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Transitioning later in life can feel isolating. One social group wants to change that

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Transitioning later in life can feel isolating. One social group wants to change that

(From left to right) Portrait of Nicole Brownstein, Bernie Wagenblast, and Patrick Buenaventura at Wagenblast’s home in Cranford, NJ, on Monday, Feb. 19, 2024.

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(From left to right) Portrait of Nicole Brownstein, Bernie Wagenblast, and Patrick Buenaventura at Wagenblast’s home in Cranford, NJ, on Monday, Feb. 19, 2024.

Gabby Jones for NPR

When Bernie Wagenblast went to her first PROUDLY Me! meeting, she had no plans to transition.

She was in her late 50s, working as a radio announcer and using what she calls her “guy voice.” Then, she found the New Jersey-based support group for trans and nonbinary people of all ages. “I started it with the hope that it would be enough,” says Wagenblast, “and I wouldn’t have to go any further.”

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At the time, her biggest fear with fully, publicly coming out was losing her life partner.

It’s a big fear for many older trans people who aren’t out, says Leigh Mann, a gender-affirming voice therapist and the former co-facilitator of PROUDLY Me!. Mann says that when people weigh the risks of coming out, “there’s a calculus that happens – and it’s unique for every person.” Personal safety, for example, is part of everyone’s calculus. When you pair that with the jeopardy of losing your spouse, contact with your children, or even your job, “it just gets exponentially more complicated.”

A night she calls ‘her Cinderella Story’

Wagenblast’s personal calculus shifted the night of the PROUDLY Me! semi-formal annual award ceremony. “In years past, I had always gone in a jacket and tie, but I didn’t feel comfortable doing that this time.” So she reached out to her older trans mentor, another PROUDLY Me! member.

Her mentor instructed her to stop by a Halloween store and buy a cheap wig and a pair of heels. “You come down to my house with the wig and the heels, I’ve got a dress for you, I’ll do your makeup, and you’ll go to this event as your true self.”

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Nicole Brownstein adds a necklace to Bernie’s Wagenblast’s outfit.

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Nicole Brownstein adds a necklace to Bernie’s Wagenblast’s outfit.

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Mentor Nicole Brownstein has done many of these makeovers for other trans women who’ve come to her in the same position. She’s helped all of them. “It’s like a big movie production,” says Brownstein. “I have them sit in a chair facing away from the mirror and then have them turn around.” In that moment when they first look at themselves, Brownstein sees the same expression that she saw in herself all those years ago: “to finally be able to see yourself as you’ve always envisioned yourself.”

That night, Wagenblast decided that she could and would socially transition. In the process, her greatest fear came true. Her marriage of 42 years came to an end.

“This person who was and is my best friend is no longer part of my daily life. That’s terribly difficult,” she says. “But friendships have become far more important in my life.”

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Friendships like the one she has with Brownstein, who’s 77. Wagenblast and Brownstein belong to a close group of trans women who will regularly get together for dinner and drinks. “Just a group of girls going out to spend a nice evening together,” says Brownstein.

A chance for intergenerational friendships

While the PROUDLY Me! support group does have members of all ages, many love it specifically because of Wagenblast and Brownstein – and the others navigating this later in life.

This is especially true for Patrick Buenaventura. When they went to their first meeting, they lamented starting their journey at the age of 53. Until Brownstein shared that she began transitioning in her 60s – and then other members followed suit.

Portrait of Patrick Buenaventura wearing their award ceremony attire at Bernie’s house in Cranford, NJ, on Monday, Feb. 19, 2024.

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Portrait of Patrick Buenaventura wearing their award ceremony attire at Bernie’s house in Cranford, NJ, on Monday, Feb. 19, 2024.

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Gabby Jones for NPR

That’s when it clicked for Buenaventura. “We all have our own journeys and we have our own timelines. This just happens to be mine – and I’m right on time. When I was supposed to transition is now.”

PROUDLY Me! also creates a space for younger and older trans people to come together in unexpected ways. Buenaventura remembers one college-aged person who came up to them and said that it was nice to see older trans folks, “because they couldn’t imagine their life when they were older.”

On the flipside, they’ve also learned from younger members to be less concerned with passing. “They’re like, ‘I will dress how I want. If I want to be a trans man or transmasculine, it doesn’t mean I have to wear a suit and tie. If I want to wear a skirt, I’ll wear a skirt.’ They’re defining themselves, and not letting the world tell them who to be or how to be.”

Without a community like PROUDLY Me!, it’s easier to feel isolated at any age. Kristi, who’s 65, requested anonymity since she’s not out as trans to friends and family.

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She longs for closer connections to other trans women, but says she hesitates to join support groups since she hasn’t taken certain steps – like socially transitioning, starting hormone therapy or getting gender-affirming surgery. “I don’t present myself fully as a woman,” says Kristi. “And I don’t want people to say, ‘well, let’s ignore her. She’s not part of us, really.’ “

Currently, Kristi has no plans to socially transition. And she wishes there was a stronger community for people like her – people who don’t know when they’ll take those steps, or if they’ll ever take them. “Am I not going far enough? Am I not courageous enough to come out and be a woman?” Kristi routinely asks herself these questions. But then she’ll tell herself: “there are people who don’t feel compelled to do that. And that doesn’t make the journey any less real.”

(From left to right) Portrait of Patrick Buenaventura, Bernie Wagenblast, and Nicole Brownstein, wearing their award ceremony attire at Wagenblast’s house in Cranford, NJ, on Monday, Feb. 19, 2024.

Gabby Jones for NPR


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Gabby Jones for NPR


(From left to right) Portrait of Patrick Buenaventura, Bernie Wagenblast, and Nicole Brownstein, wearing their award ceremony attire at Wagenblast’s house in Cranford, NJ, on Monday, Feb. 19, 2024.

Gabby Jones for NPR

It’s been about a year since Bernie Wagenblast socially transitioned. And she’s still reveling in her new life. “To finally be living it for the first four or five months, it was like, ‘Pinch me. I’m afraid this is a dream, and that I’m going to wake up.’ “

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Wagenblast is 67 now. Sometimes, she thinks about what it would’ve been like to come out earlier. To be a teenage girl, or a woman in her 20s.

But mostly, she’s just glad to be out now.

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A dead woman’s key fob and two grisly crime scenes: How the Utah triple-murder suspect was tracked across state lines | CNN

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A dead woman’s key fob and two grisly crime scenes: How the Utah triple-murder suspect was tracked across state lines | CNN

As investigators raced to find the person responsible for three killings in rural Wayne County, Utah, they used automated license plate readers and a victim’s own vehicle key fob to track their suspect – a man police said has no connection to the victims or the region that is known for its awe-inspiring landscapes dotted with quiet, small towns.

It would take just hours to pin down the suspect in a search that spanned multiple states in the Four Corners region of the Southwest – ending early Thursday with the arrest of 22-year-old Iowa resident Ivan Miller, who is charged with three counts of first-degree, aggravated murder, officials said.

Miller was taken into custody in Colorado, officials said –– more than 350 miles from where the bodies of three women were found at two locations in Utah.

Miller’s first court appearance is scheduled for Friday afternoon in Archuleta County, Colorado. He will be represented by a public defender, court records show.

The victims were identified as Margaret Oldroyd, 86; Linda Dewey, 65; and Natalie Graves, 34, Utah’s Department of Public Safety said.

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Dewey and Graves, an aunt and niece who’d gone for a hike together, were found dead near a trailhead just outside the town of Torrey, Utah’s DPS said. The women’s bodies were found by their husbands who grew concerned when the pair didn’t return from their hike, Utah Highway Patrol spokesperson Lt. Cameron Roden said at a news conference Thursday.

Investigators found Oldroyd’s vehicle at the trailhead and deputies went to her home in nearby Lyman, where they discovered her body, Roden said.

After his arrest, Miller told investigators he spent a night in Oldroyd’s back shed and snuck into her house while she was out, according to an indictment filed in court Thursday. Miller “waited for her behind a door and shot her in the back of the head … while she was sitting down to watch television,” the indictment said.

Miller made efforts to clean up the scene before dragging the 86-year-old’s body to a cellar under the shed, where she was later found, the indictment read. He then stole her Buick Regal and traveled to the trailhead, investigators said. Miller told investigators “he did not like the car and wanted to find a different vehicle,” the indictment said.

At the trailhead, Miller said he saw Dewey and Graves get out of a white Subaru and shot them both, according to the indictment. Miller told investigators he stabbed one of the women in the chest multiple times because she was still moving, the document said.

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He then admitted dragging their bodies into a ditch, where the two were discovered by their husbands, the indictment said.

Officials said Miller ditched Oldroyd’s car at the trail and drove away in the white Subaru. Miller also admitted stealing the women’s credit cards and using one to pay for gas, according to documents.

Investigators used a network of license plate scanners to track the Subaru “through southern Utah into northern Arizona and eventually into Colorado,” Roden said.

“Colorado law enforcement located the vehicle abandoned in Pagosa Springs, Colorado, and after a brief search, took the individual into custody without incident,” Utah DPS said Thursday.

One of the husbands was also able to track the car’s location using an app that monitored the vehicle’s key fob, investigators said. Just after 9 p.m. Wednesday, the key fob appeared to be in Farmington, New Mexico — about two hours southwest of where Miller would later be taken into custody, according to the indictment.

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Miller had a handgun and a large knife in his possession at the time of his arrest, according to police in Pagosa Springs.

Miller told investigators he killed the women because he needed money, according to the indictment. “Miller confessed that it ‘had to be done’ but he did not like to do it,” the document reads.

Miller, who lived in Blakesburg, Iowa, set out on a cross-country road trip about two and a half weeks ago, his brother, who spoke with The New York Times on condition of anonymity, said.

Miller’s brother said the two stayed in contact during the trip, and Miller mentioned crashing his truck after hitting an elk, according to the Times.

The brother was concerned about how Miller was traveling around after that and offered to bring him back to Iowa, which he declined, the Times reported.

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After his arrest, Miller told officials that he had been staying at a hotel in the area for a few days after he hit an elk with his truck, which he then sold to a tow truck company, according to the indictment.

On Thursday, shaken residents across Wayne County placed pink ribbons around trees and fences in their communities as they remembered the three women who were killed in apparently random attacks carried out by a stranger.

“We wanted to honor our friend and neighbor,” Mary Sorenson, who put up ribbons around Lyman, told CNN affiliate KSL.

The Wayne County School District announced it would be closed for the rest of the week and would “have counselors in place to support students when we are back in session next week.”

In a statement Thursday, Torrey Mayor Mickey Wright described the multiple homicides as a “heartbreaking moment for our small, close‑knit community.”

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“Our community is strong. In the coming days, we will support one another, check on our neighbors, and ensure that those affected by this tragedy are not alone,” Wright said. “We stand together today — in grief, in compassion, and in solidarity.”

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Iran’s fight for survival / The widening war / Trump’s nebulous goals : Sources & Methods

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Iran’s fight for survival / The widening war / Trump’s nebulous goals : Sources & Methods
The U.S.-Israeli war with Iran is spilling out across the region. What are the goals? And how does it end?Host Mary Louise Kelly talks with International Correspondent Aya Batrawy, based in Dubai, and Pentagon correspondent Tom Bowman, about the U.S.-Israeli war with Iran. Six days of war have turned the middle east upside down, and it’s still not clear how the U.S. will determine when its objectives have been accomplished.Recommended Iran reading:Blackwave by Kim GhattasAll the Shah’s Men by Stephen KinzerPrisoner by Jason RezaianPersian Mirrors by Elaine SciolinoListener spy novel recommendation: Pariah by Dan FespermanEmail the show at sourcesandmethods@npr.orgNPR+ supporters hear every episode without sponsor messages and unlock access to our complete archive. Sign up at plus.npr.org.
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Map: 4.9-Magnitude Earthquake Shakes Louisiana

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Map: 4.9-Magnitude Earthquake Shakes Louisiana

Note: Map shows the area with a shake intensity of 4 or greater, which U.S.G.S. defines as “light,” though the earthquake may be felt outside the areas shown.  All times on the map are Central time. The New York Times

A light, 4.9-magnitude earthquake struck in Louisiana on Thursday, according to the United States Geological Survey.

The temblor happened at 5:30 a.m. Central time about 6 miles west of Edgefield, La., data from the agency shows.

U.S.G.S. data earlier reported that the magnitude was 4.4.

As seismologists review available data, they may revise the earthquake’s reported magnitude. Additional information collected about the earthquake may also prompt U.S.G.S. scientists to update the shake-severity map.

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Source: United States Geological Survey | Notes: Shaking categories are based on the Modified Mercalli Intensity scale. When aftershock data is available, the corresponding maps and charts include earthquakes within 100 miles and seven days of the initial quake. All times above are Central time. Shake data is as of Thursday, March 5 at 8:40 a.m. Eastern. Aftershocks data is as of Thursday, March 5 at 10:46 a.m. Eastern.

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