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Advice | Amy Dickinson says goodbye in her final column

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Advice | Amy Dickinson says goodbye in her final column


Dear Readers: Since announcing my departure from writing this syndicated column, I have heard from scores of people across various platforms, thanking me for more than two decades of offering advice and wishing me well in my “retirement.” I am very touched and grateful for this outpouring of support.

The thing is, I don’t think of myself as retiring. I have led a constant, reliable life. I will read even the worst book to the last page. I have never voluntarily left a relationship, an obligation, or any employment. (I can barely stand to leave a room!)

But I’m leaving this seven-day-a-week commitment — because I want to, and because it’s time. My intention is to move on and to do other meaningful work.

Writing this column has given me a glimpse into thousands of lives. The insight I have gained has inspired and empowered me to listen to my own counsel, to be authentic in my actions and to — basically — be in charge of my own life, as much as possible. Showing myself the door at this moment reflects the privilege of good health, strong relationships, years of steady employment and some prudent financial choices. I’m very aware of how lucky I am.

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My favorite way to envision this work is to picture families reading these columns together at the breakfast table and weighing in with their own points of view before reading mine. And yes, there are still parents and grandparents out there who clip the newspaper and send pertinent columns to kids in college or summer camp, or tape it to refrigerators and bathroom mirrors. I’ve heard from health-care workers, police officers, firefighters and office workers who say they discuss the issues raised in the column in the break room.

I love knowing that, and I’ll miss having coffee with you.

The questions raised in this space have been used as teaching tools in middle schools, memory care units, ESL classes and prisons. These are perfect venues to discuss ethical, human-size dilemmas. On my last day communicating with you in this way, I feel compelled to try to sum up my experience by offering some lasting wisdom, but I’ve got no fresh insight. Everything I know has been distilled from wisdom gathered elsewhere.

Boxer Mike Tyson famously said, “Everybody has a plan, until they get punched …” Punches are inevitable. But I do believe I’ve learned some universal truths that might soften the blows.

Be gentle with yourself — and with others.

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Lead with kindness, and recognize kindness when you receive it.

Reserve your harshest judgment. Sit on your worst thoughts about other people and consider the consequences before expressing them.

Be of service by finding something, or someone, to take care of.

Find creative ways to express your feelings.

Admit to your faults and failings, and resolve to do better.

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Work hard not to be defined by the worst things that have happened to you.

Recognize even the smallest blessings and express gratitude.

Be kind to receptionists, restaurant servers, dental hygienists, and anyone who needs to physically touch or serve you to do their job.

Understand that there are times when it is necessary to give up.

Identify, develop, or explore your core ethical and/or spiritual beliefs.

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Recognize and detach from your own need to control someone else.

Respect boundaries — yours and others’.

Seek the counsel of people who are wiser than you are. Ask their advice, and listen.

I sometimes supply “scripts” for people who have asked me for the right words to say, and so I thought I would boil these down to some of the most important statements I believe anyone can make.

I love you, just as you are.

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Now that I’m near the end of my movie, I hope you’ll pay attention to the end credits.

Many thanks to Chicago friends and colleagues, including Jim Warren, who found me, Ann Marie Lipinski, who hired me, Steve Mandell, who represented me, and editors Mary Elson, Bill O’Connell and Carrie Williams. Thank you to “Gentleman Jack” Barry, who softened my exit.

And especially to Tracy Clark, a talented novelist who has helped to correct my faulty thinking and grammar for many years.

Finally, much gratitude to faithful readers, who can find me on social media and through my regular newsletter.

© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.

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Skeletal remains that washed up on Washington beach identified as Oregon mayor who vanished 20 years ago

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Skeletal remains that washed up on Washington beach identified as Oregon mayor who vanished 20 years ago


Skeletal remains that washed up on a Washington beach have been identified as those of a former Oregon mayor who vanished in 2006, ending a 20-year mystery with the help of genetic genealogy.

Edwin Asher, who previously was mayor of Fossil, Oregon, disappeared while he was crabbing in Tillamook Bay, on the northwest coast of Oregon, on Sept. 5, 2006, the Grays Harbor County coroner and Othram, a forensic genetic genealogy lab, said in news releases this week.

He was presumed to have drowned and was legally declared dead that same year, officials said.

In November 2006, skeletal remains washed ashore in Taholah, an unincorporated village on the Quinault Indian Reservation in Grays Harbor County, Washington, the coroner’s office said.

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Taholah is about 124 miles north of Tillamook Bay.

The local sheriff’s and coroner’s offices responded and collected evidence.

It was determined the remains were those of a man estimated to 20 to 60 years old or older, 5 feet, 9 inches tall and an estimated 170 to 180 pounds.

However, the man was never identified, and he became known as the “Grays Harbor County John Doe (2006).”

Last year, the Grays Harbor Coroner’s Office and the King County medical examiner submitted forensic evidence to Othram to try to identify John Doe.

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Scientists used genome sequencing to build a DNA profile for the man and genetic genealogy search to develop “new investigative leads.”

Investigators were led to potential relatives of the man, and reference DNA samples were collected from a relative and compared with those of John Doe.

Finally, it led to a positive identification: Grays Harbor John Doe was Clarence Edwin “Ed” Asher, born April 2, 1934.

He was 72 when he died.

Asher was born in Salem and raised in Astoria, and in 1952 he moved to Fossil, where he was a lineman technician for the Fossil Telephone Co. until he retired in 1995, according to his obituary. He also opened his own shop, Asher’s Variety Store, in 1965.

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He loved antique cars, fishing and boating, the obituary said.

He had served as mayor and also volunteered as a local fireman and ambulance driver.

He was survived by his wife of over 20 years, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. NBC News has reached out to the city of Fossil for comment.

Forensic genetic genealogy has grown in popularity in recent years and has helped solve decades-old cold cases.



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Aday Mara romps out west as Michigan basketball rolls in Washington

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Aday Mara romps out west as Michigan basketball rolls in Washington


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SEATTLE — Michigan basketball went to the Emerald City and struck gold … or maize.

On a night when Washington honored its national-champion men’s soccer team, brought back former star (and former Detroit Piston) Isaiah Thomas and introduced their incoming class of football recruits to the first sellout crowd in two seasons, the Huskies simply couldn’t hang with the Wolverines on Wednesday, Jan. 14.

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No. 3 Michigan battled on the boards, locked down on defense and got enough done on offense despite another lackluster shooting night to get back to its winning ways, beating Washington 82-72 in the first of two games on a Pacific Northwest swing.

Morez Johnson Jr., nicknamed “Junkyard Dog” by his teammates, showed his bite against the team with “Dawgs” across its chest, scoring 16 points and adding a career-high 16 rebounds for his third double-double of the season.

“As a coaching staff, we communicate throughout the game and there were anywhere between three and 300 instances where we said to each other ‘Rez is an absolute dog, Rez is an absolute beast’,” coach Dusty May said postgame. “We were very repetitive because he made so many plays that made us appreciate him.”

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He set the tone on the glass – a battle U-M won, 42-40, as part of its 50-28 scoring advantage in the paint. Meanwhile, U-M played a largely clean game, forcing 12 turnovers and only committing eight as it outscored U-Dub, 11-2, in points off turnovers.

Johnson was aided by his fellow bigs: Aday Mara scored a team-high 20 and Yaxel Lendeborg added 14 after a slow start.

The Wolverines will stay in the Pacific time zone for their next game, heading to Eugene, Oregon, to take on the Ducks in a nationally televised game Saturday (4 p.m. ET, NBC). The Ducks, a second-round NCAA Tournament team last season, have already nearly matched their 2024-25 losses (10) this season, at 8-9 overall and 1-5 in Big Ten play. Still, three of those five conference losses have come on the road, rather than at Matthew Knight Arena. Center Nathan Bittle leads Oregon with 16.3 points per game, plus 6.7 rebounds and two assists.

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Getting to the finish line

The Huskies fought back after a cold start – just seven makes in their first 26 shots – with 10 makes in their next 17 to get within five, 46-41, on a Hannes Steinbach putback.

But Michigan got hot. Lendeborg drilled a corner 3, Mara hit three straight baskets – a floater, a layup and a dunk –Lendeborg hit another hook in the lane and then Mara finished another slam on the baseline, for six straight makes.

Even so, the Huskies stuck with the Wolverines thanks to baskets on four straight possesssions. Johnson got an offensive rebound and putback off a Trey McKenney missed layup, but McKenney was then assessed with a technical foul for tripping a U-W player stepping over him. 

The Wolverines struggled to extend their lead until Mara swatted a hook shot near the rim and Roddy Gayle Jr. had a runout the other way for a coast-to-coast layup to go up 11 with 5:16 to go. He then found Lendeborg on the break on the following possession for an acrobatic layup, making it 76-63.

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The Wolverines weren’t perfect on offense – 17-for-23 on dunks or layups 15-for-46 on all other shots – but they did enough of the little things for coach Dusty May.

Marvelous Morez Johnson Jr.

Johnson led the way in that grinding mentality.

He dominated early on the boards with 10 in the first 15 minutes, including three on offense. The Wolverines didn’t shoot well on 3s – 5-for-23 (21.7%) – so extending possessions mattered.

“Elite,” Mara said of how he’d describe Johnson in a single word. “His ability to help us in rebounding is something I’ve never seen before. I think that was better than me scoring 20. For today’s game, one of the keys was rebounding and I think he did great.

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“It’s way easier when you have a player like this on your team.”

Johnson’s greatest highlight came off a missed Gayle jumper, as he came flying in through the paint and threw down a tip-slam between two defenders to put Michigan up, 28-18.

Johnson responded to May’s recent team-wide critiques of the energy level with perhaps the Wolverines’ most energetic performance this season. He wasn’t quite as dominant after halftime, but still added eight points and four rebounds.

Coming in waves

The Wolverines started slow; they didn’t score until 2:33 in, falling behind by three. That was followed by a 12-0 run in 4:14, with all of the points coming either in the paint or from the free throw line.

Michigan, which has struggled beyond the arc for a few weeks, missed its first 10 3-pointers, but a spurt from the reserves got the group going. It was 14-9 when McKenney buried the team’s first 3. Will Tschetter followed with one of his own less than a minute later, then added a follow under the bucket, as U-M’s reserves scored eight straight.

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Later, it was Lendeborg’s turn. He missed his first five attempts, then finally drilled a 3 from the left wing to get going. On the next possession he received a full-court pass from L.J. Cason and finished in the paint, then grabbed an offensive rebound off a missed free throw and had a putback in traffic. That gave him seven straight points and extended U-M’s lead to 37-26.

Tony Garcia is the Wolverines beat writer for the Detroit Free Press. Email him at apgarcia@freepress.com and follow him on X at @RealTonyGarcia.



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Widespread Verizon outage prompts emergency alerts in Washington, New York City

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Widespread Verizon outage prompts emergency alerts in Washington, New York City


Verizon said on Wednesday that its wireless service was suffering an outage impacting cellular data and voice services.

The nation’s largest wireless carrier said that its “engineers are engaged and are working to identify and solve the issue quickly.”

Verizon’s statement came after a swath of social media comments directed at Verizon, with users saying that their mobile devices were showing no bars of service or “SOS,” indicating a lack of connection.

Verizon, which has more than 146 million customers, appears to have started experiencing services issues around 12:00 p.m. ET, according to comments on social media site X.

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Two hours later, Verizon posted an update on social media, saying that its engineers were “continuing to address today’s service interruptions,” but did not say if a specific reason for the outage had been identified or when it could be resolved.

“We understand the impact this has on your day and remain committed to resolving this as quickly as possible,” the company said.

Despite those efforts, shortly after 4:00 p.m. ET, Verizon issued a third statement that contained little new information. The company said teams were “on the ground actively working to fix today’s service issue.”

Users had initially reported problems with Verizon’s competitors, T-Mobile and AT&T, as well. But both companies said they were not experiencing any service problems.

“T-Mobile’s network is keeping our customers connected, and we’ve confirmed that our network is operating normally and as expected,” a spokesperson told NBC News. “However, due to Verizon’s reported outage, our customers may not be able to reach someone with Verizon service at this time.”

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A spokeswoman for AT&T also said the company’s network was “operating normally.”

A Verizon store in New York City on Jan. 12, 2024.Angus Mordant / Bloomberg via Getty Images

In Washington, D.C., the District’s official emergency notification system sent out a message to residents saying that the Verizon outage was “nationwide.”

“If you have an emergency and can not connect using your Verizon Wireless device, please connect using a device from another carrier, a landline, or go to a police district or fire station to report the emergency,” the AlertDC system told recipients.

New York City’s Office of Emergency Management also said it was aware of the outage without mentioning Verizon by name. The city said it was “working closely with our partners” to review the outage and “assess any potential effects on city agencies & essential services.”



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