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Hater’s guide to the College Football Playoff: Dabo turns SEC tears into holy water

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Hater’s guide to the College Football Playoff: Dabo turns SEC tears into holy water

Of the many things worth hating about college football, most of them are at least tacitly associated with the most hated people in sports: television executives.

They fix games that hurt your team. They don’t fix games that should be fixed to help your team. They find a way to keep those games at four hours. They won’t let their employees say “two-minute warning” even though we all know it’s A TWO-MINUTE WARNING. They’re giving us 18-team leagues with teams that are 18-hour drives apart, and so much stiff Nick Saban acting. They say “harumph” under their breath a lot, when they aren’t breathlessly debating the 36 teams that will make up NFL Campus North and NFL Campus South.

They are, per previous reporting from The Athletic’s Grant Brisbee, “chuzzlewits and pecksniffs.” And by the way, add that World Series Hater’s Guide to the list of targets of this Hater’s Guide, because that one was much funnier. This one, however, does have a curveball in its repertoire: some love for the TV execs. Before getting into the 12 teams of the College Football Playoff and why each is uniquely worthy of deep resentment and scorn, let’s celebrate the one that isn’t here.

Thank you, media rights overlords, for not forcing Alabama into our living rooms when the Crimson Tide didn’t deserve it, even though so many were sure you would. We all know you can buzz into the selection committee deliberation room with a direct order, and I imagine it’s delivered at booming levels by an enormous hologram that gives off a scary “Wizard of Oz” vibe except with the visage of Lou Holtz. You held off this time, and maybe it’s because oil people are scarier than TV people, but whatever. Thank you.

Moreover, thank you for existing and making the resulting SEC administrator/coach/public relations — er, media — weeping such a hoot. Oh, you’re going to stop scheduling competitive nonleague games? Going Mercer-McNeese State-Maine-Murray State and keeping it at eight SEC games if that’s how they’re going to treat you? Here, let us reintroduce you to the people who run the sport.

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Greg Sankey may tweet about schedule strength and have a humorous-yet-somewhat-tender anecdote for every coach he introduces at SEC media days, but check out his necktie collection and understand he’ll always side with team “harumph.” So good luck with that.

And good luck, Alabama, in the Spoon Makes Annoying Clinking Sound Against My Cereal Bowl. On to the games that mean more.

Tennessee at Ohio State, winner gets Oregon: Ducks, Bucks and Pilot Flying J welcomes trucks

Apparently, because Ohio State fans are spoiled brats who would rather fire their 66-10 coach and imprison Connor Stalions than win a national championship, more Vols fans are going to gather Saturday at Ohio Stadium than did on Nov. 26, 2017, in Knoxville. That’s the day a bunch of them got together to falsely accuse Ohio State’s defensive coordinator of heinous crimes because they didn’t want him to be their football coach.

Schiano shaming joins mattress burning, butt chugging and mustard bottle chucking in a tapestry of Tennessee embarrassments over the past two decades, but things are much better now thanks to Josh Heupel and his football team. These people are thrilled to be in the Playoff — the Vols are usually fighting for something like the How Much More Would You Trust Raiders Owner Mark Davis If His Haircut Wasn’t A Bowl — and they’re acting like it.

In an elite “X” matchup of fans who post awful things that no one should ever say to other humans, Vols fans have apparently duped Buckeyes fans into selling them their tickets. I’d say I’m surprised, but Ohio State fans also seem to think Knoxville is a tropical paradise in the winter and that temps in the high 20s will make the Vols turtle the way the Buckeyes do every time they see winged helmets.

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Just understand, Vols: In Ohio, they actually have elected officials who make up crimes, and felonies at that. If you win, walk quietly to the locker room with your eyes down. If you so much as touch a flag, the punishment will be harsher than the things that Buckeyes Boosters members will be screaming at Ryan Day when he leads his team onto the field Saturday.

Team we’d most hate to reach semifinals: Ohio State. Oregon and its fans can’t really hang. Too many goofy uniform combinations? Too much caffeine in Dan Lanning’s bloodstream? Sure. Phil Knight and Nike’s sordid history? Yes, and Tennessee’s got “Big” Jim Haslam and Pilot Company. But did you see the signs and tailgate props of Browns fans, most of whom are Buckeyes fans, when Deshaun Watson — signed by Jimmy Haslam to the worst contract in sports history — started his tenure? Those people deserve another decade at least of sports misery.

Indiana at Notre Dame, winner gets Georgia: Jimmy Chitwood and Rudy in a slap fight

Has anyone ever worn a visor and not looked like a dolt? Let’s do an online poll, write-in candidates only because I can’t for the life of me come up with a name: The person in human history who has looked coolest wearing a visor is ______.

On an unrelated note, say two things for Georgia coach Kirby Smart: He wins a lot of football games and he convinces his players no one thinks they can win any football games.

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His next challenge is to find a way to turn these Bulldogs into underdogs against the winner of the state football championship of a state known for its basketball.

What tradition though, right? Indiana men’s basketball, with all of one Final Four in the past 32 years, having last won it all in 1987, a few months after “Hoosiers” introduced Jimmy Chitwood to movie audiences.

Goodness, the last time IU hoops got as close to a natty as the final 12 teams was in 2002, when Notre Dame coach Marcus Freeman was a 16-year-old star linebacker, getting recruited hard by Notre Dame and realizing he’d prefer a program that could sell recent championships (Ohio State) over 1920s newsreels.

But coaching Notre Dame football? It’s a sweet deal — witness Freeman’s contract extension for following up a loss to Northern Illinois with a bunch of wins over teams not quite that bad. He’ll be hailed far and wide if he can beat the Fighting Curt Cignettis. Notre Dame’s last natty was in 1988, a few years before “Rudy” hit theaters. It keeps coming back to the late 1980s, which is fitting because much of that state seems to wish we still lived in the late 1980s.

Team we’d most hate to reach semifinals: Georgia. Sorry, but Sankey sort of Darth Vaders up the whole enterprise. Notre Dame is right there, though. At least 99.99 percent of unaffiliated fans would pick Indiana, which is about as likely as an Indiana Jones sequel in which Indy searches for Knute Rockne’s 1924 practice whistle and trades in his leather fedora for a visor.

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SMU at Penn State, winner gets Boise State: Blue field, gold Trans Am, white out

One of the big things they’re watching in this 12-team Playoff is the logistics involved in the four programs that are hosting games. Does everything go smoothly? How does the hotel situation work out? Who do the bowl reps have to pay off to make sure this doesn’t happen again?

It’s especially daunting at Penn State, and not just because the nearest hotel room with a color TV is in Altoona, 44 miles away. Penn State representatives are working hard to fool James Franklin and his team into thinking this is actually a pre-conference game against an FCS opponent. Right down to signs at the local bookstores that read, “Beat Southwest Montana University.”

This means an extensive labyrinth of heaters in the stands, so fans can take part in the traditional “White Out,” but in shorts and T-shirts. No expense is being spared, because we all know how James Franklin and his team react to the words “big game.” If you get into big games against Ryan Day and lose those games, you might have a problem in big games.

Now, Penn State fans sometimes go overboard on the Franklin criticism. I saw one after the Ohio State loss who posted that Franklin is “literally taking a blowtorch to this program,” and I had so many questions. Literally? How big of a blowtorch? More of a flamethrower? To the exterior of the football building, the weight room, the footballs themselves? I need more information, including on how the media got away with the cover-up.

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Then again, Franklin is incredibly elusive with media, pretending to put on a Harry Potter invisibility cloak and slipping out when he gets tough questions. Big games, schmig schmames. Put my money on Franklin when it’s a big presser and you need a coach who says absolutely nothing.

Team we’d most hate to reach the semifinals: Penn State. It’s almost not worth mentioning. I mean, sure, Boise State has a blue field, which is the sort of thing you’d expect from a team with a postseason ceiling of the Need A Sharper Knife To Scrape The Resin Out Of This Bowl. But it also has Ashton Jeanty. Some of the SMU people are terrifying, but let’s give them some grace — they were missing their football program for a few years.

Speaking of not being able to get out of the late 1980s, we need some new joke fodder for the Mustangs if they’re actually going to be good now — Eric Dickerson’s gold Trans Am and the death penalty have jumped the shark. Figuratively.

Clemson at Texas, winner gets Arizona State: Oh God, You Sun Devil

Did Clemson coach Dabo Swinney already give away the result of the College Football Playoff? Gamblers, pay attention. Here’s what he said to ABC’s Molly McGrath in the moments after his three-loss Tigers beat SMU to claim the ACC title and automatic bid: “We all thought the door was closed on us. But this was God’s plan for us. That’s all I can tell you. God just opened the door and they fought their butts off.”

You know, another person with the same beliefs in the same situation might have kept it to his or her own personal faith and how much strength it has provided, or even how important God has been to certain individuals on the team. A person in that situation might have considered that not all people who root for Clemson have the exact same religious beliefs and that the other team probably has a lot of folks who do, which would make it difficult for God to pick one side or the other in a football game. Some with deep religious beliefs might even have a problem with the idea that God would care about the result of a football game.

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But not Dabo! No sirree! Apparently that Clemson fire zone blitz is so good it’s holy, especially when deployed against heathenly opponents. Perhaps then it is written, and not just on Clemson message boards, that Dabo, armed with favor from above, having forgiven the transfer portal, is due for a natty and the resulting bonuses to take that salary higher than $12 million.

Team we’d most hate to reach the semifinals: Clemson. You’ve made Texas a sentimental choice and unworthy of being insulted in this piece, Dabo. For shame. The winner plays Arizona State, a great story, but also a team that might be best off in the Underrated Date In Which You Don’t Have To Spend Or Talk Much Is To Go Bowl.

(Photo of Dabo Swinney: Bob Donnan / Imagn Images)

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Law firm fighting for women’s sports in SCOTUS battle comments on ruling possibly impacting SJSU trans lawsuit

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Law firm fighting for women’s sports in SCOTUS battle comments on ruling possibly impacting SJSU trans lawsuit

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A law firm leading the charge in the ongoing Supreme Court case over trans athletes in women’s sports has responded after a federal judge suggested the case’s ruling could impact a separate case involving a similar issue. 

Colorado District Judge Kato Crews deferred ruling in motions to dismiss former San Jose State volleyball co-captain Brooke Slusser’s lawsuit against the California State University (CSU) system until after a ruling in the B.P.J. v. West Virginia Supreme Court case, which is expected to come in June. 

Slusser filed the lawsuit against representatives of her school and the Mountain West Conference in fall 2024 after she allegedly was made to share bedrooms and changing spaces with trans teammate Blaire Fleming for a whole season without being informed that Fleming is a biological male. 

 

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Meanwhile, the B.P.J. case went to the Supreme Court after a trans teen sued West Virginia to block the state’s law that prevents males from competing in girls’ high school sports. 

The Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF) is the primary law firm defending West Virginia in that case at the Supreme Court, and has now responded to news that Slusser’s lawsuit could be affected by the SCOTUS ruling. 

“We hope the ruling from the Supreme Court will affirm that Title IX was designed to guarantee equal opportunity for women, not to let male athletes displace women and girl in competition. It is crucial that sports be separated by sex for not only the equal opportunity of women but for safety and privacy. Title IX should protect women’s right to compete in their own sports. Allowing men to compete in the female category reverses 50 years of advancement for women,” ADF Vice President of Litigation Strategies Jonathan Scruggs said.

Slusser’s attorney, Bill Bock of the Independent Council on Women’s Sports, expects a Supreme Court ruling in favor of the legal defense representing West Virginia, thus helping his case. 

(Left) Brooke Slusser (10) of the San Jose State Spartans serves the ball during the first set against the Air Force Falcons at Falcon Court at East Gym in Colorado Springs, Colorado, on Oct. 19, 2024. (Right) Blaire Fleming #3 of the San Jose State Spartans looks on during the third set against the Air Force Falcons at Falcon Court at East Gym on October 19, 2024 in Colorado Springs, Colorado. ( Andrew Wevers/Getty Images; Andrew Wevers/Getty Images)

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“We’re looking forward to the case going forward,” Bock told Fox News Digital. 

“I believe that the court is going to find that Title IX operates on the basis of biological sex, without regard to an assumed or professed gender, and so just like the congress and the members of congress that passed Title IX in 1972, allowed this specifically provided for in the regulations that there had to be separate men’s and women’s teams based on biological sex, I think the court is going to see that is the original meaning of the statute and apply it in that way, and I think it’s going to be a big win in women’s sports.”

The Supreme Court’s conservative majority appeared prepared to rule in favor of West Virginia after oral arguments on Jan. 13. 

Slusser spoke on the steps of the Supreme Court on Jan. 13 while oral arguments took place inside, sharing her experience with a divided crowd of opposing protesters. 

With Fleming on its roster, SJSU reached the 2024 conference final by virtue of a forfeit by Boise State in the semifinal round. SJSU lost in the final to Colorado State.

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Slusser went on to develop an eating disorder due to the anxiety and trauma from the scandal and dropped out of her classes the following semester. The eating disorder became so severe, that Slusser said she lost her menstrual cycle for nine months. Her decision to drop her classes resulted in the loss of her scholarship, and her parents said they had to foot the bill out of pocket for an unfinished final semester of college. 

President Donald Trump’s Department of Education determined in January that SJSU violated Title IX in its handling of the situation involving Fleming, and has given the university an ultimatum to agree to a series of resolutions or face a referral to the Department of Justice. 

Among the department’s findings, it determined that a female athlete discovered that the trans student allegedly conspired to have a member of an opposing team spike her in the face during a match. ED claims that “SJSU did not investigate the conspiracy, but later subjected the female athlete to a Title IX complaint for ‘misgendering’ the male athlete in online videos and interviews.”

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SJSU trans player Blaire Fleming and teammate Brooke Slusser went to a magic show and had Thanksgiving together in Las Vegas despite an ongoing lawsuit over Fleming being transgender. (Thien-An Truong/San Jose State Athletics)

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SJSU Athletic Director Jeff Konya told Fox News Digital in a July interview that he was satisfied with how the university handled the situation involving Fleming.

“I think everybody acted in the best possible way they could, given the circumstances,” Konya said. 

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Myles Garrett cited for speeding a ninth time, an elite pass rusher seemingly always in a rush

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Myles Garrett cited for speeding a ninth time, an elite pass rusher seemingly always in a rush

Myles Garrett is in a hurry to become the greatest pass rusher in NFL history. The Cleveland Browns All-Pro defensive end set the single-season sack record in 2025 and has cracked the top 20 career leaders after only nine seasons.

“I’m going to take that down, and I prefer I take it down in the next five years,” Garrett told Casino Guru News last month.

Off the field, however, his urgency to get from point A to B is a problem. He’s accumulating speeding tickets at an alarming rate.

On Feb. 21, Garrett was handed his ninth speeding ticket since his NFL career began in 2017. He was cited for driving 94 mph in a 70-mph zone on Interstate 71 between Cleveland and Columbus, Ohio.

The citation from the Wayne County Sheriff’s Office says Garrett was driving his green 2024 Porsche at 1:35 a.m., returning home after attending a Miami of Ohio basketball game in Oxford.

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Body cam footage shows the officer telling Garrett that she kept the charge under 100 mph so that a court appearance wouldn’t be mandatory. Garrett reportedly still holds a Texas driver’s license — he attended Texas A&M — and told the officer that he did not have an Ohio license.

Cleveland Browns’ Myles Garrett wears a jacket displaying his girlfriend Chloe Kim before the women’s snowboarding halfpipe finals at the 2026 Winter Olympics, in Livigno, Italy.

(Lindsey Wasson / AP)

The officer wrote that the famously affable Garrett was “kind and cooperative,” and that drugs and alcohol were not a factor.

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Garrett’s need for speed flies in the face of his persona. He has written poetry since high school, peppers social media with inspirational sayings and donates time and money to several charities.

His girlfriend is two-time gold-medal-winning U.S. Olympic snowboarder Chloe Kim, for whom he wrote a poem he shared on social media: “You enrapture fools to kings, and exist without a peer, put on this Earth for many things, but our love is why you’re here.”

Verse hasn’t slowed his roll. On Aug. 9 he was cited for ticket No. 8, clocked at 100 mph in a 60-mph zone in a Cleveland suburb a day after the Browns returned home from a preseason game at Carolina.

Garrett’s seventh ticket followed a frightening crash in 2022. He flipped his gray 2021 Porsche 911 Turbo S off State Road in Sharon Township and he and a female passenger were injured. He was cited for failing to control his vehicle due to unsafe speeds on what had been a slick roadway.

A witness told a responding police officer that Garrett’s vehicle went airborne, took out a fire hydrant and rolled three times. Garrett sustained shoulder and biceps sprains and was sidelined for the Browns’ game that week against the Atlanta Falcons. His companion was not seriously injured.

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Cleveland television station WKYC reported that in September 2021 Garrett was stopped twice in a 24-hour period — for driving 120 and 105 mph. The infractions occurred on Interstate 71 in Medina County, where the speed limit is 70 mph, and he paid fines of $267 and $287.

A year earlier, Garrett was cited for driving 100 mph in a 65-mph zone of Interstate 77 — again while driving a Porsche — and paid a $308 fine. He accumulated his first batch of speeding tickets in 2017 and 2018, and the police reports recite similar circumstances: Garrett driving well over the speed limit, cited without incident, paid a nominal fine.

The piddly fines certainly aren’t a deterrent. Garrett, 30, and the Browns agreed to a four-year contract extension in March 2025 that made him the highest-paid non-quarterback in NFL history at the time. The deal pays the seven-time All-Pro more than $40 million a season and includes more than $123 million in guaranteed money.

He set the NFL single-season sack record with 23.0 last season, surpassing the 22.5 accumulated by T.J. Watt and Michael Strahan. Garrett has 125.5 career sacks, averaging 14 a season, a pace that would enable him to break Bruce Smith’s career record of 200 in five years.

“That is definitely on my mind to go out there and get,” Garrett said. “That’s a goal I’ve had for years now since college.”

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Garrett has declined to discuss his driving habits.

“I’d honestly prefer to talk about football and this team than anything I’m doing off the field other than the back-to-school event that I did the other day,” he told reporters after ticket No. 8 in August, referring to a charity appearance.

“I try to keep my personal life personal. And I’d rather focus on this team when I can.”

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Keith Olbermann under fire for calling Lou Holtz a ‘scumbag’ after legendary coach’s death

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Keith Olbermann under fire for calling Lou Holtz a ‘scumbag’ after legendary coach’s death

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Former ESPN broadcaster Keith Olbermann once again incited backlash on social media Wednesday after he called late legendary college football coach Lou Holtz a “legendary scumbag” in an X post on the day Holtz was announced dead. 

“Legendary scumbag, yes,” Olbermann wrote in response to a clip of Holtz criticizing former President Joe Biden in 2020 for supporting abortion rights. 

Olbermann received scathing criticism in response to his post on X.

 

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“You’re a scumbag that needs mental help,” one X user wrote to Olbermann. 

One user echoed that sentiment, writing to Olbermann, “You’re the real scumbag here. Lou Holtz had more class, integrity, and genuine decency in his pinky finger than you’ll ever show in your lifetime.”

Another user wrote, “You’re a grumpy, lonely, Godless man. All the things Lou Holtz was not.”

Keith Olbermann speaks onstage during the Olbermann panel at the ESPN portion of the 2013 Summer Television Critics Association tour at the Beverly Hilton Hotel July 24, 2013, in Beverly Hills, Calif.  (Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images)

Olbermann has made it a pattern of sharing politically charged far-left statements that are often combative and ridiculed on social media, typically resulting in immense backlash.

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After the U.S. men’s hockey team’s gold medal win, Olbermann heavily criticized the team for accepting an invitation from President Trump to the State of the Union address. Olbermann wrote on X that any members of the men’s team who attended the event were “declaring their indelible stupidity and misogyny,” while praising the women’s team for declining the invitation.

In January, Olbermann attacked former University of Kentucky women’s swimmer Kaitlynn Wheeler for celebrating a women’s rights rally outside the U.S. Supreme Court during oral arguments for two cases focused on the legality of biological male trans athletes in women’s sports.

Former Notre Dame football coach Lou Holtz listens before being presented with the Presidential Medal of Freedom at the White House in Washington, D.C., Dec, 3, 2020.  (Doug Mills/The New York Times/Bloomberg via Getty Images)

“It’s still about you trying to find an excuse for a lifetime wasted trying to succeed in sports without talent,” Olbermann wrote in response to Wheeler’s post. 

In 2025, Olbermann faced significant backlash after posting (and later deleting) a message on X aimed at CNN contributor Scott Jennings, that said, “You’re next motherf—–,” shortly after the assassination of conservative influencer Charlie Kirk. 

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Holtz was a stern supporter of President Donald Trump, even saying in February 2024 that Trump needed to “coach America back to greatness!”

Near the end of Trump’s first term, shortly after former President Joe Biden defeated him in the 2020 election, Trump awarded Holtz with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award of the United States. 

After Holtz’s death was announced Wednesday, several top GOP figures paid tribute to the coach on social media. 

Those GOP lawmakers included senators Tommy Tuberville, R-Ala.; Todd Young, R-Ind.; Tom Cotton, R-Ark.; and Lindsey Graham, R-S.C.; representatives Greg Murphy, R-N.C.; David Rouzer, R-N.C.; Erin Houchin, R-Ind.; and Steve Womack, R-Ark.; and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis; Indiana Gov. Mike Braun; U.S. Education Secretary Linda McMahon; and Rudy Giuliani.

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Lou Holtz, former Notre Dame football coach, addresses the America First Policy Institute’s America First Agenda Summit at the Marriott Marquis July 26, 2022. (Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call, Inc)

At the time of publication, prominent Democrat leaders have appeared silent on Holtz’s passing, including prominent Democrats with a football background. 

Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz, who worked as an assistant high school football coach; Sen. Cory Booker, D-N.J., who was a recruiting target for Holtz in 1986 as a college prospect; Rep. Colin Allred, D-Texas, who played in the NFL; and Rep. Kam Buckner, D-Ill., who played football for the University of Illinois, have not posted acknowledging Holtz’s death. 

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