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My wife isn't interested in sex after menopause

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My wife isn't interested in sex after menopause


My wife isn’t interested in sex after menopause

Hey everybody, can you take this survey? Some questions might not apply to you – or maybe they all will. We’re trying to get a sense of things over here at LL – to bring you the most happiness, etc.

Q.

My wife and I were married almost 30 years ago. We’re both in our mid-to-late 50s. We have two children and a relationship that I believe is stronger than most. 

Now the hard part.

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My wife is post-menopausal and has zero interest in intimacy. Planning date nights, romantic dinners, sharing in household chores, and putting my recreational activities second to her needs … all of that did nothing. I’m not a 10 in the looks department, so I work hard to overcompensate. I try to talk to my wife about this and get the same tired “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Lately the thought of a sexual relationship with someone else seems almost justified. I know it’s wrong and would devastate my wife and children. I love my wife very much and do not want to hurt her. She does not see this an issue.

I acknowledge how this reads – that it’s all about me. My wife is so far unwilling to discuss the matter.

Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings. I welcome any and all advice and feedback.

– The Issue

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A.

A bit of validation: it doesn’t sound like you’re only thinking about yourself. You’re worried about everyone. Missing physical intimacy doesn’t make you a selfish, terrible husband.

The issue here seems to be that your wife is unwilling to discuss the matter. Would she be open to speaking to a doctor about how menopause has affected her marriage? Would she talk to a therapist about how a partnership can adapt to a shift in physical needs?

I’m not saying there’s a magic fix for this, but the fact that she won’t address it … it’s troubling.

Make that the big request. Ask her if she’ll join you in therapy. If she won’t, go by yourself and maybe she’ll come along at some point. With guidance in real time, the path might become clear.

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Also know that a physical relationship with someone else might not have to be a cheat. Couples have open arrangements. There are ways to do this with everyone’s consent. (The kids and their feelings don’t have to be part of it.)

But before you get to that step, tell her you need help. Explain that she can support you by showing up.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you talk about this? People who’ve lost (or found) their drive, any advice about what to say? How to approach? How you handled this?

I’d love to read your question. Send your own letter by using the anonymous form or email [email protected]. Let’s start a new season with a fresh look on everything.

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Boston, MA

Hotel strike ends after 3 days, negotiations continuing – Boston News, Weather, Sports | WHDH 7News

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Hotel strike ends after 3 days, negotiations continuing – Boston News, Weather, Sports | WHDH 7News


BOSTON (WHDH) – A strike affecting several Boston hotels has ended after three days.

“Unite Here Local 26” said 900 hospitality workers in the city and more than 10,000 workers nationwide were on the picket lines for Labor Day weekend.

The union said negotiations are continuing as they push for raises and an end to pandemic-era cuts.

They said they are prepared if talks stall with companies.

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Boston, MA

Boston aims to change how businesses are awarded liquor licenses

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Boston aims to change how businesses are awarded liquor licenses


BOSTON – In Boston, liquor licenses are the golden ticket of the restaurant industry. Lawmakers on Beacon Hill are working to make the process of getting one more equitable. 

Liquor licenses can make or break a business’s success. They are also notoriously difficult to get. 

Boston’s antiquated liquor license system

The system, widely criticized as antiquated, has led to a booming secondary market where liquor licenses are being sold from one restaurant to another. A simple issue of supply and demand that has made it virtually impossible for new restaurants to break in. Unless you’ve got the dough. 

“Paying half a million dollars, upwards of $750,000 dollars for a liquor license, no one can afford that. That is why there has been so much disinvestment,” State Sen. Liz Miranda said. 

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Miranda has been one of the state lawmakers calling for reforms on this. Miranda represents the Second Suffolk District and said this is more than just about alcohol sales. 

“This is about dreams that become reality,” Miranda said. “This is about opportunity. This is about possibility. Communities that have thriving businesses which are the backbones of our community, are safer, they’re cleaner, they are healthier, for me I know this is the means of building a community that is full of thriving people and businesses and not just about offering people a cocktail.” 

How liquor license process could change

The state determines how many liquor licenses are permitted for Boston to distribute. 

On Tuesday, lawmakers from both the House and Senate announced a compromise to months of debate on this. 

They’ve agreed to grant 225 new licenses, which include 195 “restricted” licenses specifically allocated between Boston’s zip codes. That would keep that license in its assigned neighborhood, even if the business goes under.  

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The goal, Miranda said, is to give communities of color a better chance at opening a new restaurant, in turn increasing economic opportunity in underserved parts of the city. 

The bill still needs final approval and is expected to hit the Governor’s desk by the end of the week. 

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Three Thoughts On Florida State’s Demeaning Loss To Boston College

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Three Thoughts On Florida State’s Demeaning Loss To Boston College


Florida State had a chance to show that last week was a fluke, not a trend, when the team took the field on Labor Day against Boston College. Instead, the Seminoles are once again left with more questions than answers after their second straight loss to begin the 2024 season. Playoff hopes and ACC Championship aspirations are all but shuttered with nothing but adversity and a spiraling season in front of head coach Mike Norvell.

Looking at the first two games of the season, the Seminoles have been outworked, outcoached, and outclassed by a pair of teams that were projected to be in the middle of the pack in the ACC. Instead of a top-10 AP ranking, Florida State finds itself at the bottom of an expanded conference, slotting in at No. 17, which is certainly a sight to see.

Boston College beat FSU’s defense at the point of attack, racking up 263 yards on the ground at 5.1 yards per carry. The success led the Eagles to throw the ball just four times in the second half – a sign that their game plan worked to absolute perfection. No matter the situation, the Seminoles couldn’t get off the field.

READ MORE: Former FSU Football Stars Sound Off Following Disastrous Home Opener

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Offensively, Florida State started firing the ball through the air but forgot about its stable of running backs. The Seminoles compiled just 21 rushing yards while DJ Uiagalelei completed 50% of his passes on 42 attempts.

Heading into a BYE week, can Florida State begin to pull things together or is this just totally going to come apart at the wheels? Here are three thoughts on a demeaning loss in Doak Campbell Stadium.

1. The Seminoles Have Lost Their Way

The Seminoles built their climb in 2022 and 2023 behind a hungry and passionate team that grew up in the face of adversity. When things went wrong, it wasn’t just the coaches trying to piece things back together, players like Jordan Travis, Kalen DeLoach, and Jared Verse were always doing their part on the field and on the sideline to right the ship.

Through four quarters of football, there are no clear leaders for the 2024 Seminoles. Veterans who were expected to seize leadership roles haven’t risen to the occasion and experienced transfers who are being relied on to play a big part in the success are either unwilling or unable to impact the locker room. The body language on the sideline for much of Monday night was embarrassing and an indictment on the players from top to bottom.

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In the moments leading up to the fourth quarter, I noticed a couple of walk-ons and true freshmen who hadn’t entered the game trying to pump up the sideline. The effort wasn’t recognized by the rest of the team in what was certainly a critical moment. Instead, Florida State continued to look flat, lifeless, and like the team didn’t even want to play a football game. There’s no passion, no fight, and no belief.

How many successful football teams look like they’re holding a funeral on the sideline after every drive? The lack of communication and an identity is appalling.

I don’t know how Mike Norvell fixes it but I know Florida State has lost its way. Will a BYE week be enough to help flip the mindset of a 85 inviduals playing together instead of apart? I can’t say that it will because right now, the Seminoles lack any sort of fire, emotion, and edge that fueled the success of Norvell’s previous teams in Tallahassee.

That’s not a switch that I believe can just be flipped on and off. You either have it, or you don’t, and this Florida State team doesn’t have much of anything. And what continues to confound me is just how differently things are compared to the preseason. Whether it’s the warts of losses or the product of the Seminoles practicing against one another, I can’t believe the vast shift in performance we’ve seen from the practice field to game days.

2. It’s Time For A Quarterback Conversation But The Offensive Line Issues Are Even More Concerning

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Florida State’s quarterback play has been less than inspiring in the first two games. The Seminoles acquired DJ Uiagalelei with the hopes of utilizing his arm strength behind a speedy group of wide receivers. Those glimpes have popped up at times but not without plenty of other issues in-between whether it’s accuracy, timing, offensive line breakdowns, or simply catching the football.

Funnily (or not funny) enough, Uiagalelei leads the FBS with passing yards (465) but he’s only completed 58% of his passes with one touchdown to one interception while averaging 6.7 yards per attempt – a major stepdown from his career-best 8.4 yards per attempt last year. Uiagalelei doesn’t look like a quarterback with four years of experience. He’s been hesitant, slow-paced, and missed plenty of throws that could have put Florida State in a better position for success.

It’s time for a quarterback conversation for the simple point that this season is quickly becoming the opposite of the bridge year that Uiagalelei was brought in to manage. The reality is that Uiagalelei is only going to be at Florida State until the end of this season and then the Seminoles have to find yet another starting quarterback. Brock Glenn and Luke Kromenhoek are the potential faces of the future at the position and if you’re already taking your lumps with a veteran, why not do it with a player who can still grow?

Will Glenn or Kromenhoek end up being remarkably better options than Uiagalelei in the lineup? No, probably not. But at least they are going to be here in the years to come and this is a good opportunity to begin building them up.

And what concerns me even more than the quarterback play is that an offensive line we thought highly of throughout the offseason has been a weak spot. The right side of the unit got bullied in Ireland which wasn’t a crazy surprise if you followed our practice reports as we noted the inconsistency of Jeremiah Byers and Robert Scott.

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What I didn’t foresee was Darius Washington getting taken to town by a Boston College front that wasn’t very productive last year. He graded out as the third-worst player on the team, including an abysmal pass-blocking grade of 28.9. PFF ranks Washington as the No. 932 pass-blocking offensive linemen in the country. Washington was expected to lock down the left side like he did last season but he’s seemingly regressed.

One play after Jaylin Lucas scampered 25 yards to make it 1st and goal, Washington gave up a sack that ultimately forced FSU to settle for a field goal. On the first drive of the second half, Florida State went for it on fourth down from its own territory. Boston College didn’t even blitz but Washington was quickly beaten 1-on-1 with an inside pressure which led to Uiagalelei to throw an interception.

Veteran center Maurice Smith had two false starts and an illegal man downfield penalty, Robert Scott was called for illegal formation, and TJ Ferguson committed a personal foul after Florida State got five yards on 3rd and 10, backing them up into 4th and 20 late in the game. After which, Norvell decided to just send out the punting unit, telling you everything you needed to know about how the night was going.

By the way, Florida State rushed 16 times for 21 yards with the running backs combining for eight carries to Uiagalelei’s eight attempts. The 21 yards marked the fewest rushing yards that the Seminoles have ever totaled in a game during Mike Norvell’s five years with the program. In fact, FSU has only had nine games under Norvell where the offense failed to break the century mark on the ground and two of those performances have come in 2024.

I don’t buy the narrative that the offensive line is struggling because Alex Atkins isn’t on the sideline. You’ve got a group with over 300 combined appearances and 200 starts at the college level. At some point, the big boys have to man up, exert their will, and take over the game. I. haven’t gotten any sense that this group wants to be physical and dominate another team. They look fine with being average, much like the defense.

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The lack of a consistent offensive line means the struggles at quarterback, running back, and wide receiver (don’t get me started on tight end) will only continue to grow.

3. Florida State’s Defense Fails Situationally – Again

Man, was I completely wrong about this defense. I thought the Seminoles would be able to lean on this unit while the offense figured things out early in the year. I certainly miscalculated that one, along with plenty of others. Just look at the size, speed, and athleticism that FSU sports in the front seven; Patrick Payton, Darrell Jackson, Joshua Farmer, Marvin Jones Jr., DJ Lundy…So far, potential has been just that and the group hasn’t lived up to its offseason billings.

I’m not sure if the Seminoles got caught up in their own hype or just thought they could walk through Georgia Tech and Boston College, but the results haven’t been pretty. What you do between the lines is what matters and there aren’t really any positives to take away from the performance of Florida State’s defensive line and linebackers. The starting defensive line has totaled 13 tackles and one tackle for loss in two games – with Jones Jr. not even making the stat sheet on Monday night. Earl Little Jr. has more sacks than Payton, Jackson Farmer, and Jones Jr. combined.

It’s bewildering and making me ramble because the whole point of this thought was to talk about Florida State’s situational failures. Over the past two years, the Seminoles have leaned on their ability to get offenses off the field on third down along with walling up in the red zone. Instead, this unit has no backbone and more holes in it than Swiss cheese.

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Florida State has surrendered 56% of third down attempts (14/25), which ranks No. 118 in the country. The Seminoles have also given up touchdowns on 7/8 red zone opportunities with the lone possession that didn’t result in a score being when Boston College kneeled the clock out at the end of the game. The defense is constantly out of position, being driven off the ball, and missing tackles.

How long is it going to take defensive coordinator Adam Fuller and his group to learn how to defend a wheel route? They got lucky on the first drive of the game when Treshaun Ward dropped a wide open pass out of the backfield. Guess what Boston College tried two drives later and this time Ward made the Seminoles pay for 42 yards. To add insult to injury, he caught a touchdown on the same drive on the same route to make it 14-0 Boston College in Doak.

The lack of adjustments and knowledge of assignment pre-snap just makes no sense to me. Remember, we’re in the age where helmet communication is allowed and one of the linebackers is wearing the ‘green dot’ on every play. Regardless of a rule that should theoretically make it easier for defenses to line up, the Seminoles don’t seem to have a clue about what they’re supposed to do from play to play.

Again, this is another area where no easy fix comes to mind. It’s quickly setting up to be a long season, and not in a good way, for Florida State.

READ MORE: FSU Football Releases Uniform Combination For Home Opener Against Boston College

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• FSU Football Drops In ESPN’s FPI Rankings Following Upset Loss

• ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit Weighs In On Florida State’s Upset Loss

• 14 Notes Regarding Florida State’s Defeat To Georgia Tech

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• Mike Norvell Reviews DJ Uiagalelei’s First Career Start At Florida State





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