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Fed up with perimenopause or menopause? The We Do Not Care Club is here for you

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Fed up with perimenopause or menopause? The We Do Not Care Club is here for you

Melani Sanders is over it.

She’s over meticulously applying makeup before leaving the house or, even, having to wear a bra when running errands. She’s over wasting time plucking chin hairs, searching for brain fog-induced lost reading glasses and — most of all — withholding her opinions so as not to offend others.

As a 45-year-old perimenopausal woman, Sanders is no longer searching for outside validation and is over people-pleasing.

The dedication page in her new book sums it up best: “To the a— who told me I had a “computer box booty.”

Who is this dude, and is Sanders worried about offending him?

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She doesn’t care.

Author, Melani Sanders, in an outfit she typically wears in her social media videos.

(Surej Kalathil Sunman Media)

That’s Sanders’ mantra in life right now. Last year, the West Palm Beach, Fla.-based mother of three founded the We Do Not Care Club, an online “sisterhood” into the millions of perimenopausal, menopausal and post-menopausal women “who are putting the world on notice that we simply do not care much anymore.” Sanders’ social media videos feature her looking disheveled — in a bathrobe and reading glasses, for example, with additional pairs of reading glasses hanging from her lapels — while rattling off members’ comments about what they do not care about anymore.

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“We do not care if we still wear skinny jeans — they stretch and they’re comfortable,” she reads, deadpan. “We do not care if the towels don’t match in our house — you got a rag and you got a towel, use it accordingly.”

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Sanders’ online community of fed up women grew rapidly. She announced the club in May 2025, and it has more than 3 million members internationally; celebrity supporters include Ashley Judd, Sharon Stone and Halle Berry. It’s a welcoming, if unexpected, space where women “can finally exhale,” as Sanders puts it. The rallying cry? “We do not give a f—ing s— what anyone thinks of us anymore.”

That’s also the message of Sanders’ new book, “The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook: A Hot-Mess Guide for Women in Perimenopause, Menopause, and Beyond Who Are Over It.” The book is part self-help book, with facts about the perimenopause and menopause transition; part memoir; part practical workbook with tools and resources; and part humor book, brimming with Sanders’ raw and authentic comedic style. (It includes a membership card for new club inductees and cutout-able patches with slogans like “lubricated and horny” or “speaking your truth.”)

We caught up with Sanders while she was in New York to promote her book and admittedly “overstimulated from all the horns,” she said. But she just. Did. Not. Care.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

The We Do Not Care Club came about after you had a meltdown in a supermarket parking lot. Tell us about that.

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I was in the parking lot of Whole Foods. I needed Ashwagandha — that was my holy grail at the time for my perimenopause journey, and I was out of it. I got back in my car and looked at myself in the rear view mirror. I had on a sports bra that was shifted to one side. My hair was extremely unstructured. I had a hat on and socks mismatched — I was a real hot mess. Nothing added up. But in that moment, I realized that I just didn’t care much anymore. I just said, “Melanie, you have to take the pressure off, girlfriend. It’s time to stop caring so much.” I decided to press the record button and see if anyone wanted to join me in starting a club called the We Do Not Care Club. I released the video and drove home, which took about 20 minutes, and by the time I got home it had [gone viral].

You got hundreds of thousands of new followers, internationally, within 24 hours. Why do you think the post resonated so greatly at that moment?

I had to dissect that because it was kind of unreal. Like, what is it about country, old Melanie that hit record and asked about a little club that she thought maybe 20 or 30 women would want to join? Over the summer, I studied this and did more videos and I listened. It was the relatability. It was the understanding. It was just letting my guard down and just saying it out loud. Speaking my truth. Also, for many women, we have this silent pressure to get it all done. But we’re at capacity. In the book, I talk about how, once I was in perimenopause, I didn’t want to have sex with my husband. I didn’t want to see my kids — like, everyone just close the door! And that’s kind of shameful, you know? It’s not like I don’t love my family. I really do. But I can’t do it all anymore. And I just think that resonated with a lot of sisters throughout the world. It was like: Now is the time for us to just explode and I think we all did it at once.

"The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook."

“The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook.”

(William Morrow)

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You entered perimenopause (or “Miss Peri,” as you call it) at age 44, after a partial hysterectomy. How did your life change after that?

I did not expect it. I knew that I had fibroids and I was uncomfortable because of that. So when I had the hysterectomy, I was expecting to now be a whole person again afterwards. But I just went into this dark place. It was like you’re fighting against yourself to just be normal again. And your body is changing in so many ways. For me, that was the hot flashes, the insomnia, the depression, the rage. My joints were really, really stiff all of a sudden. It’s like, ‘wait a minute, how and why?!!’ And [I got] frozen shoulder. Frozen shoulder was how I discovered I was in perimenopause because I was not told by my doctor who performed my hysterectomy that this could happen. And I didn’t know where to turn or where to go because I was just being told everything was normal. I was so frustrated with the process, the lack of education, the lack of resources. The lack of compassion, I would even say.

Your book and social media videos are so funny. Do you have a comedy background?

I don’t, and I get asked that often. I just say what’s on my mind and sometimes, I guess, it comes out funny — but I’m not trying. The [wearing multiple pairs of] glasses: I do that because, with perimenopause, my eyesight went bad really quickly. I was out in public one day and I could not read. I was just traumatized. So every time I would see glasses, I would just put them on me because I don’t want to get stuck without them. That neck pillow, when I got frozen shoulder, I was using it a lot. Then one day when I hit record, I had the neck pillow on and I just didn’t care. And it stuck.

You’ve appeared on TV, been featured in publications, and People magazine named you creator of the year for 2025. What has this sudden fame been like for you?

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It’s surreal. I have not completely processed it yet. It’s a lot to take in. I’m just an everyday woman that decided to press record and accidentally started a movement. Impostor syndrome is there from time to time. But I’m just trying my best to accept everything that’s going on — and keep just being Melani.

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Has the overwhelming response from new members fueled your own resolve to be true to yourself or otherwise changed you personally?

It absolutely has. It’s the strength that the sisterhood gives me. Because I’m very scared. You know, the book is coming out. And the tour is sold out in several cities. This is all within an eight-month span. It’s a lot. But when everyone is saying they love you, and when you have a group of women that understands you and feels the way that you feel, absolutely, there’s strength in numbers. Now I don’t care about making mistakes.

You live in a very male household. What do your sons and husband think of all this?

Once I decided that I didn’t care anymore, I just expected for them to kind of allow things just to go to hell around the house — but it was quite the opposite. All three of my sons and my husband, they’re just very supportive. Because it was very sad for me. It was very hard to not want to watch movies or anything and just be by myself. But they rose to the occasion and they make sure things are done when they’re home. They really show how they love their mom during this time.

How can other men become allies to the women they love during the menopause transition?

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Just either get out of our way or, you know, just kind of read the room! Because we don’t know who we are from day to day. We don’t know what’s gonna ache. We don’t know what’s going to hurt or what’s going to itch or what’s going to be dry. And if it’s an off day, then darling, it’s just an off day — and it’s OK.

What are some things that you do still care about greatly?

I care about sisterhood. Because when women bind together, it’s a game changer. We will move mountains. I just think that, in this world, there’s so much pressure, so much overstimulation. So I care about being able to live authentically. To feel free. To be OK with who you are. Within WDNC, the two things that I definitely want to convey that I care about is: that you are enough. And you are not alone. And of course I love my kids. I love my family immensely.

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Where does the WDNC go from here? What’s the future?

Retreats. That is definitely a dream. To have a weekend retreat where women can come and the only thing that you need to bring is some clean underwear and some pantyliners! (You can’t have a good, hard laugh or a good sneeze or a good cough without pissing your pants.) No makeup, no nothing, just come and be free. I want three different rooms. One will be the rage room and you’ll go in there and just throw stuff around and scream and punch, whatever you want. Then a quiet room. No talking, no nothing, just silence. And the last room will be the “Let that s— go room.” That’s where we’ll put everything that we have in us, that we’re holding onto that’s keeping us from living a blissful and peaceful life, and write it down and let it go. I just want to touch sisters and let them know it is OK. We are OK. I have my s— I go through. You have your s— you go through. It’s OK. Let’s live.

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After rash of overdose deaths, L.A. banned sales of kratom. Some say they lost lifeline for pain and opioid withdrawal

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After rash of overdose deaths, L.A. banned sales of kratom. Some say they lost lifeline for pain and opioid withdrawal

Nearly four months ago, Los Angeles County banned the sale of kratom, as well as 7-OH, the synthetic version of the alkaloid that is its active ingredient. The idea was to put an end to what at the time seemed like a rash of overdose deaths related to the drug.

It’s too soon to tell whether kratom-related deaths have dissipated as a result — or, really, whether there was ever actually an epidemic to begin with. But many L.A. residents had become reliant on kratom as something of a panacea for debilitating pain and opioid withdrawal symptoms, and the new rules have made it harder for them to find what they say has been a lifesaving drug.

Robert Wallace started using kratom a few years ago for his knees. For decades he had been in pain, which he says stems from his days as a physical education teacher for the Glendale Unified School District between 1989 and 1998, when he and his students primarily exercised on asphalt.

In 2004, he had arthroscopic surgery on his right knee, followed by varicose vein surgery on both legs. Over the next couple of decades, he saw pain-management specialists regularly. But the primary outcome was a growing dependence on opioid-based painkillers. “I found myself seeking doctors who would prescribe it,” he said.

He leaned on opioids when he could get them and alcohol when he couldn’t, resulting in a strain on his marriage.

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When Wallace was scheduled for his first knee replacement in 2021 (he had his other knee replaced a few years later), his brother recommended he take kratom for the post-surgery pain.

It seemed to work: Wallace said he takes a quarter of a teaspoon of powdered kratom twice a day, and it lets him take charge of managing his pain without prescription painkillers and eases harsh opiate-withdrawal symptoms.

He’s one of many Angelenos frustrated by recent efforts by the county health department to limit access to the drug. “Kratom has impacted my life in only positive ways,” Wallace told The Times.

For now, Wallace is still able to get his kratom powder, called Red Bali, by ordering from a company in Florida.

However, advocates say that the county crackdown on kratom could significantly affect the ability of many Angelenos to access what they say is an affordable, safer alternative to prescription painkillers.

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Kratom comes from the leaves of a tree native to Southeast Asia called Mitragyna speciosa. It has been used for hundreds of years to treat chronic pain, coughing and diarrhea as well as to boost energy — in low doses, kratom appears to act as a stimulant, though in higher doses, it can have effects more like opioids.

Though advocates note that kratom has been used in the U.S. for more than 50 years for all sorts of health applications, there is limited research that suggests kratom could have therapeutic value, and there is no scientific consensus.

Then there’s 7-OH, or 7-Hydroxymitragynine, a synthetic alkaloid derived from kratom that has similar effects and has been on the U.S. market for only about three years. However, because of its ability to bind to opioid receptors in the body, it has a higher potential for abuse than kratom.

Public health officials and advocates are divided on kratom. Some say it should be heavily regulated — and 7-OH banned altogether — while others say both should be accessible, as long as there are age limitations and proper labeling, such as with alcohol or cannabis.

In the U.S., kratom and 7-OH can be found in all sorts of forms, including powder, capsules and liquids — though it depends on exactly where you are in the country. Though the Food and Drug Administration has recommended that 7-OH be included as a Schedule 1 controlled substance under the Controlled Substances Act, that hasn’t been made official. And the plant itself remains unscheduled on the federal level.

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That has left states, counties and cities to decide how to regulate the substances.

California failed to approve an Assembly bill in 2024 that would have required kratom products to be registered with the state, have labeling and warnings, and be prohibited from being sold to anyone younger than 21.

It would also have banned products containing synthetic versions of kratom alkaloids. The state Legislature is now considering another bill that basically does the same without banning 7-OH — while also limiting the amount of synthetic alkaloids in kratom and 7-OH products sold in the state.

“Until kratom and its pharmacologically active key ingredients mitragynine and 7-OH are approved for use, they will remain classified as adulterants in drugs, dietary supplements and foods,” a California Department of Public Health spokesperson previously told The Times.

On Tuesday, California Gov. Gavin Newsom announced that the state’s efforts to crack down on kratom products has resulted in the removal of more than 3,300 kratom and 7-OH products from retail stores. According to a news release from the governor’s office, there has been a 95% compliance rate from businesses in removing the products.

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(Los Angeles Times photo illustration; source photos by Getty Images)

Newsom has equated these actions to the state’s efforts in 2024 to quash the sale of hemp products containing cannabinoids such as THC. Under emergency state regulations two years ago, California banned these specific hemp products and agents with the state Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control seized thousands of products statewide.

Since the beginning of 2026, there have been no reported violations of the ban on sales of such products.

“We’ve shown with illegal hemp products that when the state sets clear expectations and partners with businesses, compliance follows,” Newsom said in a statement. “This effort builds on that model — education first, enforcement where necessary — to protect Californians.”

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Despite the state’s actions, the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors is still considering whether to regulate kratom, or ban it altogether.

The county Public Health Department’s decision to ban the sale of kratom didn’t come out of nowhere. As Maral Farsi, deputy director of the California Department of Public Health, noted during a Feb. 18 state Senate hearing, the agency “identified 362 kratom-related overdose deaths in California between 2019 and 2023, with a steady increase from 38 in 2019 up to 92 in 2023.”

However, some experts say those numbers aren’t as clear-cut as they seem.

For example, a Los Angeles Times investigation found that in a number of recent L.A. County deaths that were initially thought to be caused by kratom or 7-OH, there wasn’t enough evidence to say those drugs alone caused the deaths; it might be the case that the danger is in mixing them with other substances.

Meanwhile, the actual application of this new policy seems to be piecemeal at best.

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The county Public Health Department told The Times it conducted 2,696 kratom-related inspections between Nov. 10 and Jan. 27, and found 352 locations selling kratom products. The health department said the majority stopped selling kratom after those inspections; there were nine locations that ignored the warnings, and in those cases, inspectors impounded their kratom products.

But the reality is that people who need kratom will buy it on the black market, drive far enough so they get to where it’s sold legally or, like Wallace, order it online from a different state.

For now, retailers who sell kratom products are simply carrying on until they’re investigated by county health inspectors.

Ari Agalopol, a decorated pianist and piano teacher, saw her performances and classes abruptly come to a halt in 2012 after a car accident resulted in severe spinal and knee injuries.

“I tried my best to do traditional acupuncture, physical therapy and hydrocortisone shots in my spine and everything,” she said. “Finally, after nothing was working, I relegated myself to being a pain-management patient.”

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She was prescribed oxycodone, and while on the medication, battled depression, anhedonia and suicidal ideation. She felt as though she were in a fog when taking oxycodone, and when it ran out, ”the pain would rear its ugly head.” Agalopol struggled to get out of bed daily and could manage teaching only five students a week.

Then, looking for alternatives to opioids, she found a Reddit thread in which people were talking up the benefits of kratom.

“I was kind of hesitant at first because there’re so many horror stories about 7-OH, but then I researched and I realized that the natural plant is not the same as 7-OH,” she said.

She went to a local shop, Authentic Kratom in Woodland Hills, and spoke to a sales associate who helped her decide which of the 47 strains of kratom it sold would best suit her needs.

Agalopol currently takes a 75-milligram dose of mitragynine, the primary alkaloid in kratom, when necessary. It has enabled her to get back to where she was before her injury: teaching 40 students a week and performing every weekend.

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Agalopol believes the county hasn’t done its homework on kratom. “They’re just taking these actions because of public pressure, and public pressure is happening because of ignorance,” she said.

During the course of reporting this story, Authentic Kratom has shut down its three locations; it’s unclear if the closures are temporary. The owner of the business declined to comment on the matter.

When she heard the news of the recent closures, Agalopol was seething. She told The Times she has enough capsules of kratom for now, but when she runs out, her option will have to be Tylenol and ibuprofen, “which will slowly kill my liver.”

“Prohibition is not a public health strategy,” said Jackie Subeck, executive director of 7-Hope Alliance, a nonprofit that promotes safe and responsible access to 7-OH for consumers, at the Feb. 18 Senate hearing. “[It’s] only going to make things worse, likely resulting in an entirely new health crisis for Californians.”

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There were 13 full-service public health clinics in L.A. County. Now there are 6

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There were 13 full-service public health clinics in L.A. County. Now there are 6

Because of budget cuts, the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health has ended clinical services at seven of its public health clinic sites.

As of Feb. 27, the county is no longer providing services such as vaccinations, sexually transmitted infection testing and treatment, or tuberculosis diagnosis and specialty TB care at the affected locations, according to county officials and a department fact sheet.

The sites losing clinical services are Antelope Valley in Lancaster; the Center for Community Health (Leavy) in San Pedro, Curtis R. Tucker in Inglewood, Hollywood-Wilshire, Pomona, Dr. Ruth Temple in South Los Angeles, and Torrance. Services will continue to be provided by the six remaining public health clinics, and through nearby community clinics.

The changes are the result of about $50 million in funding losses, according to official county statements.

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“That pushed us to make the very difficult decision to end clinical services at seven of our sites,” said Dr. Anish Mahajan, chief deputy director of the L.A. County Department of Public Health.

Mahajan said the department selected clinics with relatively lower patient volumes. Over the last month, he said, the department has sent letters to patients about the changes, and referred them to unaffected county clinics, nearby federally qualified health centers or other community providers. According to Mahajan, for tuberculosis patients, particularly those requiring directly observed therapy, public health nurses will continue visiting patients.

Public health clinics form part of the county’s healthcare safety net, serving low-income residents and those with limited access to care. Officials said that about half of the patients the county currently sees across its clinics are uninsured.

Mahajan noted that the clinics were established decades ago, before the Affordable Care Act expanded Medi-Cal coverage and increased the number of federally qualified health centers. He said that as more residents gained access to primary care, utilization at some county-run clinics declined.

“Now that we have a more sophisticated safety net, people often have another place to go for their full range of care,” he said.

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Still, the closures have unsettled providers who work closely with local vulnerable populations.

“I hate to see any services that serve our at-risk and homeless community shut down,” said Mark Hood, chief executive of Union Rescue Mission in downtown Los Angeles. “There’s so much need out there, so it always is going to create hardship for the people that actually need the help the most.”

Union Rescue Mission does not receive government funding for its healthcare services, Hood said. The mission’s clinics are open not only to shelter guests, up to 1,000 people nightly, but also to people living on the streets who walk in seeking care.

Its dental clinic alone sees nearly 9,000 patients a year, Hood said.

“We haven’t seen it yet, but I expect in the coming days and weeks we’ll see more people coming through our doors looking for help,” he said. “They’re going to have to find help somewhere.” Hood said women experiencing homelessness are especially vulnerable when preventive care, including sexual and reproductive health services, becomes harder to access.

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County officials said staffing impacts so far have been managed through reassignment rather than layoffs. Roughly 200 to 300 positions across the department have been eliminated amid funding cuts, officials said, though many were vacant. About 120 employees whose positions were affected have been reassigned; according to Mahajan, no one has been laid off.

The clinic closures come amid broader fiscal uncertainty. Mahajan said that due to the Trump administration’s “Big Beautiful Bill,” Los Angeles County could lose $2.4 billion over the next several years. That funding, he said, supports clinics, hospitals and community clinic partners now absorbing patients who previously went to the clinics that closed on Feb. 27.

In response, the L.A. County Board of Supervisors has backed a proposed half-cent sales tax measure that would generate hundreds of millions of dollars annually for healthcare and public health services. Voters are expected to consider the measure in June.

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Mobile clinic brings mammograms to women on Skid Row

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Mobile clinic brings mammograms to women on Skid Row

Sharon Horton stepped through the door of a sky-blue mobile clinic and onto a Skid Row sidewalk. She wore a yellow knit beanie, gold hoop earrings and the relieved grin of a woman who has finally checked a mammogram off her to-do list.

It had been years since her last breast cancer screening procedure. This one, which took place in City of Hope’s Cancer Prevention and Screening mobile clinic, was faster and easier. The staff was kind. The machine that X-rayed her breast was more comfortable than the cold hard contraption she remembered.

Relatively speaking, of course — it was still a mammogram.

“It’s like, OK, let me go already!” Horton, 68, said with a laugh.

The clinic was parked on South San Pedro Street in front of Union Rescue Mission, the nonprofit shelter where Horton resides. Within a week, City of Hope, a cancer research hospital, would share the results with Horton and Dr. Mary Marfisee, the mission’s family medical services director. If the mammogram detected anything of concern, they’d map out a treatment plan from there.

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Naureen Sayani, 47, a resident of Union Rescue Mission, left, discusses her medical history with Adriana Galindo, a medical assistant, before getting a mammogram on last week.

(Kayla Bartkowski / Los Angeles Times)

“It’s very important to take care of your health, and you need to get involved in everything that you can to make your life a better life,” said Horton, who is looking forward to a forthcoming move into Section 8 housing.

Horton was one of the first patients of a new women’s health initiative from UCLA’s Homeless Healthcare Collaborative at Union Rescue Mission. Staffed by third-year UCLA Medical School students and led by Marfisee, a UCLA assistant clinical professor of family medicine, the clinic treats mission residents as well as unhoused people living in the surrounding neighborhood.

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The new cancer screening project arrives at a time of dire financial pressures on county public health services.

Citing rising costs and a $50-million reduction in federal, state and local grant and contract income, the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health on Feb. 27 ended services at seven of 13 public clinics that provide vaccines, tests and treatment for sexually transmitted diseases and other services to housed and unhoused county residents.

Although Union Rescue Mission’s own funding comes mainly from private sources and is less imperiled by public cuts, the 135-year-old shelter expects the need for its services to rise, Chief Executive Mark Hood said.

Even as unsheltered homelessness declined for the last two years across Los Angeles County, the unsheltered population on Skid Row — long seen as the epicenter of the region’s homelessness crisis — grew 9% in 2024, the most recent year for which census data are available.

For many local women navigating daily concerns over housing, food and personal safety, “their own health is not a priority,” Marfisee said.

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Those whose problems have become too serious to ignore face daunting obstacles to care. Marfisee recalled one patient who came to her with a lump in her breast and no identification.

In order to get a mammogram, Marfisee explained, the woman first needed to obtain a birth certificate, and then a state-issued identification card. Then she needed to enroll in Medi-Cal. After that, clinic staff helped her find a primary care physician who could order the imaging test.

Given the barriers to preventative care, homeless women die from breast cancer at nearly twice the rate of securely housed women, a 2019 study found. Marfisee’s own survey of the mission’s female residents found that nearly 90% were not up to date on recommended cancer screenings like mammograms and pap smears, which detect early cervical cancer.

To address this gap, Marfisee — a dogged patient advocate — reached out to City of Hope. The Duarte-based research and treatment center unveiled in March 2024 its first mobile cancer screening clinic, a moving van-sized clinic on wheels that it deploys to food banks and health centers, as well as to companies offering free mammograms as an employee benefit.

“In true Dr. Mary fashion, she saw the vision,” said Jessica Thies, the mobile screening program’s regional nursing director. After working through some logistical hurdles, the mission and City of Hope secured a date for the van’s first visit.

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The next challenge was getting the word out to patients. Marfisee and her students walked through the surrounding neighborhood, went cot to cot in the women’s dorm and held two informational sessions in December and January to answer patients’ questions.

At the sessions, the team walked through the basics of who should get a mammogram (women age 40 or older, those with a family history of breast cancer) and the procedure itself. (“Like a tortilla maker?” one woman asked skeptically after hearing a description of the mammography unit.)

The medical students were able to dispel rumors some women had heard: The test doesn’t damage breast tissue, nor do the X-rays increase cancer risk. Others questioned a mammogram’s value: What good was it knowing they had cancer if they couldn’t get follow-up care?

On this latter point, Marfisee is determined not to let patients fall through the cracks.

Thirteen patients received mammograms at the van’s first visit on Wednesday. Within a week, City of Hope will contact patients with their results and send them to Marfisee and her team. She is already mentally mapping the next steps should any patient have a situation that requires a biopsy or further imaging: working with their case manager at the mission, calling in favors, wrangling with any insurance the patient might have.

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“It’ll be a good fight,” Marfisee said, as residents in the adjacent cafeteria carried trays of sloppy joes and burgers to their lunch tables. “But we’ll just keep asking for help and get it done.”

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