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Advice | Dad insists on lectures that drive teens away. Hax readers give advice.

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2 years ago

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Advice | Dad insists on lectures that drive teens away. Hax readers give advice.


We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Some of the best responses are below.

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have two teens. They’re great kids with good heads on their shoulders (so far!). My husband has taken to giving them long-winded unsolicited advice, and the kids have gone from politely listening to glazing over to now directly telling him they aren’t looking for advice to getting mad when he persists to avoiding him completely.

He gets mad and says he’s obligated as a parent to provide “guidance,” and if the kids need to get mad at him in order to be “motivated,” then he’s fine with that. I only give advice to the kids when asked or when they are thinking of doing something that has serious negative consequences — hence they tend to talk to me about their lives.

I’ve told my husband he’s pushing the kids away, but he justifies it as good parenting. I’m so tired of this cycle. What can I do?

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Tired Parent: There isn’t a lot you can do. But step one is to sit your husband down at a happy time and tell him you have something important to discuss. Ask him to stretch himself to listen with an open mind. Then spell out the cycle as simply as you did in your letter. Ask him to reflect on what you’ve said, if there is any part he can relate to. If he is open to the idea of accepting your influence, you could come up with a lighthearted code word (Polonius!) to let him know he’s doing it.

That’s it. You’re done. One of the axioms of life is that we can’t control other people. He may continue to offer copious guidance and the kids may avoid him. It’s frustrating, but families survive worse. And to moderate your frustration, you can always remind yourself that your teens are all likely tolerating annoying and predictable behaviors from you, too!

Tired Parent: You can accept that you can’t change him and focus on your own relationship with your kids. Stop worrying about his relationship with them. Make up your mind to let the consequences fall where they may. Although you may be affected by those consequences, they are between him and the kids. Once you accept that, you can step back, take a breather and stop worrying.

That’s what your kids need from you — someone who’s focused on them, not on what your husband should or shouldn’t do. You probably aren’t doing your kids any favors by letting your husband’s behavior upset you.

Tired Parent: When my kids were teens, my husband began a group text thread with them he called Life Lessons. They were general guidance texts. They included things like the lesson of compound interest, or why never to lie, or how to speak up for yourself, together with a quick related story from his life. He sent one every few weeks. Occasionally he got a response from them, usually just a “thumbs up,” but he never asked for or expected one.

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Years later, the kids told us how much they loved that thread, that they read every single text (maybe not right away), often shared the advice with friends, and still reread it now that they are adults. I believe they especially loved the personal stories he’d attach to them. He still does it, although much less frequently.

Tired Parent: Parents tend to be overbearing when they’re scared of something. I know I am! It’s tempting to go into long explanations about something, but I’ve realized that’s more about making myself feel better that I’ve explained something to them versus knowing what the actual best way is to share information with them.

So one thing to ask your husband: What is he scared of? Or worried about? As a parent, most of the job is worrying. We have to figure out if what we’re doing to address these fears is for us, or for our kids. And addressing your husband’s fears can help him be less overbearing — and you’ll learn something helpful, too!

— Parent/Therapist in CO

Tired Parent: You can try to keep a good relationship between father and kids by encouraging family events that don’t involve lectures. All of you could go to a professional sporting event, a rock concert or the movies — anywhere talking is virtually impossible. Get your kids involved in planning and ask them what they would like to do with their dad. Then, when they are past the lecture stage, your kids will also have some happy memories with their dad.

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Every week, we ask readers to answer a question submitted to Carolyn Hax’s live chat or email. Read last week’s installment here. New questions are typically posted on Thursdays, with a Monday deadline for submissions. Responses are anonymous unless you choose to identify yourself and are edited for length and clarity.



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Washington

Inside Woodlawn Cemetery’s mission to preserve history

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9 hours ago

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June 24, 2026

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Inside Woodlawn Cemetery’s mission to preserve history


The iron gate to Woodlawn Cemetery is almost always locked shut, but Toni White-Richardson was more than happy to let News4 inside.

As president of the Woodlawn Cemetery Perpetual Care Association, she was excited to talk about what makes this resting place so special.

“It is major D.C. history, first. Then it’s also major Black history, second,” White-Richardson said.

More than 30,000 people, mostly African Americans, are buried among the 22 acres of Woodlawn Cemetery, which opened in Southeast D.C. in 1895. And like so many cemeteries that date back to the 1800s, particularly African American cemeteries, this one has fallen into disrepair, is overgrown and has headstones tumbled over, like those of Wilhelmina and her husband James, and Eliza Spencer, a mother who died in 1887.

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“Let me do a very upfront disclaimer,” White-Richardson said. “We have no idea where these stones go. And when we looked at the grid, it became even clear as mud, it became less clear as to where these stones should really go. Unfortunately, when we look back, we can tell there was a plan, but we could see we never got totally completed. Even back then, there are no markers saying this is Section H or this is Section G or this is 102 and this is, none of that.”

One of the most notable Washingtonians laid to rest here is John Mercer Langston, Virginia’s first Black congressman.

“Langston University came one year because they had a grand reunion in D.C., and we arranged for them to come to see […] John Mercer Langston, the university that was named after this man,” White-Richardson said.

And Blance Bruce, the first Black U.S. senator to serve a full term and register of the treasury, is also buried in the cemetery.

“He’s the signature on our dollar bill, you know, back in the late 1800s,” White-Richardson said. “So, oh, it’s history. It’s capital letters. No getting around it.”

Woodlawn is also the resting place of several of the original founders of two of the country’s most prominent Black sororities, Alpha Kappa Alpha and Delta Sigma Theta. Both organizations volunteer to help with clean ups.

The Perpetual Care Association recently received a grant from the D.C. Office of Planning to help with upkeep of the grounds and preserving the history here.

“These are important individuals who’ve made contributions to the District a century ago, but today still their history and their stories reverberate and really influence the trajectory of our city,” said Anita Cozart, director of the D.C. Office of Planning.

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The cemetery tucked away off Benning Road is only open to the public five days a year, but groups can request tours anytime. The next chance to visit Woodlawn when it will be open to the public is Labor Day.

They’re always looking for volunteers and donors to help with the upkeep of this sacred ground.



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Washington

Parsing Trump’s claims about Washington’s reflecting pool

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19 hours ago

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June 24, 2026

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Parsing Trump’s claims about Washington’s reflecting pool


US President Donald Trump wanted to mark the US’s 250th birthday with a renovated Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool on the National Mall.

The makeover, including a new coat of “American Flag blue,” cost taxpayers $16 million (€14.1 million).

But the water is covered in green algae. The blue paint is already peeling. Trump has blamed vandals, while his critics question the project’s transparency and cost.

DW’s Brent Goff and Washington correspondent Janelle Dumalaon unpack the whole fiasco.

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Washington

Social media reacts to former BYU star AJ Dybantsa going No. 1 in 2026 NBA draft

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1 day ago

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June 23, 2026

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Social media reacts to former BYU star AJ Dybantsa going No. 1 in 2026 NBA draft


Former BYU basketball star AJ Dybantsa fulfilled his dream of going No. 1 overall in the 2026 NBA draft.

The Washington Wizards selected Dybantsa with the first pick.

Immediately after the pick, reactions poured in on social media about the Wizards drafting Dybantsa.

Social media reactions to the Washington Wizards selecting BYU star AJ Dybantsa

Mitch Harper is a BYU Insider for KSL and hosts the Cougar Tracks Podcast daily on KSL Sports YouTube and KSL NewsRadio (SUBSCRIBE). Harper also co-hosts Cougar Sports Saturday (12–3 p.m.) on KSL NewsRadio.

Follow Mitch’s coverage of BYU athletics in the Big 12 Conference on X (formerly Twitter) and Instagram: @Mitch_Harper.

Want more coverage of BYU sports? Take us with you wherever you go.

Download the new and improved KSL Sports app from Utah’s sports leader. Allows you to stream live radio and video, keeping you up to date on all your favorite teams.

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