Washington

Advice | I keep spanking my defiant 6-year-old. I’m scared of myself.

Published

2 years ago

January 3, 2024

Advice | I keep spanking my defiant 6-year-old. I’m scared of myself.

Q: My eldest daughter is 6, strong-willed, explosive and defiant. When she doesn’t get her way (we say no or there’s a natural consequence) she gets violent or destructive. We try a lot of approaches and she is seeing a psychologist.

Pushed to my limit, I have reacted a couple of times with a spank on her bottom before I even realized what I was doing. I feel awful about it. I apologized and acknowledged that it was wrong of me and that our family rule is to keep our hands/feet to ourselves. But now I am scared of myself because it seemed like an autonomous reaction and out of my control. How can I have a better understanding of when I’m about to get to that point and step back?

A: It’s clear you have tremendous guilt; you know that spanking not only doesn’t teach a child anything, but it also makes most behaviors worse. (For anyone who isn’t sure about this, the data is out there and clear.)

You wrote, “I am scared of myself because it seemed like an autonomous reaction and out of my control.” This is worth digging into. Are you dissociating? Do you feel like you are watching yourself rather than feeling like you’re in your body? You could be having a trauma response to your child’s explosion. This is not uncommon; We have conscious and unconscious memories and, without realizing it, our bodies can feel unsafe and cope in automatic or instinctive ways, like attacking or checking out. I strongly recommend talking to your doctor about your symptoms and seeking professional help from someone who specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder and/or complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

As you work on getting help, we need to help your brain-body connection. Parent coach and trauma specialist Sandi Lerman coined the term LIFT to help caregivers clarify issues in front of them. I find it is helpful in almost every challenging situation. L stands for the length of time that a struggle or, in your case, the feeling of being out of control lasts. When you spank your daughter, how do you feel for the rest of the day? Checked out? Wracked with guilt?

I stands for intensity. On the days you snapped, what was the intensity of your emotions even before your daughter’s explosion? If you zoom out, were you already feeling upset or stressed? For instance, I received some bad news this week and was very upset. One of my children had a big reaction to a mistake I made and, in turn, I had an even bigger reaction. Yes, she had an explosion, but the intensity of my feelings leading up to it definitely fed the situation.

F stands for frequency, which means how often you “check out” and spank your daughter, or even how often you feel dissociated. This kind of data is incredibly helpful for your doctors, and it also helps to gauge your growth as you begin to address this coping mechanism.

Finally, T is for triggers, one of the most important steps in understanding what is happening when you lose control. The best way to look at triggers is to write down what you remember. For example, “It was a Saturday morning, and I hadn’t slept well. Andrea woke up angry and was demanding a breakfast we didn’t have time to make. I was trying to reason with her, and she kept screaming in my face. She pushed me hard, and I almost stepped on the cat. From there, I don’t remember what happened …” Pay close attention to your breathing and your muscles as you write. Are you holding your breath or tense? Are you sweating? Are you beginning to check out? If at any point you begin to panic, stop, keep your eyes open, and do the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding technique, which involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.

Writing out your “LIFT” list serves two purposes: It gives you data for a specialist, and helps you see the patterns of when you lose control. You may realize that you were exhausted, angry, upset, but that being pushed was the trigger that led you to feel out of body. If the list shows you that you spank after your daughter hits, you can make a plan to exit the room when your daughter begins to become explosive. I don’t frequently recommend that parents leave their children, but in the case of violence, you do what you must. To smooth this process, tell the family, “When I feel angry at level 10, I will be walking outside to keep everyone safe. I love you all, and I will return after I breathe and feel calmer.” If you have a partner, make this plan a priority between the two of you.

Above all, please know that your body is in a panicked state when you lose control with your daughter and spank. You are not a “bad parent,” you need support and compassion. Please do not wait to get help, and good luck.

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Washington

Rivian secures direct-sales win in Washington

Published

10 hours ago

March 30, 2026

Press Room

Rivian secures direct-sales win in Washington

The new law allows Rivian and Lucid to sell directly to consumers, highlighting growing pressure on traditional franchise systems.

On the Dash:

Washington’s law allows Rivian and Lucid direct sales, signaling potential pressure on franchise protections.
Rivian’s nearly $5 million ballot push, with up to $25 million planned, forced a legislative compromise.
Nearly 70% consumer support direct sales, highlighting shifting buyer expectations in EV retail.

Electric-vehicle startup Rivian has secured an influential policy win in Washington state, gaining the ability to sell vehicles directly to consumers after a prolonged battle with dealer groups. The measure, signed this month, applies specifically to Rivian and Lucid and follows years of resistance rooted in franchise laws requiring automakers to sell through independent dealers.

The breakthrough came after Rivian signaled it would take the issue to voters through a ballot initiative, a move that carried an estimated cost of nearly $5 million, with the company prepared to spend an additional $25 million. Faced with that prospect, the state’s dealer lobby dropped its opposition and supported the legislative compromise.

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Rivian’s internal polling showed that nearly 70% of respondents favored allowing manufacturers to sell vehicles directly to consumers. But, slightly fewer supported a model limited specifically to EV makers. Lawmakers ultimately approved a narrow exception, maintaining broader franchise protections while granting Rivian and Lucid direct-sales rights.

The decision arrives as Rivian works to expand its retail and profitability strategy. The company currently operates under a patchwork of state laws, with direct sales permitted in roughly half of U.S. states, though some impose limits on the number of locations. In states with restrictions, Rivian retail locations can showcase vehicles like the R1S SUV and R1T pickup, but cannot complete transactions or disclose pricing in-store.

The Washington outcome could influence similar efforts in other states, particularly those that allow ballot initiatives, including Arkansas, Ohio, Oklahoma, Montana, Nebraska, and South Dakota. Meanwhile, franchise laws in more than a dozen states continue to prohibit direct sales entirely.

Traditional automakers and dealer groups have pushed back against the Washington measure, arguing it creates an uneven playing field and could open the door to additional exceptions. Dealer advocates maintain that the franchise system supports competition, affordability, and local economic stability.

Lawmakers described the compromise as a balance between expanding consumer choice and preserving the existing dealership model, which remains a cornerstone of the U.S. auto retail system.

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Washington

!∇∯$[+[!LIVESTREAMs!]+]Washington Wizards vs Portland Trail Blazers Game 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 ＳｔｒｅａｍＦｒｅｅＯＮＴｖＣｈａｎｎｅｌ

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22 hours ago

March 29, 2026

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!∇∯$[+[!LIVESTREAMs!]+]Washington Wizards vs Portland Trail Blazers Game 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 ＳｔｒｅａｍＦｒｅｅＯＮＴｖＣｈａｎｎｅｌ

Cleveland Browns – Chicago Bears

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Washington

Washington Capitals VS Vegas Golden Knights LIVE | Watch on ESPN 2026-03-29

Published

1 day ago

March 29, 2026

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Washington Capitals vs Vegas Golden Knights

Washington Capitals vs Vegas Golden Knights live: Washington Capitals vs Vegas Golden Knights look to seize control of thrilling Washington Capitals vs Vegas Golden Knights. Every team in the Washington Capitals vs Vegas Golden Knights has two wins apiece as we go into the final two game weeks. Washington Capitals vs Vegas Golden Knights will host Washington Capitals vs Vegas Golden Knights at Durban’s Kings Park Stadium with the Washington Capitals vs Vegas Golden Knights a single point ahead of Washington Capitals vs Vegas Golden Knights in the standings and just one behind leaders Washington Capitals vs Vegas Golden Knights.

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