Of all the hazards a golf course might face, a parking lot affair by the recycling bin wasn’t exactly on the scorecard for Skylinks at Buchanan Fields in California.

For the business, a public 9-hole course in East Bay, the biggest drama of the season hasn’t come from a bunker or a blown putt. 

It has come from two parked cars in the far corner of the lot, where an alleged weekly rendezvous has transformed a family-friendly fairway into the site of a full-blown soap opera.

A spicy Instagram post from the course lit up social media last week with this opening line:

“To the late 30’s married wife in the black car who’s having a secret affair and with the guy in the smaller silver car who’ve decided to using (sic) the back right corner of our Skylinks carpark to meet weekly… PLEASE STOP.”

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That blunt PSA, posted without names but full of implication, quickly went viral, racking up shares, memes, and speculation from curious commenters and suspicious spouses across the Bay Area and beyond.

“We’re a family golf course — not some Jerry Springer family destruction zone,” the post concluded, before warning: “If it happens again, we’ll drop the footage and watch all hell break loose.”

In an exclusive interview with Fox News Digital, the golf course’s owner, a New Zealand native who goes simply by “Kiwi,” confirmed the post was very real, the footage does exist, and no, this is not a marketing stunt.

“We’re a small, community course in Concord — not a drive-thru hookup spot for cheaters,” Kiwi said, deadpan. “This isn’t the kind of hole-in-one we encourage.”

According to Kiwi, staff began noticing the pattern about two months ago with the same cars, the same day of the week, and the same far corner of the lot, which sees basically zero legitimate golf traffic.

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“You don’t park way in the back to go play a quick round,” Kiwi said. “There’s no reason to be near the recycling bin unless you’re dropping off cardboard… or something else.”

The maintenance crew, which starts work around 5 a.m., would routinely spot the black car and silver car pulling in one after the other.

“One of our guys finally said, ‘Here they go again — early bird smash session in the car park,’ and after that we couldn’t un-hear it.”

It became a running joke, until it wasn’t. 
 

“It’s a family space. I’ve got two daughters. We’ve got kids playing under the pomegranate tree 20 feet from where this was happening. At a certain point, it’s just gross. Like — go to the hotel across the street. It’s 100 yards away, and it has doors.”

Once Skylinks posted the PSA, things got even messier. The post went viral, and the DMs flooded in.

“We started getting messages from people saying, ‘Hey, I think I know who this is. Send me the footage.’ Like, no! That’s not what we’re doing here,” Kiwi said. “We’re not here to destroy people’s lives. We just want them to stop using our parking lot like it’s a poorly disguised drive-in.”

One man even contacted the course because his wife drives a black car and he “just wanted to be sure.” 

“That’s when I knew this thing had really blown up,” Kiwi laughed.

Despite all the attention, Kiwi says the footage will stay locked up — for now. “We’ve got the footage, and yes, it’s very clear what’s going on. But no, we’re not releasing it. This is still a family business, not an episode of Dateline.”

Still, the viral fame has brought new attention to Skylinks, a public course with a comeback story of its own. 

Once nearly shut down, the course was revived by Kiwi after he bought it a little over a year ago. Since then, he’s tripled business and turned it into a thriving community hub, he said.

“We think of ourselves as a community club, not a country club,” Kiwi said. “It’s full of people just learning to play, local families, and folks grabbing lunch and hitting a bucket of balls.”

Kiwi, originally from New Zealand and married to an American, personally learned how to golf at Skylinks and fell in love with the course before buying it.

Though the tone of the post was cheeky, their message is serious. While Skylinks has seen some curious newcomers trying to park near the now-infamous dumpster for a photo op, Kiwi is hoping the viral attention fades and the back lot goes back to being empty.

And to those still tempted to turn a 9-hole golf course into a lovers’ lane?

Kiwi has one piece of advice to the public: “Keep your hole-in-ones on the course, not in our car park.”

But to the couple specifically, Kiwi had a little something extra.

“I now know who you are. I don’t know why you picked our parking lot. But what I do know is I have a very particular set of footage—footage we’ve gathered over months of running this golf course. Footage that will make me a nightmare for cheaters like you.”

“If you check into the hotel 100 yards away and keep it off my property, that’ll be the end of it. I won’t look for you, I won’t pursue you. But if you do return to the car park dumpster one more time, I’ll release the footage — and it’s game over. Good luck.”

Kiwi’s channeling of the movie “Taken” might be tongue-in-cheek, but the message is dead serious: Hook up somewhere else.