Lifestyle
A Love Worth an Early Retirement and a Cross-Country Move
Dr. Raymond Joseph Parungao and Andrew Chih-Hao Chen were attracted to each other the instant their eyes locked.
It was Feb. 28, 2010, and they were at the gay bar the Abbey in West Hollywood, Calif.
“The music was loud, but it faded away as I stared at Andrew,” Dr. Parungao said.
“I saw Ray, and time just stopped,” Mr. Chen said. “I was like, ‘Who is this?’ I had to find out more.”
The two, who were there with mutual friends, got drinks, headed to a quiet corner and started talking. They parted ways around midnight and made plans for a date three days later, again at the Abbey.
Dr. Parungao, 55, was the first to arrive. “My heart was beating fast as I waited for Andrew,” he said. “I hadn’t stopped thinking about him since we met.”
That evening made it clear that their mutual desire was intense and authentic. They chatted for hours about their families, upbringings and shared love of travel. “We talked about everything and nothing and could have chatted for days,” said Mr. Chen, 37. “By the end of the night, we were talking about vacationing together and even starting a family.”
The following month, they exchanged rings as a symbol of their commitment, and eight months after meeting, Mr. Chen moved into Dr. Parungao’s West Hollywood condominium.
At the time, Mr. Chen was working as a branch manager for a bank in Los Angeles, but had dreams of being a hairstylist. In September 2013 he did some work at New York Fashion Week, “and after that experience, what New York offered me professionally was calling me,” Mr. Chen said. “I decided to move.”
Dr. Parungao was working as a pediatric intensive care doctor at Kaiser Permanente in Los Angeles and his contract made relocating a challenge. The two split amicably, and in October 2013, Mr. Chen left for Manhattan. “I wanted Andrew to be free to follow his passion and didn’t want him to feel the burden of a long-distance relationship,” Dr. Parungao said.
They remained close and continued to chat daily. In June 2016, they rekindled their romance when Dr. Parungao visited Mr. Chen and the two attended the Pride parade. “We were dancing to Kylie Minogue who was performing ‘All the Lovers’ at the concert on the pier, and all I could do was stare at Ray,” Mr. Chen said. “We kissed and knew that there was no being apart.”
They decided to try bicoastal dating, with each taking turns flying to see the other two to three weekends a month. Marriage was in the cards. “We had talked about it early on in our relationship but never discussed how or when,” Dr. Parungao said.
They became engaged in September 2016 while on a trip to Iceland with Mr. Chen’s mother, Patty Chen, to celebrate her 60th birthday.
The trio took an evening bus tour through the countryside near Reykjavik to see the northern lights. When they stopped alongside a field, Dr. Parungao asked Mr. Chen, with Ms. Chen looking on, if he would marry him. “We did a three-way hug and cried underneath the lights,” Mr. Chen said.
[Click here to binge read this week’s featured couples.]
Dr. Parungao, who grew up in Conyers, Ga., has a bachelor’s degree in the history of science from Johns Hopkins University and a master’s degree in public health from George Washington University. He holds a medical degree from Howard University.
Mr. Chen is from Diamond Bar, Calif., and works as a freelance hairstylist at the Stephen Knoll salon in New York. He has a bachelor’s degree in business management from Pepperdine University and studied hairdressing at Santa Monica College. He is now in his final year in a graduate program in environmental science at The New School.
After their engagement, they continued their bicoastal lives, except during Covid, when Mr. Chen was without a job and moved to Los Angeles for two years.
But by 2024, after they returned to their bicoastal relationship, living apart was wearing on both. “I took Kaiser’s early retirement package and moved to New York in February to be with Andrew full time,” Dr. Parungao said.
They now reside in Long Island City, Queens, and are in the process of having a child through a surrogate. “It’s such a sense of relief,” Mr. Chen said. “We can go on spontaneous walks together or grab lunch without everything being preplanned.”
On Feb. 28, 15 years after first meeting, Mr. Chen and Dr. Parungao were married by Yanfang Chen, an officiant at the Manhattan City Clerk’s office, with their parents as witnesses.
After the ceremony, they did a photo shoot at City Hall Park and took a Zumba dance class. That evening, the couple celebrated with 70 family members and friends at the Chinese restaurant Shan in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn.
“We danced, we cried, we cheered, we toasted,” Mr. Chen said.
Lifestyle
This Pride month, teen flicks are recasting familiar tropes with a queer sensibility
Stacy Clausen and Joe Bird in Leviticus.
NEON
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NEON
Summer movies aimed at high-schoolers — comedies, romances, horror flicks — have been a tradition for ages. Think Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dirty Dancing and the original Friday the 13th, which all drew hot-weather crowds back in the 1980s.
This summer, the movies are queer — not just in casting, but in method and purpose. These three teen flicks transform familiar movie styles by bringing them an LGBTQ sensibility.
A raunchy comedy: She’s the He
YouTube
You know the drill: a bonkers lose-my-virginity plan is hatched by inseparable high-school best buds who are so eager to get girls to notice them, they can hardly think straight.
So, they don’t think … straight. For reasons that could only make sense to horny 17-year-olds, Ethan and Alex decide the way to catch the attention of the school’s hottest girls is to pretend to be trans.
Filmmaker Siobhan McCarthy uses that premise to tell a sweet story about Ethan (who realizes mid-scam that she really is trans), while also mocking some of the more ridiculous transphobic notions — “bathroom scare,” anyone? — that have been politically weaponized recently.
When the whole football team decides that donning women’s attire is a small price to pay to get access to the girls’ locker room, McCarthy prompts boisterous laughs while also establishing how idiotic and unlikely this scenario would be in real life. Casting trans men — say, team captain played by Emmett Preciado — as the cis male characters allows McCarthy to further poke at conservative anxieties.
As leads Alex and Ethan, Nico Carney (a sharp trans comic whose read on toxic masculinity proves hilarious), and Misha Osherovich (sweetly affecting as Ethan discovers her true self) head a terrific, mostly trans and non-binary cast. And a similarly queer team behind the camera helps make She’s the He a raucous, touching, seriously fun charmer — think Some Like It Hot meets American Pie with a Heartstopper vibe.
The romance: Girls Like Girls
YouTube
This gentle teen love story sprang from a hit song Hayley Kiyoko released in 2015. The music video that accompanied the song pictured a budding lesbian romance and has since racked up over 160 million YouTube views. In 2023, Kiyoko penned a young adult book version, which debuted at the top of bestseller lists. Now, she’s brought all of those elements together in a movie about Coley (Maya da Costa) and Sonya (Myra Molloy), two 17-year-old girls navigating a summer romance that takes both of them by surprise.
First-time filmmaker Kiyoko seems content to honor teen romance conventions in a more or less by-the-book tale of first love that has been through enough permutations to feel vaguely workshopped. Still, she’s gotten engaging performances from her leads, as well as from a supporting cast that includes Zach Braff as a loving dad, and Levon Hawke (son of Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman) as Sonya’s jealous boyfriend.
The horror thriller: Leviticus
YouTube
First-time feature writer/director Adrian Chiarella uses horror conventions in this Australian thriller to explore the trauma caused by a particularly callous strain of homophobic cruelty. The story is centered in a small mill town where high school boys Naim (Joe Bird) and Ryan (Stacy Clausen) fall for each other, only to run afoul of the conservative teachings of their religious community.
Chiarella imagines a Christian sect that has put conversion therapy on steroids, curbing queer desire with a scare-away-the-gay ritual that conjures supernatural demons. The boys smirk as church leaders conduct the ritual, but later discover that when they’re left alone, they’re attacked by murderous entities that take the form of the person they love — each other. Soon, reaching out to — even just seeing each other in school hallways fills them with anxiety. This is, of course, the design: the church leaders want them to be scared. And it will never end.
It’s a conversion therapy metaphor as apt for gay kids as the metaphor in Jordan Peele’s thriller Get Out was for victims of racial bigotry.
Breathtakingly well-crafted, Leviticus clearly has queer teen audiences in mind — all three of these films do — but not exclusively. Yes, Leviticus fills a representation gap. It’s also freakin’ scary.


Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: Would taking a trip with this new guy finally push us out of the ‘polite’ phase?
Sometimes compatibility unfolds over long conversations at coffee shops or even on the dance floor. Mine and Fernando’s became apparent on our seventh date, standing on a dark corner in downtown L.A. After a short flight, a day at Venice Beach and the fastest glow-up ever for a mom of three, my date opened his hands, sighed and canceled the glorious evening I’d planned. It was supposed to start with a jazz club and end with a tour of late-night sushi bars, until Fernando said, “I feel like a bummer.”
I hooked my arm through the crook of his, turning back toward the empty streets and our stuffy Airbnb.
A few weeks before, on one of our first dates, I’d told Fernando I was presenting at a conference in L.A. “You should join me,” I said, half joking.
“Really?” he asked. “You don’t know me at all.”
He was right. We were in the polite phase. We bonded over being transplants to Seattle — him from the Dominican Republic, me from Florida, but we were still figuring out the basics. I hadn’t learned yet that he never touches coffee but totally loves cake, my least favorite treat. And for me, espresso is a daily requirement.
Fernando didn’t say yes to my invitation right away. We continued to date, playing the questions game. “What’s your favorite snack?” he asked me.
“Mole tacos,” I said. “What’s your biggest flaw?”
“Follow through,” he said. “Yours?”
“I’m annoyingly persistent.”
“Perfect match,” he said.
The more we talked, the more we realized that our shortcomings, which made us look like exact opposites, came from the same root. His father had been barely present during childhood, and my father had died when I was a teenager. We both wrestled with trying to find agency inside of moments in our adult lives that felt like abandonment. Although we’d each been in therapy for years before we met, we also struggled to deal with disappointment.
“Maybe we should go on this wild trip together,” he said.
“Make-it-or-break-it style,” I said.
When we stepped through the door of our downtown L.A. Airbnb after a long, hot day walking the boardwalk, we had our first chance to manage a letdown, together.
“I think people actually live here,” he said.
“Like it’s 2015,” I said.
We’d made a commitment before we flew out to keep things light. If one of us complained, the other was supposed to say something fun. But the apartment was muggy, the surfaces covered in dust. We made exaggerated, positive comments about the vintage decor as I waited for the water to warm in a huge, clawfoot tub.
Fernando said something about getting in while the shower was still cold, so we could preserve water for the good people of California. I noted the fatherly tone — and realized I probably seemed wasteful for resisting the chilly stream during a drought.
While I bathed, he shaved. Then we switched. “I feel shy but not shy,” Fernando said, and I agreed. I wondered if this would be the first of many small, sweet moments — or if it was the only time we’d ever share this kind of intimacy.
We were finally ready for our night on the town, but we only walked six blocks before Fernando turned to me and told me that he was too tired to keep going.
“I owe you,” he said, as we walked back, but I was wiped too and relieved he said it first.
“What if we do something different and call it exciting?” I asked.
We talked about the absolute thrill of ordering takeout in a city that was 30 degrees warmer than the one where we both lived, listing every little thing that was totally amazing around us. All those closed-down garages that would open in the morning selling fabric? Gorgeous.
The dark streetlights on one side of the road that made the shadows look like a modern noir film? Fabulous.
The fact that we were about to fall asleep in the same city as dozens of celebrities we both adored? Relatively meaningless but still badass.
As we ate our to-go sushi in downtown L.A., I realized I wasn’t disappointed at all. My drive to follow through was all about the mission, and our mission had changed. Instead of wooing my new date with a super swanky night on the town, I had the opportunity to connect with him in a real way.
Our trip to L.A. had become a kind of test, way more intense than agreeing on a sofa or building an IKEA shelf. We were stuck spending time with each other without performing, in a strange city, for days.
After I presented at the conference the next morning, Fernando and I moved to a new rental in the Hollywood Hills, where we found our way to endless taco stands and two speakeasies, Good Times at Davey Wayne’s and Adults Only. The only landmark we saw was Muscle Beach, and the only quintessential L.A. thing we did was accidentally find ourselves in front of the Last Bookstore an hour before we needed to head to the airport, so we spent that hour walking around inside.
“Let’s keep traveling,” we said to each other on the way home.
Seven years and dozens of trips later, I engraved “I will travel with you” on the inside of our wedding rings. The night before our wedding, we stood together in a tiny bathroom in his sister’s house in the Dominican Republic, washing our faces. I looked at him in the mirror. He turned and looked at me. “I’m really glad you invited me to Los Angeles,” he said.
“It was a risk,” I said, “and the best trip ever.”
The city isn’t ours, but it made us who we are, together.
The author is a journalist and illustrator working on a memoir about Florida. She splits her time between her Seattle, L.A. and the Deep South. Her Instagram is @adjsbb and website is AshaDore.net.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
What does freedom actually look like? : It’s Been a Minute
What freedom looks like today.
Getty Images/Viktoriia Miroshnikova/Photo illustration by NPR
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What does freedom mean today?
Happy Juneteenth! For those not in the know, today commemorates when U.S. federal troops arrived in Galveston, Texas in 1865 to take control of the state and ensure that all enslaved people were freed – a full two and a half years after the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation. Since then, Juneteenth has been celebrated all over the country, especially in Texas and across the South, where Juneteenth parades, cookouts, festivals and pageants happen every year. Two weeks from now, the country will celebrate the Fourth of July – and its 250th anniversary. For many Black Americans, there’s always been a tension between these holidays – and their two different ideals for what it means to be free. As voting rights protections are rolled back and Black history is being scrubbed from government websites, what does freedom look like for Black Americans today?
To get into it, Brittany is joined by Dr. Kellie Carter Jackson, chair of Africana Studies at Wellesley College.
For more episodes about the quality of Black life in America, check out:
Jesse Jackson & the end of the civil rights superhero
Is the economy slowing? Ask Black women.
What to expect when you’re expecting racism
Support Public Media. Join NPR Plus.
Follow Brittany on Instagram: @bmluse
For handpicked podcast recommendations every week, subscribe to NPR’s Pod Club newsletter at npr.org/podclub.
This episode was produced by Corey Antonio Rose and Liam McBain. It was edited by Neena Pathak. We had engineering support from Josephine Nyounai. Our Supervising Producer is Cher Vincent. Our Executive Producer is Barton Girdwood. Our VP of Programming is Yolanda Sangweni.
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