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Advice | Miss Manners: I keep stumbling into proposals

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Advice | Miss Manners: I keep stumbling into proposals


Dear Miss Manners: Twice, now, I have become an accidental intruder on a couple’s proposal during my regular walking excursions (after work and on weekends).

The first occurred on the campus of the university where I am employed, near a pad-mounted transformer and busy roundabout. I was willing to chalk my unfortunate presence up to his poor choice of venue. The second, however, occurred in a public park near an admittedly picturesque waterfall. On both occasions, I elected to politely avert my eyes and move along as hurriedly as possible without becoming a distraction, and to minimize any chances of accidental photobombing.

As this happenstance teeters dangerously on the edge of becoming a pattern, though, I thought it prudent to request a professional opinion: When such an intimate moment is made a public spectacle, what is the mannerly course of action for passersby? Was I correct in my choice to look away and swiftly move on? Should I instead stop and wait for them to finish before proceeding, or return in the direction from which I came?

Or, God forbid, am I obligated to offer my congratulations (or, I suppose, condolences, as the case may be) to these total strangers? Any thoughts are appreciated.

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Some thoughts might be: Why are they making a public spectacle of themselves? Wouldn’t such an important intimate moment be best savored in private between the two of them? Doesn’t photographing the moment inspire them to perform roles instead of reacting naturally? Do they believe that video will not provoke ridicule in any future children they might have?

Oh, well. Miss Manners realizes how difficult it would be nowadays to convince people that real life is more rewarding than a dramatized version.

So, yes — as much as you can, keep out of the way and out of photo range. And while a cheery “Congratulations!” would be fine if you feel so inclined, it is not obligatory. You have not been hired as an extra in these public dramas.

Dear Miss Manners: My husband is an excellent cook and usually prepares and serves most, or all, of the meal when we invite people over for dinner. I participate in a variety of ways, including finding recipes, making suggestions about the menu, and doing some chopping or stirring, depending on what we are making. I also tidy up the house beforehand and set the table.

Surprisingly (to me), when guests leave, they often thank my husband for the dinner but not me, as though I am not one of the hosts. I think that it would be more appropriate for guests to thank both of us. Also, I wonder if it would make a difference if the genders were reversed.

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While you presumably do not want to hear your guests saying, “Thank you so much for tidying up,” Miss Manners agrees that they are remiss. Whatever you do or do not do, you are the hostess. But while there may be a gender factor here, there is also, nowadays, an unfortunate preoccupation with food as the most important element of a social event. So your guests may be thinking of this as a meal out, rather than a convivial evening.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.



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Man charged with shooting co-worker in Washington Heights

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Man charged with shooting co-worker in Washington Heights


A 26-year-old man had an argument with a co-worker before allegedly fatally shooting the colleague in Washington Heights, prosecutors said Friday.

Bobby Martin, who was charged with first-degree murder Thursday, made his first appearance Friday in Cook County court.

Martin, is accused of killing his co-worker, Antoine Alexander, 32, in a parking lot at 9411 S Ashland Ave about 3:30 p.m. on Tuesday, according to Chicago police.

Prosecutors said Martin and Alexander worked together at an armed security company and got into a verbal altercation inside the guard shack on Tuesday afternoon. During the altercation, prosecutors said Alexander removed his bullet proof vest and threw it to the ground. A witness, another co-worker, then told the defendant and the victim to take the altercation outside.

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After stepping outside, the defendant pulled his firearm and fired one shot into the victims abdomen, prosecutors said. The victim’s firearm was holstered at the time of the argument and the shooting. The defendant fled the scene and came into contact with another co-worker, whom he told that he had just shot Alexander.

Alexander was then taken to Advocate Christ Medical Center in Oak Lawn, where he was pronounced dead.

Martin was arrested by authorities three blocks from his home approximately 20 minutes after the shooting, prosecutors said.

Martin was detained and will appear in court again on March 17, authorities said.

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Washington Spirit goalkeeper Aubrey Kingsbury announces she’s pregnant

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Washington Spirit goalkeeper Aubrey Kingsbury announces she’s pregnant


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Washington Spirit goalkeeper Aubrey Kingsbury has announced that she and her husband Matt are expecting a baby in July.

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The couple made the announcement in a video on the Spirit’s social media channels, holding a baby goalkeeper jersey on the pitch at Audi Field.

Kingsbury becomes the most recent Spirit star to go on maternity leave, following defender Casey Krueger, midfielder Andi Sullivan and forward Ashley Hatch.

Sullivan gave birth to daughter Millie in July, while Hatch welcomed her son Leo in January.

Krueger announced she was pregnant with her second child in October.

Kingsbury has served as the Spirit’s starting goalkeeper since 2018, and has been named the NWSL Goalkeeper of the Year twice (2019 and 2021).

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The 34-year-old has two caps with the U.S. women’s national team, and was named to the 2023 World Cup roster.

The club captain will leave a major void for the Spirit, who have finished as NWSL runner-up in back-to-back seasons.

Sandy MacIver and Kaylie Collins are expected to compete for the starting role while Kingsbury is on maternity leave.

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The Spirit kick off their 2026 campaign on March 13 against the Portland Thorns.





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Washington state board awards Yakima $985,600 loan for Sixth Avenue project design

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Washington state board awards Yakima 5,600 loan for Sixth Avenue project design


Yakima could soon take a major step toward redesigning Sixth Avenue after the Washington State Public Works Board awarded the city a $985,600 loan.

The loan was approved for the design engineering phase of the Sixth Avenue project. The funding can also be used along Sixth Avenue for utility replacement and updated ADA use.

The Yakima City Council must decide whether to accept the award. If the council accepts it, the city’s engineering work will move forward with the design of Sixth Avenue.

The cost of installing trolley lines is excluded from the plan. The historic trolleys would need to raise the funds required to add trolley lines.

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The award is scheduled to be discussed during next week’s City Council meeting.



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