Lifestyle
Defining Depersonalization Derealization Disorder
Barrie Miskin was newly pregnant when she noticed her appearance was changing. Dark patches bloomed on her skin like watercolor ink. A “thicket” of hairs sprouted on her upper lip and chin.
The outside world was changing, too: In her neighborhood of Astoria, Queens, bright lights enveloped objects in a halo, blurring her vision. Co-workers and even her doctors started to seem like “alien proxies” of themselves, Ms. Miskin, 46, said.
“I felt like I was viewing the world through a pane of dirty glass,” she added. Yet Ms. Miskin knew it was all an illusion, so she sought help.
It took more than a year of consulting with mental health specialists before Ms. Miskin finally found an explanation for her symptoms: She was diagnosed with a dissociative condition called depersonalization/derealization disorder, or D.D.D. Before her pregnancy, Ms. Miskin had stopped taking antidepressants. Her new psychiatrist said the symptoms could have been triggered by months of untreated depression that followed.
While Ms. Miskin felt alone in her mystery illness, she wasn’t. Tens of thousands of posts on social media reference depersonalization or derealization, with some likening the condition to “living in a movie or a dream” or “observing the world through a fog.”
People who experience depersonalization can feel as though they are detached from their mind or body. Derealization, on the other hand, refers to feeling detached from the environment, as though the people and things in the world are unreal.
Those who are living with D.D.D. are “painfully aware” that something is amiss, said Elena Bezzubova, a psychoanalyst who specializes in treating the condition. It’s akin to seeing an apple and feeling that it is so strange it doesn’t seem real, even though you know that it is, she added.
The disorder is thought to occur in about 1 to 2 percent of the population, but it’s possible for anyone to experience fleeting symptoms.
Mental health providers have sometimes dismissed D.D.D. as its own diagnosis not only because of a lack of familiarity with the disorder, but also because its symptoms overlap with conditions like depression, anxiety or panic disorder.
As new research has emerged, it has become more widely acknowledged and discussed. The second edition of “Feeling Unreal,” a primer on D.D.D. originally published in 2006, was released in 2023. And Ms. Miskin published a memoir on the subject titled “Hell Gate Bridge” last June. The same month, the novel “Please Stop Trying to Leave Me” came out, featuring a protagonist with D.D.D. The author, Alana Saab, knows the disorder well: She was diagnosed several years ago.
“It’s kind of what I would imagine a drug trip would be,” she said of her experience with the disorder. “But it’s 2 in the afternoon and I’m completely sober.”
The Cambridge Depersonalization Scale is widely considered the most reliable measure of the disorder. Patients are asked to rate how often and how long 29 different experiences occur. Examples include feeling like “a robot,” losing bodily sensations like hunger or thirst and seeing a world that now looks “flat” or “lifeless,” like a picture.
People with D.D.D. may feel disconnected from themselves and their surroundings for months or even years at a time. Less commonly, they may also experience auditory distortions — like muffled or louder sounds.
D.D.D. is often associated with a history of emotional abuse or neglect. The symptoms can be brought on by anxiety, depression, the resurfacing of early trauma, major life stressors, cannabis and hallucinogens like LSD, said Dr. Daphne Simeon, an expert on the disorder and the co-author of “Feeling Unreal.”
In some people, there can be multiple triggers, particularly if there is an underlying propensity to dissociate.
“You can meet a person whose first episode was triggered by panic and then it happened again when they got depressed and then it happened a third time when they had a terrible divorce,” Dr. Simeon said.
Researchers have hypothesized that depersonalization/derealization might be part of the mind’s defense system.
“Your body and your mind are telling you something,” Dr. Simeon added. “You’re having an intolerable experience, essentially, from which you then have to detach.”
Jeffrey Abugel, Dr. Simeon’s co-author on “Feeling Unreal,” dealt with D.D.D. for more than a decade before finally getting a diagnosis. He knows exactly where it stemmed from: “Pot, plain and simple,” he said. The drug pushed him “over the edge,” he added, creating a “massive panic attack.”
Mr. Abugel, who is a health and wellness coach, eventually found help. He now offers private consultations and virtual support groups for people with the disorder.
Ms. Miskin’s symptoms improved with a combination of psychotherapy and medication. She restarted her antidepressant and also began taking lamotrigine, or Lamictal, a medicine best known for treating seizures and bipolar disorder.
Recovery was a painful process.
“You have to relearn how to be in the world,” she said, even though “you just want to lay in bed and pull the covers over your head and never come out.”
Lifestyle
DMV artist turns belts into a conversation about discipline
Artist Lex Marie taken by Stephen L.A Miller
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Multidisciplinary artist Lex Marie has gone viral on TikTok and Instagram for her artwork confronting discipline within Black households.
At Lex Marie’s art studio, a belt is no longer just a belt.
I met the multidisciplinary artist in Washington, D.C., at the American University’s Katzen Arts Center.
She led me to her studio, where some belts are stretched across a canvas in meticulously organized rows and columns.
Others are used as a tool. Marie dips them in paint and swings them like a brush, leaving thick, violent marks across a white canvas.
Marie says each piece of work carries a story about childhood, discipline, survival and the complicated ways love can be expressed.
She is building a body of work that confronts a topic many families know well but rarely discuss openly: corporal punishment in Black households.
“I’m critiquing discipline in Black households specifically,” Marie says. “But I’m trying to tackle the history behind discipline in black households, behind spankings and whippings, and speak to the difference in how millennials are raising their children as well.”
The work is personal for her. Marie is 33 and the mother of an eight-year-old boy. As her son continues to grow, she says the questions that shape her art often come directly from her parenting.
“Through motherhood, I’m starting to think about my own childhood, and I’m comparing and contrasting it. So some of these works are just speaking from my experiences with spankings, and they’re also going from the perspective of how I feel.”
One of the larger works in the series is called “Watch Your Tone.” The six-by-six-foot piece is composed entirely of belts — dozens of them — arranged carefully across the canvas. They are an assortment of different shades of brown, black and pink to represent the color of flesh.
The title of the piece echoes a phrase many children hear growing up: “Watch your tone when talking to me.”
But Marie says the belts also represent something deeper.
She explains that she created this piece to convey multiple meanings. The different skin tones help her explain the different ways punishment is tied to American history.
For some historians and scholars, the conversation around corporal punishment in Black American households cannot be separated from the legacy of slavery. During enslavement, physical violence, such as being beaten with whips, was used to control Black bodies. Over generations, those discipline practices have evolved into modern parenting practices.
Yohuru Williams, founding director of the Racial Justice Initiative at the University of St. Thomas, believes that the link between corporal punishment and African Americans is rooted in slavery.
“This idea of whipping, this idea that black bodies require extreme punishment — that there’s something about the constitution of blackness that requires excessiveness in terms of discipline — has deep roots. Roots that extend beyond slavery. But it [was] really reinforced by the enslavement of Africans. And then once they come to the United States, you have this adoption of punishment systems within slavery that continue after slavery; that continue that process with that practice of brutalization of … black and brown bodies,” he said.
“Because I Love You, another piece in Marie’s series, highlights the physical act of enforcing punishment.
Marie painted a wooden panel white, dipped a belt in acrylic paint and struck the surface again and again, leaving marks scattered across the piece like scars and welts.
“I spent hours just kind of beating the same thing over and over,” she said.
The process left her physically sore the next day.
The piece’s title comes from a phrase many children hear after a whipping: “This hurts me more than it hurts you” or “I’m doing this because I love you.”
Marie explains how making this work has been cathartic and difficult. When the videos of her art began circulating online, the reactions were immediate.
Thousands of people commented on her post, sharing their own childhood stories. Some were painful and defensive, while others were grateful the topic was being discussed.
But Marie stands firm that the goal of this work isn’t to accuse or shame. It creates space for a conversation that is often buried.
Williams says that in order to have these discussions, Black families have to reimagine how they think about discipline.
“I think a lot of parents — black parents — struggle with this because there is this inherent knowledge that this is the way that we came up. And there is this belief that, well, you know, … maybe we’re more stable, maybe we’re more durable, maybe we’ve been able to endure more. We’ve developed a particular type of grip because of this experience,” Williams said.
Williams says it’s time to have an “honest” conversation about the historical legacy of corporal punishment within the Black community. “That would be far more communal and affirmative of human dignity and the dignity of black life,” he said. “Coming out of the Black Lives Matter movement, you kind of look back at this, and you go, ‘We understand it from a historical standpoint.’ But from a humanistic and community-centered, restorative justice practices standpoint, there’s something that just doesn’t sit right with me about this practice. And I think we owe it to ourselves as a community to revisit that.”
Marie sees her art as a pathway to discuss extremely difficult and triggering conversations about childhood trauma, especially for people who might struggle to find the words themselves — just like her.
The project will continue to grow over the next year as Marie develops more pieces for a planned exhibition this fall. The series has nearly 20 pieces, and she has even sold two to filmmaker Spike Lee, who is known for his films Do the Right Thing and Malcolm
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Lex Marie has a solo show at The Bishop gallery in Brooklyn, New York this fall which will feature this series.
For Marie, the most important outcome isn’t agreement. It’s recognition.
This story was edited by Olivia Hampton and produced by Nia Dumas. The digital story was written by Nia Dumas.
Lifestyle
Faith’s role in U.S. politics ‘requires humility,’ not certainty, says Sen. Warnock
U.S. Sen. Raphael Warnock, D-Ga., attends a rally opposing the SAVE America Act outside the U.S. Capitol on March 18 in Washington.
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Sen. Raphael Warnock, a Georgia Democrat, became the state’s junior U.S. senator over a decade after he was selected to serve as senior pastor of Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia, a church that was once led by the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. His role as a senator brought him to Washington National Cathedral in 2023, where he marked Juneteenth that year with a sermon framed around the life of the prophet Isaiah.
“Every valley shall be exalted, every mountain and hill shall be made low, the crooked places shall be made straight, the rough places smooth, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together,” Warnock said during the sermon.
Warnock expands on that message in his new book, The Crooked Places Made Straight: Reflections on the Moral Meaning of America, where he argues that democracy is “the political enactment of a spiritual idea.”
In an interview with Morning Edition host Michel Martin, Warnock said the country’s divisions are less political than moral. “What we’re dealing with right now is not the difference between right and left, it’s really the difference between right and wrong,” Warnock said. He added that “it’s really too bad when my party cedes so much of the faith and values space … to those on the right.”
In his conversation with Martin, he explains why he believes faith should confront systemic injustice, not just personal behavior, and calls for a broader moral imagination in American politics.
Listen to the interview by clicking on the blue play button above.
Lifestyle
Inside the L.A. club where dads swap kid chaos for golf and grounding exercises
To understand the gravitational pull toward golf, consider the sport as a sequence of problems. Aaron Singleton, a skilled player in the Dads Link Golf Club, is playing particularly well today at Palos Verdes Golf Course, having just hit two back-to-back birdies. But even on the shots that fly into a grassy oblivion, he smiles.
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“Golf is 18 different holes. 18 different chances to solve a problem,” he says. “Each hole presents a different problem. Each shot is a different problem.” According to Singleton, this wisdom that players inherit on the golf course — especially resilience and patience — translates to fatherhood.
Singleton, who has a 3-year-old son, is part of a growing group of fathers who participate in the Dads Link Golf Club. The club is part of the region’s golf boom; Southern California Golf Assn. is estimated to have one of the largest memberships in the country, with over 200,000 golfers.
Ian Davis, the founder of Dads Link and Golf Club, watches his drive.
Ian Davis is the founder of Los Angeles’ Dads Link Golf Club. Each month, he invites fathers to enjoy golf together to focus on fellowship, fatherhood and their well-being.
“This has grown in a way that I couldn’t have imagined,” says Davis, who works as a wellness coach with an emphasis in mindfulness and meditation. He started the club in 2023 on the East Coast before relocating it to Los Angeles in January 2024, where the club hosts an annual Father’s Day tournament and various golf clinics.
At the driving range, Davis leads the group through “a grounding practice” that involves stretching and deep breathing. Member Ose Akhile, a personal trainer, follows up with stretching and other warm-up exercises. For many of the men, golf has become a rediscovered hobby. Singleton returned to the sport after playing it as a teenager. “I’m looking forward to getting better,” he says.
Club member Darius Ingram, father of 3-year-old daughter, says that reconnecting with the game has allowed him to prioritize his own well-being.
“I used to play golf recreationally. Now, I do it for mental stability,” he says.
Ian Davis greets Ose Akhile as Darius Ingram stands nearby.
Ian Monteilh, who is new to the group and has two daughters ages 11 and 15, says the outing provides camaraderie that was missing from his life.
“It’s a community that I didn’t have. I’m blessed to be around like-minded men with no pressure,” he says. “Even if we’re having a rough day on a golf course, there’s camaraderie.”
Once considered a predominantly white sport, golf is now being reshaped by a new generation of Black players and other players of color, including many of the fathers in Dads Link Golf Club. In 2024, 25% of golfers across courses nationally were Black, Asian and Latino, marking the most diverse era in the sport’s history, according to the National Golf Foundation.
“It’s a lot less pretentious — more diverse, more access for all different types of people,” says Ingram, who noticed a shift in golfing culture in recent years. Despite Tiger Woods’ storied career as one of the sport’s most impactful athletes, Black men remain underrepresented in top tournaments.
Darius Ingram reacts to barely missing a putt on the 18th green as Ian Davis watches.
Ingram partly attributes Black men’s interest in golf to renewed interest from other professional athletes. Star athletes like Michael Jordan and Steph Curry — who also happen to be dads — are skilled golfers.
“There are a lot of people who play their main sport, and they play golf when they retire,” says Ingram.
Ose Akhile smiles before teeing off.
Rappers like Schoolboy Q and DJ Khalid have also become interested in the sport, adding to its cachet.
The benefits of the groups are apparent, explains Akhile, who has three daughters, ages 6, 7 and 9.
“I’m outside — fresh air, sunshine, a break for my family. I get to decompress,” he says. Describing himself as a “Caribbean baby,” he explains that the ocean waves have a hypnotic effect on him. As the golfers move along the Palos Verdes course, the ocean stretches beyond them.
“Nature helps a lot with stress relief. There’s a lot of green grass and quiet out here. I love my child, but it’s hard to hear her yell, ‘Dad!’ every three seconds,” says Singleton. During the game, he stays calm while a squirrel approaches him. “Me and nature are one with each other,” he says. Behind him, a baby coyote prances into the fog.
Singleton adds that in the chaos of fatherhood, friendships occasionally fall to the wayside.
“There’s so much to do. Everyone separated. It’s beneficial to have a group text, a fellowship like this, where you can hear someone going through the same thing as you,” Singleton says.
Akhile agrees. “These are probably the only guys that understand the day-to-day stressors and pressures of my life,” he says.
Ose Akhile, Darius Ingram, Ian Monteilh, Ian Davis, Aaron Singleton and other Dads Link and Golf members have breakfast together.
After finishing nine holes, the men enjoy breakfast burritos. They joke that they will begin ranking the golf courses in the L.A. area by the quality of their breakfast burritos. Meanwhile, Davis leads the group through a conversation about fatherhood. Each month he chooses one dad to be the focus. This morning that’s Ingram. He speaks on being a father and how it relates to golf.
“I’m not as good as I want to be, so there’s frustration there,” Ingram says, referring to the challenges of parenting. He adds that to “right things” he doesn’t like about himself, he focuses on how his efforts could result in his daughter becoming a better version of him. The men offer encouragement as birds circle above. The sun pierces through the fog.
Monteilh looks up and jokes: “The only birdies I saw today were in the sky.”
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