SAN DIEGO — Living and grieving co-exist. I was reminded of this yet again, in a palpable way, while on a recent trip to Scotland. I was visiting my daughter, Maya, who is studying in Glasgow for the semester. It was the second morning of my trip. I awoke to a string of frantic WhatsApp texts, from friends in my women’s group, about Angela, one of our intimate group of 10. The most recent text, written hours before, said, “She’s gone.” It was followed by a slew of broken hearted emojis.
I could not breathe much less wrap my head around those shocking words. I just saw her in the hospital, only days before I left San Diego. We knew her cancer prognosis was serious but none of us thought that death was at her door. I looked at my daughter, asleep next to me in my hotel bed, took my phone into the bathroom to track what happened, and sobbed.
Exactly one week before, the night before her scheduled surgery, I went with several other women in our group to visit Angela in the hospital. She was dressed in regular clothes, walking around, and looking as alive and beautiful as always. We talked about the surgery and how we could support her in her recovery. The seven of us seemed more worried and tense than Angela.
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Then, we made a huddle with Angela, wrapped our arms around each other, and sang a melodic healing prayer. At one point, I glanced up at Angela, and saw her intently listening, with an angelic smile on her face. Though she knew (we did not) that her cancer had metastasized, there was not a hint of fear or sorrow on her face. She appeared to be fully taking in every second of her life. When the prayer was over, we stayed in our huddle and silently swayed. None of us wanted to let go.
When I read the shocking news, I briefly thought about returning home to go to her funeral. I was double crushed to miss it. But Maya, Tara (my oldest who was soon joining us), and I would have also been crushed if I left. My compromise, supported by my daughters, was to return to San Diego a few days early, in order to attend the last night of Shiva (a Jewish memorial gathering in the days following one’s burial.)
Despite Angela’s passing, my week in Scotland was wonderful. The varied scenery and topography were breathtaking. I treasured the time with my young adult daughters, perhaps even more than usual, as Angela’s death drilled into me the preciousness and unpredictability of time. We laughed, shared “adult” stories, ate, drank, had deep conversations, and gasped together as I nervously navigated roundabouts and single-lane, two-way roads, while driving on the left-hand side of the road. An unexpected highlight, was our giddy time eating and talking in the car, while waiting hours for help to change a pot-hole demolished tire. None of us got upset or complained. It was what it was.
And, I often cried when I thought about Angela. On one particular drive, in the awe-inspiring Isle of Sky, Maya, our navigator and DJ, played some soulful Celtic music. The combined sounds and sights unleashed a barrage of tears. My daughters were old enough to understand that I needed to cry, and held space for me to let them roll. As I cried, I breathed in the spacious air and looked at the billowy clouds in a rare sunny sky. I was living and grieving.
Grief is part of life. It is inevitable. If we are grieving, we are living, though it can be easy to get lost in a cloud of detached grief. Amidst my sorrow over Angela, I felt even more grateful for my life, my fortunate opportunities, and my treasured time with Tara and Maya. Angela did the same in the waning days of her life. I watched her joking around with her kids in the hospital, all the while knowing her remaining time on earth would be brief.
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May you all remember to create space to live as you navigate life’s inevitable losses. There is room for both.
* Dr. Shayna Kaufmann, a psychologist, received her mindfulness teacher training through Dharma Moon and Tibet House US. She leads meditation workshops and retreats and teaches mindfulness individually.
Four suspects were behind bars Friday for allegedly beating a man to death two months ago during a fight at Linda Vista Park.
Arrested Wednesday on suspicion of murder in connection with the violent death of 59-year-old Ruben Rimorin were Juan Garcia Alavez, 21, Juan Manuel Lopez, 26, Brian Reyes, 20, and Franklin Joseph Tuell, 21, according to the San Diego Police Department.
Rimorin was found gravely injured about 3:45 a.m. Oct. 18 on a sidewalk in the 6800 block of Osler Street, just west of the park, SDPD Lt. Chris Tivanian said. Paramedics tried in vain to revive the victim before pronouncing him dead at the scene.
It remains unclear what sparked the deadly fight.
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The suspects were being held at San Diego Central Jail without bail pending arraignment, scheduled for Friday afternoon.
National City’s Pepper Park can soon expand in size by nearly 50%, thanks to a ruling this week by the California Coastal Commission to approve the National City Balanced Plan.
The approval of the plan at the CCC’s Wednesday meeting, developed by the Port of San Diego, means that not only will the popular park have the ability to increase in size, big changes are coming for commercial, recreation and maritime uses on the National City bayfront.
“We are grateful to the California Coastal Commission for its support of the National City Balanced Plan,” said Danielle Moore, chair of the Board of Port Commissioners. “The progress we have made has been anchored in tireless collaboration with the community, business leaders and, of course, the city of National City. It’s about bringing more recreational opportunities to the bayfront while also streamlining and strengthening maritime operations, and we are eager to bring these projects to life.”
Other components of the balanced plan include:
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Realigning Marina Way to serve as the buffer area between commercial recreation and maritime uses
The closure of Tidelands Avenue between Bay Marina Drive and West 32nd Street, and West 28th Street between Tidelands Avenue and Quay Avenue, around six acres, to increase terminal efficiency by eliminating redundancies
The development of a recreational vehicle park, tent sites, cabins and the “ultimate development of up to two hotels with up to 365 rooms, as well as dry boat storage,” a port statement read
A connector rail project to connect the existing rail and loop track located on the National City Marine Terminal to additional rail car storage spots at the existing Burlington Northern Santa Fe National City Yard east of the National Distribution Center
The Board of Port Commissioners must accept the CCC’s certification, then the port and city can begin the process of completing the above projects.
“I am proud of the work we have done to help create a lasting legacy for National City, the Port of San Diego, and the entire region,” said Port Commissioner GilAnthony Ungab. “Nearly a decade in the making, this plan balances the interests of the community and many other stakeholders, addresses public access, maritime, and recreation uses, and expands waterfront access in my community.”
The National City Bayfront is 273 acres of waterfront land and 167 acres of water, and includes the National City Marine Terminal, Pepper Park, Pier 32 Marina, the Aquatic Center and pieces of public art.
Mayor Todd Gloria announced an initiative Wednesday intended to expand housing options in neighborhoods by integrating small-scale residences such as townhomes, rowhomes and cottages into an area’s existing character.
The Neighborhood Homes for All of Us initiative is also intended to support community land trusts — nonprofit organizations that acquire land to create permanent affordable housing.
“Since Day 1 of my administration, I have been focused on building more homes that San Diegans can actually afford — and getting them built faster,” Gloria said at a news conference Wednesday. “‘Neighborhood Homes for All of Us’ is the latest piece of that puzzle. This innovative program will break down the barriers that have gotten in the way of building the type of housing that I believe is ideal for young families and first-time homebuyers for whom the dream of homeownership has long felt out of reach.”
Around 80% of land zoned for housing in the city is restricted to single-family homes, which continue to increase in price, Gloria said. And a significant portion of new housing being built consists of apartment buildings with primarily studio and one-bedroom units, leaving working-class families fewer and fewer options for homes.
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Neighborhood Homes for All of Us is intended to increase the housing supply and allow community land trusts to keep housing affordable in disadvantaged communities for low- to middle-income families.
“San Diego is an incredible place to raise a family, and more families need the opportunity to do that in San Diego’s existing, highly desirable single-family neighborhoods where their kids can learn and play in a great community,” City Planning Director Heidi Vonblum said. “But today, that comes at a price that is out of reach for too many. Integrating more options for families requires careful and thoughtful planning, with input from existing and future community members across the city, to ensure these new home opportunities for San Diego’s families are built in ways that best enhance and benefit San Diego’s amazing neighborhoods.”
The initiative will roll out in two phases. In the first phase, beginning this week and continuing through next summer, San Diegans can help determine what the neighborhoods can look like. The public will be able to see renderings showing small-scale neighborhood homes within San Diego’s existing communities, along with new regulations that “provide a clear pathway for building these homes,” according to a statement from Gloria’s office.
Phase 1 will also include an open house and ways for the community to provide feedback and concerns.
Phase 2, scheduled for the second half of 2026, will be for city staff to develop regulations allowing for the building of more neighborhood homes in a way informed by the public feedback.
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The initiative is partly funded through a Regional Early Action Planning grant from the San Diego Association of Governments.
