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Advice | Dad insists on lectures that drive teens away. Hax readers give advice.

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Advice | Dad insists on lectures that drive teens away. Hax readers give advice.


We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Some of the best responses are below.

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have two teens. They’re great kids with good heads on their shoulders (so far!). My husband has taken to giving them long-winded unsolicited advice, and the kids have gone from politely listening to glazing over to now directly telling him they aren’t looking for advice to getting mad when he persists to avoiding him completely.

He gets mad and says he’s obligated as a parent to provide “guidance,” and if the kids need to get mad at him in order to be “motivated,” then he’s fine with that. I only give advice to the kids when asked or when they are thinking of doing something that has serious negative consequences — hence they tend to talk to me about their lives.

I’ve told my husband he’s pushing the kids away, but he justifies it as good parenting. I’m so tired of this cycle. What can I do?

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Tired Parent: There isn’t a lot you can do. But step one is to sit your husband down at a happy time and tell him you have something important to discuss. Ask him to stretch himself to listen with an open mind. Then spell out the cycle as simply as you did in your letter. Ask him to reflect on what you’ve said, if there is any part he can relate to. If he is open to the idea of accepting your influence, you could come up with a lighthearted code word (Polonius!) to let him know he’s doing it.

That’s it. You’re done. One of the axioms of life is that we can’t control other people. He may continue to offer copious guidance and the kids may avoid him. It’s frustrating, but families survive worse. And to moderate your frustration, you can always remind yourself that your teens are all likely tolerating annoying and predictable behaviors from you, too!

Tired Parent: You can accept that you can’t change him and focus on your own relationship with your kids. Stop worrying about his relationship with them. Make up your mind to let the consequences fall where they may. Although you may be affected by those consequences, they are between him and the kids. Once you accept that, you can step back, take a breather and stop worrying.

That’s what your kids need from you — someone who’s focused on them, not on what your husband should or shouldn’t do. You probably aren’t doing your kids any favors by letting your husband’s behavior upset you.

Tired Parent: When my kids were teens, my husband began a group text thread with them he called Life Lessons. They were general guidance texts. They included things like the lesson of compound interest, or why never to lie, or how to speak up for yourself, together with a quick related story from his life. He sent one every few weeks. Occasionally he got a response from them, usually just a “thumbs up,” but he never asked for or expected one.

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Years later, the kids told us how much they loved that thread, that they read every single text (maybe not right away), often shared the advice with friends, and still reread it now that they are adults. I believe they especially loved the personal stories he’d attach to them. He still does it, although much less frequently.

Tired Parent: Parents tend to be overbearing when they’re scared of something. I know I am! It’s tempting to go into long explanations about something, but I’ve realized that’s more about making myself feel better that I’ve explained something to them versus knowing what the actual best way is to share information with them.

So one thing to ask your husband: What is he scared of? Or worried about? As a parent, most of the job is worrying. We have to figure out if what we’re doing to address these fears is for us, or for our kids. And addressing your husband’s fears can help him be less overbearing — and you’ll learn something helpful, too!

— Parent/Therapist in CO

Tired Parent: You can try to keep a good relationship between father and kids by encouraging family events that don’t involve lectures. All of you could go to a professional sporting event, a rock concert or the movies — anywhere talking is virtually impossible. Get your kids involved in planning and ask them what they would like to do with their dad. Then, when they are past the lecture stage, your kids will also have some happy memories with their dad.

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Every week, we ask readers to answer a question submitted to Carolyn Hax’s live chat or email. Read last week’s installment here. New questions are typically posted on Thursdays, with a Monday deadline for submissions. Responses are anonymous unless you choose to identify yourself and are edited for length and clarity.



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Skeletal remains that washed up on Washington beach identified as Oregon mayor who vanished 20 years ago

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Skeletal remains that washed up on Washington beach identified as Oregon mayor who vanished 20 years ago


Skeletal remains that washed up on a Washington beach have been identified as those of a former Oregon mayor who vanished in 2006, ending a 20-year mystery with the help of genetic genealogy.

Edwin Asher, who previously was mayor of Fossil, Oregon, disappeared while he was crabbing in Tillamook Bay, on the northwest coast of Oregon, on Sept. 5, 2006, the Grays Harbor County coroner and Othram, a forensic genetic genealogy lab, said in news releases this week.

He was presumed to have drowned and was legally declared dead that same year, officials said.

In November 2006, skeletal remains washed ashore in Taholah, an unincorporated village on the Quinault Indian Reservation in Grays Harbor County, Washington, the coroner’s office said.

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Taholah is about 124 miles north of Tillamook Bay.

The local sheriff’s and coroner’s offices responded and collected evidence.

It was determined the remains were those of a man estimated to 20 to 60 years old or older, 5 feet, 9 inches tall and an estimated 170 to 180 pounds.

However, the man was never identified, and he became known as the “Grays Harbor County John Doe (2006).”

Last year, the Grays Harbor Coroner’s Office and the King County medical examiner submitted forensic evidence to Othram to try to identify John Doe.

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Scientists used genome sequencing to build a DNA profile for the man and genetic genealogy search to develop “new investigative leads.”

Investigators were led to potential relatives of the man, and reference DNA samples were collected from a relative and compared with those of John Doe.

Finally, it led to a positive identification: Grays Harbor John Doe was Clarence Edwin “Ed” Asher, born April 2, 1934.

He was 72 when he died.

Asher was born in Salem and raised in Astoria, and in 1952 he moved to Fossil, where he was a lineman technician for the Fossil Telephone Co. until he retired in 1995, according to his obituary. He also opened his own shop, Asher’s Variety Store, in 1965.

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He loved antique cars, fishing and boating, the obituary said.

He had served as mayor and also volunteered as a local fireman and ambulance driver.

He was survived by his wife of over 20 years, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. NBC News has reached out to the city of Fossil for comment.

Forensic genetic genealogy has grown in popularity in recent years and has helped solve decades-old cold cases.



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Aday Mara romps out west as Michigan basketball rolls in Washington

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Aday Mara romps out west as Michigan basketball rolls in Washington


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SEATTLE — Michigan basketball went to the Emerald City and struck gold … or maize.

On a night when Washington honored its national-champion men’s soccer team, brought back former star (and former Detroit Piston) Isaiah Thomas and introduced their incoming class of football recruits to the first sellout crowd in two seasons, the Huskies simply couldn’t hang with the Wolverines on Wednesday, Jan. 14.

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No. 3 Michigan battled on the boards, locked down on defense and got enough done on offense despite another lackluster shooting night to get back to its winning ways, beating Washington 82-72 in the first of two games on a Pacific Northwest swing.

Morez Johnson Jr., nicknamed “Junkyard Dog” by his teammates, showed his bite against the team with “Dawgs” across its chest, scoring 16 points and adding a career-high 16 rebounds for his third double-double of the season.

“As a coaching staff, we communicate throughout the game and there were anywhere between three and 300 instances where we said to each other ‘Rez is an absolute dog, Rez is an absolute beast’,” coach Dusty May said postgame. “We were very repetitive because he made so many plays that made us appreciate him.”

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He set the tone on the glass – a battle U-M won, 42-40, as part of its 50-28 scoring advantage in the paint. Meanwhile, U-M played a largely clean game, forcing 12 turnovers and only committing eight as it outscored U-Dub, 11-2, in points off turnovers.

Johnson was aided by his fellow bigs: Aday Mara scored a team-high 20 and Yaxel Lendeborg added 14 after a slow start.

The Wolverines will stay in the Pacific time zone for their next game, heading to Eugene, Oregon, to take on the Ducks in a nationally televised game Saturday (4 p.m. ET, NBC). The Ducks, a second-round NCAA Tournament team last season, have already nearly matched their 2024-25 losses (10) this season, at 8-9 overall and 1-5 in Big Ten play. Still, three of those five conference losses have come on the road, rather than at Matthew Knight Arena. Center Nathan Bittle leads Oregon with 16.3 points per game, plus 6.7 rebounds and two assists.

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Getting to the finish line

The Huskies fought back after a cold start – just seven makes in their first 26 shots – with 10 makes in their next 17 to get within five, 46-41, on a Hannes Steinbach putback.

But Michigan got hot. Lendeborg drilled a corner 3, Mara hit three straight baskets – a floater, a layup and a dunk –Lendeborg hit another hook in the lane and then Mara finished another slam on the baseline, for six straight makes.

Even so, the Huskies stuck with the Wolverines thanks to baskets on four straight possesssions. Johnson got an offensive rebound and putback off a Trey McKenney missed layup, but McKenney was then assessed with a technical foul for tripping a U-W player stepping over him. 

The Wolverines struggled to extend their lead until Mara swatted a hook shot near the rim and Roddy Gayle Jr. had a runout the other way for a coast-to-coast layup to go up 11 with 5:16 to go. He then found Lendeborg on the break on the following possession for an acrobatic layup, making it 76-63.

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The Wolverines weren’t perfect on offense – 17-for-23 on dunks or layups 15-for-46 on all other shots – but they did enough of the little things for coach Dusty May.

Marvelous Morez Johnson Jr.

Johnson led the way in that grinding mentality.

He dominated early on the boards with 10 in the first 15 minutes, including three on offense. The Wolverines didn’t shoot well on 3s – 5-for-23 (21.7%) – so extending possessions mattered.

“Elite,” Mara said of how he’d describe Johnson in a single word. “His ability to help us in rebounding is something I’ve never seen before. I think that was better than me scoring 20. For today’s game, one of the keys was rebounding and I think he did great.

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“It’s way easier when you have a player like this on your team.”

Johnson’s greatest highlight came off a missed Gayle jumper, as he came flying in through the paint and threw down a tip-slam between two defenders to put Michigan up, 28-18.

Johnson responded to May’s recent team-wide critiques of the energy level with perhaps the Wolverines’ most energetic performance this season. He wasn’t quite as dominant after halftime, but still added eight points and four rebounds.

Coming in waves

The Wolverines started slow; they didn’t score until 2:33 in, falling behind by three. That was followed by a 12-0 run in 4:14, with all of the points coming either in the paint or from the free throw line.

Michigan, which has struggled beyond the arc for a few weeks, missed its first 10 3-pointers, but a spurt from the reserves got the group going. It was 14-9 when McKenney buried the team’s first 3. Will Tschetter followed with one of his own less than a minute later, then added a follow under the bucket, as U-M’s reserves scored eight straight.

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Later, it was Lendeborg’s turn. He missed his first five attempts, then finally drilled a 3 from the left wing to get going. On the next possession he received a full-court pass from L.J. Cason and finished in the paint, then grabbed an offensive rebound off a missed free throw and had a putback in traffic. That gave him seven straight points and extended U-M’s lead to 37-26.

Tony Garcia is the Wolverines beat writer for the Detroit Free Press. Email him at apgarcia@freepress.com and follow him on X at @RealTonyGarcia.



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Widespread Verizon outage prompts emergency alerts in Washington, New York City

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Widespread Verizon outage prompts emergency alerts in Washington, New York City


Verizon said on Wednesday that its wireless service was suffering an outage impacting cellular data and voice services.

The nation’s largest wireless carrier said that its “engineers are engaged and are working to identify and solve the issue quickly.”

Verizon’s statement came after a swath of social media comments directed at Verizon, with users saying that their mobile devices were showing no bars of service or “SOS,” indicating a lack of connection.

Verizon, which has more than 146 million customers, appears to have started experiencing services issues around 12:00 p.m. ET, according to comments on social media site X.

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Two hours later, Verizon posted an update on social media, saying that its engineers were “continuing to address today’s service interruptions,” but did not say if a specific reason for the outage had been identified or when it could be resolved.

“We understand the impact this has on your day and remain committed to resolving this as quickly as possible,” the company said.

Despite those efforts, shortly after 4:00 p.m. ET, Verizon issued a third statement that contained little new information. The company said teams were “on the ground actively working to fix today’s service issue.”

Users had initially reported problems with Verizon’s competitors, T-Mobile and AT&T, as well. But both companies said they were not experiencing any service problems.

“T-Mobile’s network is keeping our customers connected, and we’ve confirmed that our network is operating normally and as expected,” a spokesperson told NBC News. “However, due to Verizon’s reported outage, our customers may not be able to reach someone with Verizon service at this time.”

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A spokeswoman for AT&T also said the company’s network was “operating normally.”

A Verizon store in New York City on Jan. 12, 2024.Angus Mordant / Bloomberg via Getty Images

In Washington, D.C., the District’s official emergency notification system sent out a message to residents saying that the Verizon outage was “nationwide.”

“If you have an emergency and can not connect using your Verizon Wireless device, please connect using a device from another carrier, a landline, or go to a police district or fire station to report the emergency,” the AlertDC system told recipients.

New York City’s Office of Emergency Management also said it was aware of the outage without mentioning Verizon by name. The city said it was “working closely with our partners” to review the outage and “assess any potential effects on city agencies & essential services.”



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