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Subway's Footlong Pretzel Bread: Why Subway Hates Us | San Diego Magazine

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Subway's Footlong Pretzel Bread: Why Subway Hates Us | San Diego Magazine


Call me a size queen but as San Diego Magazine‘s official pretzel correspondent I was drooling when I saw Subway advertising foot-long Auntie Anne’s soft pretzels as part of a new campaign of foot-long snacks. Soft pretzels are why the gods gifted us tongues—to share with us the divine glory of the pillowy bread knot. Soft pretzels are without question the best bread.

So, Subway and Aunti A’s collabing on a full 12 inches? Yeah, I’m tipping my head back and taking the whole thing. Sucking the salt off and eating it like a duck. Generally, I think Subway is gross and smells funny. But it’s a pretzel! Who cares if it comes from the sickly-sweet scented armpit of the corporate food industry? It will be cheap, and it’s gotta be decent, right?

Wrong. Violently wrong.

This is no pretzel. This is an STD. Subway’s foot-long middle finger to us all. I didn’t get past the first bite. I’d rather eat a paper towel tube.

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Bread this bad can only mean one thing: Subway hates America.

Imagine me, blissfully strolling across a strip mall parking lot, spinning my keys, maybe humming a little love song, excited to spend $3 for what I figured might prove to be something of a fast food guilty pleasure. Not something to eat everyday, but a treat for when life’s lights go dull. So I broke a five, collected my pretzel-filled paper sleeve, plastic cup of honey mustard, and headed to my truck.

What came next was a silent fart in my mouth from the asses of corporate America. Lord, The face I made. This is the Malört of bread.

This pretzel is a mouth sore, an atrocity. The outside is dry and the inside is…also dry? Chewy in an unappealing way, it is utterly flavorless. A full disappointment. Stale white bread with a dry crunchy shell. Calling this a pretzel is racist. It’s going to give an entire generation ARFID.

I can’t believe more Subways aren’t on fire. Philly, where you at? I thought you guys loved pretzels.

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Subway's new Auntie Anne's footlong pretzel bread next to a tape measure indicating it is not 12 inches long

Serving this in actual restaurants feels like an assault on the US from a foreign enemy. Deplete their bread reserves, break their spirits. But Subway is not a foreign power. They’re the second largest fast food chain in the country and a $16 billion revenue stream for private equity parent company, Roark Capital Group. Roark owns dozens of brands like Arby’s, Dunkin’ Donuts, Cheesecake Factory, Cinnabon, Auntie Anne’s, the list goes on. With all that airport food they’re selling, Roark generates some $77 billion in annual revenue. They’re also notorious wage thieves and enemies of the $15 federal minimum wage.

So, let me tell you in case you’re slow on the uptick: everything is rotten in the stratospheres of American power. Execs at these corporate monoliths haven’t just turned their backs on the American people: they spit in our faces, steal wallets and laugh, clearly aware they are too big to face consequences.

Who do we even complain to? These people run the world. What are you going to do? Buy the ingredients? Make your own pretzels? You work two jobs and pay 60 percent of your take home pay in rent. Your check engine light is coming on any day now. Meanwhile companies like Roark and Subway make billions and spend their R&D budgets on figuring out how to do less for Americans who are out here fighting for their lives.

No wonder the world is getting so damn expensive.

Did you know you need to earn 80 percent more today than in 2020 to purchase a house? And food costs have increased 25 percent in recent years. That raise you’re hoping for? It means almost nothing compared to what things cost out there.

Subway's new Auntie Anne's footlong pretzel bread
Courtesy of Subway

Have you heard of ‘shrinkflation?’ Companies are charging you more while giving you less. Even fruits and vegetables have gotten less nutritious. In San Diego—where we pay the most expensive energy bills in the country—you can make six-figures and still be lower-middle class. The US is one big Ponzi scheme. Life here smells more sour by the day. We’re getting screwed, and these pretzels are just proof.

Life is objectively getting harder. The middle class is gone, and most Americans don’t have a $500 emergency fund. We’re one toothache away from living in a tent. More people than ever need $3 food, and we’re being fed stylized co-branded trash. Subway has more money than god and the devil combined, they could easily offer something palatable, something that makes life a little worth living, if they chose.

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But corporate America does not see itself as part of the fabric of our people. Roark and the like act as an occupying force, and the bean counting sociopaths they employ have no interest in our shared existences, our shared joys, our shared future. They’d steal your baby’s first breath if they could. They want our very essences. Roark, Auntie Anne’s, Subway— these companies don’t make our food in kitchens, they make it on a spreadsheet. And they hate us, you can taste it.

Did you know Subway paid Charles Barkley and Klay Thompson to advertise these 12 inch turds? Paid them, what? Tens of thousands? Just to convince us to buy this trash. Barkley and Thompson owe us all an apology. Donate your dirty money to food kitchens, you sellouts.

Jesus, my jaw is sore. Do you know how miserably dead warm bread has to be to cause muscle fatigue? I’d rather spend $3 in a prison commissary.

This is what late stage capitalism tastes like. The empire is falling, and American corporations are switching the vacuum on high, sucking as much joy from our lives and money from our pockets as possible before it all comes crashing down. These poisonous, celebrity-endorsed marketing proposals are what they feed us as the world burns.

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We could do so much better

I mean it. The bread we eat is important. In Arabic, the word for bread is the same as the word for life. Somehow, in America, we’ve been driven to the point that pretzel now means sadness. I’m no nihilist, but why is it that in America, believing that everyone deserves real, affordable food—or edible bread—is seen as glory-holing The Communist Manifesto? If this is really what our country has come to, revolution must be nigh. Break out the guillotines, I’ll meet you outside of Roark.

But first, I gotta go brush my teeth.



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San Diego, CA

SD Unified moves forward with layoffs of classified employees

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SD Unified moves forward with layoffs of classified employees


SAN DIEGO (KGTV) — Less than 3 weeks after the San Diego Unified School District finalized a new contract with teachers, the school board voted unanimously on Tuesday to move forward with layoff notices for other district employees.

The layoffs affect classified employees — workers who are employed by the district but are not teachers and are not certified. That includes bus drivers, custodians, special education and teacher aides, and cafeteria workers.

The district says it is eliminating 221 positions — 133 that are currently filled and 88 that are vacant — to save $19 million and help address a projected $47 million deficit for the next fiscal year.

Preliminary layoff notices will go out on March 15, with final notices by May 15.

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The district estimates about 200 classified employees will receive preliminary notices, but of them, about 70 are expected to lose their jobs based on union-negotiated bumping rules.

Bumping allows employees with more seniority to move into another position in the same classification, thereby “bumping” a less senior employee out of that role.

Lupe Murray, an early childhood special education parafacilitator with the district, said the news came as a shock after the teacher strike was called off.

“When the strike was called off, I’m like, ‘Yes!’ So then when I got the email from the Superintendent, I’m like, ‘Wait, what?’ So, I think everyone was shocked,” Murray said.

The district says it sends out annual layoff notices, as all districts in the state do.

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Before Tuesday’s board meeting, classified employees rallied outside, made up of CSEA (California School Employees Association) Chapters OTBS 788, Paraeducators 759, and OSS 724. They were joined by parents, students, and the San Diego & Imperial Counties Labor Council, AFL-CIO.

Miguel Arellano, a paraeducator independence facilitator with San Diego Unified and a representative of San Diego Paraeducators Cahpter 759.

“What do we want? No layoffs! When do we want it? Now!” the crowd chanted.

Arellano said he felt compelled to act when he learned about the potential layoffs.

“The first thing that went through my mind was that I need to speak up. I need to protect these people,” Arellano said.

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Inside the meeting, the board heard emotional, at times tearful testimony from classified employees before voting unanimously to move forward with the layoff schedule.

Superintendent Fabi Bagula said the district has tried to protect classrooms from the cuts.

“We have tried our best to only, I mean, to not touch the school. Or the classroom. But now it’s at the point where it’s getting a little bit harder,” Bagula said. “What I’m still hoping, or what I’m still working toward, because we’re still in negotiations, is that we’re able to actually come to a win-win, where there’s positions and availability and maybe even promotions for folks that are impacted.”

Arellano warned the layoffs could have a direct impact on students.

“We are already spread thin, so, with more of a case load, it’s going to be impossible to be able to service all the students that we need to have,” Arellano said.

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Follow ABC 10News Anchor Max Goldwasser on InstagramFacebook, and Twitter.

This story was reported on-air by a journalist and has been converted to this platform with the assistance of AI. Our editorial team verifies all reporting on all platforms for fairness and accuracy.





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Scripps Oceanography granted $15M for deep sea, glacier science

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Scripps Oceanography granted M for deep sea, glacier science


The Fund for Science and Technology, a new private foundation, granted Scripps Institution of Oceanography at UC San Diego $15 million for ocean science Tuesday.

FFST, funded by the estate of the late Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen, was started in 2025 with a commitment to invest at least $500 million over four years to “propel transformative science and technology for people and the planet.”

“Scripps Institution of Oceanography at UC San Diego is pushing boundaries for exploration and discovery across the global ocean,” Chancellor Pradeep Khosla said. “This visionary support from the Fund for Science and Technology will enable Scripps researchers to advance our understanding of our planet, which has meaningful implications for communities around the world.”

The grant, the largest of its kind since Scripps joined UCSD in 1960, will go toward research in three areas: monitoring of environmental DNA and other biomolecules in marine ecosystems, adding to the Argo network of ocean observing robots, and enhancing the study of ocean conditions beneath Antarctica’s Thwaites Glacier, often referred to as the “Doomsday Glacier.”

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Scripps Institution of Oceanography has used Argo floats for more than two decades to track climate impacts in our oceans. NBC 7 meteorologist Greg Bledsoe reports.

“The Fund for Science and Technology was created to support transformational science in the search of answers to some of the planet’s most complex questions,” said Dr. Lynda Stuart, president and CEO at the fund. “Scripps has a long tradition of leadership at the frontiers of ocean and climate science, and this work builds on that legacy — strengthening the tools and insights needed to understand our environment at a truly global and unprecedented scale.”

Scripps Director Emeritus Margaret Leinen will use a portion of the grant in her analysis of eDNA — free-floating fragments of DNA shed by organisms into the environment — in understudied parts of the ocean to collect crucial baseline data on marine organisms, according to a statement from Scripps.

“In many regions, we know very little about the microbial communities that form the base of the ocean food web or that make deep sea ecosystems so unique,” Leinen said. “Without data, we can’t predict how these communities are going to respond to climate change or what the consequences might be. That’s a vulnerability — and this funding will help us begin to address it.”

Using autonomous samplers that can collect ocean water for eDNA analysis, as well as conventional sampling, scientists will use tools to “reveal the biology of the open ocean and polar regions.”

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According to Scripps, the international Argo program has more than 4,000 floats that drift with currents and periodically dive to measure temperature, salinity and pressure. Standard floats can record data up to depths of 2,000 meters (6,560 feet), while newer Deep Argo floats can dive to 6,000 meters (19,685 feet).

The grant funding announced Tuesday will allow for Scripps to deploy around 50 Deep Argo floats along with Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution and NOAA’s Pacific Marine Environmental Laboratory.

Sarah Purkey, physical oceanographer at Scripps and Argo lead, said this leap forward in deep ocean monitoring comes at a crucial time because the deep sea has warmed faster than expected over the last two decades.

Thwaites Glacier is Antarctica’s largest collapsing glacier and contains enough ice to raise global sea level by roughly two feet if it were to collapse entirely. According to Scripps, prior expeditions led by scientist Jamin Greenbaum discovered anomalously warm water beneath the glacier’s ice shelf — contributing to melting from below. Greenbaum now seeks to collect water samples and other measurements from beneath Thwaites’ ice tongue to disentangle the drivers of its rapid melting.

This season’s Antarctic fieldwork will “test hypotheses about the drivers of Thwaites’ rapid melt with implications for sea-level rise projections,” the statement from Scripps said.

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“The ocean holds answers to some of the most pressing questions about our planet’s future, but only if we can observe it,” said Meenakshi Wadhwa, director of Scripps Institution of Oceanography and vice chancellor for marine sciences at UCSD. “This historic grant will help ocean scientists bring new tools and approaches to parts of the ocean we’ve barely begun to explore.”



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Southern California’s Jewish community reacts to war in the Middle East

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Southern California’s Jewish community reacts to war in the Middle East


The Jewish community in Southern California is sharing their fears and hopes following the weekend’s strikes on Iran and retaliatory attacks on Israel, U.S. military bases and other targets in the Middle East.

The exchange of missiles in the Middle East is having a devasting effect on Iran’s defense capability, but retaliatory strikes in the region are taking a toll. 

“Weapons of enormous capacity that are targeting civilian areas,” said Elan Carr, CEO of Los Angeles-based Israeli American Council.

Carr says toppling the Iranian regime, taking out its nuclear capabilities and freeing the Iranian people from this oppressive rule should have been done decades ago.

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“This is about seeing the most evil regime, the world chief state sponsored terrorism to no longer have the ability to do what it’s been doing,” Carr said.

Sara Brown, regional director of the American Jewish Committee, said the U.S. and Israel are concentrating strikes on Iran’s missile sites and military industrial complex. Iran’s retaliatory strikes are focused on many civilian targets.

“We are hearing from our partners from around the region, who are terrified,” Brown said. “Across the Middle East right now, I think there is a tremendous amount of fear, but also hope and also resolve.”

AJC is the advocacy arm for Jewish people globally. Many members and partner groups are in harm’s way. Brown says the risk is great, but the potential reward is world changing.

“That Iranian people will get to choose leadership for themselves, that we will finally see a pathway forward for peace across the Middle East,” Brown said.

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If wars of the past hadn’t produced lasting peace, then why now? Carr says Iran’s nuclear capabilities are destroyed and Iran’s military and proxies are weakened after Israel’s response to the Oct. 7 Hamas ambush.

“No more terrorist network throughout the Middle East. Think of what that could mean. Think of the normalization we could see,” Carr said.

President Donald Trump expects fighting to last several weeks. Some critics are concerned about a drawn-out conflict that could spread.

Carr is not convinced.

“Who is going to enter a war against the U.S. and Israel? Russia is plenty busy. China has no interest in jeopardizing itself this way,” Carr said.

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Besides the six Americans killed as of Monday night, government officials say 11 people were killed in retaliatory strikes in Israel.



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