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L.A. Affairs: I look like my date's teenage daughter. Knowing this makes me happy

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L.A. Affairs: I look like my date's teenage daughter. Knowing this makes me happy

The outside tables at Figaro Bistrot are far too close to one another. A group of women is seated beside us, drinking white wine and leaning together to murmur while giving me side-eye. My date gets up, excuses himself and heads to the bathroom. One of them leans over: “So is that your dad?”

I’m pretty sure I turn bright red and simply reply: “No.”

When he gets back, he places his hand on the thigh poking through the slit of my dress. The women’s eyes widen, and they look at one another and giggle. I’m not sure if I’m really into him. There’s a part of me that twists with disgust at the whole situation. But I ignore this — and ignore the giggles.

The conversation up until then revolves around a film he once wrote. “I spent about 10 years trying to get it picked up. But hey, it worked out in the end,” he says. His film won a number of awards and was widely critically acclaimed. “Everything I’ve written since then I haven’t really cared about.”

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It shows. He hasn’t written a single film since his first that wasn’t panned. But I still feel a sense of pride that he wants me, this lowly grad student; maybe this is what it really means to date in L.A.

Until then, most of the men I’d dated in L.A. (who were around my age) were starving artists, aspiring filmmakers and musicians who worked in the meantime as grips and waiters.

Their dreams were always endearing, and having money doesn’t particularly matter to me. I was just never a part of their dreams. The previous men I dated always told me that I deserved better, that they weren’t looking for anything serious (always after a few months of dating, and it always turned out that I wasn’t the only one they were dating). I wasn’t sure whether I was looking for something serious either, but what I really wanted was someone who would see me as girlfriend — or perhaps even wife — material. There’s nothing more important than being lovable, even if the basis for this is being young and decently attractive.

My date is about two years younger than my father (who didn’t have me at a particularly young age). However, he has an Instagram and an iPhone and is a writer, which makes me feel like he isn’t too dissimilar to me after all. He finally asks me about myself: “What is your research about?” As a master of none, I never really know how to answer this question, so I recite a list of areas I’ve dabbled in. One of them is the bildungsroman.

“What’s that?” he asks. My image of him crumbles a little.

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It dawns on me that the real reason I’d taken the upper limit off my Hinge settings and agreed to this date is that I thought I might find someone like my former professor, whose class on the bildungsroman was my main motivation for applying to grad school. I had a major crush on him; he had the exact same taste in music as me (think classic college-radio male manipulator), made stupid jokes and had a smile that made me melt. He was from Los Angeles, and I can’t deny that some of the motivation for me applying to USC was a subconscious desire to trace his steps.

But this man, my date, clearly wasn’t him.

Then he asks me if I want kids. “No,” I firmly reply. But then I find myself backtracking: “At least, not now.” I’m surprised that I say this. Am I scared that he won’t want me anymore if I don’t want kids, even if I’m realizing that I don’t want him?

“Women always say that. Why is it that every woman I’ve met has said that?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m not really in the position to support a child right now.”

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“But I am.”

He grins, and the twist of disgust grows. There’s something sinister about his smile that makes me realize that maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all. But I find myself ignoring this.

“I guess we’ll have to see.”

The evening turns into night, and we end up inside the restaurant, sharing the same side of a booth. At one point, he asks to take a selfie. I oblige.

Should I be on a date with this man? I’m not attracted to him and I don’t find him interesting. But he seems like a man who actually wants me even if he doesn’t really know who I am. The other reason I agreed to this date is my deathly fear of aging and losing my attractiveness to men. I remember the first time I looked in the mirror at age 21 and realized that I was deteriorating.

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Since then, I’ve religiously followed a retinol and sunscreen regime, but I still found the bags under my eyes growing and growing. I asked Reddit what I should do about this, and I was recommended under-eye filler. I debate the pros and cons of this every day. It pains me to know that one day it’ll be too late. As a decently attractive but still somewhat average woman (r/Rateme classified me as a 6 or 7, and in L.A., that means a 4 or 5), youth is mostly what I have going for me. And I know all too well that L.A. men aren’t interested in my pursuit of a PhD in comparative literature, which might even be intimidating.

The next day I apologize to him over Instagram. I never got his number. I tell him that I had a great time, but I don’t think we have enough in common.

“I think we have more in common than you think. I’m always here if you change your mind.”

A few hours later, he sends me the selfie he took.

Beside him, I look like his teenage daughter, and in a sick way, that makes me happy.

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The author, a comparative literature PhD student at USC, lives in Studio City. She’s on Instagram: @sarahgarrodwrites

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

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‘Hamnet’ star Jessie Buckley looks for the ‘shadowy bits’ of her characters

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‘Hamnet’ star Jessie Buckley looks for the ‘shadowy bits’ of her characters

Jessie Buckley has been nominated for an Academy Award for best actress for her portrayal of William Shakespeare’s wife in Hamnet.

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Kate Green/Getty Images

Actor Jessie Buckley says she’s always been drawn to the “shadowy bits” of her characters — aspects that are disobedient, or “too much.” Perhaps that’s what led her to play Agnes, the wife of William Shakespeare, in Hamnet.

Buckley says the film, which is based on Maggie O’Farrell’s 2020 novel, offered a chance to counter a common narrative about the playwright’s wife: that she “had kept him back from his genius,” Buckley says.

But, she adds, “What Maggie O’Farrell so brilliantly did, not just with Agnes and Shakespeare’s wife, but also with Hamnet, their son, was to bring these people … and give them status beside this great man. … [And] give the full landscape of what it is to be a woman.”

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The film is nominated for eight Academy Awards, including best actress for Buckley. In it, she plays a woman deeply connected to nature, who faces conflicts in her marriage, as well as the death of their son Hamnet.

Buckley found out she was pregnant a week after the film wrapped. She’s since given birth to her first child, a daughter.

“The thing that this story offered me, that brought me into this next chapter of my life as a mother was tenderness,” she says. “A mother’s tenderness is ferocious. To love, to birth is no joke. To be born is no joke. And the minute something’s born into the world, you’re always in the precipice of life and death. That’s our path. … I wanted to be a mother so much that that overrode the thought of being afraid of it.”

Jessie Buckley stars as Agnes and Joe Alwyn plays her brother Bartholomew in Hamnet.

Jessie Buckley stars as Agnes and Joe Alwyn plays her brother Bartholomew in Hamnet.

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Interview highlights

On filming the scene where she howls in grief when her son dies

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I didn’t know that that was going to happen or come out, it wasn’t in the script. I think really [director] Chloé [Zhao] asked all of us to dare to be as present as possible. Of course, leading up to it, you’re aware this scene is coming, but that scene doesn’t stand on its own. By the time I’d met that scene, I had developed such a deep bond with Jacobi Jupe, who plays Hamnet, and [co-stars] Paul [Mescal] and Emily Watson, and all the children and we really were a family. And Jacobi Jupe who plays Hamnet is such an incredible little actor and an incredible soul, and we really were a team. …

The death of a child is unfathomable. I don’t know where it begins and ends. Out of utter respect, I tried to touch an imaginary truth of it in our story as best I could, but there’s no way to define that kind of grief. I’m sure it’s different for so many people. And in that moment, all I had was my imagination but also this relationship that was right in front of me with this little boy and that’s what came out of that.

On what inspired her to pursue singing growing up

I grew up around a lot of music. My mom is a harpist and a singer and my dad has always been passionate about music, so it was always something in our house and always something that was encouraged. … Early on, I have very strong memories of seeing and hearing my mom sing in church and this quite intense mercurial conversation that would happen between her, the story and the people that would listen to her. And at the end of it, something had been cracked between them and these strangers would come up with tears in their eyes. And I guess I saw the power of storytelling through my mom’s singing at a very young age, and that was definitely something that made me think I want to do that.

On her first big break performing as a teen on the BBC singing competition I’d Do Anything — and being criticized by judges about her physical appearance

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I was raw. I hadn’t trained. I had a lot to learn and to grow in. I was only 17. I think there was part of their criticism which I think was destructive and unfair when it became about my awkwardness, or they would say I was masculine and send me to kind of a femininity school. … They sent me to [the musical production of] Chicago to put heels on and a leotard and learn how to walk in high heels, which was pretty humiliating, to be honest, and I’m sad about that because I think I was discovering myself as a young woman in the world and wasn’t fully formed. … I was different. I was wild, I had a lot of feeling inside me. I could hardly keep my hands beside myself and I think to kind of criticize a body of a young woman at that time and to make her feel conscious of that was lazy and, I think, boring.

On filming parts of the 2026 film The Bride! while pregnant

I really loved working when I was pregnant. I thought it was a pretty wild experience, especially because I was playing Mary Shelley and I was talking about [this] monstrosity, and here I was with two heartbeats inside me. Becoming a mom and being pregnant did something, I think, for me. My experience of it, it’s so real that it really focuses [me to be] allergic to fake or to disconnection.

Since my daughter has come and I know what that connection is and the real feeling of being in a relationship with somebody … as an actress, it’s very exciting to recognize that in yourself and really take ownership of yourself.

I’m excited to go back and work on this other side of becoming a mother in so many ways, because I’ve shed 10 layers of skin by loving more and experiencing life in such a new way with my daughter. I’m also scared to work again because it’s hard to be a mother and to work. That’s like a constant tug because I love what I do and I’m passionate and I want to continue to grow and learn and fill those spaces that are yet to be filled — and also be a mother. And I think every mother can recognize that tug.

On the possibility of bringing her daughter to travel with her as she works

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I haven’t filmed for nearly a year and I cannot wait. I’m hungry to create again. And my daughter will come with me. She’s seven months, so at the moment she can travel with us and it’s a beautiful life. And she meets all these amazing people and I have a feeling that she loves life and that’s a great thing to see in a child. And I hope that’s something that I’ve imparted to her in the short time that she’s been on this earth is that life is beautiful and great and complex and alive and there’s no part of you that needs to be less in your life. You might have to work it out, but it’s worth it.

Lauren Krenzel and Susan Nyakundi produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey adapted it for the web.

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‘Evil Dead’ Star Bruce Campbell Reveals He Has Cancer

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‘Evil Dead’ Star Bruce Campbell Reveals He Has Cancer

Bruce Campbell
I’m Battling Cancer

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‘Scream 7’ takes a weak stab at continuing the franchise : Pop Culture Happy Hour

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‘Scream 7’ takes a weak stab at continuing the franchise : Pop Culture Happy Hour

Neve Campbell in Scream 7.

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The OG Scream Queen Neve Campbell returns. Scream 7 re-centers the franchise back on Sidney Prescott. She has a new life, a family, and lots of baggage. You know the drill: Someone dressing up as the masked slasher Ghostface comes for her, her family and friends. There’s lots of stabbing and murder and so many red herrings it’s practically a smorgasbord.

Follow Pop Culture Happy Hour on Letterboxd at letterboxd.com/nprpopculture

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