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For painter Titus Kaphar, forgiveness is 'a weight lifted off of your shoulders'

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For painter Titus Kaphar, forgiveness is 'a weight lifted off of your shoulders'

Artist Titus Kaphar has a new film out called Exhibiting Forgiveness. He’s shown above with his artwork From Whence I Came, ahead of his 2022 exhibition at the Gagosian, Grosvenor Hill gallery in London.

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Contemporary painter, sculptor and installation artist Titus Kaphar is known for taking classical forms of art and deconstructing them to reveal hidden truths that challenge historical narratives. His 2014 painting, “Behind the Myth of Benevolence,” for instance, peels away a portrait of Thomas Jefferson to reveal the face of Sally Hemings, a woman who Jefferson enslaved.

Now, with his debut film Exhibiting Forgiveness, Kaphar deconstructs his own life story. The film centers on a celebrated painter whose world unravels when his estranged father, who struggles with addiction, suddenly reappears in his life.

Kaphar says he initially conceived of the project as a documentary. He was visiting his maternal grandmother in Kalamazoo, Mich., and was surprised to see his estranged father sitting on her porch: “Kind of on a whim, I said to my father, ‘If you want to talk, let me film you. There’s a lot to be accounted for.’ And I was hoping he would say no, but he said yes.”

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Kaphar filmed their conversation, but the resulting documentary was unsatisfying: “I showed it publicly in the theater one time and decided I don’t want that in the world,” he says.

So he abandoned the documentary project and instead decided to make a feature film that would present his father as a character. The writing process proved to be surprisingly emotional. Kaphar says he had always seen his father as the villain, but writing the character forced him to consider what his father’s motivations might have been.

“I gained a compassion, a sympathy for my father that I never had as a young man,” he says. “The film, for me, is about generational healing, about how does this generation make sure that our children don’t have to carry the same wounds and baggage that we carry? Is there a way for us to leave it here so that they can go on without that burden?”

Interview highlights

On wanting to make a film so that his work would be more accessible to working class, poor and Black communities

I don’t question painting. I love that. That’s, like, in my heart. It’s one of the things that I know that I was made for, but the reality is … the place I grew up does not look like the place where I am now. And the people who engage with my work often don’t come from that world. And let me be clear here. I’m not just talking about race. I’m talking about class as well. I feel blessed to be able to do what I do every day. I mean, I make paintings and people pay me to do that. It’s kind of ridiculous. … Museums all over the country have my artwork. But the folks I grew up with, they don’t go to the Metropolitan [Museum]. Like, we don’t have a Metropolitan in our neighborhood. … So I felt like I wanted to find some other way to engage with my folks.

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Film is a much more democratically accessible medium. You don’t have to be a rich man to go to a movie. And nobody makes you feel uncomfortable when you walk into a movie theater. You can just walk in, watch a movie, or eventually you’ll be able to watch it in your home. That was incredibly important to me because as I went into more gallery spaces, I recognize how uncomfortable they are. This beautiful, big white space where you are the only Black face in that building. There is some fancy person sitting at the front desk and you don’t know, Do I need to pay to get in? … And then you see these paintings on the wall and you’re like, These are interesting, but I don’t know anything about them. That kind of elitism that one feels when they’re in those spaces doesn’t help people connect to the art at all.

André Holland is a painter and John Earl Jelks is his father in Exhibiting Forgiveness.

André Holland is a painter and John Earl Jelks is his father in Exhibiting Forgiveness.

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On seeing Black men emote and cry in the film

We weren’t told that it was OK, that we could cry. That was something that we had to suppress. That was something that it was necessary for us to hold in. We grew up in a kind of a rough spot. You didn’t want people to see you [as] weak. That meant you were vulnerable. And if you were vulnerable, the opportunity to take you was there. … That became another thing I began to understand is, like, … this was for our protection. And I don’t agree with doing that to your children. I have to believe that love and compassion and kindness and care, those things are the things that we offer to our children and that will bring them to a place of peace and wholeness. But at the same time, recognizing that the world that I grew up in, the neighborhood that I grew up in, was fundamentally different from the neighborhood that my children are growing up in.

On chasing his dream to be a painter

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There are definitely many times where I felt unwelcome. But … I wasn’t going to allow those feelings or those individuals to stop me from getting what I wanted. And what I wanted was the knowledge, this secret knowledge of how to paint like these people I was seeing in my books. I couldn’t figure out how that was happening. I got a brush, I got paint, I got oil — but it’s not doing that. So I need to sit at the feet of the masters and figure this out.

itus Kaphar attends the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures 4th Annual Gala in Partnership with Rolex at Academy Museum of Motion Pictures on October 19, 2024 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for Academy Museum of Motion Pictures)

Titus Kaphar was awarded a MacArthur fellowship in 2018. His paintings have been displayed in the Museum of Modern Art, the Seattle Art Museum and the Virginia Museum of Fine Art, among others.

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On a painting of his being sold for over $1 million on the secondary market

Most folks see those numbers and are like, “Man, Titus is doing really well!” I’m doing all right. But the reality is that secondary market people take those to auction houses. … The person who bought it [originally], that’s the person who makes the money from it. None of that goes back to the artists. None of it. Not a dime. So you might have bought that painting for … $12,000, which was not bad for me at the time. But I think something like five years later it was auctioned off for $1.2 [million].

On his TIME magazine cover, “Analogous Colors,” inspired by George Floyd calling out to his mother as he died  

I was broken-hearted by the words of George Floyd. I was inspired by the words of my mother. And when George Floyd died, I felt like giving up, man. I didn’t want to talk to people. I was getting phone calls from folks, like “Come to a public talk here,” I said, “I’m not doing that. I’m not I’m not doing that because y’all want me to be, like, hopeful right now. I ain’t hopeful.” And so I called my mom and I was just talking to her and she wasn’t doing well. And my mom was just talking about how she has four sons and all of us have had some kind of run-in with police before that could have ended up exactly the same way. That was the thing that inspired me to make that painting. I was thinking about my mother and her fear of losing her boys.

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On forgiveness and reconciliation

We use forgiveness and reconciliation as though they are synonyms. … They’re not synonyms. You may find yourself in a situation where you need to forgive somebody who is no longer alive. And in that case, how can there be a reconciliation? You can’t do that. …

I think it’s important that we recognize that forgiveness, most of the time, has more to do with us than it does to do with them. And so, for me, the kind of forgiveness that this film is talking about is a kind of forgiveness that allows you to unburden yourself and say, “I’m not carrying this anymore. It’s too heavy. I’m done with it. You had a debt. You owed me something. You don’t owe me no more. I’m good. I’m going to let that go.” And in saying that, there is freedom. There’s a weight lifted off of your shoulders.

The part that I think we get wrong is I think we assume that that means that you have to continue on the path with that individual. And we often have this idea about forgive and forget. I’m not sure that I believe in that wholly. I mean, sometimes it happens, I suppose. But the reality is oftentimes we are telling victims to forget for the sake of the perpetrators. We have these wounds. We have scars. … I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be telling people to forgive and reconcile … when it means that they are putting themselves back in harm’s way.

Ann Marie Baldonado and Susan Nyakundi produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey adapted it for the web.

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N.F.L. Style Will Never Beat N.B.A. Style

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N.F.L. Style Will Never Beat N.B.A. Style

You want to see some real fashion ingenuity? Watch the N.F.L. draft.

I’m not saying it’s all good, but where else are you going to see someone in a double-breasted suit made by a company better known for making yoga pants? Or an Abercrombie & Fitch suit jacket so short that it exposes the belt loops on the pants beneath?

On the whole, the style on display at the N.F.L. draft last night was very overeager senior formal: a lot of suits in colors beyond basic blue. The quarterback Ty Simpson wore a custom suit by the athleisure label Alo, which, I have to say, looked better than I would have envisioned had you said the words “Alo Yoga suit” to me.

I thought it might have been from Suitsupply, but the conspicuous “Alo” pin on his right lapel put that idea to rest. Simpson, smartly, unfastened that beacon before appearing onstage as the 13th pick to the Los Angeles Rams. He had, perhaps, satisfied his contractual obligations by that point.

Earlier in the evening, as the wide receiver Carnell Tate threw up his arms in exaltation after being picked fourth by the Tennessee Titans, his cropped Abercrombie & Fitch jacket revealed a swatch of rib cage. He looked like a mâitre d’ who had just hit the Mega Millions.

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During the N.B.A.’s extended fashion awakening, its draft has become a sandbox for luxury brands to cozy up to would-be endorsers. The Frenchman Victor Wembanyama broke a kind of cashmere ceiling when he wore Louis Vuitton to go first overall in the 2023 N.B.A. draft.

The N.F.L. draft has none of that. The brands you see are often not brands at all, but custom tailors that reach the league’s neophytes through a whisper network among players. The draft is also a platform to raise the curtain on longer-term brand deals that better suit these rookies. We may, for instance, never see Simpson in a suit again. Nearly every photo from his time at Alabama shows him in a T-shirt or hoodie. It makes sense for him to sign with Alo.

Football is the most mainstream of American cultural entities. And it’s one that still hasn’t, in spite of the league’s best efforts, taken off overseas. Few players, save some quarterbacks and a tight end who happens to be engaged to a pop star, feel bigger than the game itself. If you’re a new-to-the-league linebacker, you’ll most likely never harness the star power to grab the attention of Armani, but you might have just the right pull for Abercrombie.

The N.F.L. draft is therefore one of the few red carpets where the brands worn by the athletes may also be worn by those watching at home. How many people watching the Oscars will ever own clothes from Louis Vuitton or Chanel? People may comment online about Lady Gaga wearing Matières Fécales to the Grammys, but how many of those fans and viewers could afford to buy clothes from it?



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Yesterday, I published a deep dive into how a newish crop of Japanese designers are soaking up all the attention in men’s fashion right now. This was a piece I was writing in my head long before I sat down and finally started typing. I remember sitting at a fashion show in Paris over a year ago — I believe it was Dior — and being asked by my seatmate if I’d made it over to a showroom in the Marais to check out A.Presse. That Tokyo-based brand is now part of a vanguard of Japanese labels that, on many days, seems to be all anyone in fashion wants to talk about. I spent months talking with designers, store owners and big-time shoppers to make sense of why these brands have kicked up so much buzz and, more than that, what makes their clothes so great. You can read the story here.


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How to have the best Sunday in L.A., according to Tig Notaro

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How to have the best Sunday in L.A., according to Tig Notaro

Thirty years ago, comedian and actor Tig Notaro didn’t have a clear direction in life, so she followed some childhood friends who wanted to get into entertainment to Los Angeles. Secretly wanting to do stand-up, Notaro decided to try her luck at various outlets in town, which became the start of her successful career.

“I stayed on my friends’ couch near the Hollywood Improv on Melrose, and a couple months later, got my own studio apartment in the Miracle Mile area,” Notaro says. “I love all the options for everything in L.A. — the entertainment, the restaurants. I like to stay active. So many people love the hiking options in Los Angeles, and I’m one of them.”

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In Sunday Funday, L.A. people give us a play-by-play of their ideal Sunday around town. Find ideas and inspiration on where to go, what to eat and how to enjoy life on the weekends.

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Notaro appears in Season 3 of Apple TV’s “The Morning Show” and is a series regular on Paramount+’s “Star Trek: Starfleet Academy,” as she was on “Star Trek: Discovery.” She’s also a touring stand-up comic and hosts “Handsome,” a comedy podcast, with Fortune Feimster and Mae Martin. The trio will be taping a live show May 4 at the Wiltern with the cast of Netflix’s “The Hunting Wives.” The live shows include interviews, but also “incorporate some ridiculous things,” she says. For example, upon hearing that some of the hosts always wanted to learn to tap dance, Notaro “hired a tap instructor to come to our live show in Austin and teach us how to tap dance in front of the audience.”

Notaro lives near Hollywood with her wife, actor Stephanie Allynne, their 9-year-old fraternal twin boys, Max and Finn, and three cats, Fluff, Linus and Skip. When she’s not touring, her ideal Sundays include sampling vegan restaurants, wandering through bookstores or museums, and doing something physically active with the family.

This interview has been lightly edited and condensed for length and clarity.

6 a.m.: Up with the kids

Because we have active children, we still wake up at 6 a.m. or 6:30 a.m. on Sunday, but there’s not as much of a rush to get going. Stephanie and I will often have coffee and chat in the living room together. I love that part of the day. Stephanie may cook breakfast, but Max and Finn are pretty self-sufficient and can make certain little meals for themselves. Max is really starting to take an interest in cooking, so he’d make breakfast for himself. Our family is vegan, but he eats eggs, so he makes himself an egg sandwich with avocado a lot of times.

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9 a.m.: Daily morning walk

After breakfast, we usually have a morning walk around our neighborhood. That’s a daily thing I like to do, regardless of what’s going on. Now that I’m not touring as much, tennis is back on the schedule. So I’d go to Plummer Park in West Hollywood and play for a while, then join the family for lunch.

11:30 a.m.: Hike with a side of chickpea sandwich

I love Trails, a cafe in Griffith Park, where you can eat outdoors. It serves simple food, and has good vegan options. I usually get their chickpea salad sandwich. The food there is great. Afterward, we’d visit Griffith Observatory, where there’s lots to see. There are lots of great trails in the park, so we’d go for an hour hike before leaving.

3 p.m.: Browse the shelves for rock biographies

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Bookstores are fun, so we’d head downtown for the Last Bookstore, which is in a historic building with lots of vintage books. I really love all things plant-based, and I’m a very big music fanatic. So I love to look for vegan books, nutrition books, rock biographies and autobiographies. It’s just fun to browse around the stacks.

If we didn’t go to the bookstore, we’d probably go to LACMA. Our sons are huge fans of art and want to go for each new exhibit. They love Hockney, Basquiat and Picasso, to name a few.

4 p.m.: Cuddle with cuties at a cat cafe

We’d then make a quick stop at [Crumbs & Whiskers], a kitten and cat cafe on Melrose for coffee, snacks and to pet the cats. It’s best to make reservations in advance. There’s cats all around the place that need to be adopted. You can visit and pet them, or find a new roommate. I’d love to take some home, but we already have three.

5:30 p.m. Italian or sushi, but make it vegan

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We’re an early dinner family. One restaurant we like is Pura Vita in West Hollywood. It’s the greatest vegan Italian food, and for non-vegans, nobody ever knows the difference. It’s the first 100% plant-based Italian restaurant in the United States. They make an incredible kale salad and I love the San Gennaro pizza. It’s got cashew mozzarella, tomato sauce, Italian sausage crumble and more.

Then there’s Planta in Marina del Rey. It’s right on the harbor and you can sit outside and look at the boats coming in and out. They have sushi, salads and other plant-based entrees. They’ve got a really great spicy tuna roll that’s made out of watermelon. They are magicians.

Or there’s Crossroads Kitchen in West Hollywood. They play the best classic rock, and the atmosphere is upscale, fine dining. The appetizers that we always get are called Moroccan Cigars, which are vegan meat substitutes fried in a rolled batter. I really like the grilled lion’s mane steak, their mushroom steak with truffle potatoes, or the scallopini Milanese, that has a chicken or tofu option. I get the chicken with arugula on top. I always love to have a decaf espresso with dessert, which is either a brownie sundae or banana pudding.

7:30 p.m.: Comfort watch or word games

After dinner, the kids often like to watch an episode of “Friends,” a show that all ages enjoy, sports or “The Simpsons.” Or we’d play a game where each of us will add a word to a sentence and create a weird or funny long sentence until one of our sons says period. Then they’ll try and remember the whole sentence and repeat it back.

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9:30 p.m.: Bubble bath then bed

The boys usually go to bed at 8:30 p.m. and bedtime for us is 9:30 p.m. Stephanie and I would read or chat. I like to take a bubble bath, if people must know. The best Sundays for me mean finding a good balance of relaxing and being active. I feel very lucky that my family and I can do those things together.

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It Started with a Midnight Swim and a Kiss Under the Stars

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It Started with a Midnight Swim and a Kiss Under the Stars

When Marian Sherry Lurio and Jonathan Buffington Nguyen met at a mutual friend’s wedding at Higgins Lake, Mich., in July 2022, both felt an immediate chemistry. As the evening progressed, they sat on the shore of the lake in Adirondack chairs under the stars, where they had their first kiss before joining others for a midnight plunge.

The two learned that the following weekend Ms. Lurio planned to attend a wedding in Philadelphia, where Mr. Nguyen lives, and before they had even exchanged numbers, they already had a first date on the books.

“I have a vivid memory of after we first met,” Mr. Nguyen said, “just feeling like I really better not screw this up.”

Before long, they were commuting between Philadelphia and New York City, where Ms. Lurio lives, spending weekends and the odd remote work days in one another’s apartments in Philadelphia and Manhattan. Within the first six months of dating, Mr. Nguyen joined Ms. Lurio’s family for Thanksgiving in Villanova, Pa., and, the following month, she met his family in Beavercreek, Ohio, at a surprise birthday party for Mr. Nguyen’s mother.

Ms. Lurio, 32, who grew up in Merion Station outside Philadelphia, works in investor relations administration at Flexpoint Ford, a private equity firm. She graduated from Dartmouth College with a bachelor’s degree in history and psychology.

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Mr. Nguyen, also 32, was born in Knoxville, Tenn., and raised in Beavercreek, Ohio, from the age of 7. He graduated from Haverford College with a bachelor’s degree in political science and is now a director at Doyle Real Estate Advisors in Philadelphia.

Their long-distance relationship continued for the next few years. There were dates in Manhattan, vacations and beach trips to the Jersey Shore. They attended sporting events and discovered their shared appreciation of the 2003 film, “Love Actually.”

One evening, Mr. Nguyen recalled looking around Ms. Lurio’s small New York studio — strewed with clothes and the takeout meal they had ordered — and feeling “so comfortable and safe.” “I knew that this was something different than just sort of a fling,” he said.

It was an open question when they would move in together. In 2024, Ms. Lurio began the process of moving into Mr. Nguyen’s home in Philadelphia — even bringing her cat, Scott — but her plans changed midway when an opportunity arose to expand her role with her current employer.

Mr. Nguyen was on board with her decision. “It almost feels like stolen valor to call it ‘long distance,’ because it’s so easy from Philadelphia to New York,” Mr. Nguyen said. “The joke is, it’s easier to get to Philly from New York than to get to some parts of Brooklyn from Manhattan, right?”

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In January 2025, Mr. Nguyen visited Ms. Lurio in New York with more up his sleeve than spending the weekend. Together they had discussed marriage and bespoke rings, but when Mr. Nguyen left Ms. Lurio and an unfinished cheese plate at the bar of the Chelsea Hotel that Friday evening, she had no idea what was coming next.

“I remember texting Jonathan,” Ms. Lurio said, bewildered: “‘You didn’t go toward the bathroom!’” When a Lobby Bar server came and asked her to come outside, Ms. Lurio still didn’t realize what was happening until she was standing in the hallway, where Mr. Nguyen stood recreating a key moment from the film “Love Actually,” in which one character silently professes his love for another in writing by flashing a series of cue cards. There, in the storied Chelsea Hotel hallway still festooned with Christmas decorations, Mr. Nguyen shared his last card that said, “Will you marry me?”

They wed on April 11 in front of 200 guests at the Pump House, a covered space on the banks of Philadelphia’s Schuylkill River. Mr. Nguyen’s sister, the Rev. Elizabeth Nguyen, who is ordained through the Unitarian Universalist Association, officiated.

Although formal attire was suggested, Ms. Lurio said that the ceremony was “pretty casual.” She and Jonathan got ready together, and their families served as their wedding parties.

“I said I wanted a five-minute wedding,” Ms. Lurio recalled, though the ceremony ended up lasting a little longer than that. During the ceremony, Ms. Nguyen read a homily and jokingly added that guests should not ask the bride and groom about their living arrangements, which will remain separate for the foreseeable future.

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While watching Ms. Lurio walk down the aisle, flanked by her parents, Mr. Nguyen said he remembered feeling at once grounded in the moment and also a sense of dazed joy: “Like, is this real? I felt very lucky in that moment — and also just excited for the party to start!”

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