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When a Couple’s Drinking Habits Diverge

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When a Couple’s Drinking Habits Diverge

Casey and Mike Davidson always enjoyed drinking together.

The couple, both 49, met after college while working as consultants at the same firm. Romance blossomed over work happy hours, then time spent lingering over a bottle of wine on long dates.

In their mid-20s, the pair moved to Seattle and made a group of friends who were always up for a drink. Afternoons were for hiking, kayaking and sipping beers on Lake Union; evenings were for rollicking, boozy dinner parties.

But by their 30s, their drinking habits diverged. Ms. Davidson drank a bottle of wine by herself most nights, and felt increasingly uneasy about it, while Mr. Davidson settled into life as a self-described “single-beer-a-night drinker.”

“I was really defensive about my drinking,” Ms. Davidson said, adding, “I didn’t want him watching me every time I poured a third glass of wine.”

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Like the Davidsons, many couples have had to grapple with the role alcohol plays in their partnership — even if neither party drinks to the point where it causes clear, consistent problems at home, or takes an obvious toll on their health. Their relationship may still receive a shock when one partner decides to cut back or quit altogether.

“It can drive a wedge between people in terms of how they socialize, how they relax and unwind, their bedroom activities,” said Ruby Warrington, the author of “Sober Curious.” “It can be really uncomfortable.”

We asked couples, and experts on substance use, how to navigate changing tolerances for drinking within a relationship.

Ms. Davidson, who now lives in Redmond, Wash., never hit the kind of dramatic rock bottom people tend to associate with heavy drinking, but at 40 she quit for good, and now works as a sobriety coach.

She slept better and felt less anxious and foggy, but she also worried that her newfound sobriety might hurt her marriage. “It was scary for me to stop drinking, because I wondered how we would connect,” she said.

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Research on alcohol and marital happiness suggests that couples who abstain and couples who drink heavily together tend to report comparable levels of relationship satisfaction.

But problems can arise when one partner drinks regularly and the other doesn’t, said Kenneth Leonard, director of the University at Buffalo’s Clinical and Research Institute on Addictions, who has studied the topic for decades. That lopsided dynamic can lead to relationship dissatisfaction and increased chances of divorce.

The reasons for that are likely to be complex, he said, though at a simple level, couples often drink to unwind and connect, and losing that may come with some cost initially. People often do not realize how ingrained alcohol is in their relationships, experts said, even if neither party has a substance use problem.

Julie Kraft, a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-author of “The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction,” said a major upside of the “sober curious movement” and abstinence challenges like Dry January is that they offer opportunities for self-reflection.

“Am I using alcohol for stress relief?” she said. “Am I using it to feel more connected to my partner? Am I using it to avoid my partner?” One of the first things she discusses with couples looking to make changes is to brainstorm ways they might fill those spaces or needs.

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The Davidsons found connection points that didn’t involve alcohol, like going to see live music on Saturday nights at a local cafe, browsing bookstores together and going to the movies.

Arthur Tindsley, 41, from Oxfordshire, England, also feared that sobriety would change his marriage. He grew up steeped in British pub culture, but in recent years, he and his wife have both looked critically at their drinking habits, going through long periods of abstinence.

Sitting down in a nice restaurant together and sharing a bottle of wine used to be one of his most cherished activities. “All of those entrenched, habitual ways that we are partners together have had to change, or are in a process of changing,” he said.

Their go-to date night now? “It’s going to sound really boring,” he said, “but we go on a walk.”

When working with couples in which one or both partners wants to moderate or stop drinking, Laura Heck, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Bend, Ore., emphasizes the importance of each individual understanding their own reasons for making the change.

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“Each person has to connect with their own ‘why’” Ms. Heck said, adding, “I never want one person to lean into another person’s goal and just tack it on.” She offered her own relationship as an example: Her husband stopped drinking years ago because of a heart condition. Lately, Ms. Heck has been abstaining as well, but not because of him. She simply wants to better understand the ways in which drinking has become a habit for her — and to improve her marathon times.

Experts also emphasize that partners cannot force each other to change.

“One thing we remind everyone is that their journey is their own,” said Andrea Pain, executive director of Moderation Management, a nonprofit that runs peer support groups for those who want to cut back on their drinking. “You can’t expect anyone to change what they’re doing because you’ve set this new intention for yourself.”

The Davidsons acknowledge that they are lucky. Their marriage was fundamentally sound before Ms. Davidson quit drinking, she said, and Mr. Davidson never felt threatened by her decision, nor did he attempt to derail her efforts, something which she has seen happen among her coaching clients.

The pair have found their rhythm: Mr. Davidson continues to drink in moderation, Ms. Davidson remains sober. “The way I think about it is: If I decided to become a vegetarian, that doesn’t mean Mike has to be a vegetarian too,” she said. “But he certainly wouldn’t take me to a steakhouse.”

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5 Surprising Ozempic Side Effects Doctors Are Finally Revealing (Like Back Pain and Hair Loss)

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5 Surprising Ozempic Side Effects Doctors Are Finally Revealing (Like Back Pain and Hair Loss)


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Relationship coach blames Oprah for pushing family estrangement ‘for decades’

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Relationship coach blames Oprah for pushing family estrangement ‘for decades’

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Oprah Winfrey is shining a light on family estrangement, which she calls “one of the fastest-growing cultural shifts of our time” — but one expert says the media mogul helped fuel that very culture.

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“A Cornell University study now shows that almost one-third of Americans are actively estranged from a family member,” Winfrey said on a recent episode of “The Oprah Podcast,” referring to adult children going “no-contact” with parents, siblings or entire family systems.

Winfrey said the trend is a “silent epidemic” that can be especially relevant during the holidays.

ONE TOXIC BEHAVIOR KILLS RELATIONSHIPS, LEADING HAPPINESS EXPERT WARNS

But family and relationship coach Tania Khazaal, who focuses on fighting “cutoff culture,” took to social media to criticize Winfrey for acting as if the estrangement crisis appeared “out of thin air.”

“Now Oprah is shocked by the aftermath of estrangement, after being one of the biggest voices pushing it for decades,” Canada-based Khazaal said in an Instagram video, which drew more than 27,000 likes and 3,000 comments.

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Oprah Winfrey recently discussed what she called a “silent epidemic” of family estrangement on her podcast. (Theo Wargo/Getty Images)

Khazaal claimed that Winfrey’s messaging started in the 1990s and has contributed to a cultural shift where walking away became the first resort, not the last.

According to the relationship coach, millennials, some of whom grew up watching Oprah, are the leading demographic cutting off family members — and even if it wasn’t intentional, “the effect has absolutely been harmful,” Khazaal told Fox News Digital.

FAMILY BREAKUPS OVER POLITICS MAY HURT MORE THAN YOU THINK, EXPERT SAYS

The coach, who has her own history with estrangement, questioned why Winfrey is now treating the issue as a surprising crisis.

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“Now she hosts a discussion with estranged parents and estranged kids, speaking on estrangement like it’s some hidden, sudden, heartbreaking epidemic that she had no hand in,” she said in her video.

Nearly one-third of Americans are estranged from a family member, research shows. (iStock)

Khazaal said she believes discussions about estrangement are necessary, but insists that people shouldn’t “rewrite history.”

“Estrangement isn’t entertainment or a trending conversation piece,” she added. “It’s real families, real grief, parents dying without hearing their child’s voice.”

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Winfrey reportedly responded in the comments, writing, “Happy to have a conversation about it — but not on a reel. Will have my producer contact you if you’re interested.” But the comment was later deleted due to the backlash it received, Khazaal told Fox News Digital.

“I would still be open to that discussion,” Khazaal said. “The first thing I’d want her to understand is simple: Setting aside cases of abuse or danger, the family unit is the most sacred structure we have.” 

Experts emphasize that estrangement should be a last resort. (iStock)

“When children lose their sense of belonging at home, they search for it in the outside world,” she added. “That’s contributing to the emotional fragility we’re seeing today.”

Her critique ignited a debate online, with some social media users saying Khazaal is voicing a long-overdue concern.

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“The first time I heard, ‘You can love them from a distance’ was from Oprah … in the ’90s,” one woman said.

My son estranged himself from us for five years,” one mother commented. “The pain, hurt and damage never goes away.”

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Others, however, argued that Winfrey’s podcast episode was empathetic and that estrangement shouldn’t be oversimplified.

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Mental health experts say the conversation around estrangement is more complex than any single celebrity influence, and reflects broader cultural shifts.

Experts say today’s focus on boundaries and emotional well-being has reshaped family expectations. (iStock)

In the episode with Winfrey, Joshua Coleman, a California-based psychologist, said, “The old days of ‘honor thy mother and thy father,’ ‘respect thy elders’ and ‘family is forever’ has given way to much more of an emphasis on personal happiness, personal growth, my identity, my political beliefs, my mental health.” 

Coleman noted that therapists sometimes become “detachment brokers” by unintentionally green-lighting estrangement.

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Jillian Amodio, a licensed master’s social worker at the Maryland-based Waypoint Wellness Center, told Fox News Digital that while public figures like Winfrey help normalize these conversations, estrangement might just be a more openly discussed topic now.

“Estrangement used to be handled privately and quietly,” she said.

Winfrey’s take on family estrangement is prompting a broader discussion amid the holiday season. (iStock)

But even strained relationships can be fixed with the right support, experts say.

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Susan Foosness, a North Carolina-based clinical director of patient programs at Rula Health, said families can strengthen their relationships by working with a mental health professional to improve communication, learn healthier conflict-resolution skills, and build trust and empathy through quality time together.

“No family is perfect,” Foosness told Fox News Digital.

Khazaal agreed, saying, “Parents need to learn how to listen without slipping into justification, and children need help speaking about their pain without defaulting to blame or avoidance.”

Fox News Digital reached out to Winfrey for comment.

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Major measles outbreak leads to hundreds quarantined in US county, officials say

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Major measles outbreak leads to hundreds quarantined in US county, officials say

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South Carolina is facing a major measles outbreak, resulting in the quarantine of hundreds of residents.

The South Carolina Department of Health (DPH) reported in a media briefing on Wednesday that the current number of measles cases has reached 111 as part of the current Spartanburg County outbreak.

DPH first reported a measles outbreak in the Upstate region on Oct. 2.

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The health department confirmed that 254 people are currently in quarantine and 16 are in isolation to prevent further spread.

The health department confirmed that 254 people are currently in quarantine in the upstate region. (Getty Images)

“This significant jump in cases is unfortunate,” a DPH spokesperson commented on the outbreak.

Public exposure was identified at Inman Intermediate School, with 43 of their students in quarantine.

“This significant jump in cases is unfortunate.”

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Eight other intermediate and middle schools in the area are also reportedly undergoing quarantine. The DPH said multiple students have had to quarantine twice due to repeat exposure.

“Vaccination continues to be the best way to prevent the disruption that measles is causing to people’s education, to employment and other factors in people’s lives and our communities,” the spokesperson said.

“This significant jump in cases is unfortunate,” a DPH spokesperson commented on the current outbreak. (iStock)

Out of the 111 confirmed cases, 105 were unvaccinated. Receiving a vaccination within 72 hours has been shown to prevent measles infection, the DPH spokesperson noted. 

Some cases are related to travel exposure, while others are from an unknown source, suggesting that measles is circulating in the community, the DPH noted.

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Connecticut has also reported its first measles case in four years, according to the Connecticut Department of Public Health.

The department confirmed on Thursday that an unvaccinated child in Fairfield County, under the age of 10, was diagnosed with measles after recently traveling internationally.

“Vaccination continues to be the best way to prevent the disruption that measles is causing,” a DPH spokesperson said. (iStock)

The child began to show symptoms several days later, including a runny nose, cough, congestion, fever and a rash starting at the head and spreading to the rest of the body.

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The Connecticut DPH noted that measles is “highly contagious” and can spread quickly through the air via coughing or sneezing. The CDC has estimated that nine out of 10 unvaccinated individuals who encounter an infected person will develop the measles virus.

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According to the International Vaccine Access Center, more than 1,800 cases of measles have been reported in 2025, which is the most since the U.S. declared the virus eliminated in 2000. It is also the most cases recorded in three decades.

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“The single best way to protect your children and yourself from measles is to be vaccinated,” DPH Commissioner Manisha Juthani, M.D., wrote in a statement. “One dose of measles vaccine is about 93% effective, while two doses are about 97% effective.”

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