We began with a dream to make it simpler to self-report errors you haven’t made but.
Pre-pology’s handy dashboard helps you to monitor, handle, and redress all of your notional boners. In just a few faucets, atone for something you’ll make bizarre, most likely, whether or not a piece assembly or Friendsgiving.
Will you butcher the vibe at your cousin-in-law’s homicide thriller get together? You don’t know. That’s the purpose. Relay essentially the most superior warning about taking part an excessive amount of, taking part too little, or other forms of taking part. Pre-pology’s algorithm won’t ever be overwhelmed. Plus, you are able to do it from the consolation of your own home and as much as a full calendar yr forward of the incident.
To get began along with your Pre-pology, merely faucet the button that claims, Oh God. Schedule it to reach any time prematurely of proper now — months, weeks, or mere seconds. Subsequent, select your matter from the drop-down menu. We have now preloaded the most typical hypothetical offenses. You’ll be able to Pre-pologize for:
Get As we speak in Opinion
Globe Opinion’s must-reads, delivered to you each Sunday-Friday.
▪ Being horrible with names
▪ Being a downer
▪ Not staying lengthy
▪ Feeling underdressed
▪ The odor within the toilet
▪ Bringing somebody nobody likes
▪ A sizzling dish you cooked
▪ A sizzling dish you didn’t prepare dinner
▪ Not being a sizzling dish
▪ This mess
Pre-pology can also be nice for expressing contrition about presumptive boo-boos at work! If historical past is something to go by, you’ll need to Pre-pologize for breaches that embrace:
▪ The lengthy e-mail
▪ Dipping out early
▪ Your laryngitis
▪ If some individuals have already requested this
▪ If some individuals have already heard this
▪ If some individuals should go
After you’ve chosen your Pre-pology and supply time, merely reply the 50 insecurity questions, together with “Why am I like this?” and “Am I making this much more bizarre?”
Verify your cellphone to your distinctive insecurity code.
Obtain your affirmation — when you’ve heard that your Pre-pology has been accepted, you’ll unlock the flexibility to speak with acquaintances and colleagues like an everyday individual for as much as half-hour.
Nevertheless it by no means ends there, in fact! That’s why your Put up-pology is all the time included, so go forward and amend or prolong your Pre-pology later, wherever you’re, even as much as a yr after an occasion. Put up-pologies are good for:
▪ Burp-talking
▪ Displaying up empty-handed
▪ Not even asking how you’re doing
▪ Having mentioned, “You, too!” at one thing bizarre
▪ Having been not sure if somebody was pregnant, divorced, alive, and so forth.
▪ Black bean tooth the complete time
▪ Performing cool
The underside line? Life strikes quick, however the enterprise of being an individual who does individual issues with different individuals shouldn’t be difficult. No extra looking for the suitable phrases. Get our eye-contact-less system at the moment. As a result of let’s face it: Irrespective of who you’re, you’ll most likely do lots you have to be sorry for — so get began now with Pre-pology.
However solely if you need! It’s advantageous if you happen to’re not into it. Actually no worries, if not.
Kathy Flann is a humor author whose work has appeared in The Washington Put up, The Baltimore Solar, McSweeney’s, Weekly Humorist, and elsewhere. She is the writer of 4 books, the latest of which is “How one can Survive a Human Assault: A Information for Werewolves, Mummies, Cyborgs, Ghosts, Nuclear Mutants, and Different Film Monsters.” She teaches inventive writing at Johns Hopkins College.
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