I used to be a freshman at Cal State L.A., and I hadn’t made any mates but. So I joined a membership and it introduced its first socially distanced occasion: Seashore Day in Santa Monica. I thought of skipping on the final minute, however my older brother inspired me. He had a good friend who was a part of that very same membership. Hesitantly, I reached out, and my brother’s good friend invited me to fulfill him on the South Pasadena Metro station so we might take the practice collectively. I mentioned sure, however truthfully, I wasn’t wanting ahead to spending hours on a practice with a stranger.

After I arrived, he was already ready, and waved to me.

He held out his hand. “Good to fulfill you.” I took it and launched myself.

“Very first thing I prefer to ask everyone,” he mentioned, “what did you might have for breakfast?”

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“I don’t eat breakfast,” I answered, and he gave me an incredulous look.

“What? Why?”

“I work out for breakfast,” I mentioned, after which instantly wished to kick myself as a result of that was such a silly factor to say.

He appeared amused, and we continued to make small discuss whereas we waited.

“So what do you do for enjoyable? I imply, apart from figuring out and never consuming breakfast.” He glanced at me with a lopsided smile that made my abdomen do a faucet dance.

I needed to admit: He was so effortlessly charismatic and humorous. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so dangerous.

I advised him I preferred to learn, and we talked books for a bit. (He talked about that he had simply completed “The Artwork of Witty Banter.”)

“Do you go on the Metro quite a bit?” I requested. He nodded. “Every single day.” I appeared round for our practice. “That is so demanding for me,” I confessed. The final time I went on the Metro was in third grade. “And I nearly acquired off on the improper cease, so my trainer needed to yank me again by the hood of my jacket.”

He laughed, and I seen that he had dimples.

By the point our practice arrived, all my worries had evaporated. He was really easy to speak to. Quickly sufficient, we had been in Santa Monica for a enjoyable day of card video games on the seashore and avoiding the chilly and salty water.

The practice again was packed and we needed to stand for the primary a part of the trip. We held on to a pole, quietly people-watching collectively. When a seat opened up on the subsequent cease, he turned to me with a gleam in his eye.

He gestured to the now-empty seat with over-the-top formality, and requested, “Excuse me, ma’am, would you want to sit down?”

“Oh, my God,” I muttered as I rolled my eyes, and fought again a smile. As I took the seat, a heat, rosy hue crept up my cheeks.

Because the trip resumed, he leaned in opposition to the pole and checked out me. I studied him again. His eyes. They had been framed with darkish, curled lashes that fanned out in each route. They had been hazel. Or had been they simply mild brown? That they had little amber specks in them too. No matter colour they had been, they had been dreamy. And unnerving. I broke eye contact.

We lapsed into silence, however it wasn’t uncomfortable. I caught myself wanting over at him quite a lot of instances. At one level, we performed charades to go the time. We thought we had been being quiet, however I suppose we had been somewhat too enthusiastic. A lady a pair seats away referred to as out a solution. She was proper, and all of us laughed.

As we neared our station, I bear in mind wishing the trip would take even longer. I knew that when we acquired to our cease, actuality would set in and what felt like a dream would finish.

I wished to remain in that practice, sitting on the arduous seat that was lacking its cushion, surrounded by two-dozen folks peering over masks, with the distant stench of marijuana drifting, observing a boy with lovely eyes.

The practice slowed to a cease and the doorways opened. We grabbed our baggage and stepped out. It was already darkish and my mother had texted, telling me the place she’d decide me up.

He advised me he was strolling house and pointed in the wrong way.

I felt frantic however didn’t let my emotion present by my nonchalance. I mentioned my goodbyes. I turned and as I used to be strolling away, he referred to as out my identify.

After I glanced again, he was standing there together with his arms out and a large grin.

For a giddy second, I forgot about the whole lot that stood in our means — he was busy planning for his upcoming commencement and taking a spot yr, I used to be simply getting began on faculty. I ran again to offer him a hug. Then, he was gone.

As I headed to search out my mom, I appeared again just a few instances however couldn’t make out his retreating silhouette within the darkness.

Just a few days later, I got here up with an excuse to succeed in out to him, and we started taking walks within the native park collectively. There was at all times a lot to speak about. And there was at all times the hug to sit up for as we parted methods.

On a stroll one night, I requested him if we could possibly be something. He’d advised me earlier than that he was utilizing his time exterior of lessons to work on himself, that he didn’t need somebody in his life romantically. Would he think about making an exception for me?

I hated the hope that I nonetheless secretly nursed.

He was silent. And each passing second was making my coronary heart beat faster. Making my respiratory erratic. Perhaps, simply possibly…

No, he mentioned.

I nodded. I acquired it. It made sense, actually.

So why did it nonetheless really feel like my coronary heart was bodily shattering?

I slowed my strolling as my home got here into view. Each step felt like a countdown. 5 toes away, 4 toes, 3, 2, and shortly we had been at my doorstep.

He held out his arms, and I buried my face in his chest.

It felt like a goodbye. It felt like the top. It felt like the top, however we by no means even began.

Then, I let go.

The writer is a freshman in faculty at Cal State L.A., learning finance and artistic writing.

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