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L.A. Affairs: He was a rock star. I was just nice. Would our casual romance last?

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L.A. Affairs: He was a rock star. I was just nice. Would our casual romance last?

We met at a boba shop on Santa Monica Boulevard and Fairfax Avenue perfectly situated between our apartments in the lively heart of West Hollywood. I wore light-wash jeans with rips at the knees and a purple North Face long-sleeve that read “Save the Polar Bears.” My beige jacket was fluffy and felt excessive for an L.A. winter. My dark brown hair was pulled back in two braids.

I sat at one of the bistro tables, my nerves tingling. The crisp winter air flowed in through the open doors, carrying the thrill of a first date. A few minutes later, I spotted him turning the corner. He approached in oversized light-wash jeans and a black hoodie, his cap casting a shadow over his face.

When he stepped into the shop’s fluorescent light, his bright blue eyes, lightly lined with black eyeliner, met mine. He smiled, and I noticed how his teeth were perfectly square bar his canines, gleaming in a way that made me self-conscious.

“Nathanael?” I said, a hint of hope in my voice.

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“Hello, love,” he replied, his British accent warm and inviting. He pulled me into his tall, lean frame, and I inhaled the scent of him — something akin to a chimney. “We almost match,” he said, teasingly grasping the collar of my jacket. A flutter of warmth spread through me, and I laughed, momentarily speechless.

After ordering my boba, I suggested we play the games tucked under the tables. “I just won fourth place at my family’s Christmas poker tournament,” I said proudly, shuffling the deck.

“Fourth?” he raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.

“Yes, fourth,” I confirmed, nodding with a mix of pride and embarrassment. He congratulated me, his amusement evident, and let me teach him blackjack while we waited.

We flirted and exchanged charged glances between rounds. After I beat him three times, we moved outside so he could smoke, the night air sharp against our skin.

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The walk back to his apartment was short, and I couldn’t seem to stop laughing. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was funny or because I liked him — maybe both. Stopping in front of his building, he asked what I wanted to do. It was already 11 p.m. It should have been more difficult for me to answer.

“I thought we were going inside,” I said.

For the next five months, we had a casual arrangement that was as exhilarating as it was confusing. I found myself analyzing him often. I theorized that he learned the art of conversation through music. As for his talent for seduction, I think it was a blend of deep-seated insecurities and the kind of charm that comes with being a former rock star.

To say I was drawn to him would be an understatement. I was fascinated by his resilience, fueled by a diet of cigarettes and Coke Zero. How had he not cracked? But it was his intensity, paired with a surprising kindness, that truly captivated me.

I had always been kind, but I wore it plainly. In Nathan’s presence, my austerity felt obvious and anything but cool. I imagined the type of girl he would fall for: someone who could dye her hair any color and still look effortlessly stunning, turning heads wherever she went. When she smiled at him, utterly smitten, all the men in the room would swoon with envy. She thrived on love, effortlessly embedding herself into his life, making it hard to remember how they’d even started dating to begin with. And then, inevitably, it would all come undone, leaving him in the wreckage, as if she were a tornado sweeping through the Midwest.

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I was a 6 at best, a little chubby, highly sensitive and riddled with social anxiety. I have an aversion to relationships and monogamy because I don’t believe you can truly depend on anyone. I hate sleeping in other people’s beds and can’t fathom spending all day with a man without developing at least one repulsion to him. I’ve never been an object of envy because the last place I’d be is out somewhere other men could see me, especially that cool party last Saturday night or at Barney’s Beanery … ever. Most important, my intensity was that of a soft breeze.

I knew our casual arrangement would never graduate to more. Yet, despite this, the longest I could go without responding to him was a day.

Five months in, I found myself on the floor, surrounded by the shattered remains of the porcelain ashtray I’d bought him. He’d mentioned moving to a new apartment, so I had purchased it for him as a housewarming gift, hoping to bring a touch of beauty to the ritual of his favorite companion. But then he didn’t text me for an entire month. In a fit of tears, I smashed it, cutting my hands on the porcelain shards.

Amid the broken pieces of my thoughtful gift, revelations began to surface. I remembered a night when Nathan asked, “Why do women get so mad at me when I won’t sleep with them?”

I replied, “Because rejection hurts.”

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Even as his casual mention of female attention stung, my answer felt insightful. Rejection is personal; it cuts deep.

It seems trivial to compare rejection to real loss, but it can be just that — the loss of something you never really had. It breeds a unique kind of shame, the ache of wanting someone who doesn’t want you back.

I realized I’d never felt truly accepted by Nathan. I kept returning, hoping he could alleviate the rejection I didn’t even recognize. The truth is, I was the only one who could do that by allowing that feeling to exist, alongside myriad other emotions inside me.

And it got better. I learned that fixating on what I wasn’t only led to misery. When I decided to move on, I broke that cycle of negative thoughts. I didn’t consciously seek out the things I liked about myself, but they emerged naturally to my surprise, as I resumed life again.

The author is a somewhat new resident to L.A., specifically West Hollywood. She loves L.A. and feels grateful to live in such a diverse and vibrant city. Outside of work, she likes to document her experiences through short stories and essays. To keep updated on more of her work, see her Instagram @lyssacady or @thenaughtypoet on Wattpad.

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L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

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‘My role was making movies that mattered,’ says Jodie Foster, as ‘Taxi Driver’ turns 50

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‘My role was making movies that mattered,’ says Jodie Foster, as ‘Taxi Driver’ turns 50

Jodie Foster, shown here in 2025, plays an American Freudian psychoanalyst in Paris in Vie Privée (A Private Life).

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Jodie Foster has been acting since she was 3, starting out in commercials, then appearing in TV shows and films. She still has scars from the time a lion mauled her on the set of a Disney film when she was 9.

“He picked me up by the hip and shook me,” she says. “I had no idea what was happening. … I remember thinking, ‘Oh this must be an earthquake.’”

Luckily, the lion responded promptly when a trainer said, “Drop it.” It was a scary moment, Foster says, but “the good news is I’m fine … and I’m not afraid of lions.”

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“I think there’s a part of me that has been made resilient by what I’ve done for a living and has been able to control my emotions in order to do that in a role,” she says. “When you’re older, those survival skills get in the way, and you have to learn how to ditch them [when] they’re not serving you anymore.”

In 1976, at age 12, Foster starred opposite Robert De Niro and Harvey Keitel in Martin Scorsese’s film Taxi Driver. Foster’s portrayal of a teenage sex worker in the film sparked controversy because of her age, but also led to her first Academy Award nomination. She remains grateful for the experience on the film, which turns 50 this year.

“What luck to have been part of that, our golden age of cinema in the ’70s, some of the greatest movies that America ever made, the greatest filmmakers, auteur films,” she says. “I couldn’t be happier that [my mom] chose these roles for me.”

In the new film Vie Privée (A Private Life), she plays an American Freudian psychoanalyst in Paris. With the exception of a few lines, she speaks French throughout the film.

Interview highlights

On learning to speak French as a child

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My mom, when I was about 9 years old, she had never traveled anywhere in her life and right before then, she took a trip to France and fell in love with it and said, “OK, you’re going to learn French. You are going to go to an immersion school, and someday maybe you’ll be a French actor.” And so they dropped me in where [there] was a school, Le Lycée Francais de Los Angeles, that does everything in French, so it was science and math and history, everything in French. And I cried for about six months and then I spoke fluently and got over it.

On being the family breadwinner at a young age

My mom was very aware that that was unusual, and that would put pressure on me. So she kind of sold it differently. She would say, “Well, you do one job, but then your sister does another job. And we all participate, we’re all doing a job, and this is all part of the family.” And I think that was her way of … making my brothers and sisters not feel like somehow they were beholden to me or to my brother who also was an actor. And not having pressure on me, but also helping her ego a bit, because I think that was hard for her to feel that she was being taken care of by a child. …

There’s two things that can happen as a child actor: One is you develop resilience, and you come up with a plan and a way to survive intact, and there are real advantages to that in life. And I really feel grateful for the advantages that that’s given me, the benefits that that has given me. Or the other is you totally fall apart and you can’t take it.

On her early immersion into art and film

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My mom saw that I was interested in art and cinema and took me to every foreign film she could find, mostly because she wanted me to hear other languages. But we went to very dark, interesting German films that lasted eight hours long. And we saw all the French New Wave movies, and we had long conversations about movies and what they meant. I think that she respected me.

I did have a skill that was beyond my years and I had a strong sense of self … [and the] ability to understand emotions and character that was beyond my years. [Acting] gave me an outlet that I would not have had if I’d gone on a path to be what I was meant to be, which is really just to be an intellectual. … It was a sink or swim. I had to develop an emotional side. I had to cut off my brain sometimes to play characters in order to be good, and I wanted to be good. If I was gonna do something, I wanted it to be excellent. So in order to do that, I had to learn emotions and I had to learn, not only how to access them, but also how to control them so that I could give them intention.

Jodie Foster attends the Cannes Film Festival in 1976 to promote Taxi Driver.

Jodie Foster attends the Cannes Film Festival in 1976 to promote Taxi Driver.

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On sexual abuse in Hollywood

I’ve really had to examine that, like, how did I get saved? There were microaggressions, of course. Anybody who’s in the workplace has had misogynist microaggressions. That’s just a part of being a woman, right? But what kept me from having those bad experiences, those terrible experiences? And what I came to believe … is that I had a certain amount of power by the time I was, like, 12. So by the time I had my first Oscar nomination, I was part of a different category of people that had power and I was too dangerous to touch. I could’ve ruined people’s careers or I could’ve called “Uncle,” so I wasn’t on the block.

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It also might be just my personality, that I am a head-first person and I approach the world in a head-first way. … It’s very difficult to emotionally manipulate me because I don’t operate with my emotions on the surface. Predators use whatever they can in order to manipulate and get people to do what they want them to do. And that’s much easier when the person is younger, when the person is weaker, when a person has no power. That’s precisely what predatory behavior is about: using power in order to diminish people, in order to dominate them.

On her decision to safeguard her personal life

I did not want to participate in celebrity culture. I wanted to make movies that I loved. I wanted to give everything of myself on-screen, and I wanted to survive intact by having a life and not handing that life over to the media and to people that wished me ill. …

What’s important to consider is that I grew up in a different time, where people couldn’t be who they were and we didn’t have the kinds of freedoms that we have now. And I look at my sons’ generation, and bless them, that they have a kind of justice that we just didn’t [have] access to. And I did the best I could and I had a big plan in mind of making films that could make people better. And that’s all I wanted to do was make movies. I didn’t want to be a public figure or a pioneer or any of those things. And I benefited from all of the pioneers that came before me that did that hard work of having tomatoes thrown at them and being unsafe. And they did that work and I have thanked them. I thank them.

We don’t all have to have the same role. And I think my role was making movies that mattered and creating female characters that were human characters and creating a huge body of work and then being able to look back at the pattern of that body of work and go like, “Oh wow, Jodie played a doctor. She played a mother. She played as a scientist. She played an astronaut. She killed all the bad guys. She did all of those things — and had a lesbian wife and had two kids and was a complete person that had a whole other life.” And I think that will be valuable someday down the line, that I was able to keep my life intact and leave a legacy. There’s lots of ways of being valuable.

Lauren Krenzel and Thea Chaloner produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey adapted it for the web.

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We zoomed down California’s longest and fastest zip lines. Here are 6 things to know

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We zoomed down California’s longest and fastest zip lines. Here are 6 things to know
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Hartman was previously (legally) growing cannabis on the ranch. However, when the market became oversaturated, it was no longer profitable to be a small-scale cannabis grower in the Santa Ynez Valley, he said.

Hartman loves growing crops, and his mother mentioned protea, an ancient type of flowering plant found in South Africa and Australia. Protea are drought-tolerant and do well in California’s Mediterranean climate, he said. In the summer, the staff only has to provide a gallon of water to the plants.

Hartman said his family took a “massive gamble” and picked out 16 of the best cultivars that they thought would grow well, planting them in 2020. They’ve found the South African varieties, like the Safari Sunset and Goldstrike, do the best.

“These protea plants go back in the fossil record like 300 million years,” Hartman said. “They’re some of the oldest flowers on the planet.”

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Hartman said he plans to open a nursery, hopefully later this year, so people can buy potted protea and plant them around their homes, given how drought-tolerant they are.

The tour through the ranch’s 8 acres of proteas includes a U-pick option where guests can take cut flowers home.

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‘Hijack’ and ‘The Night Manager’ continue to thrill in their second seasons

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‘Hijack’ and ‘The Night Manager’ continue to thrill in their second seasons

Idris Elba returns as an extraordinarily unlucky traveler in the second season of Hijack. Plus Tom Hiddleston is back as hotel worker/intelligence agent in The Night Manager.

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When I first began reviewing television after years of doing film, I was struck by one huge difference between the way they tell stories. Movies work hard to end memorably: They want to stick the landing so we’ll leave the theater satisfied. TV series have no landing to stick. They want to leave us un-satisfied so we’ll tune into the next season.

Oddly enough, this week sees the arrival of sequels to two hit series — Apple TV’s Hijack and Prime Video’s The Night Manager — whose first seasons ended so definitively that I never dreamt there could be another. Goes to show how naïve I am.

The original Hijack, which came out in 2023, starred Idris Elba as Sam Nelson, a corporate negotiator who’s flying to see his ex when the plane is skyjacked by assorted baddies. The story was dopey good fun, with Elba — who’s nobody’s idea of an inconspicuous man — somehow able to move around a packed jetliner and thwart the hijackers. The show literally stuck the landing.

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It was hard to see how you could bring back Sam for a second go. I mean, if a man’s hijacked once, that’s happenstance. If it happens twice, well, you’re not going on vacation with a guy like that. Still, Season 2 manages to make Sam’s second hijacking at least vaguely plausible by tying it to the first one. This time out Sam’s on a crowded Berlin subway train whose hijackers will slaughter everyone if their demands aren’t met.

From here, things follow the original formula. You’ve got your grab bag of fellow passengers, Sam’s endangered ex-wife, some untrustworthy bureaucrats, an empathetic woman traffic controller, and so forth. You’ve got your non-stop twists and episode-ending cliffhangers. And of course, you’ve got Elba, a charismatic actor who may be better here than in the original because this plot unleashes his capacity for going to dark, dangerous places.

While more ornately plotted than the original, the show still isn’t about anything more than unleashing adrenaline. I happily watched it for Elba and the shots of snow falling in Berlin. But for a show like this to be thrilling, it has to be as swift as a greyhound. At a drawn-out eight episodes — four hours more than movies like Die Hard and SpeedHijack 2 is closer to a well-fed basset hound.

Tom Hiddleston as Jonathan Pine in The Night Manager Season 2.

Tom Hiddleston plays MI6 agent Jonathan Pine in The Night Manager Season 2.

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Things move much faster in Season 2 of The Night Manager. The action starts nearly a decade after the 2016 original which starred Tom Hiddleston as Jonathan Pine, a night manager at a luxury Swiss hotel, who gets enlisted by a British intelligence agent — that’s Olivia Colman — to take down the posh arms dealer Richard Roper, played by Hugh Laurie. Equal parts James Bond and John le Carré, who wrote the source novel, the show raced among glossy locations and built to a pleasing conclusion.

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So pleasing that Hiddleston is back as Pine, who is now doing surveillance work for MI6 under the name of Alex Goodwin. He learns the existence of Teddy Dos Santos — that’s Diego Calva — a Colombian pretty boy who’s the arms-dealing protégé of Roper. So naturally, Pine defies orders and goes after him, heading to Colombia disguised as a rich, dodgy banker able to fund Teddy’s business.

While David Farr’s script doesn’t equal le Carré in sophistication, this labyrinthine six-episode sequel follows the master’s template. It’s positively bursting with stuff — private eyes and private armies, splashy location shooting in Medellín and Cartagena, jaded lords and honest Colombian judges, homoerotic kisses, duplicities within duplicities, a return from the dead, plus crackerjack performances by Hiddleston, Laurie, Colman, Calva and Hayley Squires as Pine’s sidekick in Colombia. Naturally, there’s a glamorous woman, played by Camila Morrone, who Pine will want to rescue.

As it builds to a teasing climax — yes, there will be a Season 3 — The Night Manager serves up a slew of classic le Carré themes. This is a show about fathers and sons, the corrupt British ruling class, resurgent nationalism and neo-imperialism. Driving the action is what one character dubs “the commercialization of chaos,” in which the powerful smash a society in order to buy up — and profit from — the pieces. If it had come out a year ago, Season 2 might’ve seemed like just another far-fetched thriller set in an exotic location. These days it feels closer to a news flash.

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