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Meghan Sussex? Even Meghan Markle’s Last Name Inspires Debates.

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Meghan Sussex? Even Meghan Markle’s Last Name Inspires Debates.

In “Romeo and Juliet,” the star-crossed heroine asks: “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.”

People far less infatuated have wrestled with this concept for hundreds of years: How much should a name signify, and does it actually affect what or who a person is?

Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, would like a word.

In her new Netflix series, “With Love, Meghan,” the duchess, who is married to Prince Harry, told the actress Mindy Kaling that her last name was Sussex, correcting Ms. Kaling, who had referred to her by a more familiar name: Meghan Markle.

“It’s so funny, too, that you keep saying Meghan Markle,” Meghan said in the second episode of the series, which premiered last week. “You know I’m Sussex now.”

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Meghan cited the importance of sharing a last name with her children.

“I didn’t know how meaningful it would be to me but it just means so much to go, ‘This is our family name, our little family name,’” she said.

Ms. Kaling, who initially seemed surprised, replied, “Well, now I know and I love it.”

It’s understandable that Meghan, whose representatives did not immediately respond to a request for comment, insists on usage of what she feels is the correct form of her name. But as with most Meghan-related news, the clip quickly made waves online as people took to social media to criticize her. Some commenters thought she was being pretentious, and others called her out for seemingly having confused her royal house with the family’s surname.

There was similar confusion over how to refer to the duchess after she and Prince Harry announced in 2020 that they would “step back” from their official royal duties and move to the United States.

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Two days after the new series premiered, during an appearance on “The View,” Ms. Kaling said that she had “a great time” on the show, despite critics who felt like Meghan had behaved in a passive aggressive way toward her.

There is still some debate, however, on Meghan’s last name.

“She’s either totally oblivious to what her actual name is, she doesn’t understand it or she’s lying,” Hilary Fordwich, a royal family expert, said in a phone interview.

Ms. Fordwich explained that while it isn’t new for a member of the royal family to choose to go by their birth titles (Prince Harry went by Harry Wales during his time in the British army), that doesn’t make it their family name.

“By established protocol, he can use Harry Sussex, which I’ve never heard him use,” she said. “She could choose to use Meghan Sussex, but it’s not their surname. This was the issue in that Netflix clip.”

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However, Rachel Bowie, the royals editor for the lifestyle website PureWow, didn’t think what Meghan said was problematic at all, adding that it’s “totally within royal protocol” and she didn’t see it as a formal change.

“Even though Archie and Lili were christened ‘Mountbatten-Windsor,’ Harry and Meghan are borrowing Sussex from their title to make up their last name,” Ms. Bowie, who was previously the co-host of the “Royally Obsessed” podcast, said in a phone interview.

“I never read it as Meghan formally changing her name, but more as this symbolic thing for herself, that she feels this connection, between the four of them, that they move through the world under the name Sussex,” she added.

Opinions have continued to roll in, even from relatives of Harry and Meghan.

Lord Ivar Mountbatten, a cousin of King Charles III and a reality television star on “The Traitors,” claimed she had been wrong about her own surname in an interview he gave to Town & Country, saying the family’s surname is Mountbatten-Windsor.

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“Her children are called Archie and Lilibet Mountbatten-Windsor; they’re not called Archie and Lilibet Sussex, because Sussex is a title,” he said.

And Thomas Markle, Meghan’s estranged father, complained to the Daily Mail on Saturday about her decision to no longer use the name Markle, despite the fact that it’s still fairly common for a woman to adopt her husband’s name after getting married.

Understanding exactly how to refer to the royal family requires a look at its evolving history regarding names. According to the official website for the British Royal Family, “Members of the Royal Family can be known both by the name of the Royal house, and by a surname, which are not always the same.” It’s uncommon for core members of the Royal Family to be referred to by a surname at all.

Members of the Royal Family had no surname at all before 1917 and were referred to only by the name of the house or dynasty they belonged to. That year, King George V adopted Windsor as the name of the house and surname of his family.

In 1960, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, Harry’s grandparents, altered the name to distinguish their direct descendants from the rest of the extended Royal Family, making their new surname Mountbatten-Windsor, which included Philip’s family name.

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“For the most part, members of the Royal Family who are entitled to the style and dignity of HRH Prince or Princess do not need a surname, but if at any time any of them do need a surname (such as upon marriage), that surname is Mountbatten-Windsor,” the site reads, using the abbreviation for His or Her Royal Highness.

Meghan now lives outside that structure, meaning those rules do not necessarily apply to her. So her choice to be referred to as Meghan Sussex, for now, will simply be added to the list of things she’s either criticized or embraced for.

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‘Gentle Parenting’ Is Spoiling My Granddaughter. What Should I Do?

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‘Gentle Parenting’ Is Spoiling My Granddaughter. What Should I Do?

Kids need empathy alongside parental limits, and what you’re responding to with your stepdaughter is that this balance seems out of whack. By your account, your stepdaughter doesn’t allow for her daughter’s discomfort, which she needs to experience to develop resilience and a sense of competence in the world. Maybe this is because of the way that your stepdaughter was parented, and she’s either trying to emulate or move away from that.

Sometimes, too, single parents fear being the “bad guy” when they are navigating divorce or compensating for the pain from a divorce by “protecting” the child with extra tenderness. Or maybe your stepdaughter feels that adopting her own parenting style is one of the few ways she can maintain a sense of control while dealing with an uncooperative ex.

In families that have more adults in the house, kids benefit from seeing different ways of handling situations, and while you don’t live with your granddaughter, you are one of those adults in her life. You can adopt an aquarium approach, allowing her to express her emotions without your contempt (she’s not a “brat,” she’s struggling with emotional regulation) while also setting clear expectations and offering brief explanations for your decisions. (You can’t eat the cookies now because we’re about to have dinner, but you can have them after.) If your granddaughter pouts in response, you don’t need to react — you could redirect her by inviting her to play a game with you instead, and still be warm but nonreactive if she rejects this and continues pouting.

The more comfortable your granddaughter feels being with you, the more time you might get with her without her mother present. (As a single mom, your stepdaughter might enjoy the downtime!) You may be surprised by how a child can adapt to different expectations in different environments when those expectations are delivered with warmth and consistency.

You can also work on strengthening your relationship with your stepdaughter by not bringing up your differences. When she feels seen and valued by you, she may even become interested in the kind of parenting you’re modeling instead of what she likely perceives now as intrusive criticism. But even if she doesn’t adjust her tendency to over explain, her daughter’s witnessing of a friendly and noncombative relationship between you two will likely make this girl more inclined to trust you and be more receptive to your approach. And when you feel that surge of frustration from watching your stepdaughter parent, pause to ask yourself what beliefs or experiences might be informing your response. This self-awareness can help you engage more constructively with both your stepdaughter and granddaughter.

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In the end, you can’t control how your stepdaughter raises her daughter, but you can control how you show up in the family dynamic. You might need to adjust your expectations and recognize that your influence will be greatest if you can position yourself as an ally, rather than as a critic.

Want to Ask the Therapist? If you have a question, email askthetherapist@nytimes.com. By submitting a query, you agree to our reader submission terms. This column is not a substitute for professional medical advice.

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Tom Cruise & Ana de Armas Fuel Dating Rumors, Another Outing in England

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Tom Cruise & Ana de Armas Fuel Dating Rumors, Another Outing in England

Tom Cruise & Ana de Armas
Keep Dating Rumors Swirling …
Laughing in London!!!

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A Love Worth an Early Retirement and a Cross-Country Move

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A Love Worth an Early Retirement and a Cross-Country Move

Dr. Raymond Joseph Parungao and Andrew Chih-Hao Chen were attracted to each other the instant their eyes locked.

It was Feb. 28, 2010, and they were at the gay bar the Abbey in West Hollywood, Calif.

“The music was loud, but it faded away as I stared at Andrew,” Dr. Parungao said.

“I saw Ray, and time just stopped,” Mr. Chen said. “I was like, ‘Who is this?’ I had to find out more.”

The two, who were there with mutual friends, got drinks, headed to a quiet corner and started talking. They parted ways around midnight and made plans for a date three days later, again at the Abbey.

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Dr. Parungao, 55, was the first to arrive. “My heart was beating fast as I waited for Andrew,” he said. “I hadn’t stopped thinking about him since we met.”

That evening made it clear that their mutual desire was intense and authentic. They chatted for hours about their families, upbringings and shared love of travel. “We talked about everything and nothing and could have chatted for days,” said Mr. Chen, 37. “By the end of the night, we were talking about vacationing together and even starting a family.”

The following month, they exchanged rings as a symbol of their commitment, and eight months after meeting, Mr. Chen moved into Dr. Parungao’s West Hollywood condominium.

At the time, Mr. Chen was working as a branch manager for a bank in Los Angeles, but had dreams of being a hairstylist. In September 2013 he did some work at New York Fashion Week, “and after that experience, what New York offered me professionally was calling me,” Mr. Chen said. “I decided to move.”

Dr. Parungao was working as a pediatric intensive care doctor at Kaiser Permanente in Los Angeles and his contract made relocating a challenge. The two split amicably, and in October 2013, Mr. Chen left for Manhattan. “I wanted Andrew to be free to follow his passion and didn’t want him to feel the burden of a long-distance relationship,” Dr. Parungao said.

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They remained close and continued to chat daily. In June 2016, they rekindled their romance when Dr. Parungao visited Mr. Chen and the two attended the Pride parade. “We were dancing to Kylie Minogue who was performing ‘All the Lovers’ at the concert on the pier, and all I could do was stare at Ray,” Mr. Chen said. “We kissed and knew that there was no being apart.”

They decided to try bicoastal dating, with each taking turns flying to see the other two to three weekends a month. Marriage was in the cards. “We had talked about it early on in our relationship but never discussed how or when,” Dr. Parungao said.

They became engaged in September 2016 while on a trip to Iceland with Mr. Chen’s mother, Patty Chen, to celebrate her 60th birthday.

The trio took an evening bus tour through the countryside near Reykjavik to see the northern lights. When they stopped alongside a field, Dr. Parungao asked Mr. Chen, with Ms. Chen looking on, if he would marry him. “We did a three-way hug and cried underneath the lights,” Mr. Chen said.

[Click here to binge read this week’s featured couples.]

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Dr. Parungao, who grew up in Conyers, Ga., has a bachelor’s degree in the history of science from Johns Hopkins University and a master’s degree in public health from George Washington University. He holds a medical degree from Howard University.

Mr. Chen is from Diamond Bar, Calif., and works as a freelance hairstylist at the Stephen Knoll salon in New York. He has a bachelor’s degree in business management from Pepperdine University and studied hairdressing at Santa Monica College. He is now in his final year in a graduate program in environmental science at The New School.

After their engagement, they continued their bicoastal lives, except during Covid, when Mr. Chen was without a job and moved to Los Angeles for two years.

But by 2024, after they returned to their bicoastal relationship, living apart was wearing on both. “I took Kaiser’s early retirement package and moved to New York in February to be with Andrew full time,” Dr. Parungao said.

They now reside in Long Island City, Queens, and are in the process of having a child through a surrogate. “It’s such a sense of relief,” Mr. Chen said. “We can go on spontaneous walks together or grab lunch without everything being preplanned.”

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On Feb. 28, 15 years after first meeting, Mr. Chen and Dr. Parungao were married by Yanfang Chen, an officiant at the Manhattan City Clerk’s office, with their parents as witnesses.

After the ceremony, they did a photo shoot at City Hall Park and took a Zumba dance class. That evening, the couple celebrated with 70 family members and friends at the Chinese restaurant Shan in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn.

“We danced, we cried, we cheered, we toasted,” Mr. Chen said.

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