Lifestyle
Reflections on James Baldwin's magnificent life from those who knew him

American writer James Baldwin photographed on January 20, 1986.
Julio Donoso/Sygma via Getty Images
hide caption
toggle caption
Julio Donoso/Sygma via Getty Images
James Baldwin was born 100 years ago, on Aug. 2, 1924, in Harlem Hospital. He wrote in 1955, “I love America more than any other country in this world and exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.” Baldwin died on Dec. 1 at the age of 63 at his home in the south of France. NPR asked four people for their reflections on the writer.
Eleanor Traylor, scholar: “There was splendor before me.”
Eleanor Traylor takes a break in the comfort of her three-story brownstone in Washington, D.C. She is a literary critic, a scholar and retired chair of English at Howard University. She has written before about Baldwin in academic journals. Her home reflects a lifetime of collecting books, art and friends. Traylor will contribute to a new book about Baldwin due later this year.
I hope that since I met him, I’ve been like him, in any way that I could be, you know, small or large.
She first met the him in the late 1970s. Traylor was visiting his sisters, Paula and Gloria, at 137 W. 71st St. on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, in an apartment building Baldwin bought for his family.

Dr. Eleanor Traylor at her home in Washington, D.C. Traylor is a retired professor at Howard University and was friends with literary giants including James Baldwin.
Ben De La Cruz/NPR
hide caption
toggle caption
Ben De La Cruz/NPR
“There was a knock at the door.”
Traylor answered and found herself face to face with James Baldwin.
“There was splendor before me,” she says. “You know, James Baldwin was not very tall, but he was tremendous looking,” she laughs.
“There was this gleaming white shirt, these eyes, who could rescue you, but who could rain and sunshine at the same time. This wonderful smile. And I just burst into tears. I just sobbed.“
Baldwin did not miss a beat, she says. “He took me up in his arms and he said to me, chuckling, ‘Now what have I done to deserve all this?’ Just magnificent,” Traylor says.
James Baldwin was not very tall, but he was tremendous looking.
Their friendship only grew from there. They would catch up at house parties and other gatherings where Baldwin showed up on his commutes from France.
Traylor retells Baldwin’s story about how his first novel got its title. Trekking the Swiss Alps, where he finished the manuscript, Baldwin took a death-defying leap above a gorge, a shortcut home before complete nightfall. She says he jumped and made it across, trembling. He said a sound came to him. And the sound was that song, “Go Tell It on the Mountain.“

Dr. Eleanor Traylor at her home in Washington, D.C. Traylor is a retired professor at Howart University and was friends with literary giants including James Baldwin.
Ben De La Cruz/NPR
hide caption
toggle caption
Ben De La Cruz/NPR
Baldwin’s family calls her Aunt Eleanor. They trusted her to arrange the funeral at Cathedral Church of the St. John the Divine in New York City. The two-hour homegoing opened with African drummers and ended with James Baldwin singing the gospel hymn “Precious Lord.”
Today, she still misses her friend. Maya Angelou, Amiri Baraka and Toni Morrison all spoke at his funeral.
“Toni Morrison talked of him as the language that we inherited,” she says. “James Baldwin was the mentor of my generation.”
Baldwin was an inspiration to Morrison and many other writers, Traylor says. “His influence is incalculable.”
Eleanor Traylor wrote in PEN America that Baldwin’s message throughout his books is that the only safety is to dare to love. “He didn’t talk of a utopia, a perfect world,” she tells NPR. “He just said, if you love, you will create the kind of world you wish to live in.”

Cicely Tyson, James Baldwin, guest and singer Harry Belafonte attend To Be Young, Gifted And Black Gala on January 2, 1969 at the Cherry Lane Theater in New York City.
Ron Galella/Ron Galella, Ltd./Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images
hide caption
toggle caption
Ron Galella/Ron Galella, Ltd./Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images
“He was the kind of person you wanted to emulate,” she says on a rainy afternoon. “I always had him in my mind, in my soul. I hope that since I met him, I’ve been like him, in any way that I could be, you know, small or large.”
Traylor’s eyes well up.
“I’m talking about whatever you hold to be delicious, whatever you hold to be precious,” she says. “There is such a thing as courage. There is such a thing as lovability. There is such a thing as honesty. There is such a thing as genius. All those things are for me,” she pauses, then whispers, ”James Baldwin.”
Richard Goldstein, journalist: “Go where your blood beats.
Richard Goldstein recalls the situation, more than 40 years ago, when James Baldwin did a rare kind of interview with The Village Voice.
“I had heard that he was coming to New York to see his brother.” Goldstein says.” I thought, ‘He’s never actually addressed the question of sexuality, as far as I knew, even though he was a pioneering, openly gay writer.’”

Richard Goldstein appears in a portrait taken in his home on January 31, 2017 in New York City.
Al Pereira/Getty Images
hide caption
toggle caption
Al Pereira/Getty Images
Goldstein is a former Village Voice executive editor. “I was putting together the annual queer life issue of the paper, which I edited for about 25 years.”
“Baldwin was an immensely prophetic figure, always, in the lives of queer people,” Goldstein says.
He called himself a witness to the gay community, not a member.
Baldwin’s novel Giovanni’s Room was controversial and influential with its publication in the 1950s. “If I hadn’t written that book,” he told Goldstein, “I would have probably had to stop writing altogether.” For Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room was an exploration of what happens when you fail to love someone.
The AIDS crisis and the 15th anniversary of the Stonewall gay rights uprising were the backdrop for their conversations. They talked over several afternoons in Greenwich Village, at some places Baldwin had frequented during his youth.
“One of his favorites was the Café Riviera, which is almost across the street from the Stonewall (Inn).”
James Baldwin was openly homosexual, but also very private about it. Baldwin did not refer to himself as gay. “He came up before there was a strong sense of that community,” Goldstein says.
Identity for Baldwin was complicated. “It was both public and that it was political and private, and that it was personal. This was an era when feminists were also discovering that the personal is political. And I think he was aware of all of that.”

James Baldwin smiles while addressing the crowd from the speaker’s platform, after participating in the march from Selma to Montgomery in support of voting rights, Alabama, March 1965.
Robert Abbott Sengstacke/Archive Photos/Getty Images
hide caption
toggle caption
Robert Abbott Sengstacke/Archive Photos/Getty Images
“He called himself a witness to the gay community, not a member, but a witness. And I think that distinction really describes his position.”
Baldwin’s interview led the June 26, 1984, issue, “The Future of Gay Life.” Goldstein asked his advice to someone coming out. Baldwin didn’t know the term, but once Goldstein explained, he thought one day it would be unnecessary.
“Oh, I am working toward a New Jerusalem, “ Baldwin told Goldstein. “I won’t live to see it, but I do believe in it. I think we’re going to be better than we are.”
“Best advice I ever got,” Baldwin continued, ”was an old friend of mine, a Black friend, who said you have to go the way your blood beats. If you don’t live the only life you have, you won’t live some other life, you won’t live any life at all. That’s the only advice you can give anybody. And it’s not advice, it’s an observation.”
Goldstein says the two men shared their anxieties about the world, discussing sin, anger and rage.
“To me, that was the most memorable part of the interview,” Goldstein says. “Hearing him relate his own life to my own anxieties.”

American author and playwright James Baldwin as he sits backstage at the American National Theater and Academy Playhouse in New York, New York, April 1964. He was there to attend the opening of his play ‘Blues for Mr Charlie.’
Robert Elfstrom/Archive Photos/Villon Films/Gety Images
hide caption
toggle caption
Robert Elfstrom/Archive Photos/Villon Films/Gety Images
“He really influenced my gay politics. And one of the things that really was kind of a revelation to me was when I asked why it is that white gay men are so enraged and that Black gay men, in my experience, didn’t have quite the same degree of rage. And he answered that it’s because Black people, from the moment of their birth, are in danger, whereas white people, especially white males, grew up thinking that they were safe. And then, when they came out, they were deprived of that safety.”
Goldstein considers his interview with Baldwin the most meaningful of his career, and he says it guided his later thinking and writing as an activist for a certain kind of gay politics.
“I began to think, what would Baldwin say about this? What contradictions can I find in this book that he would have found?”
Suzan-Lori Parks, writer: “… To walk in his company”
Suzan-Lori Parks is the first Black woman to win the Pulitzer Prize for drama for her play Topdog-Underdog. She was a fourth-grader, singing songs and playing with words who announced one day to her parents, “I want to be a writer.”
“They gave me The Fire Next Time for Valentine’s Day,” she says, cracking up. “I’m sure it was their way of saying, You know, ‘So you want to be a writer? So, here’s a writer we admire quite a bit. You got to step up. Here you go.’ ”

Suzan-Lori Parks attends 76th Annual Tony Awards – Arrivals on June 11, 2023 at United Palace Theater in New York City.
Sean Zanni/Patrick McMullan via Getty Images
hide caption
toggle caption
Sean Zanni/Patrick McMullan via Getty Images
Baldwin’s 1963 book bears witness to how racism ravaged America. It was a lot for an 11-year-old Black girl living in rural Vermont in 1973. More than his words, Baldwin’s face on the dust jacket was a potent message for her at the time.
“And I would look at it often,” she says. “You know, his beautiful eyes, his gaze, how handsome he was. And I thought, OK, this is what a writer looks like.”
For me, to see them interact with the great writer, to see them hang out with Mr. Baldwin gave me such joy.
A decade later, Parks was selected to take a creative writing class with Baldwin.
“Mr. Baldwin was in the room. I should have been cooler or more chill, but I was just thrilled that I had an opportunity. And so I was very performative in my delivery of my stories.”
She says she was very over the top in her readings.
“At the end of the semester, he said, “Miss Parks? Have you ever considered writing for the theater?’ in that beautiful voice he had.”
Parks feared her fiction disappointed Baldwin.
She knew and loved Greek plays, Shakespeare, Edward Albee. Ntokzake Shange, Adrienne Kennedy and Amiri Baraka were great writers, she says, but back then, she didn’t think of herself as a theater kid.

James Baldwin in Paris on April 27, 1972.
Sophie Bassouls/Sygma via Getty Images
hide caption
toggle caption
Sophie Bassouls/Sygma via Getty Images
“I got over it quick,” she laughs. Parks began writing her first play on the bus back to her dorm. That same semester, Baldwin invited each student separately for dinner, a meal he would prepare. When it was her turn, she brought her parents.
“And the three of us had dinner with Mr. Baldwin. For me, to see them interact with the great writer, to see them hang out with Mr. Baldwin gave me such joy. I can still see it in my mind’s eye.”
She still calls him Mr. Baldwin, and points to her upbringing. Her mom is from Texas, and her dad was a career Army officer. “It’s a respectful thing, and it’s a sign of love. It’s a gentle bow of the head.”
“Every day, I really work to walk in his company,” Parks says. “And in gratitude for the ways he demonstrated how an artist can show up for the world.”
Karim Karefa-Smart, nephew : “… Continue to read your Baldwin.”
Karim Karefa-Smart says James Baldwin has always been a presence and a special part of the family, a public figure who lived in the south of France.
“We have a saying, ‘Uncle Jimmy is ours, but he also belongs to the world.’ ”
“Before everything, he was Uncle Jimmy.”

Karim Karefa-Smart poses for a portrait in Meridian Hill Park in Washington, D.C. on July 31, 2024.
Elizabeth Gillis/NPR
hide caption
toggle caption
Elizabeth Gillis/NPR
Karefa-Smart grew up with siblings, cousins, his Aunt Paula and grandmother Emma Berdis Jones in the four-story apartment building that his Uncle Jimmy bought with profits from his books during the 1960s. Reportedly, Baldwin’s family helped support him in Paris when he struggled to become a writer.
“We owned the building, so we weren’t paying rent to anybody. And we didn’t have to worry about getting put out,” Karefa-Smart says. “And then we had tenants. God bless them, because they had to live through a lot of very noisy and raucous family celebrations.”
I remember him speaking to you directly. You knew that he loved you.
Baldwin was often around at the holidays, which was a special time because of his grandmother’s birthday. Uncle Jimmy’s mom’s birthday fell on Christmas Day.
The nieces and nephews were “very much the apples of his eye,” Karefa-Smart says. His Uncle Jimmy did not have children of his own and loved seeing his nieces and nephews whenever he came to town. “I remember him speaking to you directly. You knew that he loved you, you know, and that was very, very important.”
His mother, Gloria Karefa-Smart, handles matters for the Baldwin estate, ensuring his books remain published worldwide, She used to manage their apartment house on West 71 Street, which they no longer own. He lives in Washington, D.C., where his work involves music concerts and other events.

James Baldwin signing books in a crowded book store, 1980. (Photo by Afro American Newspapers/Gado/Getty Images)
Afro American Newspapers/Gado/Getty Images
hide caption
toggle caption
Afro American Newspapers/Gado/Getty Images
Karefa-Smart will be 50 next year. He still talks about Baldwin’s books with his cousins and siblings.
“Sometimes, I read his work and I find that I have to put it down. Every other word is a bomb — and a sentence, it’s like a booming cannon. It resonates with you,” he says. “I believe a lot of people who read his work have the same exact reaction.”
He’s currently reading Baldwin’s 1985 book, The Evidence of Things Not Seen, which considers the Atlanta child murders. “But he also uses it as an examination of how America treats its children and how people are treated in society,” he says. “And it’s just one of those books where you just have to read it more than once.”
On the 100-year anniversary of his uncle’s birth, Karefa-Smart offers a suggestion. “I would just say to people to continue to read your Baldwin. Connect with his work and the work of other notable authors who, you know, want a change in the world that is better for our children and our children’s children.”
“If you have, you know, oxygen in your lungs, and you’re above ground and you’re moving? You have an opportunity to make a difference, a positive difference and have a positive impact, you know, in someone’s life.”

American author James Baldwin at Hampshire College, Amherst, Massachusetts in 1985.
Ruby Washington/New York Times Co./Getty Images
hide caption
toggle caption
Ruby Washington/New York Times Co./Getty Images

Lifestyle
A Love Worth an Early Retirement and a Cross-Country Move

Dr. Raymond Joseph Parungao and Andrew Chih-Hao Chen were attracted to each other the instant their eyes locked.
It was Feb. 28, 2010, and they were at the gay bar the Abbey in West Hollywood, Calif.
“The music was loud, but it faded away as I stared at Andrew,” Dr. Parungao said.
“I saw Ray, and time just stopped,” Mr. Chen said. “I was like, ‘Who is this?’ I had to find out more.”
The two, who were there with mutual friends, got drinks, headed to a quiet corner and started talking. They parted ways around midnight and made plans for a date three days later, again at the Abbey.
Dr. Parungao, 55, was the first to arrive. “My heart was beating fast as I waited for Andrew,” he said. “I hadn’t stopped thinking about him since we met.”
That evening made it clear that their mutual desire was intense and authentic. They chatted for hours about their families, upbringings and shared love of travel. “We talked about everything and nothing and could have chatted for days,” said Mr. Chen, 37. “By the end of the night, we were talking about vacationing together and even starting a family.”
The following month, they exchanged rings as a symbol of their commitment, and eight months after meeting, Mr. Chen moved into Dr. Parungao’s West Hollywood condominium.
At the time, Mr. Chen was working as a branch manager for a bank in Los Angeles, but had dreams of being a hairstylist. In September 2013 he did some work at New York Fashion Week, “and after that experience, what New York offered me professionally was calling me,” Mr. Chen said. “I decided to move.”
Dr. Parungao was working as a pediatric intensive care doctor at Kaiser Permanente in Los Angeles and his contract made relocating a challenge. The two split amicably, and in October 2013, Mr. Chen left for Manhattan. “I wanted Andrew to be free to follow his passion and didn’t want him to feel the burden of a long-distance relationship,” Dr. Parungao said.
They remained close and continued to chat daily. In June 2016, they rekindled their romance when Dr. Parungao visited Mr. Chen and the two attended the Pride parade. “We were dancing to Kylie Minogue who was performing ‘All the Lovers’ at the concert on the pier, and all I could do was stare at Ray,” Mr. Chen said. “We kissed and knew that there was no being apart.”
They decided to try bicoastal dating, with each taking turns flying to see the other two to three weekends a month. Marriage was in the cards. “We had talked about it early on in our relationship but never discussed how or when,” Dr. Parungao said.
They became engaged in September 2016 while on a trip to Iceland with Mr. Chen’s mother, Patty Chen, to celebrate her 60th birthday.
The trio took an evening bus tour through the countryside near Reykjavik to see the northern lights. When they stopped alongside a field, Dr. Parungao asked Mr. Chen, with Ms. Chen looking on, if he would marry him. “We did a three-way hug and cried underneath the lights,” Mr. Chen said.
[Click here to binge read this week’s featured couples.]
Dr. Parungao, who grew up in Conyers, Ga., has a bachelor’s degree in the history of science from Johns Hopkins University and a master’s degree in public health from George Washington University. He holds a medical degree from Howard University.
Mr. Chen is from Diamond Bar, Calif., and works as a freelance hairstylist at the Stephen Knoll salon in New York. He has a bachelor’s degree in business management from Pepperdine University and studied hairdressing at Santa Monica College. He is now in his final year in a graduate program in environmental science at The New School.
After their engagement, they continued their bicoastal lives, except during Covid, when Mr. Chen was without a job and moved to Los Angeles for two years.
But by 2024, after they returned to their bicoastal relationship, living apart was wearing on both. “I took Kaiser’s early retirement package and moved to New York in February to be with Andrew full time,” Dr. Parungao said.
They now reside in Long Island City, Queens, and are in the process of having a child through a surrogate. “It’s such a sense of relief,” Mr. Chen said. “We can go on spontaneous walks together or grab lunch without everything being preplanned.”
On Feb. 28, 15 years after first meeting, Mr. Chen and Dr. Parungao were married by Yanfang Chen, an officiant at the Manhattan City Clerk’s office, with their parents as witnesses.
After the ceremony, they did a photo shoot at City Hall Park and took a Zumba dance class. That evening, the couple celebrated with 70 family members and friends at the Chinese restaurant Shan in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn.
“We danced, we cried, we cheered, we toasted,” Mr. Chen said.
Lifestyle
'Beautiful, happy, dopamine-injected.' Louis Vuitton and Takashi Murakami's frenzied comeback

In January, I was in a taxi driving through London’s Soho neighborhood when I looked out the window and saw a line of people stretched down an entire city block. It was after dark, but folks were still crowded onto the sidewalk, some huddled together to shield themselves from the cold and mist. Was it for a concert? A show? What was I missing? As my car turned the corner, it became clear: They were all waiting to enter the Louis Vuitton x Takashi Murakami pop-up.
The space occupied two stories, with a cafe on the top. The bottom floor was painted a bright “Brat” green, and the upper floor a sweet Hello Kitty-esque shade of pink. The windows, like the products inside, were covered in the brand’s signature interlocking L and V monogram. I was amazed not only by the scale of the operation but also by the fact that, over two decades since the original collaboration, the reissue, which is twofold and will see the release of a total of around 200 pieces starting this year, was able to attract such frenzied attention.

Louis Vuitton x Murakami Speedy Bandoulière 25 (top) and Coussin PM
When fashion designer Marc Jacobs debuted his Louis Vuitton collection with Murakami, a Japanese artist, in the spring of 2003, he called their mind-meld a “monumental marriage between art and business.” It marked the fact that, by that point, fashion and pop culture had become one, with celebrities on the cover of Vogue magazine instead of models, and paparazzi photos dictating sales.
A similar thing was happening in the art world too. Murakami, who is credited with founding the Superflat movement, which finds inspiration and art historical significance in two-dimensional imagery like Japanese manga and anime, was making a career out of combining what was then considered “highbrow” and “lowbrow.” The piece that got Jacobs’ attention, for example, was a fiberglass cartoon sculpture of a woman called “Hiropon,” whose super-size breasts produced a thick stream of milk that wrapped around her like a lasso. Jacobs, who served as creative director of Louis Vuitton from 1997 to 2013, told reporters at the time that “something snapped” when he saw Murakami’s Hiropon on the cover of a Christie’s catalog, and he reached out for a meeting. Murakami, meanwhile, said he’d never heard of Louis Vuitton before.
Before the Vuitton x Murakami collaboration, cross-pollination of this nature was rare. “I grew up in the art world with a lot of quote-unquote ‘serious artists’ who would certainly look down upon getting involved in a more commercial thing like that,” says Gabriel Held, 39, a New York-based stylist and vintage archivist. “But [Jacobs] got heavy-hitters in the art world to participate.”

Louis Vuitton x Murakami Nice Mini

Louis Vuitton x Murakami Monogram Multicolor LV Outline Headband
In 2001, Vuitton collaborated with pop-punk artist Stephen Sprouse on a run of handbags featuring the brand’s logo in a graffiti-like font, and in 2002, British artist Julie Verhoeven covered bags in colorful graphics. Following Murakami, other big-ticket artists including Richard Prince, Yayoi Kusama, Cindy Sherman and Jeff Koons expressed their Vuitton vision as well. The collaboration boosted Murakami’s profile to new heights, with his pop-y, rainbow aesthetic providing a fresh update to the brown-on-brown monogram from 1896 that the brand was known for, ultimately helping it capture the attention of a younger audience. Fandom on both sides for the limited-edition products created what we now commonly refer to as “hype.”
“I always describe the bags as being like beautiful white jawbreakers with saccharine colors all over them,” says Liana Satenstein, 35, a writer who focuses on the vintage market. The iconic “Monogram Multicolore” that Murakami introduced in 2003 fused the “LV” monogram with small florals, creating a new pattern with 33 colors that popped on an all-white background. “A beautiful, happy, dopamine-injected piece,” in Satenstein’s eyes. He also introduced panda and pink cherry blossom motifs.
In December, when Vuitton announced that it was reissuing the Murakami collaboration with a campaign starring Zendaya, Satenstein covered the news on her Substack, “Neverworns.” She declared that the bags “defined the maximalist ’00s.” Stars of the decade, including Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian, were all photographed carrying one. In 2004, Vogue asked if Jessica Simpson’s choice of a Murakami buckle bag made her “the next Sarah Jessica Parker,” Satenstein pointed out.
“I worked with somebody over the summer who is not really a fashion person but of my age, and one thing on her wish list was a Murakami bag,” says Held. “Even for people who aren’t that invested in fashion, they have a desire for it still. It was a pop-culture moment.”
According to Kelly McSweeney, senior merchandising manager at the RealReal, a vintage marketplace, search interest in the original Louis Vuitton x Murakami collaboration “skyrocketed overnight” when the reissue was released on Jan. 3, with a 463% increase in searches day-over-day. The momentum continued into Jan. 4, climbing another 55% as the buzz around the collaboration intensified. “Reflecting this renewed excitement, resale prices for pieces from the collection have also soared, up 50% year-over-year,” McSweeney adds.


Louis Vuitton x Murakami Monogram Multicolor Chouchous
All of the links to vintage bags that Satenstein shared in her newsletter have since sold. “I should have bought like, five, of them,” she says in retrospect.
With the Y2K revival trend seemingly at its peak, nostalgia for the carefree innocence of the ’00s made this moment ripe for a Murakami relaunch. In fact, it’s a wonder Vuitton didn’t do it sooner. Some collectors will seek out the originals they maybe couldn’t afford at full price in high school, and others will line up for a second chance at the new thing. Judging by the crowd waiting outside the pop-up in London, many eager customers are perhaps excitedly discovering the collaboration for the first time, as they were probably in diapers in 2003.
Archival pieces are displayed behind glass across seven Louis Vuitton x Murakami pop-ups worldwide, from Milan to New York to Seoul to Shanghai to Tokyo to Singapore. But of course, the main draw is the new accessories, which will be released in various “chapters” throughout 2025, according to the brand. Chapter 1 celebrated Murakami’s original Multicolore monogram, while Chapter 2, launching this month, will feature 2003’s equally sought-after “Cherry Blossom” pattern on bags, shoes and trunks.
Before it closed on Feb. 9, customers at the London pop-up sipped from Murakami-branded cups at the cafe and ate cakes and pastries off Murakami-branded napkins. The staff wore kimono pajamas and sat on smiling Murakami flower pillows. The scene was simultaneously futuristic and nostalgic. After making a purchase, customers were given a token to put into a special vending machine, which spat out Louis Vuitton x Murakami novelty items, including stickers and trading cards.
When I got out of my taxi and arrived at my hotel, I told the friend I was meeting to pull her original Vuitton x Murakami bag out of her closet immediately. She was thrilled, but also, her curiosity was piqued. Should we get in line too?

Emilia Petrarca is a freelance fashion and culture writer based in Brooklyn.
Lifestyle
Learning a Shared Love Language — One That Includes Signing

Jerald Jerard Creer and Kent Michael Williams chalk up the almost 15-year delay in becoming a couple to a struggle to communicate — one that had nothing to do with Mr. Creer’s Deafness.
Since June 2009, when the two met on a Carnival cruise ship, Mr. Williams had been texting Mr. Creer every few weeks asking for dates. Mr. Creer routinely turned him down. For years, Mr. Williams assumed it was because of his age. “Jerald told me when we met I was too young for him,” Mr. Williams said. (Mr. Creer is seven years older.)
The truth was more complicated.
The friendship that Mr. Williams, now 42, and Mr. Creer, 49, struck up while sailing from Miami to the Bahamas had obstacles from the start. Mr. Williams, an engineer at Cox Communications then living in Baltimore, was traveling alone. Mr. Creer, a social worker, teacher for deaf people and actor then living in Suitland, Md., was vacationing with his boyfriend. Both were part of a group of L.G.B.T.Q. people of color vacationing together.
Mr. Williams remembered seeing Mr. Creer outside the ship’s nightclub a day or two into the trip and feeling drawn to him. “He’s fine,” he recalled thinking.
But he didn’t know Mr. Creer was deaf, which resulted in a stilted conversation. Mr. Creer, who considers American Sign Language his first language, can read lips and make out sounds when wearing his hearing aids. But he struggles to decipher spoken words in dim lighting and loud environments.
“From time to time, I don’t know if my hearing counterparts are adjusting to being in conversation with me,” he said of the stiltedness. That was the case with Mr. Williams. Then, there was the matter of Mr. Williams’s social anxiety. “I’m shy and introverted,” he said. “I’m still trying to figure out why I would have gone up to Jerald in the first place.”
Only two things were clear to both by the time the vacation was in the rearview mirror: One, each found the other attractive. And two, “Kent was very, very shy,” Mr. Creer said.
Mr. Creer grew up in Richmond, Va., with five younger siblings. His parents, Pamela Smith and Jared Creer, discovered his deafness before his first birthday.
By middle school, he was attending events for the deaf community in Rochester, N.Y., where he moved to attend a private school. There, he found his first deaf role models: Rosalie Rockwell, who was a teacher at the school, and her husband, Dale. Both have since died.
“They told me about N.T.I.D.,” he said — the National Technical Institute for the Deaf, a college at Rochester Institute of Technology that trains deaf and hard of hearing students for tech careers, where Mr. Rockwell was a science professor.
At first, Mr. Creer was skeptical: “No one in my family ever went to or finished college.”
But at N.T.I.D., where he enrolled as a scholarship student in 1994, the world opened up. “I met deaf people of all races,” he said. His freshman year, he joined the Ebony Club, a campus group for deaf Black students, but quit because he felt he wasn’t intellectually on their level. Shirley J. Allen, a retired R.I.T. professor and the first Black deaf woman in the United States to earn a doctoral degree, pulled him aside and told him, “Don’t you ever give up.”
Mr. Creer earned two degrees from R.I.T., the first a bachelor’s in his double major, social work and performing arts. Years later, he finished a master’s degree in education. He now works as a drama and theater arts teacher at the Atlanta Area School for the Deaf in Clarkston, Ga.
Mr. Williams grew up in Baltimore with his parents, Darlene Winslow and Kent Williams Sr., two younger half sisters and a cousin he considers a third sister. At 17, he started college at Frostburg State University in Frostburg, Md., to study computer science. But at the time, he was struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. After a semester, he dropped out.
“I had attempted to kill myself,” said Mr. Williams, who was raised Christian. “Growing up in the church, I thought I was going to hell anyway.” (Mr. Creer said that he also attempted suicide during college for similar reasons and survived his depression with the help of his friends from theater, a creative outlet he had been pursuing since early childhood.) Instead of returning home to Baltimore, Mr. Williams moved to Dunnsville, Va., where his godmother lived. To support himself, he worked a series of retail jobs.
In 2003, after three years in Virginia, he returned to Baltimore and got an apartment with a friend and eventually a customer service job at Verizon. By 2009, he was ready to return to college, later earning a bachelor’s degree in information systems from the University of Maryland. In 2010, he moved to Atlanta.
The boyfriend Mr. Creer took the 2009 cruise with broke up with him shortly after they returned home to Maryland. Mr. Creer moved back to Rochester, where he started working as an ASL coach and teacher for deaf people. Heartbreak was nothing new to him, though for years he had tried to avoid it by dating older guys. Men his own age or younger “just wanted to play,” he said. “I didn’t like that.”
Mr. Williams made a promise to himself to keep in touch with Mr. Creer after the cruise, though the odds of an eventual romance, he knew, were against him. He didn’t know ASL, and it was hard to keep up with Mr. Creer’s relationship status. But he remained in the grips of an enormous crush. “I never stopped being attracted to him,” Mr. Williams said. “I made it very clear.”
He did so by texting Mr. Creer at least once a month, letting him know about travel plans and where and when he hoped they might be able to meet in person. Mr. Creer always answered, but usually with an excuse. “He would say, ‘No, I don’t think so, I can’t take the time off,’” Mr. Williams said. “I would say OK and continue to be cordial.” But occasionally they did meet up in cities like Washington, D.C.
Binge more Vows columns here and read all our wedding, relationship and divorce coverage here.
“I’d meet him for a local event or for dinner at some restaurant,” Mr. Williams said. Those visits sometimes turned romantic before they said good night. But Mr. Creer’s pattern of declining his invitations would soon pick up where it left off. “I figured, it is what it is,” Mr. Williams said. “You enjoy what you can get sometimes.”
In December 2023, Mr. Williams made plans to celebrate a friend’s birthday in Manhattan and asked Mr. Creer to meet him there, not realizing that New York is one of Mr. Creer’s favorite cities. In less than a day, Mr. Creer responded, “I’ll be there.”
“I was like, Oh my God, for real?” Mr. Williams said. “I was really happy.” Nervous, too.
At the DoubleTree by Hilton in Times Square, the two stayed up all night playing a conversational card game that Mr. Creer had brought, the couples edition of (The And) card game.
“It was so thought-provoking,” Mr. Creer said. “We answered questions like, What are you hesitating to tell me? What are you afraid of?” Both say they fell in love that night. “We understood each other in ways we hadn’t before,” Mr. Creer added.
That weekend, Mr. Williams finally understood Mr. Creer’s reluctance to accept his scores of invitations through the years. Mr. Creer’s reservations about dating younger men were real. “I was aiming for mature men who understood the struggle of life and who know what it takes to sustain a long-term relationship,” Mr. Creer said.
But there was something else, too. “Kent often goes on trips that I couldn’t afford,” he added. “I was a social worker and was embarrassed that I couldn’t go, either because of my schedule or because of money.”
At the end of the New York birthday celebration, Mr. Williams was ready to carve a path forward as a couple. “‘Are we dating exclusively?’” he asked Mr. Creer. “Jerald said, ‘I think we should. I’m going to make a point of investing in you.’”
Two weeks later, in January 2024, they met in Manhattan a second time. In March, they traveled to London for a friend’s wedding. By then, they were discussing living together in Atlanta. But not marriage. So it was a surprise when Mr. Creer proposed to Mr. Williams at the top of the London Eye Ferris wheel. “It was total disbelief,” Mr. Williams said. His yes brought tears to both.
“I’m deaf in a hearing world, and I’m signing all the time, but Kent doesn’t see me as different from anyone else,” Mr. Creer said. “I love his heart and his compassion and his generosity so much.”
Mr. Williams added, “I fell in love with how genuine he is, the heart that he has. He will do anything in his power to make someone else happy, even at the risk of making himself unhappy.”
In June, Mr. Creer moved into Mr. Williams’s home in Atlanta. On Feb. 28, 115 guests gathered at Kimball Hall in Roswell, Ga., for their wedding, which was officiated by Romell Parks-Weekly, a friend, an L.G.B.T.Q. activist and a pastor at the Sanctuary, a Christian church in St. Louis. Both men were escorted down the aisle by their parents.
The ceremony included two ASL interpreters and a rendition of John Legend’s “All of Me,” both sung and signed for guests. Mr. Creer and Mr. Williams exchanged rings and promised to love each other “today, tomorrow and forever.” Once they were officially married, they jumped a broom decorated with ribbons and rhinestones into the first moments of that forever.
On This Day
When Feb. 28, 2025
Where Kimball Hall, Roswell, Ga.
Bliss and Harmony In the weeks leading up to the wedding, Mr. Creer took to Instagram to express his feelings about Mr. Williams in a series he called “word of the day.” Each day, he taught his followers a new word in ASL, including “forever” and “commitment.” Mr. Williams, who avoids the camera because of his shyness, reluctantly agreed to be part of the “romance” post on Valentine’s Day.
… And Comfort (Food) At a reception after the ceremony, guests helped themselves to a buffet with Southern favorites, including barbecued chicken, beef brisket sliders and mac and cheese. For dessert, after the grooms cut a small wedding cake, red velvet and chocolate cupcakes were passed around.
Bon Voyage The day after the wedding, the couple set sail on their second cruise together to the Caribbean. This time, they shared a cabin.
-
News1 week ago
Gene Hackman Lost His Wife and Caregiver, and Spent 7 Days Alone
-
Politics1 week ago
Republicans demand Trump cut American legal association out of nominee process
-
Politics1 week ago
Agriculture secretary cancels $600K grant for study on menstrual cycles in transgender men
-
News1 week ago
States sue Trump administration over mass firings of federal employees
-
News1 week ago
Trump Seeks to Bar Student Loan Relief to Workers Aiding Migrants and Trans Kids
-
Politics1 week ago
Kristi Noem says 2 leakers accused of disclosing ICE operations ID'd: 'Put law enforcement lives in jeopardy'
-
News5 days ago
Grieving Covid Losses, Five Years Later
-
World5 days ago
Ukraine accepts 30-day ceasefire in US talks: What it means for Russia war