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When a Couple’s Drinking Habits Diverge

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When a Couple’s Drinking Habits Diverge

Casey and Mike Davidson always enjoyed drinking together.

The couple, both 49, met after college while working as consultants at the same firm. Romance blossomed over work happy hours, then time spent lingering over a bottle of wine on long dates.

In their mid-20s, the pair moved to Seattle and made a group of friends who were always up for a drink. Afternoons were for hiking, kayaking and sipping beers on Lake Union; evenings were for rollicking, boozy dinner parties.

But by their 30s, their drinking habits diverged. Ms. Davidson drank a bottle of wine by herself most nights, and felt increasingly uneasy about it, while Mr. Davidson settled into life as a self-described “single-beer-a-night drinker.”

“I was really defensive about my drinking,” Ms. Davidson said, adding, “I didn’t want him watching me every time I poured a third glass of wine.”

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Like the Davidsons, many couples have had to grapple with the role alcohol plays in their partnership — even if neither party drinks to the point where it causes clear, consistent problems at home, or takes an obvious toll on their health. Their relationship may still receive a shock when one partner decides to cut back or quit altogether.

“It can drive a wedge between people in terms of how they socialize, how they relax and unwind, their bedroom activities,” said Ruby Warrington, the author of “Sober Curious.” “It can be really uncomfortable.”

We asked couples, and experts on substance use, how to navigate changing tolerances for drinking within a relationship.

Ms. Davidson, who now lives in Redmond, Wash., never hit the kind of dramatic rock bottom people tend to associate with heavy drinking, but at 40 she quit for good, and now works as a sobriety coach.

She slept better and felt less anxious and foggy, but she also worried that her newfound sobriety might hurt her marriage. “It was scary for me to stop drinking, because I wondered how we would connect,” she said.

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Research on alcohol and marital happiness suggests that couples who abstain and couples who drink heavily together tend to report comparable levels of relationship satisfaction.

But problems can arise when one partner drinks regularly and the other doesn’t, said Kenneth Leonard, director of the University at Buffalo’s Clinical and Research Institute on Addictions, who has studied the topic for decades. That lopsided dynamic can lead to relationship dissatisfaction and increased chances of divorce.

The reasons for that are likely to be complex, he said, though at a simple level, couples often drink to unwind and connect, and losing that may come with some cost initially. People often do not realize how ingrained alcohol is in their relationships, experts said, even if neither party has a substance use problem.

Julie Kraft, a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-author of “The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction,” said a major upside of the “sober curious movement” and abstinence challenges like Dry January is that they offer opportunities for self-reflection.

“Am I using alcohol for stress relief?” she said. “Am I using it to feel more connected to my partner? Am I using it to avoid my partner?” One of the first things she discusses with couples looking to make changes is to brainstorm ways they might fill those spaces or needs.

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The Davidsons found connection points that didn’t involve alcohol, like going to see live music on Saturday nights at a local cafe, browsing bookstores together and going to the movies.

Arthur Tindsley, 41, from Oxfordshire, England, also feared that sobriety would change his marriage. He grew up steeped in British pub culture, but in recent years, he and his wife have both looked critically at their drinking habits, going through long periods of abstinence.

Sitting down in a nice restaurant together and sharing a bottle of wine used to be one of his most cherished activities. “All of those entrenched, habitual ways that we are partners together have had to change, or are in a process of changing,” he said.

Their go-to date night now? “It’s going to sound really boring,” he said, “but we go on a walk.”

When working with couples in which one or both partners wants to moderate or stop drinking, Laura Heck, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Bend, Ore., emphasizes the importance of each individual understanding their own reasons for making the change.

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“Each person has to connect with their own ‘why’” Ms. Heck said, adding, “I never want one person to lean into another person’s goal and just tack it on.” She offered her own relationship as an example: Her husband stopped drinking years ago because of a heart condition. Lately, Ms. Heck has been abstaining as well, but not because of him. She simply wants to better understand the ways in which drinking has become a habit for her — and to improve her marathon times.

Experts also emphasize that partners cannot force each other to change.

“One thing we remind everyone is that their journey is their own,” said Andrea Pain, executive director of Moderation Management, a nonprofit that runs peer support groups for those who want to cut back on their drinking. “You can’t expect anyone to change what they’re doing because you’ve set this new intention for yourself.”

The Davidsons acknowledge that they are lucky. Their marriage was fundamentally sound before Ms. Davidson quit drinking, she said, and Mr. Davidson never felt threatened by her decision, nor did he attempt to derail her efforts, something which she has seen happen among her coaching clients.

The pair have found their rhythm: Mr. Davidson continues to drink in moderation, Ms. Davidson remains sober. “The way I think about it is: If I decided to become a vegetarian, that doesn’t mean Mike has to be a vegetarian too,” she said. “But he certainly wouldn’t take me to a steakhouse.”

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Cheap surgery overseas may come with devastating complications, doctors warn

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Cheap surgery overseas may come with devastating complications, doctors warn

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More than three million people travel to undergo cosmetic surgery each year, statistics show — but the potential savings come at a cost.

Most people opting to pursue this so-called “medical tourism” are chasing budget-friendly price tags. 

International surgeries, such as hair transplants in Turkey, can cost as little as $4,000 to $5,000 compared to $20,000 to $30,000 in the U.S., but often come with extreme risks, according to board-certified plastic surgeon Dr. Sheila Nazarian of California.

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The doctor recently joined Lisa Brady on the “The FOX News Rundown” podcast to discuss the rising trend of medical tourism. One of the biggest risks, she said, is the lack of safety regulations in popular destinations like Mexico and Turkey.

As demand spikes in these medical tourism “mills,” there have been reports of non-medically trained staff performing procedures like hair transplants.

Most people opting to pursue “medical tourism” are chasing budget-friendly price tags.  (iStock)

“I’ve heard that they [international clinics] are even recruiting people who maybe were taxi drivers and then putting them through their own training program … to become hair transplant technicians,” Nazarian said. “That’s how high the demand has become.”

In the U.S., medical school graduates are granted a “physician and surgeon” license, which means doctors — including pediatricians or OB-GYNs — can legally perform cosmetic surgeries, even if they didn’t receive specialized training for those procedures during residency, Nazarian noted.

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WHAT IS BUTT MICRONEEDLING? BEHIND THE ‘DESPERATE’ PROCEDURE KELLY RIPA TRIED

Instead of pinching pennies, the doctor recommended paying whatever amount is necessary to ensure quality treatment.

“People think of it as, you know, going to the mall. … It’s surgery, and surgery has risks,” she said. “You need to be with someone who not only can perform a beautiful surgery, but who can handle possible complications well.”

“You need to ask them: ‘What was your residency training in? And if you wanted to, would you be allowed to do this procedure in a hospital?’”

Aftercare is another critical factor in the success and safety of a cosmetic procedure, as the doctor emphasized that 20% of a surgical result depends on post-operative care.

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This can be difficult or even impossible to manage when a doctor is in a different time zone, she cautioned, or if the clinic disappears shortly after the procedure.

Nazarian also noted the importance of addressing the psychological component of plastic surgery, noting that no procedure will fix underlying unhappiness. The doctor said she uses screening questionnaires to ensure that patients are truly seeking self-improvement rather than a “cure” for deeper issues.

International surgeries, such as hair transplants in Turkey, can cost as little as $4,000 to $5,000 compared to $20,000 to $30,000 in the U.S., but often come with extreme risks. (iStock)

“If you’re not already generally very content with your life, a knife in my hand is not going to bring you there,” Nazarian said.

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“The analogy I always give is you don’t want a paisley couch — you want a neutral couch and you can put paisley pillows on it,” she said, noting that a procedure should “make you look normal, God-given, athletic. And then you can change your clothes when the trends come and go.”

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Samuel Golpanian, M.D., a double board-certified plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills, said he has also seen an increasing number of patients undergoing cosmetic procedures abroad, sometimes with “devastating consequences.”

“The key is being extremely careful before embarking on this journey.”

“I’ve seen a wide range of complications, including infections, poor wound healing, significant scarring and tissue necrosis (skin death),” he told Fox News Digital. “These complications often lead to prolonged pain, ongoing medical problems, and significant additional costs to repair the damage.”

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Golpanian said he’s treated patients who received unsafe or non-medical-grade injectable materials, which can lead to serious long-term health issues.

One surgeon said he’s treated patients who received unsafe or non-medical-grade injectable materials, which can lead to serious long-term health issues. (iStock)

“I’ve also seen damage to underlying structures, asymmetry and results that are extremely difficult — sometimes impossible — to correct.”

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“That said, I’ve also seen some good outcomes, so it’s not all bad,” he noted. “The key is being extremely careful before embarking on this journey.”

Quick tips for safe ‘medical tourism’

Fully vet the surgeon. “Most surgeons will provide information about their education and training, but it’s important not to accept these claims at face value,” Golpanian said. “Verify them directly by contacting the institutions where they trained.”

Ask for references from prior patients. Ideally, it’s best to get references from U.S.-based patients who can speak candidly about both their experience and their results, the surgeonsaid.

Think beyond the cost. Golpanian emphasized the adage “you get what you pay for.” “Cost should take a back seat to experience, training, judgment and proven results,” he advised.

Be cautious about relying on before-and-after photos. These can be selective or even enhanced, Golpanian warned.

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Keep aftercare in focus. “Make sure the practice emphasizes comprehensive follow-up care and has a clear, realistic post-operative plan in place.”

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This 1-Minute Senobi Breathing Trick Curbs Cravings and Boosts Weight Loss

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This 1-Minute Senobi Breathing Trick Curbs Cravings and Boosts Weight Loss


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Senobi Breathing for Weight Loss Helps Burn Fat Fast




















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RFK Jr. backs easier peptide access for wellness as doctors raise red flags

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RFK Jr. backs easier peptide access for wellness as doctors raise red flags

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Top stories

→ ‘Anti-aging’ peptides may soon be easier to get amid RFK Jr.’s push

→ Doctors expose ‘buffalo hump’ as potential sign of hidden health conditions

→ Popular weight-loss medications linked to hidden side effects

RFK Jr. continues his push for accessible peptides, but some experts urge caution. (Secretary Kennedy/X, iStock)

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Interview of the week

→ Dr. Wendy Troxel shares relationship tips for chronic snorers and their tired partners

Unexpected threats

→ Doctor warns wearable fitness trackers could backfire

→ Where you live could shape your risk of cancer mortality

→ Lead contamination exposed in public parks across major city

The city previously applied for a lead prevention grant prior to the recent investigation of local parks. (iStock)

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Conversation starters

→ Dementia risk could be tied to your mindset and outlook on life

→ Americans wait overnight for access to free healthcare as costs soar

→ What is butt microneedling? Behind the ‘desperate’ procedure Kelly Ripa tried

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