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Advice | Carolyn Hax: Boyfriend forecasts a breakup every time they fight

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2 years ago

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Advice | Carolyn Hax: Boyfriend forecasts a breakup every time they fight


Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared Jan. 10, 2010.

Dear Carolyn: When my boyfriend and I get into arguments, he inevitably says, “Maybe we shouldn’t be together,” or, “There are obviously compatibility issues.” Our relationship is complicated by the fact that he is in the process of getting a divorce, which has recently become more dramatic and has led to more stress on us. I am hurt by his comments and am increasingly becoming insecure in the relationship. Can you provide any insight? If it helps, “I love yous” have been exchanged as we’ve discussed our future together.

S.: I know your “if it helps” is about helping me answer your question. However, that talk of love and futures strikes me as being particularly unhelpful to you.

That’s because, when you and he gaze into each other’s eyes and see white picket fences, it’s natural for you to start mentally writing a fairy tale about the two of you. Then, when he says things like, “Maybe we shouldn’t be together,” you’re not thinking, “Hmm, maybe not.” Or, “Was this fight worth fighting?” Or, “Was I being fair, and was he?” Instead, your mind jumps right to that fairy tale — oh no! — and your primary focus becomes, “Save that picket fence!”

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I feel no particular resentment toward the princess myths of my childhood, I swear, but “dreams” are vastly overrated. Ideas? Great. Plans? Necessary. Inspiration? Bring it on. Imagination? Sure, as long as you know you’re just making up stuff and reality will eventually have its say.

But dreams, I don’t know. They seem to get cultural carte blanche, when, in many cases, they’re just imaginings unmoored from reality. Exhibit A: the bridal-industrial complex.

You, S., are probably feeling insecure because you’re harboring dreams of where you want this relationship to go, when in fact there’s a whole lot of reality clearing its throat to be heard. You’re hoping. He’s doubting. You’re both fighting. His divorce is escalating.

Please just wipe out whatever you’ve imagined happening and force yourself to think clearly about what is happening.

Specifically: Do you get along, in most cases, without much effort? Do you like him as is? If you weren’t physically attracted to each other, would you choose each other as friends? Do you talk easily? Do you seek each other out equally? Can you hit your normal highs and lows without fear of scaring him off?

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Tell us: What’s your favorite Carolyn Hax column about breakups?

And no sanity list is complete without these: Are you strong enough to say out loud to him, “If you don’t think we should be together, then why don’t you break up with me?” Not soap-operatic, just matter-of-fact. And, if this relationship ends, can you envision yourself crying it out and then carrying on?

The first set of questions is about the way you get along with him. The second is about the way you get along with you. Unless you get yeses on both sides, the white picket fence is a trap.

Meanwhile, those raw feelings in his ongoing divorce are already telling you to slow down, calm down, pace yourself and think. Now I’m saying it, too.



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Social media reacts to former BYU star AJ Dybantsa going No. 1 in 2026 NBA draft

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7 hours ago

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June 23, 2026

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Social media reacts to former BYU star AJ Dybantsa going No. 1 in 2026 NBA draft


Former BYU basketball star AJ Dybantsa fulfilled his dream of going No. 1 overall in the 2026 NBA draft.

The Washington Wizards selected Dybantsa with the first pick.

Immediately after the pick, reactions poured in on social media about the Wizards drafting Dybantsa.

Social media reactions to the Washington Wizards selecting BYU star AJ Dybantsa

Mitch Harper is a BYU Insider for KSL and hosts the Cougar Tracks Podcast daily on KSL Sports YouTube and KSL NewsRadio (SUBSCRIBE). Harper also co-hosts Cougar Sports Saturday (12–3 p.m.) on KSL NewsRadio.

Follow Mitch’s coverage of BYU athletics in the Big 12 Conference on X (formerly Twitter) and Instagram: @Mitch_Harper.

Want more coverage of BYU sports? Take us with you wherever you go.

Download the new and improved KSL Sports app from Utah’s sports leader. Allows you to stream live radio and video, keeping you up to date on all your favorite teams.

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Washington Commanders announce 2026 training camp schedule

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17 hours ago

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June 23, 2026

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Washington Commanders announce 2026 training camp schedule


ASHBURN, Va. – The Washington Commanders have released their 2026 Training Camp schedule, with eleven open practices between August 1 and August 19, including five open to all fans and six reserved for season ticket members.

For the fifth straight year, training camp will take place at the team’s football operations headquarters in Ashburn, Virginia. 

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Open practices for all fans are scheduled for August 1, August 7, August 8, August 18 and August 19.

 Season ticket member practices will be held August 3, 4, 5, 10, 11 and 12. 

All sessions begin at 8:30 a.m., with gates opening at 7:30 a.m.

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Fans can claim free tickets beginning June 23 at 10 a.m. General admission fans may request up to six tickets and one parking pass for a single day of camp. Season ticket members can claim tickets for two member‑exclusive days in addition to one general admission day. All parking will be on site at the BigBear.ai Performance Center and requires a parking pass.

The team plans several themed events throughout camp, including Back Together Weekend on August 1, Military Appreciation Day on August 7 and Kids Day on August 8. Local youth football and community groups will also be hosted throughout the summer.

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For more information visit the Washington Commanders online.

The Source: Information in this article comes from the Washington Commanders.

SportsWashington CommandersWashington, D.C.
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Algae-filled Washington pool to be drained for repairs after US$14.7 million renovation

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1 day ago

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June 23, 2026

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Algae-filled Washington pool to be drained for repairs after US.7 million renovation


The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool on Washington’s National Mall is set to be drained again for repairs after algae and peeling paint appeared just weeks after a US$14.7 million renovation, while President Donald Trump threatened prison time for anyone caught ‌damaging the pool.

The DC Water authority issued a permit to drain the 609-metre rectangular pool, it said on Monday, while the repair company said it would fix the pool as part of its warranty.

Peeling paint and algae growth have been visible in the pool since soon after Trump declared the renovation project complete on June 6. Critics have raised concerns about the no-bid contract to recoat the pool before the ⁠nation’s 250th anniversary celebrations next month, as well as for the ducks that use its water. Workers from the National Park Service earlier this ‌week poured hydrogen peroxide into the pool to combat the algae.

Trump, without evidence, has blamed vandals for the state of the landmark. On Monday, he echoed a weekend threat ‌by US Attorney Jeanine Pirro to prosecute people accused of attempting to destroy the pool.

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“Please remember that there is ⁠a 10-year prison sentence for the ⁠destruction, or even the attempted destruction, of such things – Which will be fully enforced!” Trump earlier wrote in a social media post. Destruction of federal property can ‌carry a maximum prison sentence of 10 years.

It was not immediately apparent what criminal or civil violation someone might commit reaching into the pool.



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