Virginia
BREAKING — Congress Conducts Background Checks On Virginia Representatives
This morning, I had the opportunity to meet with Congressional reporter Fay Knews. During our meeting, Knews let me know about the wave of compulsory background checks issued to representatives after George Santos was expelled for putting the “con” in Congress. Knews admitted that she was surprised that background checks had been compulsory for years. The problem had just been that no one bothered to read 435 sets of paperwork, much less muster the courage to ask for President Trump’s tax returns. As the documents have been misplaced, representatives are being forced to complete what is dubbed by the media as “post-background checks” once again. Unfortunately, such a task is demanding politicians to do the unthinkable — tell the truth.
Background check after background check has revealed each congressional representative’s dirty little secrets. Being a student at the University and one of the notorious individuals who reluctantly answers the question “Where are you from?” with the self-incriminating response of “NOVA,” I decided to see if Knews was willing to spill the beans on the representatives in Virginia’s delegation. To my delight, Knews was more than happy to share her knowledge.
Let’s start with Rob Wittman, who represents the first district. Known for completing his undergrad at … Virginia Tech, Wittman has a strong connection with the school. However, during his background check, Wittman confessed that he always hated the HokieBird. His main issue seemed to be that he wasn’t able to scream “Winner winner chicken dinner” after his team scored. Instead, Wittman had to stick with “Goalble Goalble” every time his team made a touchdown. Virginia Tech is allegedly in the process of revoking Wittman’s diploma.
Next is Jen Kiggans, who represents the second district. While Kiggans’ resume should have already provoked suspicion for being a helicopter pilot in the Navy, she was able to hide her deceptive nature and fly under the radar — no pun intended, this is a very serious matter — until now. Being a master of both air and water, Kiggans’ double-sided nature should have been apparent but it wasn’t until she was intensely interviewed that Kiggans admitted to betraying the most important thing of all — the dreams of children. During the time she worked at Walt Disney World in high school, Kiggans allegedly claimed that she would “butter the handle” of the Sword in the Stone and laugh as she watched countless fingers struggle to get a grip. While maniacal, she’s far from a true Disney villain.
What about district three Representative Bobby Scott? As the oldest Virginia representative elected in 1993, Scott quite literally has nothing — or everything — to hide. The absence of documents from the prehistoric time known as the pre-90s has made it hard to confirm or deny anything. Some claim he burned the documents to keep himself warm when climate change was a thing of the future and it still snowed in the month of January. Researchers are still trying to figure out how to play Scott’s old VHS tapes — most pressingly, the one titled “Bobby Without a Mustache.”
How about the representative of district four, Jennifer McClellan? Since McClellan has a degree from the University of Virginia’s School of Law, I have chosen to omit the allegations against her. Out of school spirit — of course — and not the crippling fear that a lawsuit will be awaiting me in my mailbox.
And now, the one you have been waiting for — district five’s rocking, rabid representative, Charlottesville’s man without a plan — Bob Good! A graduate of Liberty University, one is not surprised to hear about Good’s inclination to conceal information. However, while in questioning, interviewers noted a few peculiar habits that Good displayed. While discussing his election to the “Freedom Caucus,” Good would mumble the word “caucus.” Knews has speculated that Good’s disdain for same-sex marriage has forbidden him from proudly saying “caucus” as — of course — it might make him gay. Knews predicts that he will attempt a ban on any book that includes the word “caucus” in the future. He also seems to be aware that his colleagues call him “Bob Bad” and “Bob Good For Nothing” behind his back.
To be completely honest, I lost interest after hearing about Charlottesville’s representative — that was the only reason I met with Knews. So, to give a quick summary of the others — Ben Cline wears a toupee, Abigail Spanberger went to Purdue University but does not know how to cite in MLA, Don Beyer is a Gemini but has Cancer tendencies, Morgan Griffith doesn’t go by his first name “Howard” because he doesn’t want to be compared to the shredded American football player Howard Griffith, Jennifer Wexton changed her first name to Jennifer so that she, Kiggans and McClellan could start a girl group called “The Jennifers” and Gerry Connolly only wears his glasses to look smart — despite having perfect vision.
Even more shocking, the reporter delivering all this information turned out not to be a reporter at all! Maybe Congress and I should both be conducting background checks.
Virginia
Virginia Basketball Holds Off Manhattan 74-65 | Key Takeaways
Virginia (4-2) got back in the win column with a 74-65 victory over Manhattan (3-3) on Tuesday night at John Paul Jones Arena. Here are our five quick takeaways from the Cavaliers’ win over the Jaspers.
Virginia was in serious need of a win after suffering those two humbling losses to Tennessee and St. John’s in The Bahamas. But a convincing and comfortable victory would have been even better and for a while, it seemed like the Cavaliers were on their way to doing just that. UVA led by as many as 15 points in the first half and opened up a 16-point advantage midway through the second half. But rather than putting the game away, Virginia let Manhattan hang around and the visiting Jaspers were in a situation where they were fouling to stop the clock in the final minutes, narrowing the deficit to as little as six points. A win is a win, but this was far from a confidence-boosting performance.
Virginia went with a new starting lineup on Tuesday night, as Andrew Rohde replaced TJ Power. Rohde has been playing very well recently, particularly with his resurgent outside shot, while Power came into this game shooting 25% from beyond the arc this season.
Power initially responded well to the benching, swishing a corner three shortly after he first entered the game, hitting the deck for a loose ball, and coming up with a steal to stop a Manhattan fastbreak. But he wound up playing only six minutes, fewest among Cavaliers who saw the floor in the game. That does not bode well for the Duke transfer.
Read Val’s Plus/Minus breakdown of the game here.
Rohde, on the other hand, had another solid game and was perhaps the top performer for the Hoos on Tuesday night. Though he missed his only three-pointer, which was a desperation off-balanced heave at the end of the shot clock, Rohde finished with a season-high 14 points, two assists (with one turnover), two rebounds, and four steals. Rohde showed excellent feel for the game, getting exactly where he wanted to go and exhibiting some nice touch on a couple of floaters plus a short jumper off the glass. If Rohde is playing like this and his three-point shot continues to be there, this could be a big season for the former St. Thomas transfer.
The main reason why this game continued to be close deep into the second half is because UVA’s defense frequently broke down and gave up open shots to Manhattan, particularly from the perimeter. The Jaspers shot 11/26 (42.3%) from beyond the arc and and seven different players knocked down a three. A couple of those Manhattan triples were well-contested, but the vast majority of them were wide-open. That’s very concerning and shows that this Virginia defense, with its many new faces, is still very much a work in progress.
Virginia’s offense was pretty well neutralized by Tennessee and St. John’s in The Bahamas. Tuesday night against Manhattan was a small step in the right direction, but there’s still a lot of room for improvement.
Let’s start with the good. Five different Cavaliers scored in double figures, including a game-high 18 points from Isaac McKneely, who hit three of his four three-point attempts and went 5/6 from the free throw line. We still think McKneely needs to shoot way more, but we’ll leave that alone for now. Dai Dai Ames scored 10 points and dished out five assists, but fouled out of the game. Blake Buchanan made his first four shots and finished with 11 points and five boards. Cofie made five of his seven shots and finished with 10 points and five boards. The best part of the game was that Virginia had 15 assists on 29 made baskets and turned the ball over only eight times, a vast improvement over the team’s turnover issues in The Bahamas.
Virginia outscored Manhattan 42-22 in the paint. That looks like a good stat, but it’s also an inevitable stat because of UVA’s size advantage over the Jaspers, whose tallest player in the rotation is 6’8″. Still, Manhattan snared 10 offensive rebounds and scored 11 second-chance points. In The Bahamas, UVA was dominated on the glass and was simply outmatched from a physicality and athleticism standpoint. Nothing we saw from the Cavaliers on Tuesday night did anything to alleviate those concerns.
Up next, Virginia remains at home for another (supposed) tune-up game against Holy Cross on Friday at 4pm at John Paul Jones Arena.
Virginia vs. Manhattan Live Updates | NCAA Men’s Basketball
UVA Basketball: Ten Things We Learned About Virginia in The Bahamas
Virginia Basketball Falls to St. John’s 80-55 | Key Takeaways
Virginia
Virginia vs. Manhattan Live Updates | NCAA Men’s Basketball
Virginia (3-2) is set to host Manhattan (3-2) on Tuesday night at John Paul Jones Arena in Charlottesville, Virginia. Follow along with score updates, play-by-play, and live analysis for the game in the thread below. Updates will be posted at each timeout in reverse chronological order with the most recent updates at the top of the article. Refresh the page for updates.
As we await our 7pm tip between Virginia and Manhattan on the ACC Network, read a full preview of the game here: Virginia Basketball vs. Manhattan Game Preview, Score Prediction
Virginia has posted its starting five for tonight’s game:
– Dai Dai Ames
– Isaac McKneely
– Andrew Rohde
– Elijah Saunders
– Blake Buchanan
Notably, TJ Power has been replaced by Andrew Rohde in the starting lineup after starting the first five games of the season. Power is shooting 25% from three (4/16), while Rohde is currently shooting 50% from beyond the arc (7/14).
- Virginia and Manhattan will meet on Tuesday night for just the second time ever and first time since March 19th, 1993, when the Cavaliers defeated the Jaspers 78-66 in the first round of the 1993 NCAA Tournament.
- UVA is 9-0 against current members of the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference.
- Virginia’s last game against a MAAC team was back in 2012, when the Cavaliers defeated Fairfield 54-45 at John Paul Jones Arena.
- UVA is 2-0 at John Paul Jones Arena this season and 3-0 against unranked opponents this season.
Read more Virginia men’s basketball news and content in the links below:
UVA Basketball: Ten Things We Learned About Virginia in The Bahamas
Virginia Basketball Falls to St. John’s 80-55 | Key Takeaways
The Plus/Minus: Virginia Gets Skunked by Tennessee in The Bahamas
Virginia Basketball Falls to Tennessee 64-42 | Key Takeaways
Virginia
Suspect steals property from store, assaults employee in Virginia
LOUDOUN COUNTY, Va. – A man has been arrested after entering a store in McLean, stealing merchandise and assaulting an employee.
The suspect has been identified as Calvin Hughes Jr, of Washington D.C.
Leesburg Pike robbery suspect
Police responded to the 8300 block of Leesburg Pike in McLean for a commercial robbery on November 21 around 11:00 a.m. According to police, the suspect entered the store, stole merchandise, and assaulted an employee.
Hughes Jr. was identified and arrested nearby for robbery and is being held without bond.
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