME!!!”
Over the first three quarters of this year, Truth Social made $2.6 million in revenue while losing $363 million, and its stock was trading Thursday at about $34 a share compared with the $66-per-share high in March after it hit the stock market. Needless to say, I will walk through fire to follow Trump’s rock-solid instincts and investing advice.
Trump ally Elon Musk, famous both for paying way too much for Twitter so he could destroy it and for creating the overpriced electric car presently burning in my driveway, is also a strong crypto advocate, and he doesn’t seem at all weird or volatile.
If Trump, Musk and Ramaswamy tell me to buy bitcoin, I’m in!
Same with Vivek Ramaswamy, who Trump has paired with Musk to form the made-up Department of Government Efficiency, which is an acronymic reference to “Dogecoin,” which is another type of pretend currency I don’t need to understand to believe in.
The fast-talking Ramaswamy doesn’t sound at all like someone who would show up on a late-night informational and try to sell me a “forward mortgage” to go with my “reverse mortgage,” or a knockoff ShamWow.
So you better believe I’m going to follow the lead of these not-at-all-self-serving billionaires and ignore the so-called experts and Nobel-prize-winning economists out there saying bitcoin is wildly risky.
Just because bitcoin sounds like a scam and looks like a scam …
Did the U.S. Justice Department seize more than $112 million linked to crypto investment schemes last year? Perhaps.
And did federal prosecutor Martin Estrada say in a statement at the time: “Using the methods of traditional con artists, high-tech fraudsters have taken advantage of the publicity and hype surrounding cryptocurrency to encourage an untold number of Americans to invest in get-rich-quick schemes.”
Yes, sure. But that overlooks my desire to get rich quick, which inherently requires a get-rich-quick scheme. Duh.
Primary currency used by criminals? Where do I sign up?!?
Did Eric Maskin, a Harvard professor and winner of the 2007 Nobel Prize in economics, recently tell the Miami Herald that cryptocurrencies are “very far from being a safe investment”? And did he also say: “Cryptocurrencies are a very good way of conducting criminal transactions and hiding them under anonymity”?
Don’t threaten me with a good time, Prof. Maskin! When you say “far from being a safe investment,” I hear, “I don’t want you to invest in this great investment so there’s more of it for me to invest in, sucker.”
Nah, I’m going to go with the guys who will benefit from me believing everything they’re telling me. It’s high time I sink my life savings into a thing that doesn’t technically exist.
And if anything goes wrong, I’ve always got my attic full of Beanie Babies to fall back on. Those things are going to be worth a fortune any day now.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
The UK is set to introduce new legislation by 2027 that will bring cryptocurrencies, including Bitcoin, under a regulatory framework akin to traditional financial products.
The Treasury has unveiled plans for these new laws, which will mandate crypto firms to adhere to a specific set of standards and rules. These will be rigorously overseen by the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA).
This move comes amidst a broader push to reform the burgeoning crypto market, which has seen a surge in popularity as both an alternative investment and a method of payment.
Currently, unlike established financial instruments such as stocks and shares, the cryptocurrency sector lacks comparable regulation, potentially leaving consumers with reduced protection.
The Government said the new rules, coming into force in 2027, will make the industry more transparent and make it easier to detect suspicious activity, impose sanctions or hold firms to account over their activity.
Chancellor Rachel Reeves said: “Bringing crypto into the regulatory perimeter is a crucial step in securing the UK’s position as a world-leading financial centre in the digital age.
“By giving firms clear rules of the road, we are providing the certainty they need to invest, innovate and create high-skilled jobs here in the UK, while giving millions strong consumer protections, and locking dodgy actors out of the UK market.”
Crypto firms, which can include crypto exchanges and digital wallets, currently have to register with the FCA if they provide services that fall within the scope of money laundering regulations.
The changes will bring firms that provide crypto services into the remit of the FCA with the intention of supporting legitimate businesses.
City minister Lucy Rigby said: “We want the UK to be at the top of the list for cryptoassets firms looking to grow and these new rules will give firms the clarity and consistency they need to plan for the long term.”
Crypto
SEC Sets Bullish Tone on On-Chain Markets as Blockchain Settlement Becomes Strategic Priority
WESTLAKE, Ohio – A convenience store clerk at 1:30 p.m. on Nov. 26 alerted a police dispatcher that a female customer was feeding large amounts of cash into a cryptocurrency ATM at the store on Center Ridge Road at Dover Center Road.
The clerk said the customer would not believe the clerk’s warning that she was being scammed.
Officers arrived to find the 71-year-old still “anxiously depositing” cash into the machine. Officers told her to stop, but she did not believe the uniformed men. The officers talked to her for several minutes before she finally believed that there was an issue. She was still on the phone with the scammer at the time.
The incident started that morning when the victim received a pop-up message on her home computer instructing her to call a provided support phone number due to a supposed issue with the computer’s operating system. She called the number and was connected to a man who claimed he was a representative from Apple, according to a police department press release.
The man talked her into allowing him remote access to her computer while he asked for her bank information. The scammer talked the victim into believing that there was a problem with her accounts, and she was at risk of losing $18,000 in connection with pornographic websites out of China or Mexico.
She was connected to a fake fraud department for her bank, and another scammer persuaded her to go to a bank and withdraw as much cash as they would allow. The scammer even told her to give the teller a story about needing cash to buy a car. The perpetrator kept the woman on the phone as she took out cash and traveled to the crypto ATM. The victim had deposited approximately $5,500 before officers persuaded her to stop. The Westlake Detective Bureau is attempting to recover the lost funds.
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