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L.A. Affairs: We moved from New York in a doughnut truck. Would L.A. offer new adventures?

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L.A. Affairs: We moved from New York in a doughnut truck. Would L.A. offer new adventures?

We drove up a steep hill in our packed doughnut food truck to see our new house in Glassell Park for the first time. But we weren’t prepared for the stress of that hillside drive. Who knew that such pockets of treacherous roads existed just east of the 2 Freeway?

This was a different level of driving stress than we had ever encountered on New York City or New Jersey roads. There, people whizzed by while holding the horn. Or the wrong lane would take you to a different state. But here in L.A., every turn we made led to a new hazard: a blind curve with a speeding Tesla coming down the other side; a gardener’s pickup truck with protruding tools parked to the side but still taking up half the road; low branches that swatted the top of the truck and then snapped back to spank us in the rear. Wait, this street is two lanes?

I gripped the door, mouth tight, barely breathing. When we finally parked the bright blue doughnut truck in our new driveway, my husband turned to me and said, “Oh man, my butt was clenched that entire time.”

Jersey City to Los Angeles. That was the journey I’d made with Dan, my husband of six years, with his mini-doughnut catering truck as our moving vehicle. We’d park and leave all our belongings alone overnight. I wondered if the truck would make our mattress and towels smell the way Dan did when he came home after working — the greasy sweetness of fried dough and powdered sugar. But the smells didn’t have that much time to sink in. We did it fast.

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October 2020 didn’t feel like the time for dilly-dallying with our things in tow, encased in a glaring wrap of — I’ll call it cerulean — with raining sprinkles and the words “Glazed & Confused” plastered around a big pink doughnut.

Our first days here were spent in 92-degree late October (welcome to L.A.!) breaking down boxes in the sun. Our home was coming into focus — not just the house, the place.

After 12 years of being in New York City, I felt unmoored. I didn’t realize right away that the life I was building there was a transient one. Although I had been born, raised and educated in Southern California, I felt I had to go to that hectic place to find myself. What I found was pain and stress and a blue-eyed scruffy Italian guy from North Jersey.

After three years together, we were married in Santa Monica, showing our loved ones that Southern California was home base, even if I didn’t yet understand that. California inspired our next chapter too. While honeymooning in Sonoma, we saw a farmers market stand that made hot bite-sized doughnuts to order. It sparked an idea in Dan. My home state was bearing witness to the biggest moments of our life together.

But after the wedding, we went back to where we lived, and I was reminded of my failures. I had moved to New York after college to pursue a career in writing only for my goals to coincide with the 2008 financial crisis. Then, barely a year later, my sister died of complications from Hodgkin’s lymphoma. The days there felt dull and rote, like life was playing in a pre-Oz black-and-white.

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While I was pivoting careers and starting a psychotherapy practice, Dan was tiring of 80-hour workweeks managing Manhattan Cold Stone franchises. He sought to build a business on his own terms. He conceived of a food truck catering company that would serve those little doughnuts, fresh and warm in a tray topped with bits and bobs in combinations called S’mores or Salted Caramel Pretzel. Glazed & Confused was born.

As Dan’s business grew, mine sputtered. The depression I had been riddled with in adolescence — where it’s so impossible to imagine having a future that you give up on creating one — had returned in a new adult form. Looking at Dan’s truck, I felt the void in the center of that pink doughnut glaring at me and saying, “There’s a piece missing.” I realized my New York life was Limbo, a suspended place and time marked by loss.

So I started planting the seed. What if we moved to L.A.?

I wasn’t sure it would work. As a therapist, I know that leaving a place doesn’t leave your struggles behind. But if my struggle was about belonging and moving forward with building a life, then I couldn’t deny where I was rooted and where I want to build. As soon as we crossed into California, I felt relief from succumbing to the magnetic pull of home. My hunch was right. We needed to be here, and this truck had brought us.

But now, would Dan come to feel unmoored? He had been born, raised and educated on the East Coast. What if I had doomed him to what I had endured back east?

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In a marriage, it can be easy to forget our different emotional realities. Just to be safe, I blanketed Dan in my community, my parents, school friends and cousins who embraced him. I researched the best pizza and bagels in L.A., and we frequented Pizzeria Sei, Shins and Belle’s Bagels so that he wouldn’t feel deprived of his cherished comforts. Turns out, L.A. pizza and bagels can win over a Jersey boy.

As I felt joy looking out the window at the tips of the Dodger Stadium palm trees and the U.S. Bank building, I saw him become taken by the light and color of our hills and sky. Every morning, I’d catch him staring out the window at the glow over that 2 Freeway. I could see him feeling the pride I feel about L.A.

Sometimes I don’t feel I deserve this feeling of contentment. But also, maybe, I’d been through enough. After all, it wasn’t easy: it took a 3,000-mile, 13-year detour to get on the right path — all thanks to a cerulean doughnut truck covered in sprinkles.

The author is a writer and therapist who writes screenplays, nonfiction narratives and critical essays. She was a 2023 script competition finalist at the Austin Film Festival. She lives in Glassell Park. She’s on Instagram: @pallaviyetur

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

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Sunday Puzzle: Summer movie blockbusters

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Sunday Puzzle: Summer movie blockbusters

Sunday Puzzle

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On-air challenge: Summer officially arrived this past week, and summer is known for moviegoing. So today I’ve brought a movie puzzle. Every answer is a well-known film with a two-word title. I’ll give you rhymes for the two words. You name the films. (If the title starts with “A” or “The.” ignore that.)
 

Ex. Bad Cracks  –> MAD MAX

  1. Car Doors
  2. Sing Song
  3. Blinding Chemo
  4. Mean Look
  5. Cider Can
  6. The Mayan Spring
  7. Bedding Smashers
  8. The Thing’s Reach

Last week’s challenge: Last week’s challenge comes from listener Shrinidhi Rai, of Pleasanton, Calif. Think of two parts of the human body that start with the same letter of the alphabet. Drop one instance of this letter. Then rearrange the remaining letters to name a third part of the human body, which isn’t near the first two. What body parts are these?

Challenge answer: Neck, nape, kneecap

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Winner: Hal Babcock

This week’s challenge: This week’s challenge comes from listener Laura Kozma, of South River, N.J. Name a famous film actor of the past (4,6). Swap the second and third letters of the first name to name a color. Change the third letter of the last name to get another color. What actor is it?

Submit Your Answer

If you know the answer to the challenge, submit it here by Thursday, June 27th at 3 p.m. ET. Listeners whose answers are selected win a chance to play the on-air puzzle. Important: include a phone number where we can reach you.

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Actor Found Dead After Tinder Date With Two Women

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Actor Found Dead After Tinder Date With Two Women
Chilean actor Alex Araya may have succumbed to the stealth drug burundanga after he was found dead in his Colombian Airbnb. The actor was discovered dead on June 7 after a cleaning lady found his corpse in the Medellin Airbnb, according to La Tercera. The night before, Araya reportedly went on a Tinder date with two women, according to his brother, Eduardo, who talked to Chilean newspaper La Tercera. Araya went to the Airbnb at around 11:30 p.m….
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In ‘The Bear’ Season 3, experimentation is still on the menu

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In ‘The Bear’ Season 3, experimentation is still on the menu

Jeremy Allen White a Carmy Berzatto.

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Season 3 of The Bear is out now from FX on Hulu. The review below contains details from the season.

The Bear is a show about scars and ghosts, because it is in so many ways a show about consequences and grief. Not all the scars are visible, of course, and not all the ghosts are dead.

At the opening of the excellent third season, we find Carmy (Jeremy Allen White) alone in the dark, the morning after his new restaurant’s tryout night, staring at a gnarly old scar on his palm and thinking about people who aren’t there. People who have died, but also people he’s hurt, people he doesn’t know how to talk to, people who have changed him for good and for ill.

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The episode unfolds from there not in a straight line but as a looping, layered look at multiple pieces of Carmy’s life that sit on top of each other like a stack of pancakes you can cut through and expose all at once. One is this difficult morning after he got locked in the walk-in fridge. Some involve events in his family — Mikey’s death and telling Nat goodbye when he moved to New York years ago. Some involve Claire (Molly Gordon), whom he kisses in quick flashes. But mostly, we watch Carmy’s experiences in various kitchens in Chicago, on the east and west coasts, and in Copenhagen. We watch him and Luca (Will Poulter) working for chef Terry (Olivia Colman). We see him learn from chefs Daniel Boulud, Rene Redzepi and Thomas Keller, all of whom appear as themselves. We see more of the damage that was inflicted on him by the cruel New York chef played by Joel McHale.

While it doesn’t offer up the same pleasures we’re used to, like seeing this big cast yell back and forth, the episode is an example of The Bear‘s greatest strength. Despite its success, the show is creatively restless, always. This is not a conventional episode of TV, let alone a conventional season opener. It’s moody and disorienting, it doesn’t advance the plot a whole lot, and it may take a couple of viewings to understand where in time you’re located. If episodes dropped one at a time, this opener might leave an audience cold. But with multiple episodes available at once, including a much more typical second episode where the restaurant is trying to get ready for its real opening night, creator Christopher Storer and the rest of the creative team can get away with this kind of experimentation, and so they do it.

Ebon Moss-Bachrach as Cousin Richie.

Ebon Moss-Bachrach as Cousin Richie.

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The same is true of the episodes that step away from Carmy and Sydney and Richie, even though those three characters are so beloved and mesmerizing. There aren’t any epics in this season on the scale of season two’s brilliant “Forks” and “Fishes,” but there are more intimate opportunities to visit with the rest of the cast. Ayo Edebiri (who plays Sydney) directs “Napkins,” a standout episode about Tina (Liza Colón-Zayas). Not for nothing, “Napkins” also includes the strongest scene the show has ever done with Mikey (Jon Bernthal), The Bear‘s greatest ghost of all. Abby Elliott and Jamie Lee Curtis hold down “Ice Chips,” in which Nat’s mother, Donna — also, in her way, a ghost — is not the person Nat wants on hand as she prepares to give birth, but Donna is who she’s got.

It’s this constant push-push-push against the obvious next move that makes The Bear compelling. What earned so much praise in the first season was the grimy, loving clamor of The Beef, so they abandoned it for the team’s pivot to fine dining in season 2, which opened up new possibilities for stories about learning and self-actualization.

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And now that The Bear exists and can serve food, the focus shifts again. Because what’s at stake, particularly in the late part of this third season, are questions about creativity and excellence. There is, in the real world, a push to de-romanticize abusive behaviors that have long been written off as part of an initiation process that one has to endure in order to become great. And The Bear dives headlong into its own exploration of toxicity and hard work without ever stepping over the line into didactic posturing. Instead, it goes back to those two big weapons that give it the gravity and emotional scale it maintained over its first two seasons: scars and ghosts.

Carmy’s industry ghosts are good and bad. He has worked for Chef Terry, who is kind and creates an environment of high standards but humane treatment — and her restaurant, Ever, transformed Richie’s life, too. But Carmy has also worked for the abusive nightmare of a boss played by Joel McHale. The scars from that job are in his anxiety and self-flagellation, but also in little habits like the neatly cut labeling tape that he attaches to deli containers and the handles of saucepans.

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It would be lovely to believe Carmy could never become Joel McHale. But when he unveils his list of “non-negotiables” for The Bear, it’s less the items on the list and more the way he delivers the list — as an impatient authoritarian — that seems ominous. He has become obsessed with getting a Michelin star, and declares that the menu will change every single day, which upends the economics of the business and the work that’s done by Sydney, Richie, Nat, Tina, Marcus, and everybody else who works there.

Ayo Edebiri as Sydney Adamu.

Ayo Edebiri as Sydney Adamu.

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This is also a very strong season for Sydney and Richie. Edebiri perfectly captures Sydney’s hesitation about attaching herself to Carmy as his obsessive focus on quality and achievement turns self-destructive. And Richie (Ebon Moss-Bachrach), who discovered he was a born fine-dining service guy when he staged at Ever, finds himself trying to protect his dining room and his right to run it. It’s their complicated love for Carmy (and each other), as well as his for them, that makes all of this feel so emotionally urgent. The idea of Carmy becoming one of Sydney’s unhappy ghosts, after all, is almost too much to take, and the lack of reconciliation after the bitter fight between Carmy and Richie through the walk-in door casts a pall over any success they have together. (The character of Claire, who felt under-written even last season, is a far less effective emotional lever, particularly now, when she is almost entirely talked about but never seen.)

There are, of course, things in the season that don’t work quite so well, though most of them feel less like failure than like excess. There is a little too much of the Fak family, headed by Neil, played by Matty Matheson. Neil is a brilliant creation, played brilliantly, and when he’s part of conversations with the whole staff, his presence is critical to getting the balance of those scenes right. But as the Faks multiply over the course of this season, they get a little too silly, and they also are the source of the only guest appearance out of many big ones in the show’s history that has ever tipped over into feeling like stunt casting — into seemingly doing a thing just to do it.

Matty Matheson as Neil Fak.

Matty Matheson as Neil Fak.

FX

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We are also getting diminishing returns by the end of this season from the frequent appearances by real chefs. A lesson to Carmy from Thomas Keller goes on for too long, and a late-season gathering of real chefs, while it has its delights, also feels indulgent. It’s understandable that the show wants to make a spectacle of how beloved it is by the real food world and how much star chefs want to elbow their way into episodes. But unsurprisingly, The Bear gets its best acting work from actors. And detouring into celebrity cameos is tricky at a moment when time with the main cast feels precious and the story is gaining steam.

Speaking of which: This is not really a season; it is half a season. It ends with a cliffhanger, “To Be Continued.” It doesn’t resolve either the main plot threads or the emotional tangles that have been built over these ten episodes. That’s a choice the people behind the show have made, and it candidly seems like a perilous one for a project that presumably won’t come back for many months. Because of the exceptional acting and writing, they will perhaps get away with the anticlimax of it (so different from the big thunderclaps of the last two seasons ending), but it might have worked better to give some resolution to something.

All in all, though, this remains a tremendously creative, audacious show that is full of pleasures both expected and unexpected. The fact that it doesn’t repeat its successes as much as it tries to reshape itself each time around is perhaps like Carmy’s ever-changing menu: It can lead to a certain number of misfires, but it’s a way to show and share all that you can do.

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