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Asking Eric: My sister demands I attend her son’s second wedding in Hawaii

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Asking Eric: My sister demands I attend her son’s second wedding in Hawaii


Dear Eric: I’m 65 and have always had a cordial but not loving relationship with my 64-year-old sister as our parents never encouraged their children to be loving to one another.

Last month, my nephew was married in a civil ceremony at my sister’s Midwest home due to an immigration requirement relating to his now-wife. Because we received notice of the date of the wedding one month before the ceremony, I could not get coverage at work. Thus, my wife and daughter attended in my absence.

My sister is now planning a second wedding for the couple in Hawaii. We were asked to commit (nine months before the date). We said we were uncertain as I can’t confirm I will be able to arrange coverage yet.

We received a vile letter from my sister, stating my wife crashed the first wedding (according to my sister she wasn’t invited), and it was my duty to attend irrespective of the distance and time of the year. How do we explain Hawaii requires two flights from the East Coast, the wedding is scheduled in the heat of the Hawaii summer on a Tuesday, and the wedding will be with the same 30 people who attended the first wedding? Cost is not the primary issue for me and my wife; however, it is for our three adult children.

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—Second Wedding

Dear Wedding: It sounds like you don’t really want to go to the wedding, which is your right. There are other factors at play, of course, likely due to the unhealthy sibling dynamic established by your parents. That’s worth unpacking, but a wedding isn’t an ideal entry point for doing so. So, try to put aside as much of that as possible, at least for the moment.

I can see why you’re not rushing to RSVP, however. Your sister’s letter reads as needlessly antagonistic. (Your wife wasn’t invited to her nephew’s wedding? Even though the invitation came to your house? Nonsense!) The two of you should decide if the second wedding, and any attendant drama that might bubble up, is worth it to you. Perhaps it is for the sake of your relationship with your nephew. Perhaps not.

Either way, once you’ve made your decision, you’ll be empowered to manage your sister’s expectations. If you’re a “yes,” but won’t know about work coverage until later, you can tell her that and give her a date you’ll know for sure. That’s the best you can do, and she can either accept it or not.

There are understandable logistical questions involved with planning a destination wedding, but when one starts throwing around words like “duty to attend,” it moves beyond planning and into controlling behavior.

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The choices she’s made about the wedding—location, time of year—needn’t be debated. Nor do the choices you’re able to make given the circumstances of your life.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.



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Gov. Green responds to lawsuit challenging Hawaiian Homes program | Maui Now

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Gov. Green responds to lawsuit challenging Hawaiian Homes program | Maui Now


Department of Hawaiian Homelands.  Photo Courtesy: DHHL

Gov. Josh Green today issued a statement regarding a federal lawsuit challenging the eligibility requirements within the Hawaiian Homes Commission Act.

“The Hawaiian Homes Commission Act was established to address the historic dispossession of Native Hawaiians and reflects a longstanding commitment to them by both the federal government and the state of Hawaiʻi,” said Green.

“This lawsuit threatens that commitment. I have directed the Department of the Attorney General to vigorously defend the Hawaiian Homes program. We will fight this lawsuit with everything we have,” he said.

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The lawsuit was filed by Eric Ryan, an Oʻahu resident who is not Native Hawaiian and tried to apply for a lease, but was denied due to the 50% Native Hawaiian blood quantum requirement, according to Hawaiʻi News Now and court documents published at Courthouse News Service.

The Class Action Complaint argues that the “explicitly ancestry-based requirement” establishes a “permanent government mandate for state officials to engage in outright racial discrimination, perpetuates stereotypes, and limits housing opportunities for most Hawai‘i residents. The blood-quantum requirement thus violates the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment and the Due Process Clause of the Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution,” the complaint alleges.

Green said the administration “stands firmly with the Department of Hawaiian Home Lands and the thousands of Native Hawaiian beneficiaries who rely on this program and its promise for future generations.”

Attorney General Anne Lopez also issued a statement saying the state of Hawaiʻi has both a legal and moral obligation to uphold the commitments embodied in the Hawaiian Homes Commission Act.

“This lawsuit seeks to dismantle a program that has provided opportunities, stability and hope to generations of Native Hawaiian beneficiaries,” said Lopez.

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Solicitor General Kalikoʻonālani Fernandes, who has extensive experience handling complex constitutional litigation on behalf of the state, will lead the legal team in defending the state against the challenge.

“We are prepared to vigorously defend the Hawaiian Homes program and the promises it represents,” said Lopez.

Under the Green administration, the Department of Hawaiian Home Lands has accelerated the delivery of homestead opportunities and expanded pathways to homeownership for Native Hawaiian beneficiaries.

In 2025 alone, DHHL offered more than 2,500 lease awards and continues to advance major housing projects, including Hale Mōʻiliʻili on Oʻahu, which will provide 278 affordable rental units for beneficiaries.

“These efforts reflect the administration’s commitment to reducing wait times, strengthening Native Hawaiian communities and fulfilling the promise of the Hawaiian Homes Commission Act,” according to the governor’s announcement.

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Bystander video shows damage after concrete falls at Ala Moana Center

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Bystander video shows damage after concrete falls at Ala Moana Center


HONOLULU (HawaiiNewsNow) – Concrete fell from the exterior of an Ala Moana Center parking structure Monday afternoon near the Kapiolani Boulevard exit, damaging a vehicle.

No injuries were reported.

Security blocked an exit lane as debris scattered across the roadway. Ala Moana Center said they are grateful no one was hurt, and the lane will remain closed while structural engineers and construction professionals assess the damage and make repairs.

Copyright 2026 Hawaii News Now. All rights reserved.

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Hawaii weather: USGS revised 4.6 magnitude earthquake off Kona coast, south swell, passing showers

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Hawaii weather: USGS revised 4.6 magnitude earthquake off Kona coast, south swell, passing showers


Periods of showers on the radar continues with a disturbance over the islands, we will see drier trades later this week. IMPORTANT NOTE: USGS revised magnitude to 4.6 earthquake off the Kona coast after initially listing as a 5.2; plus, numerous showers on the radar and low hanging clouds and a south swell



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