Connect with us

San Diego, CA

Subway's Footlong Pretzel Bread: Why Subway Hates Us | San Diego Magazine

Published

on

Subway's Footlong Pretzel Bread: Why Subway Hates Us | San Diego Magazine


Call me a size queen but as San Diego Magazine‘s official pretzel correspondent I was drooling when I saw Subway advertising foot-long Auntie Anne’s soft pretzels as part of a new campaign of foot-long snacks. Soft pretzels are why the gods gifted us tongues—to share with us the divine glory of the pillowy bread knot. Soft pretzels are without question the best bread.

So, Subway and Aunti A’s collabing on a full 12 inches? Yeah, I’m tipping my head back and taking the whole thing. Sucking the salt off and eating it like a duck. Generally, I think Subway is gross and smells funny. But it’s a pretzel! Who cares if it comes from the sickly-sweet scented armpit of the corporate food industry? It will be cheap, and it’s gotta be decent, right?

Wrong. Violently wrong.

This is no pretzel. This is an STD. Subway’s foot-long middle finger to us all. I didn’t get past the first bite. I’d rather eat a paper towel tube.

Advertisement

Bread this bad can only mean one thing: Subway hates America.

Imagine me, blissfully strolling across a strip mall parking lot, spinning my keys, maybe humming a little love song, excited to spend $3 for what I figured might prove to be something of a fast food guilty pleasure. Not something to eat everyday, but a treat for when life’s lights go dull. So I broke a five, collected my pretzel-filled paper sleeve, plastic cup of honey mustard, and headed to my truck.

What came next was a silent fart in my mouth from the asses of corporate America. Lord, The face I made. This is the Malört of bread.

This pretzel is a mouth sore, an atrocity. The outside is dry and the inside is…also dry? Chewy in an unappealing way, it is utterly flavorless. A full disappointment. Stale white bread with a dry crunchy shell. Calling this a pretzel is racist. It’s going to give an entire generation ARFID.

I can’t believe more Subways aren’t on fire. Philly, where you at? I thought you guys loved pretzels.

Advertisement
Subway's new Auntie Anne's footlong pretzel bread next to a tape measure indicating it is not 12 inches long

Serving this in actual restaurants feels like an assault on the US from a foreign enemy. Deplete their bread reserves, break their spirits. But Subway is not a foreign power. They’re the second largest fast food chain in the country and a $16 billion revenue stream for private equity parent company, Roark Capital Group. Roark owns dozens of brands like Arby’s, Dunkin’ Donuts, Cheesecake Factory, Cinnabon, Auntie Anne’s, the list goes on. With all that airport food they’re selling, Roark generates some $77 billion in annual revenue. They’re also notorious wage thieves and enemies of the $15 federal minimum wage.

So, let me tell you in case you’re slow on the uptick: everything is rotten in the stratospheres of American power. Execs at these corporate monoliths haven’t just turned their backs on the American people: they spit in our faces, steal wallets and laugh, clearly aware they are too big to face consequences.

Who do we even complain to? These people run the world. What are you going to do? Buy the ingredients? Make your own pretzels? You work two jobs and pay 60 percent of your take home pay in rent. Your check engine light is coming on any day now. Meanwhile companies like Roark and Subway make billions and spend their R&D budgets on figuring out how to do less for Americans who are out here fighting for their lives.

No wonder the world is getting so damn expensive.

Did you know you need to earn 80 percent more today than in 2020 to purchase a house? And food costs have increased 25 percent in recent years. That raise you’re hoping for? It means almost nothing compared to what things cost out there.

Subway's new Auntie Anne's footlong pretzel bread
Courtesy of Subway

Have you heard of ‘shrinkflation?’ Companies are charging you more while giving you less. Even fruits and vegetables have gotten less nutritious. In San Diego—where we pay the most expensive energy bills in the country—you can make six-figures and still be lower-middle class. The US is one big Ponzi scheme. Life here smells more sour by the day. We’re getting screwed, and these pretzels are just proof.

Life is objectively getting harder. The middle class is gone, and most Americans don’t have a $500 emergency fund. We’re one toothache away from living in a tent. More people than ever need $3 food, and we’re being fed stylized co-branded trash. Subway has more money than god and the devil combined, they could easily offer something palatable, something that makes life a little worth living, if they chose.

Advertisement

But corporate America does not see itself as part of the fabric of our people. Roark and the like act as an occupying force, and the bean counting sociopaths they employ have no interest in our shared existences, our shared joys, our shared future. They’d steal your baby’s first breath if they could. They want our very essences. Roark, Auntie Anne’s, Subway— these companies don’t make our food in kitchens, they make it on a spreadsheet. And they hate us, you can taste it.

Did you know Subway paid Charles Barkley and Klay Thompson to advertise these 12 inch turds? Paid them, what? Tens of thousands? Just to convince us to buy this trash. Barkley and Thompson owe us all an apology. Donate your dirty money to food kitchens, you sellouts.

Jesus, my jaw is sore. Do you know how miserably dead warm bread has to be to cause muscle fatigue? I’d rather spend $3 in a prison commissary.

This is what late stage capitalism tastes like. The empire is falling, and American corporations are switching the vacuum on high, sucking as much joy from our lives and money from our pockets as possible before it all comes crashing down. These poisonous, celebrity-endorsed marketing proposals are what they feed us as the world burns.

Advertisement

We could do so much better

I mean it. The bread we eat is important. In Arabic, the word for bread is the same as the word for life. Somehow, in America, we’ve been driven to the point that pretzel now means sadness. I’m no nihilist, but why is it that in America, believing that everyone deserves real, affordable food—or edible bread—is seen as glory-holing The Communist Manifesto? If this is really what our country has come to, revolution must be nigh. Break out the guillotines, I’ll meet you outside of Roark.

But first, I gotta go brush my teeth.



Source link

Advertisement
Continue Reading
Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

San Diego, CA

Barbara Mathews – San Diego Union-Tribune

Published

on

Barbara Mathews – San Diego Union-Tribune



Barbara Mathews


OBITUARY

Barbara Mathews, 97, passed away peacefully on March 26, 2025, in Poway, California.

She was born on November 11, 1927, in Pennsylvania and was raised in the Amish community. She later attended business college and worked for many years as a secretary.

Advertisement

Barbara married her beloved husband, Dale Mathews, who preceded her in death. She was a happy mother of two children, Mark and Scott Mathews, and a proud grandmother to Christina Gaskill and Vyctorya Mathews.

She loved baking, church, and had a deep faith in God. She was a talented seamstress and active in the arts and crafts community, known for her sharp mind, wit, and beautiful handmade creations.

She will be deeply missed by her family and all who knew her.

A private service will be held on Saturday, May 31st at 10:00 AM at Mt. Olive Lutheran Church in Poway, CA.



Source link

Advertisement
Continue Reading

San Diego, CA

Homeowners suing city of San Diego over trash collection fee

Published

on

Homeowners suing city of San Diego over trash collection fee


Five local homeowners are suing the city of San Diego and six city council members over the city’s proposed trash collection fee, which they allege is unlawful because the fee exceeds the costs of providing trash services.

The lawsuit filed in San Diego Superior Court this week states that with the passage of Measure B — which ended free trash pickup services for single-family homeowners — the city has proposed a nearly $48 monthly fee that should be based on the cost of services, but is instead “based on projections and speculation.”

The residents are asking a judge to block the fee by arguing it violates Proposition 218, a state ballot measure that holds utility fees cannot exceed the costs of providing those services. The city council voted last month to advance the fee proposal to a public hearing, which is scheduled for June 9 and could result in its final approval.

The mayor’s office did not respond to a request for comment and the City Attorney’s Office declined comment on pending litigation, as is customary.

Advertisement

Michael Aguirre, one of the attorneys representing the plaintiffs, said the residents are willing to pay fees if they are closer to what was expected upon Measure B’s passage.

“With this lawsuit, we are attempting to draw a line in the sand,” Aguirre said. “Homeowners are happy to pay their fair share for picking up and collecting solid waste and recycling. But what they’re not going to allow is for the city to impose a tax.”

The complaint states that per a consultant hired by the city, the projected cost of services is nearly $149 million, while solid waste collection costs the year prior were around $89 million. The lawsuit alleges those costs were based on “guess estimates” and the consultant acknowledged in its cost- of-service study that its projections could widely differ from the actual results.

According to the lawsuit, the city was unable to identify all 222,500 city property taxpayers, but Aguirre said those residents should be surveyed in order to determine what level of trash service they want and then calculate an appropriate fee.

“Instead of enrolling the trash collection customers and then allowing the customers to select their level of solid waste collection service, the mayor and most of the city council have arbitrarily decided to impose a tax instead of an actual cost-of-service,” the complaint states.

Advertisement



Source link

Continue Reading

San Diego, CA

San Diego political leaders on tariffs, Medicaid cuts, Trump’s first 4 months

Published

on

San Diego political leaders on tariffs, Medicaid cuts, Trump’s first 4 months


Although local Republican and Democratic parties usually look to national parties to set positions on issues, it’s local leaders who get to pick and choose which ones they like and which ones to toss. KPBS spoke with Corey Gustafson and Kyle Krahel-Frolander of the San Diego Republican and Democratic parties respectively to get their take on President Trump’s first four months in office.

Corey, the San Diego Chamber of Commerce says the Trump administration’s tariffs on foreign goods and the promise of more have created uncertainty and could potentially devastate the local economy, creating empty shelves, supply chain issues, layoffs. How do you view these tariffs?

Gustafson: Well, look, I think, number one, tariffs from the perspective of the Trump administration are about national security. We have a tremendous inflow of fentanyl coming in over our southern border. And what we’ve seen under the Trump administration already is a 97% reduction in illegal immigration. We’ve seen him take the first narco terrorism charges against drug cartels that was just issued in the San Diego courts last week because President Trump made the cartels into terrorist organizations.

Kyle, the administration says the goal of these tariffs is to return manufacturing to the United States, a process that some economists say could take up to 15 years. What are the realities of the Trump administration’s tariffs?

Advertisement

Krahel-Frolander: These tariffs are only going to be a tax on the American people, increase prices yet again and squeeze us out even more. We have a bi-national economy here in San Diego, Tijuana and San Diego, and of course Mexico and the United States are two of the closest trading partners. And if you increase tariffs, you’re only going to drive down business and reduce investment on both sides of the border and hurt working people.

Kyle, I want to pivot very, very quickly to the local San Diego County Board of Supervisors. This is a race between Chula Vista Mayor John McCann and Imperial Beach Mayor Paloma Aguirre. This is to fill the District 1 seat. How do you think what’s happening in Washington D.C. right now affects this local race?

Krahel-Frolander: We have an amazing candidate in Paloma Aguirre. She has been fighting very hard to address the most pressing issue in South Bay, which is the terrible cross border pollution crisis. She’s been fighting for this for many years. This is not something new to her and that makes her unique in this. And I bring that up as part of the federal government because this solution that needs to take the federal government’s role into account, it’s not just going to be done locally, though we do need local work from the County Board and all other jurisdictions. We need the administration to work with Mexico, make sure that they fulfill their part of the bargain and also make sure that we continue our side to fix the problem on our end as well.

Corey, if McCann wins, Republicans will once again have a majority on the San Diego County Board of Supervisors after a multiple year hiatus. What would be the priorities of a Republican-dominated Board of Supervisors in 2025?

Gustafson: Well, number one, I would say homelessness. We have to get the problem under control. And Republicans around San Diego County, people like John Franklin, the mayor of Vista, Republican politicians and mayors are putting forward solutions on cutting homelessness and getting people off of the streets while providing them shelter. I think a Republican Board of Supervisors will really be able to attack the homelessness crisis and fix what we see going on. When you go to a Padres game, do you see homeless people everywhere? This is Democratic failed policies.

Advertisement

Okay, back to what’s going on in Washington, D.C. and the potential repercussions for San Diegans. Kyle, close to 1 million people are on Medicaid in San Diego County. The House GOP is proposing sweeping cuts to the program. Without Medicaid, what options do people here have for health care?

Krahel-Frolander: Well, you know, we need Medicaid. It is foundational to our health care system, both in California and across the country. And it’s a guarantee that people will not be left out without having health insurance, which is vital for the health of our economy, not just for those individuals. But it’s also lost in this that these cuts, these terrible, extremist cuts, are meant to just be able to fund a tax bill that would be a huge giveaway to billionaires. We would see the shutdown of many, many of our local hospitals if these drastic, draconian, extremist cuts to Medicaid go into effect.

Corey, Republican Senator Josh Hawley has said these cuts to Medicaid, if they go through, are morally wrong and politically suicidal. Do you agree?

Gustafson: I don’t agree with the question. These are not cuts. These are making sure that the folks who are eligible for Medicaid are eligible. These are just standards that Republicans are putting. And they’re making sure there’s not any waste, fraud and abuse, making sure that the people who are actually on the program are eligible. So I think this is fantastic. It’s something that the Obama administration tried to do in 2008–2016, but they failed. Republicans are saving taxpayers money.

Funding for scientific research has taken a real beating under the Trump administration. At UC San Diego, clinical trials have been halted at the Scripps Institution of Oceanography. Money for the study of the ocean, considered vital for weather forecasts and climate change study, is under threat. How do you view cuts or potential cuts to scientific research?

Advertisement

Gustafson: Innovation doesn’t only come from government. Innovation comes from the private sector. And what you see with the new proposal from Republicans on Capitol Hill is a massive amount of money going back to the American people, small businesses, corporations, because these are the folks who are innovating in our society. They grow the economy, they discover new possibilities, just like Apple Computer. Look at the things that Apple’s done for society because of the fact that they have an interest in profit.

I’ve spoken to government officials and university officials who say that there is no way that private industry could possibly fill the void of what government funding has been to scientific research in this country. These people have also told me that they’re looking to the state of California, which now has the world’s fourth largest economy, to use its economic leverage with Washington to stave off some of these cuts. What does that leverage look like?

Krahel-Frolander: We need to fight back and that’s what we’re going to do as California, as Democrats, because this is important to our economy, but it’s also important to the people who rely on clinical trials to save their lives. And I also think it’s important to point out that these cuts are not coming through the standard budget process. It’s not coming through Congress. These are being done unilaterally by the executive branch, illegally, in my opinion. And I think it’s part of an attack on our institutions like universities, like independent science, in order to advance a frankly authoritarian vision that doesn’t have any opposition power to this president.

The U.S. attorney’s office here in San Diego files dozens of border-related cases each week. President Trump has said in an interview this month that he didn’t know whether he has to uphold the Constitution by giving immigrants the right to due process before deporting them. What are your thoughts on this statement?

Gustafson: My thoughts are that President Trump is going to do what it takes to secure our southern border. He has done it. The idea that there should be any criticism against President Trump—his number one priority was saying we need to know who’s coming into this country. We need to stop and halt illegal immigration coming from our southern border. And he’s done it. He did it within a week. This is incredible.

Advertisement

Meanwhile, Trump’s aide Stephen Miller has said the administration is exploring suspending habeas corpus for migrants. Do you think it will happen? And if so, what recourse do opponents of this move have?

Krahel-Frolander: I think we need to rely on our checks and balances. The Supreme Court is our backstop here. I know it’s not a Supreme Court that I necessarily completely agree with, but I do believe that there are enough justices on that Supreme Court to strike down any unconstitutional power grabs that would invade the rights of Americans. And I say Americans not just because this is not just the migrants and other folks that they talk about coming through the southern border. These are attacks that are happening to people who are actually here legally.

A San Diego man is in the process of launching what he calls the Big Middle. It’s an online platform to assemble people of all political persuasions to find common ground. Is the time, is the moment ripe for this?

Gustafson: It’s already been done. President Trump just did it in November 2024. He just got 76 million people to vote for him. He just created an electoral landslide against the failed policies of the Biden administration and Kamala Harris. So if you want to talk about creating a huge movement amongst the American people, President Trump’s done it.

Do you agree? Is there representation of this so-called Big Middle, people from across political persuasions who may feel the same way about the big issues? Do they have representation in the Trump administration?

Advertisement

Krahel-Frolander: I can’t say that this administration has lived up to the promises that it said it would do to the American people that were supposed to attract the middle. All it’s doing is kowtowing to the richest in our country, to the billionaires and their friends, and that is not what the middle wants. The middle wants their prices to go down. That’s not happening. The middle wants good jobs. Those jobs are disappearing right now as we speak. They want their 401k so that they can retire with dignity, and those are being disappeared by this administration’s policies.



Source link

Continue Reading

Trending