Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: I confessed I wanted babies soon after our first date. Would he stick around?
When Mark told me on our first date that he co-owned a mortgage bank with his father, Wes, who had been to federal prison for fraud, I should have run away. After all, I’m a career prosecutor. I read rap sheets to dissect a person’s past and predict future behavior.
Mark, 30, was eight years my junior. He was handsome and polite, with an endearing Oklahoma twang. But my time to procreate was running out. Sitting in Il Farro over focaccia, with his vest over a T-shirt, he looked even more boyish.
Remarkably, he trusted his father. When investigators had closed in, Wes fled to his yacht in France. After extradition, he squandered his children’s trust funds and was convicted. After widespread publicity, Mark’s siblings chose to drop their father’s surname, but I noticed that Mark kept it.
I admired his loyalty, but after the first date, possibly in a bid to repel him with honesty, I said I needed to have babies soon.
When he called again, I said, “Did you hear me about babies? Anyway, I’m heading to an ashram to meditate.” That should’ve turned him off! But on my way home after landing at Los Angeles International Airport, I heard the voicemail he’d left asking to see me.
Our differences multiplied. Mark was from the Bible Belt; my parents were Holocaust survivors. I dreamed of preparing sea urchins with a “sous chef” boyfriend; he didn’t cook, and his palate was from the kids menu. I fantasized about backpacking the world; a jaunt to Vegas satisfied his wanderlust. He didn’t read; I wanted to be a writer.
Previously, I’d been seduced by demonstrative courtship, but Mark wasn’t effusive, and when someone bursted into laughter with “She’s hysterical!” at one of my jokes, Mark looked bewildered.
Eventually, I met Wes, a slight man in too-large 1970s glasses. I was surprised to find him so naturally charming and gentle. By this point in my legal career, I had seen my share of criminals and couldn’t picture Wes in an orange jumpsuit. He was also quiet like Mark, as in painfully quiet. I filled noiseless spaces with nervous chatter.
When I brought it up to Mark, he nodded and said: “My parents took me to a shrink to figure out why I didn’t talk.” Quietness was just a trait in his family, I suppose. Unlike most attorneys, Mark didn’t talk to hear himself, and his lack of ego intrigued me.
After making love, I noticed how Mark’s quiet side also meant he didn’t fill space with nervous energy, getting up to shower or checking his phone. He just was there with me, a parallel presence I’d never felt before. As I drifted to sleep, he said “I love you” so inaudibly, maybe I imagined it.
Still, as we say at work, the jury was out.
On a trip to Hawaii eight months in, I waited for the ring to come out over every mai tai at sunset. Didn’t I warn him I didn’t have time to waste?
At 11 months, we visited my old-fashioned parents. To them, bringing a man home was serious. At dinner, my dad prodded Mark in his heavy Polish accent. What were Mark’s intentions? Mark sat mute. I was furious. I thought about how Mark would not take his stepfather’s name, how no one could ever make him do anything he didn’t want — a stubborn mule. I was wasting time.
The next month at a local osteria, I sat sipping scarlet Brunello by candlelight; Mark looked at his menu, not me.
“Hey,” I said. “I love you, but we’re on different pages.”
Mark rolled his eyes. “Do we have to have this conversation right now?” When I persisted, like a good prosecutor would, he tossed a ring box onto the table. Between us, we’d ruined his proposal.
There were more warning signs: The week of our wedding, I lost my voice. The day before our wedding, in my parents’ home, we had a massive flood. On our wedding day, it poured, forcing us all inside. After the ceremony, as we drove in the deluge to a celebration, we crashed into the car in front of us.
And on our honeymoon in Italy, we drove through Tuscany and again had another rear-ender. More portents, I was sure.
But our marriage wasn’t filled with disasters, and there were breaks in the clouds that evinced Mark’s unwavering endurance and depth. Shortly after the wedding, with no heartbeat in one pregnancy, Mark held me when I cried. With the welcome sound of a heartbeat in another pregnancy, he cried.
When I was flattened by postpartum depression and had a terrifying health misdiagnosis, Mark was there with me; his aligned presence was like a pillar holding me upright. Love became more and more about the choice to stay, bolstered by Mark’s unwavering endurance and depth, and less dependent on words.
Mark’s dad, meanwhile, was at the births of our children. He brought saltines and Gatorade when we had the stomach flu, and he helped us install a washer on a weekend. At Sunday dinners, he spoke of loyalty, tearing up about his devoted son who visited him in prison. I loved Wes.
Thirteen years had passed since my first date with Mark, and that’s when that initial red flag reared its ugly head. Over a verbal disagreement about investments, Wes punched Mark, and Mark left their business, never to speak to his dad again. Not long after, Wes took money from an innocent victim.
We found ourselves in financial trouble untangling Wes’ debts. I’d taken 10 years away from my work to raise our kids, but I begged my way back into the district attorney’s office. When everything is stripped away, you see who someone is. I saw how Mark was a survivor. This was an impulse I knew from my parents.
Mark scraped together our savings and bought a new business. In the first weeks at my new position in the county courtroom, I saw Wes’ name on my calendar; he’d been arrested. Humiliatingly, I had to tell my new boss I couldn’t appear on the case.
As I look back on our 25 years of marriage, I see a relationship filled with warnings but profoundly offset by Mark’s highest value: loyalty. I had seen Mark’s fierce devotion to family, that he could make hard decisions like keeping his name and that he was resilient.
I used to think you could figure out compatibility from a distance and foresee how things would turn out like I look at a criminal history to judge whether someone will reoffend. But people surprise you. Why a relationship works is a mystery.
And the two car accidents? They did turn out to be omens. Mark now owns a driving school.
The author wrote a memoir, “Misjudged,” about the unlikely friendship she forged with a former gang member she prosecuted who was sentenced to life in prison. She’s on Instagram: @karenmckinneywriter
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
Video: Prada Peels Back the Layers at Milan Fashion Week
new video loaded: Prada Peels Back the Layers at Milan Fashion Week
By Chevaz Clarke and Daniel Fetherston
February 27, 2026
Lifestyle
Bill Cosby Rape Accuser Donna Motsinger Says He Won’t Testify At Trial
Bill Cosby
Rape Accuser Says Cosby Won’t Take Stand At Trial
Published
Bill Cosby‘s rape accuser Donna Motsinger says the TV star can’t be bothered to show up to court for a trial in a lawsuit she filed against him.
According to new legal docs, obtained by TMZ. Motsinger says Bill will not testify in court … she claims it’s “because he does not care to appear.”
Motsinger says Bill won’t show his face at the trial either … and the only time the jury will hear from him will be a previously taped deposition.
As we previously reported, Motsinger claims Bill drugged and raped her in 1972. In the case, Bill admitted during a deposition that he obtained a recreational prescription for Quaaludes that he secured from a gynecologist at a poker game.
TMZ.com
Bill also said he planned to use the pills to give to women in the hopes of having sex with them.
Motsinger alleged Bill gave her a pill that she thought was aspirin. She claimed she felt off after taking it and said she woke up the next day in her bed with only her underwear on.
Here, it sounds like Motsinger wants to play the deposition for the jury.
Lifestyle
Baz Luhrmann will make you fall in love with Elvis Presley
Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.
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“You are my favorite customer,” Baz Luhrmann tells me on a recent Zoom call from the sunny Chateau Marmont in Hollywood. The director is on a worldwide blitz to promote his new film, EPiC: Elvis Presley in Concert — which opens wide this week — and he says this, not to flatter me, but because I’ve just called his film a miracle.
See, I’ve never cared a lick about Elvis Presley, who would have turned 91 in January, had he not died in 1977 at the age of 42. Never had an inkling to listen to his music, never seen any of his films, never been interested in researching his life or work. For this millennial, Presley was a fossilized, mummified relic from prehistory — like a woolly mammoth stuck in the La Brea Tar Pits — and I was mostly indifferent about seeing 1970s concert footage when I sat down for an early IMAX screening of EPiC.
By the end of its rollicking, exhilarating 90 minutes, I turned to my wife and said, “I think I’m in love with Elvis Presley.”
“I’m not trying to sell Elvis,” Luhrmann clarifies. “But I do think that the most gratifying thing is when someone like you has the experience you’ve had.”
Elvis made much more of an imprint on a young Luhrmann; he watched the King’s movies while growing up in New South Wales, Australia in the 1960s, and he stepped to 1972’s “Burning Love” as a young ballroom dancer. But then, like so many others, he left Elvis behind. As a teenager, “I was more Bowie and, you know, new wave and Elton and all those kinds of musical icons,” he says. “I became a big opera buff.”
Luhrmann only returned to the King when he decided to make a movie that would take a sweeping look at America in the 1950s, ’60s, and ’70s — which became his 2022 dramatized feature, Elvis, starring Austin Butler. That film, told in the bedazzled, kaleidoscopic style that Luhrmann is famous for, cast Presley as a tragic figure; it was framed and narrated by Presley’s notorious manager, Colonel Tom Parker, portrayed by a conniving and heavily made-up Tom Hanks. The dark clouds of business exploitation, the perils of fame, and an early demise hang over the singer’s heady rise and fall.
It was a divisive movie. Some praised Butler’s transformative performance and the director’s ravishing style; others experienced it as a nauseating 2.5-hour trailer. Reviewing it for Fresh Air, Justin Chang said that “Luhrmann’s flair for spectacle tends to overwhelm his basic story sense,” and found the framing device around Col. Parker (and Hanks’ “uncharacteristically grating” acting) to be a fatal flaw.
Personally, I thought it was the greatest thing Luhrmann had ever made, a perfect match between subject and filmmaker. It reminded me of Oliver Stone’s breathless, Shakespearean tragedy about Richard Nixon (1995’s Nixon), itself an underrated masterpiece. Yet somehow, even for me, it failed to light a fire of interest in Presley himself — and by design, I now realize after seeing EPiC, it omitted at least one major aspect of Elvis’ appeal: the man was charmingly, endearingly funny.
As seen in Luhrmann’s new documentary, on stage, in the midst of a serious song, Elvis will pull a face, or ad lib a line about his suit being too tight to get on his knees, or sing for a while with a bra (which has been flung from the audience) draped over his head. He’s constantly laughing and ribbing and keeping his musicians, and himself, entertained. If Elvis was a tragedy, EPiC is a romantic comedy — and Presley’s seduction of us, the audience, is utterly irresistible.
Unearthing old concert footage
It was in the process of making Elvis that Luhrmann discovered dozens of long-rumored concert footage tapes in a Kansas salt mine, where Warner Bros. stores some of their film archives. Working with Peter Jackson’s team at the post-production facility Park Road Post, who did the miraculous restoration of Beatles rehearsal footage for Jackson’s 2021 Disney+ series, Get Back, they burnished 50-plus hours of 55-year-old celluloid into an eye-popping sheen with enough visual fidelity to fill an IMAX screen. In doing so, they resurrected a woolly mammoth. The film — which is a creative amalgamation of takes from rehearsals and concerts that span from 1970 to 1972 — places the viewer so close to the action that we can viscerally feel the thumping of the bass and almost sense that we’ll get flecked with the sweat dripping off Presley’s face.
This footage was originally shot for the 1970 concert film Elvis: That’s The Way It Is, and its 1972 sequel, Elvis on Tour, which explains why these concerts were shot like a Hollywood feature: wide shots on anamorphic 35mm and with giant, ultra-bright Klieg lights — which, Luhrmann explains, “are really disturbing. So [Elvis] was very apologetic to the audience, because the audience felt a bit more self conscious than they would have been at a normal show. They were actually making a movie, they weren’t just shooting a concert.”
Luhrmann chose to leave in many shots where camera operators can be seen running around with their 16mm cameras for close-ups, “like they’re in the Vietnam War trying to get the best angles,” because we live in an era where we’re used to seeing cameras everywhere and Luhrmann felt none of the original directors’ concern about breaking the illusion. Those extreme close-ups, which were achieved by operators doing math and manually pulling focus, allow us to see even the pores on Presley’s skin — now projected onto a screen the size of two buildings.
The sweat that comes out of those pores is practically a character in the film. Luhrmann marvels at how much Presley gave in every single rehearsal and every single concert performance. Beyond the fact that “he must have superhuman strength,” Luhrmann says, “He becomes the music. He doesn’t mark stuff. He just becomes the music, and then no one knows what he’s going to do. The band do not know what he’s going to do, so they have to keep their eyes on him all the time. They don’t know how many rounds he’s going to do in ‘Suspicious Minds.’ You know, he conducts them with his entire being — and that’s what makes him unique.”
Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.
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It’s not the only thing. The revivified concerts in EPiC are a potent argument that Elvis wasn’t just a superior live performer to the Beatles (who supplanted him as the kings of pop culture in the 1960s), but possibly the greatest live performer of all time. His sensual, magmatic charisma on stage, the way he conducts the large band and choir, the control he has over that godlike gospel voice, and the sorcerer’s power he has to hold an entire audience in the palm of his hands (and often to kiss many of its women on the lips) all come across with stunning, electrifying urgency.
Shaking off the rust and building a “dreamscape”
The fact that, on top of it all, he is effortlessly funny and goofy is, in Luhrmann’s mind, essential to the magic of Elvis. While researching for Elvis, he came to appreciate how insecure Presley was as a kid — growing up as the only white boy in a poor Black neighborhood, and seeing his father thrown into jail for passing a bad check. “Inside, he felt very less-than,” says Luhrmann, “but he grows up into a physical Greek god. I mean, we’ve forgotten how beautiful he was. You see it in the movie; he is a beautiful looking human being. And then he moves. And he doesn’t learn dance steps — he just manifests that movement. And then he’s got the voice of Orpheus, and he can take a song like ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ and make it into a gospel power ballad.
“So he’s like a spiritual being. And I think he’s imposing. So the goofiness, the humor is about disarming people, making them get past the image — like he says — and see the man. That’s my own theory.”
Elvis has often been second-classed in the annals of American music because he didn’t write his own songs, but Luhrmann insists that interpretation is its own invaluable art form. “Orpheus interpreted the music as well,” the director says.
In this way — as in their shared maximalist, cape-and-rhinestones style — Luhrmann and Elvis are a match made in Graceland. Whether he’s remixing Shakespeare as a ’90s punk music video in Romeo + Juliet or adding hip-hop beats to The Great Gatsby, Luhrmann is an artist who loves to take what was vibrantly, shockingly new in another century and make it so again.
Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.
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Luhrmann says he likes to take classic work and “shake off the rust and go, Well, when it was written, it wasn’t classical. When it was created, it was pop, it was modern, it was in the moment. That’s what I try and do.”
To that end, he conceived EPiC as “an imagined concert,” liberally building sequences from various nights, sometimes inserting rehearsal takes into a stage performance (ecstatically so in the song “Polk Salad Annie”), and adding new musical layers to some of the songs. Working with his music producer, Jamieson Shaw, he backed the King’s vocals on “Oh Happy Day” with a new recording of a Black gospel choir in Nashville. “So that’s an imaginative leap,” says Luhrmann. “It’s kind of a dreamscape.”
On some tracks, like “Burning Love,” new string arrangements give the live performances extra verve and cinematic depth. Luhrmann and his music team also radically remixed multiple Elvis songs into a new number, “A Change of Reality,” which has the King repeatedly asking “Do you miss me?” over a buzzing bass line and a syncopated beat.
I didn’t miss Elvis before I saw EPiC — but after seeing the film twice now, I truly do.
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