Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: I gave my boyfriend an ultimatum. What he did next was shocking
When I opened the door of my apartment, something felt off. The way the click of the lock echoed in the room was wrong. It was too resonant. The furniture usually absorbed the sound.
But the couch, the rug, the dining room table — what used to buffer the noise of the tiled living room — were gone.
That’s when I realized my boyfriend had moved out without telling me.
I’d only heard of such a thing happening on television. But unlike a character on television, I didn’t cry thick tears or reflect on how my choices landed me here. I raged. I called him repeatedly, knowing each time he declined the call. I texted him and told him to do some very specific things to himself. I walked into each room to assess what he’d done, each discovery a spear through my gut: the hangers dangling on the closet rod like a smile of broken teeth. The disemboweled dresser drawers. The bathroom stripped of everything — even the shower curtain — as though freshly rejuvenated for a new renter to walk in and decorate.
We had broken up two weeks before, at the end of a conversation he spent staring into his phone while responding to me with one-word answers. It was the conclusion of a fiery, unhealthy pairing dominated by a passionate relationship’s hallmarks: mind-blowing sex, furious arguments, heavy drinking, conversations that turned sour on a dime, and constant fluctuating between the euphoria of the extreme highs and the devastation of the melancholy lows. After a year and a half, I needed to get off the carousel. It was spinning out of control.
I was codependent. And my boyfriend, though he wouldn’t admit it, couldn’t control his drinking. Worse, he made sure our entire social life revolved around it.
During our relationship, our weekends all looked the same — karaoke at the only gay bar in Pasadena, the Boulevard, with me at the mic and him tossing back whiskeys and chain smoking at the front door. I loved that place, and the people who were regulars there like me. Over time, the only thing I didn’t like about it was his drunkenness. The way he’d casually swipe at me with a barb about something he knew was an insecurity for me.
I started anticipating what might trigger his emotional abuse, taking steps to avoid those situations. He’d entered graduate school and struggled to complete his work due to ADHD. Soon I was grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry — meeting every need for the two of us all on my own. It was exhausting, but looking back, I thought my suffering gave me depth and meaning. Love meant sacrifice, I reasoned. And if I sacrificed enough, surely he’d finally love me without conditions.
Toward the end of his program, my boyfriend broke down and started taking ADHD medication. The change in him was immediate and drastic. Instead of being a stressed-out powder keg, he was calm and focused. What struck me was how loving he’d become. This had been our normal configuration: He sat at our kitchen table crafting pieces of a huge project while I sat on the couch watching TV, trying not to irritate or distract him and falling asleep while he worked through the night. But now he was gentle. He looked up at me and smiled. “I love you,” he said unprompted. He almost never said it to me first and never this warmly. I snatched up this emotional crumb and cherished it. See? I convinced myself. When I do everything right, I’m rewarded. But by the end of the month, he was off the meds and back to his old self again.
When I told my therapist about my boyfriend’s double changes, he advised me to give him an ultimatum. “Tell him he has to stay on his meds or you’re leaving.”
A few days later, I approached my boyfriend. I described how different he’d been on his meds, how loved I felt, and how much I hoped that could continue. “I don’t feel like myself when I take those drugs,” he barked at me. “I don’t like it.”
I gave the ultimatum. He — as expected — blew up at me, raging across the apartment about how selfish I was, how I didn’t love him for who he was. How he was the victim in the relationship — not me.
And deep down, I thought he was right. Making my needs a priority. Asking him to do something that made me feel loved? I felt bad. I felt selfish. But I also didn’t think I’d make it even another month in the relationship the way it was. If he couldn’t give me what I needed, I’d be better off on my own.
A few days after that, he was gone.
At the end of the month, I moved to a little one-bedroom on the hillside of Mount Washington. It was quiet there and far enough away from city life that it felt like a retreat. I rebuilt my life there, one day at a time, starting with the wounds and traumas that led me into a codependent relationship. I knew I was better off. That happier things were ahead. But I also knew I’d have none of them if I didn’t learn how to love myself first.
The author wrote the forthcoming book, “Splice of Life: A Memoir in 13 Film Genres.” He lives in Long Beach. He’s on Instagram: @charlesjensen
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
Mundane, magic, maybe both — a new book explores ‘The Writer’s Room’
There’s a three-story house in Baltimore that looks a bit imposing. You walk up the stone steps before even getting up to the porch, and then you enter the door and you’re greeted with a glass case of literary awards. It’s The Clifton House, formerly home of Lucille Clifton.
The National Book Award-winning poet lived there with her husband, Fred, starting in 1967 until the bank foreclosed on the house in 1980. Clifton’s daughter, Sidney Clifton, has since revived the house and turned it into a cultural hub, hosting artists, readings, workshops and more. But even during a February visit, in the mid-afternoon with no organized events on, the house feels full.
The corner of Lucille Clifton’s bedroom, where she would wake up and write in the mornings
Andrew Limbong/NPR
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Andrew Limbong/NPR
“There’s a presence here,” Clifton House Executive Director Joël Díaz told me. “There’s a presence here that sits at attention.”
Sometimes, rooms where famous writers worked can be places of ineffable magic. Other times, they can just be rooms.
Princeton University Press
Katie da Cunha Lewin is the author of the new book, The Writer’s Room: The Hidden Worlds That Shape the Books We Love, which explores the appeal of these rooms. Lewin is a big Virginia Woolf fan, and the very first place Lewin visited working on the book was Monk’s House — Woolf’s summer home in Sussex, England. On the way there, there were dreams of seeing Woolf’s desk, of retracing Woolf’s steps and imagining what her creative process would feel like. It turned out to be a bit of a disappointment for Lewin — everything interesting was behind glass, she said. Still, in the book Lewin writes about how she took a picture of the room and saved it on her phone, going back to check it and re-check it, “in the hope it would allow me some of its magic.”
Let’s be real, writing is a little boring. Unlike a band on fire in the recording studio, or a painter possessed in their studio, the visual image of a writer sitting at a desk click-clacking away at a keyboard or scribbling on a piece of paper isn’t particularly exciting. And yet, the myth of the writer’s room continues to enrapture us. You can head to Massachusetts to see where Louisa May Alcott wrote Little Women. Or go down to Florida to visit the home of Zora Neale Hurston. Or book a stay at the Scott & Zelda Fitzgerald Museum in Alabama, where the famous couple lived for a time. But what, exactly, is the draw?

Lewin said in an interview that whenever she was at a book event or an author reading, an audience question about the writer’s writing space came up. And yes, some of this is basic fan-driven curiosity. But also “it started to occur to me that it was a central mystery about writing, as if writing is a magic thing that just happens rather than actually labor,” she said.
In a lot of ways, the book is a debunking of the myths we’re presented about writers in their rooms. She writes about the types of writers who couldn’t lock themselves in an office for hours on end, and instead had to find moments in-between to work on their art. She covers the writers who make a big show of their rooms, as a way to seem more writerly. She writes about writers who have had their homes and rooms preserved, versus the ones whose rooms have been lost to time and new real estate developments. The central argument of the book is that there is no magic formula to writing — that there is no daily to-do list to follow, no just-right office chair to buy in order to become a writer. You just have to write.
Lifestyle
Bruce Johnston Retiring From The Beach Boys After 61 Years
Bruce Johnston
I’m Riding My Last Wave With The Beach Boys
Published
Bruce Johnston is riding off into the California sunset … at least for now.
The Beach Boys legend announced Wednesday he’s stepping away from touring after six decades with the iconic band. The 83-year-old revealed in a statement to Rolling Stone he’s hanging up his touring hat to focus on what he calls part three of his long music career.
“It’s time for Part Three of my lengthy musical career!” Johnston said. “I can write songs forever, and wait until you hear what’s coming!!! As my major talent beyond singing is songwriting, now is the time to get serious again.”
Johnston famously stepped in for co-founder Brian Wilson in 1965 for live performances, becoming a staple of the Beach Boys’ touring lineup ever since. Now, he says he’s shifting gears toward songwriting and even some speaking engagements … with occasional touring member John Stamos helping him craft what he’ll talk about onstage.
“I might even sing ‘Disney Girls’ & ‘I Write The Songs!!’” he teased.
But don’t call it a full-on farewell tour just yet. Johnston made it clear he’s not shutting the door completely, saying he’s excited to reunite with the band for special occasions, including their upcoming July 2-4 shows at the Hollywood Bowl as part of the Beach Boys’ 2026 tour. The run celebrates both the 60th anniversary of “Pet Sounds” and America’s 250th birthday.
“This isn’t goodbye, it’s see you soon,” he wrote. “I am forever grateful to be a part of the Beach Boys musical legacy.”
Lifestyle
On the brink of death, a woman is saved by a stranger and his family
In 1982, Jean Muenchrath was injured in a mountaineering accident and on the brink of death when a stranger and his family went out of their way to save her life.
Jean Muenchrath
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Jean Muenchrath
In early May 1982, Jean Muenchrath and her boyfriend set out on a mountaineering trip in the Sierra Nevada, a mountain range in California. They had done many backcountry trips in the area before, so the terrain was somewhat familiar to both of them. But after they reached one of the summits, a violent storm swept in. It began to snow heavily, and soon the pair was engulfed in a blizzard, with thunder and lightning reverberating around them.
“Getting struck and killed by lightning was a real possibility since we were the highest thing around for miles and lightning was striking all around us,” Muenchrath said.
To reach safer ground, they decided to abandon their plan of taking a trail back. Instead, using their ice axes, they climbed down the face of the mountain through steep and icy snow chutes.
They were both skilled at this type of descent, but at one particularly difficult part of the route, Muenchrath slipped and tumbled over 100 feet down the rocky mountain face. She barely survived the fall and suffered life-threatening injuries.

This was before cellular or satellite phones, so calling for help wasn’t an option. The couple was forced to hike through deep snow back to the trailhead. Once they arrived, Muenchrath collapsed in the parking lot. It had been five days since she’d fallen.
”My clothes were bloody. I had multiple fractures in my spine and pelvis, a head injury and gangrene from a deep wound,” Muenchrath said.
Not long after they reached the trailhead parking lot, a car pulled in. A man was driving, with his wife in the passenger seat and their baby in the back. As soon as the man saw Muenchrath’s condition, he ran over to help.
”He gently stroked my head, and he held my face [and] reassured me by saying something like, ‘You’re going to be OK now. I’ll be right back to get you,’” Muenchrath remembered.
For the first time in days, her panic began to lift.
“My unsung hero gave me hope that I’d reach a hospital and I’d survive. He took away my fears.”
Within a few minutes, the man had unpacked his car. His wife agreed to stay back in the parking lot with their baby in order to make room for Muenchrath, her boyfriend and their backpacks.
The man drove them to a nearby town so that the couple could get medical treatment.
“I remember looking into the eyes of my unsung hero as he carried me into the emergency room in Lone Pine, California. I was so weak, I couldn’t find the words to express the gratitude I felt in my heart.”

The gratitude she felt that day only grew. Now, nearly 45 years later, she still thinks about the man and his family.
”He gave me the gift of allowing me to live my life and my dreams,” Muenchrath said.
At some point along the way, the man gave Muenchrath his contact information. But in the chaos of the day, she lost it and has never been able to find him.
”If I knew where my unsung hero was today, I would fly across the country to meet him again. I’d hug him, buy him a meal and tell him how much he continues to mean to me by saving my life. Wherever you are, I say thank you from the depths of my being.”
My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
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