San Diego, CA

Let Inga Tell You: Learning the languages of love

Published

2 years ago

July 22, 2024

Let Inga Tell You: Learning the languages of love

A book came out some time ago about the five “love languages” that people have in relationships and the problems couples get into when they don’t speak the same ones.

The five languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch.

For example, some people feel most adored by being lavished with gifts, while others feel most loved when hearing positive words (affirmations) from a spouse. Honestly, it would seem like having some of all five in a relationship would be a good thing, though frankly, neither my husband nor I care about gifts.

Olof and I are mostly in sync on the love languages, except for the ones that neither of us speaks at all. Now that we’re retired, we get to spend lots of quality time together, a huge improvement from all those 80-hour weeks Olof worked when he would literally fall asleep at the dinner table. It’s very hard to have a conversation with someone face down in their linguine.

And while he isn’t big on getting massages, he gives the greatest back rub ever.

I’m very good at giving words of affirmation. However, I don’t get as many back as I might like. Is this a guy thing? An engineer thing? Olof’s view of communication is that couples should be able to talk to each other about anything. So long, he adds, as you never actually do it.

He will never offer an opinion about anything personal unless asked. Nay, begged. No, implored. Actions, he maintains, speak louder than words.

OK, but as I’ve pointed out to him on more than a few occasions, sometimes words would come in really handy.

Inga loves her aviary, but cleaning it is no longer an option for her. (Inga)

For me, the acts of service are really high on my list. One such example: Olof has taken over cleaning our outdoor aviary, a job I had for two decades but am physically unable to do anymore. And it’s not the type of job you can hire out. The aviary cage is built into our back porch and requires a lot of shoveling bird poop and seed hulls, then laying down fresh newspaper, which will be coated with more bird poop and more seed pretty much instantly.

After he retired, Olof graciously also took over cleaning the dishes, though I think it might have been more self-defense than an act of love. I’m not the worst housekeeper in the world, although it has been suggested I’m a contender. (Was he a single working carpooling Cub Scout-leading parent for 12 years??? I think not.)

As happy as I am not to be doing dishes after all these years, he runs the dishwasher practically empty. It makes me nuts.

“Inga,” I have to say to myself. “Step away from the dishwasher! The man is doing the dishes. If he wants to run it with two friggin’ forks, let him!”

So I’d like to amend the “acts of service” love language to say “providing acts of service as the previous service provider would have done them.” Is this too much to ask?

There is no question Olof and I have very different styles of doing things. My biggest love language is action. If I see something that needs attention, or is pointed out to me by my husband, I’m on it. No time like the present!

It is definitely not Olof’s idea of a love language, however. Olof has a different word for this love language: “nagging.” If I point out something to him that he needs to take care of that I can’t do myself, it goes on a list where it generally languishes until it dies of old age (or I hire a handyman to do it).

Olof is clear that he hates being nagged worse than just about anything.

I have tried to explain over the years that there is an amazingly simple solution to nagging: Just do what you were asked to do! Maybe even this week! You’re retired! You have time!

I confess I’ve had malevolent moments when he’s asked me to make copies of financial documents for him (the printer-copier is on my desk) and I’m tempted to let them languish instead of making the copies right away. If he should ask, my fantasy is to smile brightly and announce, “It’s on my list!”

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, escalation of hostilities is never a good approach to problem resolution.

I guess the ultimate love language might be accepting the person you’re married to with all their quirks, including running an empty dishwasher that wastes a ton of water and reduces the life of the machine by a decade.

But every week, when I see him out there mucking out the bird cage, I feel loved. Really, really loved.

Inga’s lighthearted looks at life appear regularly in the La Jolla Light. Reach her at inga47@san.rr.com. ♦

Originally Published: July 22, 2024 at 8:00 a.m.

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San Diego, CA

The Best Things to Do in San Diego: May 2026 | San Diego Magazine

Published

3 hours ago

April 20, 2026

Press Room

The Best Things to Do in San Diego: May 2026 | San Diego Magazine

When we think of May, we think of Mother’s Day, blooming flowers, sunny skies, and lots of fun, seasonal events in the city. This month, locals can dine on the creations of James Beard Award-Winning Chefs at Rancho Bernardo Inn, or take advantage of berry season at the annual Vista Strawberry Festival. Theatre lovers can enjoy a showing of Kim’s Convenience at The Old Globe, while the San Diego Natural History Museum invites art enthusiasts to view its latest marine-themed exhibit. Grab your tickets and crack open that planner. Here are all the best things to do in San Diego this month:

Concerts & Festivals | Theater & Art Exhibits | More Fun Things to Do

Concerts & Festivals in San Diego This Month

29

Louisiana legend Juvenile, enhances by the live instrumentation of The 400 Degreez Band, will perform career hits and his newest album, Boiling Point, at House of Blues San Diego.

Photo Credit: Dahlia Katz

Theater & Art Exhibits in San Diego This Month

5/5–6/1

Turning the spotlight on contemporary LGBTQ artists, the inaugural ArtSpectrum 2026 will showcase both the grand and intimate scale of contemporary painters, photographers, and mixed media artists at Village Arts Outreach in Balboa Park.

12–24

The only ordinary element of the San Diego International Fringe Festival is the constant thrill of the extraordinary. Discover a plethora of innovative performances at venues from Pacific Beach to Baja.

5/15–6/14

A Korean-Canadian family balances tradition and assimilation from their Toronto storefront in Ins Choi’s comforting satire Kim’s Convenience, making its local premier at The Old Globe.

5/22–2/2027

Ocean debris will receive a new beginning at the San Diego Natural History Museum. Using repurposed pollution, Washed Ashore: Art to Save the Sea depicts creatively sculpted marine life.

More Fun Things to Do in San Diego This Month

4/30–5/3

Enjoy fine dining at its finest from a lineup of gastronomic titans during 54 Hours with James Beard Award-Winning Chefs. Savor elegant meals, masterclasses, tastings, and more at Rancho Bernardo Inn.

2

Unlimited bites, regional craft beers, and animal observations are on the menu for San Diego Zoo Food, Wine & Brew (with live music), a culinary evening in support of the San Diego Wildlife Alliance.

7

Spend An Evening with David Sedaris, humorist, essayist, and best-selling author. Never afraid to point the pen at himself, Sedaris will share old favorites and works in progress in the classic satirical style he’s known for at Jacobs Music Center.

15–17

Say cheese! And toast to the Cheese & Libation Expo. Explore three days of all-you-can eat and drink fare at BRICK, along with boutique shopping and bountiful pairings.

PARTNER CONTENT

10 Years In, Puffer and Malarkey Are Just Getting Started

Elevating an Icon: Inside the La Jolla Beach & Tennis Clu…

16

Stroll the private grounds of several luxurious homes, accompanied by live music, tabletop designs, and outdoor artistry, during the Secret Garden Tour, La Jolla Historical Society‘s flora and fauna fundraiser.

24

Vista recalls its days as a strawberry-producing superpower through its free Strawberry Festival. Wear your berry best fit, watch film screenings, and enter contests for shortcake, pie, and sundae indulging.

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San Diego, CA

City considering cutting funding to resource center for those experiencing homelessness

Published

16 hours ago

April 20, 2026

Press Room

City considering cutting funding to resource center for those experiencing homelessness

Last week Mayor Todd Gloria released the budget proposal for the 2027 fiscal budget. Protected homeless services is among his top priorities mentioned in the proposal. However, some of the reductions he’s proposing could impact thousands of San Diegans experiencing homelessness.

Located on 17^th and K Street, the Neil Good Day Center offers an array of services to nearly seven thousand people experiencing homelessness. The services include giving them a place to shower and do laundry, and connecting them to a case manager, among others.

“These are critical services that are helping people off the streets, but really better their lives and their health and their employment situation as well,” Deacon Vargas with Father Joe’s Villages said.

Deacon Jim Vargas heads Father Joe’s Villages, which runs the center. He said through their prevention and diversion strategies, they’ve managed to keep nearly one thousand individuals from falling into homelessness.

“So by helping them pay rent, or helping them with their utilities, or helping them to reunite with family,” Vargas said.

Right now, the city allocates at least $850,000 per year to the Neil Good Day Center, according to Vargas.

But the future and funding for these services are in limbo because of Mayor Todd Gloria’s proposed budget cuts.

“The impact to those whom we’ve been serving the Daily Center would be very severe,” Deacon Vargas said.

In a statement to NBC 7, Mayor Todd Gloria said in part, “We must find more efficient and cost-effective ways to address this crisis and prioritize funding for programs that provide shelter beds and maximize resources to programs that place people into permanent housing.”

Since it’s still at a proposal stage, Deacon Vargas said it’s unclear how the city will decide to move forward.

However, Deacon Vargas said services would be significantly reduced because they would be forced to operate solely on a budget of about half a million dollars they receive from philanthropy.

“The hours would be cut. Some days would be cut. We would have showers that might be impacted because they’re given seven days a week and we’d close two days a week, then the showers would be five days a week, the case management,” Deacon Vargas said.

Deacon Vargas is certain of one thing.

He would like to continue offering services at the Day Center, even if the city goes through with the funding cuts.

“As we work with individuals at the Day Center and at Father Joe’s Villages, the community becomes healthier as a result of it,” Deacon Vargas said.

The budget also recommends additional cuts to homeless services, but does not give specifics as to where those cuts would be.

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