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Let Inga Tell You: Learning the languages of love

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Let Inga Tell You: Learning the languages of love


A book came out some time ago about the five “love languages” that people have in relationships and the problems couples get into when they don’t speak the same ones.

The five languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch.

For example, some people feel most adored by being lavished with gifts, while others feel most loved when hearing positive words (affirmations) from a spouse. Honestly, it would seem like having some of all five in a relationship would be a good thing, though frankly, neither my husband nor I care about gifts.

Olof and I are mostly in sync on the love languages, except for the ones that neither of us speaks at all. Now that we’re retired, we get to spend lots of quality time together, a huge improvement from all those 80-hour weeks Olof worked when he would literally fall asleep at the dinner table. It’s very hard to have a conversation with someone face down in their linguine.

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And while he isn’t big on getting massages, he gives the greatest back rub ever.

I’m very good at giving words of affirmation. However, I don’t get as many back as I might like. Is this a guy thing? An engineer thing? Olof’s view of communication is that couples should be able to talk to each other about anything. So long, he adds, as you never actually do it.

He will never offer an opinion about anything personal unless asked. Nay, begged. No, implored. Actions, he maintains, speak louder than words.

OK, but as I’ve pointed out to him on more than a few occasions, sometimes words would come in really handy.

Inga loves her aviary, but cleaning it is no longer an option for her. (Inga)

For me, the acts of service are really high on my list. One such example: Olof has taken over cleaning our outdoor aviary, a job I had for two decades but am physically unable to do anymore. And it’s not the type of job you can hire out. The aviary cage is built into our back porch and requires a lot of shoveling bird poop and seed hulls, then laying down fresh newspaper, which will be coated with more bird poop and more seed pretty much instantly.

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After he retired, Olof graciously also took over cleaning the dishes, though I think it might have been more self-defense than an act of love. I’m not the worst housekeeper in the world, although it has been suggested I’m a contender. (Was he a single working carpooling Cub Scout-leading parent for 12 years??? I think not.)

As happy as I am not to be doing dishes after all these years, he runs the dishwasher practically empty. It makes me nuts.

“Inga,” I have to say to myself. “Step away from the dishwasher!  The man is doing the dishes. If he wants to run it with two friggin’ forks, let him!”

So I’d like to amend the “acts of service” love language to say “providing acts of service as the previous service provider would have done them.” Is this too much to ask?

There is no question Olof and I have very different styles of doing things. My biggest love language is action.  If I see something that needs attention, or is pointed out to me by my husband, I’m on it. No time like the present!

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It is definitely not Olof’s idea of a love language, however. Olof has a different word for this love language: “nagging.” If I point out something to him that he needs to take care of that I can’t do myself, it goes on a list where it generally languishes until it dies of old age (or I hire a handyman to do it).

Olof is clear that he hates being nagged worse than just about anything.

I have tried to explain over the years that there is an amazingly simple solution to nagging: Just do what you were asked to do! Maybe even this week! You’re retired! You have time!

I confess I’ve had malevolent moments when he’s asked me to make copies of financial documents for him (the printer-copier is on my desk) and I’m tempted to let them languish instead of making the copies right away. If he should ask, my fantasy is to smile brightly and announce, “It’s on my list!”

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, escalation of hostilities is never a good approach to problem resolution.

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I guess the ultimate love language might be accepting the person you’re married to with all their quirks, including running an empty dishwasher that wastes a ton of water and reduces the life of the machine by a decade.

But every week, when I see him out there mucking out the bird cage, I feel loved. Really, really loved.

Inga’s lighthearted looks at life appear regularly in the La Jolla Light. Reach her at inga47@san.rr.com. ♦

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San Diego, CA

Streetsblog San Diego Launches July 27 — Help Us Build the Future of Transportation Journalism – Streetsblog California

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Streetsblog San Diego Launches July 27 — Help Us Build the Future of Transportation Journalism – Streetsblog California


For years, Streetsblog readers in Southern California have asked us the same question: “When are you coming to San Diego?”

Friends…we’re excited to announce that we have an answer: Streetsblog San Diego will officially launch on July 27. Excited? Consider making a donation to help us lift off

The new site will cover transportation, housing, climate, public space, safe streets, transit, and active transportation issues across San Diego County, and some of its neighbors. From bike lane projects and transit expansions to housing near transit and climate policy, Streetsblog San Diego will provide the kind of accountability journalism and solutions-focused reporting that has made Streetsblog a trusted voice across California.

What’s especially exciting about this launch is how it is coming together. You may have noticed over the last couple of months, increased local coverage in San Diego (collated here) as we’ve been getting ready for the launch.

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We’ve been able to do that because Streetsblog San Diego is being built as a collaboration between leaders and volunteers from Streetsblog California, Bike SD, Ride SD, San Diego 350, and other community organizations and advocates who share a vision for safer, more sustainable transportation and land-use policies. At launch, much of our content will be produced by a growing team of volunteers and freelance contributors who care deeply about the future of San Diego’s streets, transit systems, and neighborhoods.

This community-powered model allows us to begin covering a region that desperately needs more transportation journalism while we work to build a sustainable long-term funding base.

But that’s where we need your help.

Launching a new newsroom takes resources. We launched a pre-fundraiser for “friends and family” of the core group that has been working on making Streetsblog SD a reality, and raised enough funding to cover the fees associated with the launch of the website, and put aside a couple hundred dollars towards our next goal: raising $18,000 for a freelance fund and short video fund that will ensure regular written and video coverage.

Even with volunteer writers and editors donating countless hours, there are still costs for freelance reporting, editing, website maintenance, photography, public records requests, event coverage, video production, and the many other expenses that go into producing quality journalism. There’s a lot of ways you can donate, if you’re interested in helping, you can get started here. If you’re one of those donors who gives through a DAF, the non profit that publishes Streetsblog is called the Southern California Streets Initiative and our EIN is 27-3421838. We are a federally recognized 501c(3) non-profit.

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Your donation today will help us:

  • Pay local freelance reporters, photographers, and videographers
  • Expand coverage across San Diego County
  • Cover transit, housing, and climate issues that often go underreported
  • Train and support volunteer contributors
  • Build Streetsblog San Diego into a permanent part of the region’s media landscape

In the long run, we will be seeking funds for a part-time or full-time editor. Every donation, no matter how large or small, will help us attract major donors, foundations, and advertisers so Streetsblog SD will be staffed similarly to the ones in Los Angeles and the Bay Area.

The challenges facing San Diego are too important to ignore. The region is making critical decisions about transit investments, housing production, street safety, climate resilience, and public space. Residents deserve independent journalism that explains those decisions, holds decision-makers accountable, and highlights solutions that can improve people’s daily lives.

That’s what Streetsblog has done for two decades and what will do in San Diego



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Foodie forecast: A new cafe opens in La Jolla’s Arcade building

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Foodie forecast: A new cafe opens in La Jolla’s Arcade building


Here is some of the dining news from across San Diego County, as well as some upcoming events for foodies.

Cala café opens in La Jolla: From 6 to 9:30 p.m. Saturday,  Amy de Leon will host the grand opening of her new restaurant  Cala La Jolla Café in La Jolla’s historic Arcade building. Cala will offer what she calls an “omakase” coffee and matcha experience, breakfast and lunch menus and fresh-made pastries. De Leon, a real estate agent, also owns a coffee shop on the UC San Diego campus. 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. daily. 7910 Girard Ave., La Jolla. 858-333-8610, calalajolla.com.

Board & Brew opens in Midway District: This sandwich-and-draft beer quick-service restaurant chain has opened a new location near the USS Midway Museum. Founded in 1979, the company now dozens of locations in California, Arizona and Texas. Shop hours are 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily. 825 N. Harbor St., Suite 109, San Diego. boardandbrew.com.

Vincenzo Cucina & Lounge is now making its own pasta in-house with a special machine. (Arlene Ibarra)

Vincenzo debuts pasta program: Vicenzo Cucina & Lounge in Little Italy has introduced an in-house pasta program powered by its new artisan pasta-making machine that guests can see churning out different varieties of pasta in the restaurants’ front window. The handmade pasta wil be served with lunch and dinner entrées. 550 W. Date St., Suite A, San Diego. vincenzosd.com

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Urban Plates new summer menu: Urban Plates, with 22 locations statewide including Carlsbad, Del Mar and La Jolla, has unveiled new drinks and dishes this month for its summer menu. New dishes include a BBQ jalapeño cheesebuger, Southwest grilled chicken salad and a superfood grilled chicken salad. There’s also a new lineup of refreshing fruit-based “cooloer” drinks priced at $4.50. They include strawberry basil lemonade, pineapple coconut lime, organic lemonade and dragon fruit and strawberry. urbanplates.com

Del Mar festival lineup announced: This year’s Del Mar Wine & Food Festival, returning with seven events Sept. 30 through Oct. 3, has unveiled some of the culinary headliners who will be cooking at the event. They are Michelin-starred chef Drew Deckman; cookbook author and TV food show judge Aarti Sequeira; Camelback Mountain executive chef Beau MacMillan; “Top Chef” victor and now chef/co-owner of Huson in Manhattan’s Tribeca neighborhood, Buddha Lo; cookbook author and Weelicious.com media platform founder Catherine McCord; L.A.-based chef Jackson Kalb; Pei Wei culinary executive, Food Network host and contestant and cookbook author Jet Tila; Clutch Chicken restaurang group founder and TV cooking show contestant Kelsey Murphy; chef, author TV personality and Morph Hospitality Group co-founder Maneet Chauhan; and James Beard-nominated chef of the Colorado restaurant Mawa’s Kitchen, Mawa McQueen. Tickets are now on sale at delmar.wine

Lion’s Share + Animae family-style collab: On July 9, two downtown restaurants will collaborate on ANIMAENIACS, a family-style dinner for parties of six. The Lion’s Share chef Dante Romero and Animae chef Tara Monsod will create a multicourse meal that draws on Romero’s Mexican heritage and Monsod’s Filipino heritage. The all-inclusive meal will include three beverages per person including cocktails, beer or non-alcoholic, and an after-party. Seatings are available at 5 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. July 9. $1,080 for a party of six. The Lion’s Share, 629 Kettner Blvd., San Diego. Reservations  at exploretock.com/the-lions-share-san-diego.

Tiki Oasis returns: The annual Tiki Oasis convention, which takes place each summer at the Town & Country Resort in Mission Valley, has announced its 2026 dates and theme. This year’s 26th convention, titled “Psychadelic Tiki,” will run Aug. 5-9. This year’s convention will include an art exhibition, more than 40 seminars, a 150-vendor marketplace, live entertainment and more. There will also be a sunset luau dinner at The Catamaran Resort. Details at tikioasis.com.

Pam Kragen, Union-Tribune

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What Travon Garrison brings to San Diego State’s 2027 recruiting class

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What Travon Garrison brings to San Diego State’s 2027 recruiting class


The San Diego State Aztecs are exuding a vibe that is catching recruits’ attention both on and off the field.

The latest is Travon Garrison, a 1,000-yard receiver at Damien High in La Verne, who announced his commitment to the Aztecs on Tuesday afternoon. 

“I thank God for this opportunity. Grateful to all the coaches who helped me through this process. I’m excited to announce my commitment to San Diego State University!” he posted on X.

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On3.com posted a picture of Garrison, some family members and SDSU coach Sean Lewis at Snapdragon Stadium. Garrison is wearing sunglasses and a sign in the picture reads, “Speed Limit None,” with the interlocking SD logo forming the “S” in Speed.

Why Travon Garrison committed to SDSU

“I’ve been on campus at San Diego State a lot,” Garrison said in an interview with on3.com. “Every time I go, I feel more comfortable, more at home. The city of San Diego is great, there’s a lot to do, the weather is nice and it feels like a place I can see myself living and growing in for the next few years.”

He added that he “really clicked well” with wideouts coach Matthew Middleton, and that he thinks he will “fit in really well with the offense. It’s very similar to what we run at Damien, so I feel comfortable with it and believe it will allow me to play fast and showcase my strengths.”

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The 6-foot, 185-pound Garrison told the recruiting website that it was a tough decision after making official visits to SDSU and Washington State, which is part of the reconfigured Pac-12 that the Aztecs will officially join on July 1.

“I had to think about what was best for me, but in the end San Diego State felt like home,” Garrison told on3.com. “Everything about the program, the coaches, and the environment made it the right place for me.”

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The three-star had an impressive list of offers that, besides SDSU and WSU, included bids from Kansas, UCLA, Washington, Utah, West Virginia and Colorado State.

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As a junior, he had 46 passes for 978 yards and 13 touchdowns. He had four 100-yard games and one three-touchdown game. 

How Garrison could fit in at SDSU

Garrison is at least the fifth wideout from the class of 2027 to commit to the Aztecs, which should make for some lively competition a year from now. 

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The Aztecs currently have an intriguing wide receiver room. Although the group was hit by injuries last year, when the Aztecs had an impressive turnaround season that ended with a 9-4 record, they do return all three starters and their top four pass catchers.

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The most eye-catching development in spring was when Bert Emanuel Jr. switched from backup quarterback to wide receiver. That will allow him to showcase his big-play skills while sharing the field with returning starting quarterback Jayden Denegal. They are both seniors. 

The wideout corps is senior-heavy. 

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