Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: I wanted a deeper connection with this man. Did he only want me for sex?
I don’t do casual sex. My labels are demisexual and sapiosexual, or some combination of the two, which makes being attracted to someone when there is no intellectual or emotional spark improbable, if not impossible. Ironically, I also have a very high sex drive. This unfortunate condition — that my lady parts have some morality clause I didn’t sign up for — has left me sexless and single for more years than I care to admit.
But when I met a successful author whom I admire (and have had a decade-long crush on) by chance while having dinner at the Tower Bar in West Hollywood, I once again gave the whole casual sex thing the old college try. After all, I knew the inner workings of his mind, and that’s half the attraction riddle solved. But there was something else. He felt familiar when I shook his hand. I unwittingly held onto it for longer than was socially acceptable. He let me. Instant chemistry.
Current trends debunk instant chemistry and familiarity with a potential mate, branding it as the obvious wrong choice. Familiar is bad, Instagram Reels tell me. And “butterflies” mean you’re destined to repeat the dysfunctional patterns of your relationship with your parent with your new lover— a fast track to heartbreak.
I don’t buy it. I am a fully formed, grown-ass woman who has navigated the vast landscape of my mind and consciousness through drugs, meditation, Buddhist psychology and sheer neurosis management. I refuse to discredit an immediate connection with someone as inherently dangerous and resign myself to passionless dating and relationships because “boring” is good and safe.
So, in the spirit of chasing the spark of chemistry and intellect (for me, lightning in a bottle), not long after meeting author guy for the first time, we were sitting on his hotel bed. He tried politely to get the requisite small talk out of the way, and despite my nervousness, I was game.
He was surprisingly open, though trying not to be. He said he would write his first short-story collection soon but wanted to get his latest book optioned into a movie. I said I was trying to find an agent for the YA novel I wrote from the point of view of my pit bull. Although we barely covered the basics, we did all right. Afterward, I laid my head on his chest, saying, “I’ll leave; just give me a minute,” and then added, “Insert Billy Crystal’s line from ‘When Harry Met Sally’ here.”
A short while later, we stood on Sunset Boulevard at the entrance to the Sunset Tower Hotel. The 15-story Art Deco building in Zigzag Moderne is my second favorite building in the world. Its shades of pink, cream plaster and bronze shift in the ever-changing light L.A. is famous for, from sunrise to the golden hour. We talked about the building, and I lamented that the plaster friezes weren’t lighted. Why wouldn’t the owner take the time to up-light the friezes? Seems like a shame. Like keeping a precious gem in the dark where its facets can’t shine. I asked a manager who happened by. He shrugged as if to say, “We just leave well enough alone.”
Author guy and I fumbled through an awkward goodbye. “I have your number,” he told me, which I was pretty sure translated to, “Don’t call me. I’ll call you.” And so, I didn’t. But when he texted the next day, I could still smell him on my skin, and I knew I wanted an immediate redo of our time together. Once we got to know each other, I was pretty sure the sex was going to be transcendental.
A month later, I invited him to my suite at the Pendry in West Hollywood. We still didn’t talk much, but when we said goodbye, I made my request in the lobby near the transportive Anthony James light sculpture.
“I know you’re busy, but I want to get to know you. There’s a connection between us I’d like to explore. Let’s talk on the phone if you can carve out some time.”
He didn’t call, but a few months later, there was an impromptu third time.
“We have great chemistry — the kind I haven’t had in most relationships. I mean, the sex is pretty f— great, don’t you think?” he asked, focusing his intent gaze on my own.
“It can be better,” I responded, looking away to make the honesty slightly less potent. “I need to know you and to be known. What we are doing doesn’t work for me. I need a little more for the sex to be truly great.”
“I guess I can call you when I have some downtime between writing,” he mused, adding, “I’m glad this happened.” We kissed goodbye, awash in the moonlight that casts Franklin Hills in a silvery, ethereal blue. After he drove away, I stood hopeful on my balcony, my gaze fixed on the beautiful, lit-from-within crown jewel of the Hollywood Hills — Griffith Observatory, the brainchild of a raging alcoholic who shot his wife in the eye. Star-crossed lovers. I wondered if they had great chemistry. Did he give her butterflies?
A day later, author guy texted. But he didn’t call. Hopped up on oxytocin and potentiality, I sent an overzealous voice memo, mentioning (again, ugh) that I wanted to have some repartee, shoot the s—, have a meal, add some talking to the sex, and that I definitely wanted to have more sex. He sent a long, panicked text in response. He liked me, but his schedule was full. And his anxiety and borderline depression were keeping him from calling anyone but his close friends.
I said I was disappointed. More than I thought I would be, but I understood.
In his mind, I was a liability, and in not taking the time to get to know me, he had averted disaster — or just left well enough alone. In my mind, a potential L.A. love affair (with great sex) ended almost before it began. In the end, author guy went with the short story. Seems like a shame. It could have been one hell of a novel — enough to base a movie on.
The author is a writer’s writer, copywriter and astronaut of the self who splits her time between Encinitas and Los Angeles. After writing this, she called Jeff Klein, owner of the Sunset Tower Hotel, and asked him to light the plaster friezes. She can be found at @sage_the_writer on Instagram and on LinkedIn.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
Shy on the dance floor? Virtual reality ‘partners’ aim to help you find your groove
Entrepreneur David Huang tests out a VR headset while conducting demonstrations of the social dance lesson app Dance Guru at the Augmented World Expo in Long Beach, Calif., June 17, 2026.
Chloe Veltman/NPR
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Wedding season is in full swing, bringing with it a familiar sense of dread for anyone who fears the dance floor.
But relief may finally be at hand with the help of a new app, Dance Guru, and a virtual reality (VR) headset.
The social dance instruction app transports users to a spacious, digital dance studio. Waiting inside is a computer-generated coach: a handsome, male avatar wearing a shirt open to his navel. He speaks with a slightly gravelly English accent.
“Watch me now,” he instructs at the start of a waltz lesson — which NPR tried out at the Augmented World Expo in Long Beach, Calif., an annual conference showcasing the latest developments in virtual and augmented reality.
The avatar then demonstrates a basic box step.

From there, the lesson becomes interactive. The coach tells the user to hold his hand while an electric pinging sound tracks the student’s foot placement.
“One, two, three, four, five, six,” the virtual teacher counts down.
When the user stumbles, he remains remarkably patient. “Do not worry, foundations take time. Let’s try that again. Work on grounding your steps more intentionally.”
Solving the beginner’s dilemma
Dance Guru creator David Huang said he came up with the idea for the app a couple of years ago out of frustration.
“I always wanted to learn to dance and I was always terrible at it,” Huang said. “And I always ended up stopping midway through the lessons.”
He soon realized that many beginners hit the exact same roadblocks.
“Private lessons are too expensive, and you feel like you’re always forgetting the dance steps,” Huang said. “You cannot find a partner to dance with. So I figured maybe I can create something like this.”
The Dance Guru platform currently offers tutorials in salsa, bachata, waltz, and cha-cha, in both lead and follow modes. To make the digital instruction feel authentic, Huang used motion-capture technology to record the movements of real-life dance teachers — with their permission.
Building on the legacy of online tutorials and video games
Dance Guru belongs to a small but growing wave of apps using VR to demystify social dance. At a nearby booth, conference attendee Victor Chen is testing out a competing app called Trip the Light. It currently offers salsa lessons, as well as freestyle options, where a user can dance with a partner without having to learn specific steps.
Trip the Light’s booth at the Augmented World Expo included posters of the app’s virtual instructors. Real-life performers, who gave Trip the Light permission to motion capture their movements, were used as a basis for these avatars.
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“A lot of times when you’re trying to learn a choreography, it’s watching a YouTube video and you have to pause it, rewind, and play it,” Chen said. “If you were to have a virtual avatar dancing in front of you and correcting for any parts that you missed, it might be a lot easier.”
Interactive video games like Dance Dance Revolution and Just Dance, and YouTube tutorials have been helping people improve their skills in private for years. But those games are mostly aimed at solo players. Unlike the new generation of immersive VR apps, they cannot simulate the mechanics or confidence required for partner dancing on a live dance floor.
The reality check
But this kind of app won’t work for every dancer.
“Everyone learns a little bit differently. And so unless you have a game that has lots of different ways of teaching, you’re going to have things that work for some people and don’t work for others,” said Ariana Katana, a trained contemporary dancer and dance content creator who’s active on YouTube, Twitch and other platforms. “Also, it’s hard to dance with a headset on.”
And then there’s the issue of not being able to physically feel a virtual partner’s hand or shoulder while dancing with them. Patrick Ascolese, the creator of Trip the Light, said the experience could become more tactile in the future. “Haptic suits and wearables will be coming, but I think we’re a little away from that,” he said.
Ascolese said even with their limitations, immersive tools like Trip the Light have immense potential as judgment-free training grounds — giving reluctant dancers the baseline confidence they need to eventually step onto the dance floor with real partners in the real world, including at weddings.
“Just like anything else, practice makes perfect,” said Ascolese. “So the more time you spend in VR with a virtual partner, it works towards helping you get over that social hurdle. We are teaching you the moves that you have to do in order to go out and have fun.”
Jennifer Vanasco edited the broadcast and digital versions of this story. Chloee Weiner mixed the audio.




Lifestyle
How to have the best Sunday in L.A., according to Deidre Hall
For half a century, Deidre Hall has taken on every kind of disaster in the drama-packed town of Salem, Ill., as a star of “Days of Our Lives.”
There was the time — actually, it happened twice — when her character, Dr. Marlena Evans, was famously possessed by the devil and even levitated.
In Sunday Funday, L.A. people give us a play-by-play of their ideal Sunday around town. Find ideas and inspiration on where to go, what to eat and how to enjoy life on the weekends.
Or the time a serial killer, who was actually Marlena under hypnosis, seemed to kill several beloved characters. The long-running show’s storylines have become legendary, and in March, while promoting “Hail Mary,” actor Ryan Gosling even gave Hall a shout-out, admitting he was a fan, praising the hard work of soap opera actors and calling her an “OG acting inspiration.”
But Hall’s real life in Santa Monica is much quieter than her character’s, and she likes it that way.
“When I bought my house in Santa Monica, I didn’t realize how great it would be to live near Montana Avenue,” says Hall, 78, about the popular shopping spot. Every day, she walks to the main street with her golden retriever, Riley, and enjoys Pilates, art and good food along the way. “The owners of the Farms Market even keep dog biscuits, so guess where the dog wants to go every time we walk — the Farms, of course,” she says, laughing.
When she isn’t filming the daily soap opera, which airs on Peacock, Hall enjoys raising monarch butterflies, exploring the shops and restaurants on Montana, and hosting movie nights at home with her two sons.
Here’s what a perfect day in L.A. looks like for her.
This interview has been lightly edited and condensed for length and clarity.
7 a.m.: Breakfast and dog walk
I usually kick off my day with a protein shake, feed our golden retriever and take her out for a walk. She’s a phenomenal girl. When we adopted her, her name was Riley, but I did think about naming her after Mrs. Hughes from “Downton Abbey.”
10 a.m.: Church and garden time
After I walk the dog and go to church, I like to spend some time in my yard. I’m not a natural gardener, but I really enjoy it. I started raising monarch butterflies because my identical twin sister, who played my twin on the show, planted a butterfly garden. Monarchs are amazing because they are transitional. Every year, they travel from Mexico to southern New England, but it’s getting harder for them. Their numbers have dropped by about 80%. To help, I plant milkweed, which is what they need to survive. I buy my milkweed from the Staghorn Garden on Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica. Julie, who owns the nursery, is delightful and has a wide variety of milkweed. The monarchs always seem to find my garden. Julie was raising some caterpillars too, and she cared a lot about them. We talked about how important it is to help the butterflies. That’s why I do this. Sometimes I get milkweed with eggs already on it, and Julie knows her butterflies are going to a good home.
1 p.m.: Walk to Montana Avenue for some lunch
I live near Montana and love taking long walks, going to Pilates and trying out the great restaurants nearby, like R+D Kitchen and La La Land. I’m a big fan of the waffles at the Courtyard Kitchen. Just a few days ago, I had a chicken salad on raisin bread with an Arnold Palmer, and it was delicious. It is right on Montana and has a nice outdoor seating area. It’s one of my favorite spots. La La Land always has a long line in the morning, which is perfect if you want coffee. They serve coffee, doughnuts, croissants and avocado toast. There’s plenty of outdoor seating, and you can even bring your dog.
2 p.m.: Peek inside a clock shop
There’s a small clock shop on Montana Avenue that’s closed on Sundays, but if you walk by, you’ll see all kinds of clocks — standing, table and wall clocks. The owner is great at fixing them. Once, I bought a wall clock from MacKenzie-Childs, but it didn’t work. And I was really upset because it matched everything else on my countertop. I brought it to the owner and said, “I love this, but I can’t make it work.” He fixed it right away. His name is John, but I call him Geppetto. And we all know why. He really does have a magic touch.
2:30 p.m.: Visit a neighborhood art gallery
Ten Women Gallery is run by 10 artists, all of whom show their work there. I was drawn to some watercolors there, bought a few cards and spoke with one of the artists. She told me, “You seem to love watercolors,” and mentioned that the artist who painted them, Pamela Harnois, lives in Los Angeles and teaches nearby. I got Pamela’s name and found out she taught at the Brentwood Art School. I was so inspired by her gift that I started taking private lessons with her on Saturdays. That gallery is where I discovered my love for watercolor painting.
3 p.m.: Grab some ice cream at Rori’s
The other day, my longtime girlfriend wanted to get ice cream and told me, “We are walking to Rori’s Artisanal Creamery.” It’s a small shop on Montana near Lincoln. They make everything themselves, using local ingredients from grass-fed cows with no added hormones. The place is family-owned and probably has the healthiest ice cream you’ll find. They switch up their flavors often, but my favorite is the salted caramel.
6 p.m.: Family dinner and movie night at home
R+D Kitchen is always packed, so my sons, who are 31 and 33, do the cooking. They come over, and together we make salads and cook dinner. There’s a neighborhood grocery store called the Farms, off Montana, a small family-run place that has everything we need. Everyone knows each other there, and people bring their dogs. We try to have movie night every Sunday. Sometimes the day changes, but we always make sure to have one night a week where we cook a meal and sit down as a family. Keeping that tradition has become really important to us. My sons are great cooks, which is funny because they definitely didn’t get that from me. [Laughs]
9 p.m.: Take Riley for one last walk and visit neighbors
After dinner, I take my dog for a walk. It’s a great way to meet neighbors. We always go around the same block. We’ve met so many people, and since she’s a golden retriever, she loves meeting everyone.
10 p.m.: News, knitting and bedtime
I am a news junkie, so I usually watch whatever is on the news before I go to bed. I have a long-standing passion for knitting. Lately, though, the news would make me drop a stitch.
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