San Diego, CA
Subway's Footlong Pretzel Bread: Why Subway Hates Us | San Diego Magazine
Call me a size queen but as San Diego Magazine‘s official pretzel correspondent I was drooling when I saw Subway advertising foot-long Auntie Anne’s soft pretzels as part of a new campaign of foot-long snacks. Soft pretzels are why the gods gifted us tongues—to share with us the divine glory of the pillowy bread knot. Soft pretzels are without question the best bread.
So, Subway and Aunti A’s collabing on a full 12 inches? Yeah, I’m tipping my head back and taking the whole thing. Sucking the salt off and eating it like a duck. Generally, I think Subway is gross and smells funny. But it’s a pretzel! Who cares if it comes from the sickly-sweet scented armpit of the corporate food industry? It will be cheap, and it’s gotta be decent, right?
Wrong. Violently wrong.
This is no pretzel. This is an STD. Subway’s foot-long middle finger to us all. I didn’t get past the first bite. I’d rather eat a paper towel tube.
Bread this bad can only mean one thing: Subway hates America.
Imagine me, blissfully strolling across a strip mall parking lot, spinning my keys, maybe humming a little love song, excited to spend $3 for what I figured might prove to be something of a fast food guilty pleasure. Not something to eat everyday, but a treat for when life’s lights go dull. So I broke a five, collected my pretzel-filled paper sleeve, plastic cup of honey mustard, and headed to my truck.
What came next was a silent fart in my mouth from the asses of corporate America. Lord, The face I made. This is the Malört of bread.
This pretzel is a mouth sore, an atrocity. The outside is dry and the inside is…also dry? Chewy in an unappealing way, it is utterly flavorless. A full disappointment. Stale white bread with a dry crunchy shell. Calling this a pretzel is racist. It’s going to give an entire generation ARFID.
I can’t believe more Subways aren’t on fire. Philly, where you at? I thought you guys loved pretzels.

Serving this in actual restaurants feels like an assault on the US from a foreign enemy. Deplete their bread reserves, break their spirits. But Subway is not a foreign power. They’re the second largest fast food chain in the country and a $16 billion revenue stream for private equity parent company, Roark Capital Group. Roark owns dozens of brands like Arby’s, Dunkin’ Donuts, Cheesecake Factory, Cinnabon, Auntie Anne’s, the list goes on. With all that airport food they’re selling, Roark generates some $77 billion in annual revenue. They’re also notorious wage thieves and enemies of the $15 federal minimum wage.
So, let me tell you in case you’re slow on the uptick: everything is rotten in the stratospheres of American power. Execs at these corporate monoliths haven’t just turned their backs on the American people: they spit in our faces, steal wallets and laugh, clearly aware they are too big to face consequences.
Who do we even complain to? These people run the world. What are you going to do? Buy the ingredients? Make your own pretzels? You work two jobs and pay 60 percent of your take home pay in rent. Your check engine light is coming on any day now. Meanwhile companies like Roark and Subway make billions and spend their R&D budgets on figuring out how to do less for Americans who are out here fighting for their lives.
No wonder the world is getting so damn expensive.
Did you know you need to earn 80 percent more today than in 2020 to purchase a house? And food costs have increased 25 percent in recent years. That raise you’re hoping for? It means almost nothing compared to what things cost out there.

Have you heard of ‘shrinkflation?’ Companies are charging you more while giving you less. Even fruits and vegetables have gotten less nutritious. In San Diego—where we pay the most expensive energy bills in the country—you can make six-figures and still be lower-middle class. The US is one big Ponzi scheme. Life here smells more sour by the day. We’re getting screwed, and these pretzels are just proof.
Life is objectively getting harder. The middle class is gone, and most Americans don’t have a $500 emergency fund. We’re one toothache away from living in a tent. More people than ever need $3 food, and we’re being fed stylized co-branded trash. Subway has more money than god and the devil combined, they could easily offer something palatable, something that makes life a little worth living, if they chose.
But corporate America does not see itself as part of the fabric of our people. Roark and the like act as an occupying force, and the bean counting sociopaths they employ have no interest in our shared existences, our shared joys, our shared future. They’d steal your baby’s first breath if they could. They want our very essences. Roark, Auntie Anne’s, Subway— these companies don’t make our food in kitchens, they make it on a spreadsheet. And they hate us, you can taste it.
Did you know Subway paid Charles Barkley and Klay Thompson to advertise these 12 inch turds? Paid them, what? Tens of thousands? Just to convince us to buy this trash. Barkley and Thompson owe us all an apology. Donate your dirty money to food kitchens, you sellouts.
Jesus, my jaw is sore. Do you know how miserably dead warm bread has to be to cause muscle fatigue? I’d rather spend $3 in a prison commissary.
This is what late stage capitalism tastes like. The empire is falling, and American corporations are switching the vacuum on high, sucking as much joy from our lives and money from our pockets as possible before it all comes crashing down. These poisonous, celebrity-endorsed marketing proposals are what they feed us as the world burns.
We could do so much better
I mean it. The bread we eat is important. In Arabic, the word for bread is the same as the word for life. Somehow, in America, we’ve been driven to the point that pretzel now means sadness. I’m no nihilist, but why is it that in America, believing that everyone deserves real, affordable food—or edible bread—is seen as glory-holing The Communist Manifesto? If this is really what our country has come to, revolution must be nigh. Break out the guillotines, I’ll meet you outside of Roark.
But first, I gotta go brush my teeth.
San Diego, CA
What Travon Garrison brings to San Diego State’s 2027 recruiting class
The San Diego State Aztecs are exuding a vibe that is catching recruits’ attention both on and off the field.
The latest is Travon Garrison, a 1,000-yard receiver at Damien High in La Verne, who announced his commitment to the Aztecs on Tuesday afternoon.
“I thank God for this opportunity. Grateful to all the coaches who helped me through this process. I’m excited to announce my commitment to San Diego State University!” he posted on X.
On3.com posted a picture of Garrison, some family members and SDSU coach Sean Lewis at Snapdragon Stadium. Garrison is wearing sunglasses and a sign in the picture reads, “Speed Limit None,” with the interlocking SD logo forming the “S” in Speed.
Why Travon Garrison committed to SDSU
“I’ve been on campus at San Diego State a lot,” Garrison said in an interview with on3.com. “Every time I go, I feel more comfortable, more at home. The city of San Diego is great, there’s a lot to do, the weather is nice and it feels like a place I can see myself living and growing in for the next few years.”
He added that he “really clicked well” with wideouts coach Matthew Middleton, and that he thinks he will “fit in really well with the offense. It’s very similar to what we run at Damien, so I feel comfortable with it and believe it will allow me to play fast and showcase my strengths.”
BREAKING: La Verne (Calif.) Damien WR Travon Garrison has committed to San Diego State and broke down why he chose the Aztecs
“Everything about SDSU, the coaches and the environment made it the right place for me.”
Intel: https://t.co/GW6CDqLW6Y pic.twitter.com/e2YajRQjGy
— Greg Biggins (@GregBiggins) June 23, 2026
The 6-foot, 185-pound Garrison told the recruiting website that it was a tough decision after making official visits to SDSU and Washington State, which is part of the reconfigured Pac-12 that the Aztecs will officially join on July 1.
“I had to think about what was best for me, but in the end San Diego State felt like home,” Garrison told on3.com. “Everything about the program, the coaches, and the environment made it the right place for me.”
The three-star had an impressive list of offers that, besides SDSU and WSU, included bids from Kansas, UCLA, Washington, Utah, West Virginia and Colorado State.
As a junior, he had 46 passes for 978 yards and 13 touchdowns. He had four 100-yard games and one three-touchdown game.
How Garrison could fit in at SDSU
Garrison is at least the fifth wideout from the class of 2027 to commit to the Aztecs, which should make for some lively competition a year from now.
The Aztecs currently have an intriguing wide receiver room. Although the group was hit by injuries last year, when the Aztecs had an impressive turnaround season that ended with a 9-4 record, they do return all three starters and their top four pass catchers.
The most eye-catching development in spring was when Bert Emanuel Jr. switched from backup quarterback to wide receiver. That will allow him to showcase his big-play skills while sharing the field with returning starting quarterback Jayden Denegal. They are both seniors.
The wideout corps is senior-heavy.
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San Diego, CA
Con Rangers San Diego Comic-Con 2026 Exclusives
San Diego, CA
Padres cap wild game against Braves with extra-innings win
The Padres have a serious issue in their starting rotation.
That reality brazenly slapped them in the face again Tuesday.
And then it became a side story, at least for the night.
That is how crazy things got at Petco Park.
The Padres beat the Braves 7-6 when Mason Miller worked two scoreless innings and Manny Machado grounded a walk-off single up the middle to score Jackson Merrill in the 10th inning.
“I think the most important part is just how the team fought today,” Machado said. “I think that was impressive, being down four and then coming back and winning that ball game and fighting to the end. I think that shows a lot about the team. We picked up each other. We picked Griff. Bullpen came in and did their job too.”
The game was decided eight innings after the Braves took a 4-0 lead and the Padres took a 5-4 lead.
That is correct. The craziness commenced when for the second time in five games the Padres were part of a runaway inning.
They were on the wrong side of an 11-run inning Friday in Texas when the Rangers responded with six runs in the bottom of the first inning after the Padres scored five at the start of what ended up a 9-7 loss.
On Tuesday, the Padres came out on top of a nine-run second inning.
Griffin Canning jogged in from the bullpen to start that inning after Wandy Peralta worked a scoreless first as the Padres’ opener.
Canning would get just two outs, allow four hits, hit a batter, walk another and allow three runs before he departed.
His 40th pitch completed a walk that loaded the bases. That drew more than a few boos from the seats and brought Craig Stammen from the dugout.
The game didn’t really get wild until a little bit after that.
Kyle Hart walked the next batter to make it 4-0 before ending the top of the second on a groundout.
That is how the bottom of the second began for the Padres as well.
And then six consecutive batters reached base, and they scored five runs against Braves starter JR Ritchie.
The comeback began with walks by Xander Bogaerts and Will Wagner before singles by Rodolfo Durán and Sung-Mun Song cut the Braves’ lead in half and a double by Fernando Tatis Jr. got the Padres to 4-3 and got Song to third base.
An infield single by Samad Taylor flipped the lead.
Song easily scored on Taylor’s grounder up the middle, and when Braves shortstop Mauricio Dubón bounced a throw that got past first baseman Matt Olson, Tatis raced around third and beat a throw home by Olson.
The Braves tied the game 5-5 in the fourth and retook the lead in the fifth.
Michael Harris II singled, went to second on a wild pitch by Hart and scored on Ozzie Albies’ double in the fourth. Dubón homered in the fifth off Yuki Matsui, who had come in to get the final out of the fourth and ended up working through the sixth, leaving the bases loaded in that inning.
Jackson Merrill missed a game-tying home run by a foot and instead got a double leading off the fifth inning when his fly ball to right field hit the top of the wall and bounced back to right fielder Mike Yastrzemski.
Merrill finished the inning at second after a fly ball out by Machado and strikeouts by Gavin Sheets and Bogaerts.
Tatis did not miss a home run as the first batter in the seventh, sending a sinker from Carlos Carrasco 406 feet to center field to tie the game 6-6.
David Morgan worked the seventh and Adrian Morejón the eighth before Miller threw just 11 pitches in the ninth and went back out for the 10th.
“One, we didn’t have a ton of bullpen left,” Stammen said of the decision to have Miller work a second inning . “And he’d been kind of asking me over the course of the season: ‘Hey, I got another one, come on, let me have it.’”
Austin Riley began the 10th by hitting a long fly ball to right field that moved the automatic runner from second to third before Miller struck out Rowdy Tellez and ended the inning by getting a groundout from Eli White.
“It definitely goes a long way,” Miller said, “when you empty everybody out early and you have another game tomorrow, being able to carry two innings there and keep two guys fresh for tomorrow and give us a chance to win again tomorrow as well.”
Merrill was the runner on second to start the bottom of the 10th after he made the final out in the ninth. Machado walked to the plate against Raisel Iglesias, the Braves closer, who had also worked the ninth.
“Looking for a strike,” Machado said. “He’s a strike thrower, one of the best in the game right now. So just trying to be aggressive on that first pitch, something I can drive. Don’t really need much, just just a base hit to score Jackson. So just trying to hit it hard somewhere.”
No matter the result, the Padres are left to figure out what to do about Canning, whose ERA swelled to 7.38 after he yielded his ninth multi-run inning among the 45 innings he has begun for the Padres this season.
He is but one of the flat tires on the rotation bus.
The Padres got seven shutout innings from Michael King in a 1-0 victory over the Braves on Monday. It was the first time a Padres starter went seven innings since King did it on May 18 and just the third quality start by a Padres pitcher in 24 games.
The members of the starting rotation, including the two times Canning has worked after an opener and the two times Lucas Giolito has done so, have a combined 4.76 ERA over the past 25 games.
But the Padres figured out how to win Tuesday, just the second time in a month they have won consecutive games.
“Griffin didn’t have his stuff like he wanted to,” said Taylor, who finished 3-for-4 with a walk. “But we fought. We’re going to keep fighting until the game is over. We fought. Got back in the game. Good at-bats, good pitching. And you leave it into Manny’s hands, he’s going to take over and win the game for us.”
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