Lifestyle
Do I Really Need to Tip for Drip Coffee?

I managed to get previous my annoyance on the tip jar that appeared someday on the counter of my native espresso store. (Tipping for what? Pouring espresso? Handing me a muffin?) However apparently that wasn’t sufficient. Now the proprietors have added a “tip display screen” to the bank card fee course of, reminding me to pay their employees for them in case I missed the tip jar on the counter. I’m sick of being requested for handouts for people who find themselves merely doing their jobs. Nobody has ever tipped me in my modestly paying job as a instructor. I would love to say one thing to the proprietor of the store. Could I?
HAD IT!
There’s no must create a race to the underside right here, pitting lecturers towards espresso store employees. Our economic system generates sufficient revenue to pay all employees a residing wage. Now, this is able to require fair-minded modifications in the way in which alternatives are doled out and taxes are levied. However you most likely haven’t come to me for recommendation on financial coverage.
So, on to your query: Until the cashier positioned your become the tip jar as a substitute of handing it again to you, or the automated display screen preselected a tip quantity to your buy, I’d hold quiet. Simply put your change in your pocket and choose “no tip” on the automated display screen. I get that you simply’re aggravated, however this isn’t all about you.
Tipping choices let individuals who sympathize with an issue make small contributions to alleviate it. Even when all full-time employees have been paid the minimal wage (although many usually are not), it nonetheless wouldn’t be sufficient to outlive in lots of locations. So, I tip. I additionally know that I’m not fixing the actual drawback.
Your suggestion that wages are the duty of employers is a hedge, not an answer. Many employers usually are not stepping up. So, whereas we anticipate significant change for working folks, some folks tip. You don’t should. However why make a fuss about others pitching in?
How Dare She?
My sister-in-law has three youngsters (aged 2, 4 and 6). I had a physician’s appointment, so I requested her if she might watch my 5-year-old son, who performs nicely along with her eldest son. She agreed. After my appointment, I went to her dwelling and located my son extraordinarily upset. My sister-in-law had given him a 15-minute timeout for teasing her 4-year-old daughter. I believe it was utterly mistaken for her to self-discipline my youngster. You?
MOM
Hear, I get that it was distressing to reach at your sister-in-law’s home to seek out your son upset. However while you left him in her care — together with three different youngsters underneath the age of seven — you implicitly agreed to let her use her greatest judgment with him.
In case your son was teasing her daughter and didn’t cease when requested, a short timeout appears affordable. Would you could have most well-liked to have him hold taunting her? Now, it could be that your son didn’t perceive the foundations. However that’s an argument for explaining them to him for subsequent time, not for being upset along with your sister-in-law.
Shifting Dates, and Dynamics
Two years in the past, my husband and I have been requested to be a part of a pair’s wedding ceremony get together. Again then, we lived in the identical city and noticed one another regularly. Due to the pandemic, the marriage was postponed till this summer season. We’ve been invited to be a part of the bridal get together once more. However we moved away from the world and haven’t stored in contact with the bridal couple in any respect. Can we are saying no?
FORMER FRIEND
I don’t assume you’re certain by a prepandemic promise to march down the aisle with the bridal couple. A lot has modified within the interim! If you wish to refuse due to geography, thank the couple for inviting you once more and inform them that touring to their wedding ceremony received’t be potential for you.
But when your reluctance is concerning the emotional distance between you, I’d urge you to rethink. Many people withdrew from pals through the pandemic; it bought lonely. This wedding ceremony could also be an opportunity to resume your friendship, for those who’d like that. If not, simply let the couple know shortly which you could’t make it, to allow them to exchange you.
The Ladies in My Life
I began relationship a girl just lately who will get aggravated after I speak sometimes about feminine co-workers or make plans to see feminine pals. These are purely platonic relationships. She doesn’t change the topic or ask me to not see them. However our conversations immediately take a flip for the more serious. What ought to I do?
JIM
Discuss to your girlfriend instantly about this. Give her particular examples of what appears to you want jealous habits. There could also be one other clarification. Or maybe she’s coming to the connection with a historical past of betrayal.
This isn’t your drawback to repair. However relying in your curiosity in her, you would introduce her to a few of your feminine pals and associates to assist her really feel extra snug. If the jealousy persists, although, it’s not signal to your future collectively.
For assist along with your awkward state of affairs, ship a query to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Fb or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.

Lifestyle
The songs that define America : Consider This from NPR

C.J. Gunther/AFP via Getty Images
C.J. Gunther/AFP via Getty Images
Independence Day means different things to each of us. On this 249th birthday for America, we spend some time looking at different definitions of America by revisiting NPR’s 2018 series: American Anthem — which had the simple goal of telling 50 stories about 50 songs that have become galvanizing forces in American culture.
For sponsor-free episodes of Consider This, sign up for Consider This+ via Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org.
Email us at considerthis@npr.org.
Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: I dated all kinds of complicated guys. Would L.A. men be any different?

Sitting on a plane from Budapest to Los Angeles — a journey I was familiar with — felt different this time. I was visualizing my new startup job in sunny Manhattan Beach, thinking through onboarding and first impressions. But mostly, I was excited to meet my new colleagues and make the most of my three-week stay in California.
On a whim, I messaged an old Hungarian friend I hadn’t seen in 10 years. We’d completely lost touch, and I wasn’t even sure he’d reply. But he did.
I landed in L.A. on a bright Monday afternoon at the end of September, full of curiosity and optimism. Our office was just steps from the ocean, and when I caught my first glimpse of the Pacific on the way to work, I thought: Is this really my life now?
I had no idea just how much more it would change.
That weekend, my friend Gabor and I planned a little road trip to Long Beach. He picked me up from my hotel, and we spent the day catching up, making scenic stops along the coast.
Palos Verdes left me speechless. I envy anyone seeing it for the first time. But it was Long Beach and Crystal Cove that truly stole the show.
On the drive back, Gabor casually mentioned his friend Adam, a fellow Hungarian who lived in Marina del Rey and had a boat. “We could go for a little cruise tomorrow,” he said. I had time. So sure. Why not?
Sunday arrived. I still remember seeing Adam from afar. He was tall, tanned, wearing shorts and flip-flops, and cracking jokes before even saying hello. Oh, dear God, I thought. He thinks he’s funny.
Spoiler alert: That was the day I met my future husband.
Adam started the engines and off we went. He was playful, effortlessly cool, a bit too cool for my taste. But the sun was shining, and the ocean breeze was soft. I had a cool job in my pocket and I was cruising the Pacific while escaping autumn in Europe. I couldn’t have cared less about anything else.
Suddenly, Adam turned to me and said, “Want to drive?”
“What?” I laughed. Was he serious? He just met me! Why would he hand over control of this … vessel? Still, I jumped at the opportunity.
With his guidance, I drove a yacht for the first time, an unexpectedly empowering moment.
I’ll remember that moment forever. That small, genuine gesture — offering control — meant so much to me.
Here’s the thing: I’ve always struggled with men. I was previously married, dated all kinds of complicated guys and had been single for eight years. Most of them tried to control me, made me feel like I was too much or not enough, never fully accepting the strong, fearless, curious, ambitious and adventurous woman I am. So I wasn’t looking.
But being in Adam’s presence felt different. It was respectful, natural, effortless. No games.
Still I was leaving in two weeks. No reason to overthink anything.
Before I knew it, we exchanged numbers. Adam kept reaching out. He made an effort, something I wasn’t used to. We had dinner, ran errands (yes, including doing laundry — romantic, I know), and when Gabor bailed on weekend plans, Adam proposed something bold: “Do you like road trips? Let’s explore California a bit.”
“Absolutely,” I replied without hesitation. (What was I thinking though?)
He didn’t know that travel and road trips in particular were my love language — nature too.
It was another surprising sign that maybe we had more in common than just being Hungarian. He planned everything: the itinerary, the stops, the accommodation. My contribution? A good playlist and a packed bag. For once, I wasn’t the one orchestrating it all. It felt amazing to be cared for by a capable man. And I was impressed — it was something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
We hit the road. Santa Barbara first, then Solvang for Danish pastries and strong coffee (what a gem!), then continued on to Sequoia. I was enchanted by the ancient trees and the mystical forest. The vibe between us? Electric. I half-expected a kiss, but it never came. Well, never mind.
While convincing myself we’d never become a thing, we took the scenic route back to L.A., talking openly about our pasts and dreams. The whole time, a quiet voice inside me whispered: I like the version of me next to him.
Something shifted. Suddenly, I felt a sting of sadness, knowing my final week in California was about to begin. We said we’d stay in touch. But no expectations.
Then something unexpected happened: A week that was supposed to be packed with meetings started clearing up. One by one, things got canceled, and suddenly I had time. And I knew exactly who I wanted to spend it with. I texted Adam.
In his usual casual way, he replied: “Want to go for a sunset cruise?” Yes. Always yes.
That evening was pure magic. The sea, the light, the feeling of being completely at ease.
Afterward, we had dinner at a tiny Thai place in Venice Beach. It was just us. No distractions.
While sipping wonton soup under the California sky, I realized I was falling in love. I saw the same thing in his eyes.
The next night, he took me to the beach in El Segundo. He packed a blanket, grapes, cheese and crackers. We watched the sunset, and I was wrapped in his arms. His kisses warmed me more than the sun ever could. (I know — cheesy. But true.)
Friday came, my last full day. He planned everything: a trip to the Getty, hand-in-hand laughter, sweeping city views. For the first time, I saw L.A. not just as a place to visit but as a place to stay. We had dinner in Venice and walked the pier. It was perfect.
The next morning, he drove me to Los Angeles International Airport.
“When will you be back?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I whispered, eyes brimming with tears.
But here’s the thing: Sometimes life surprises you when you least expect it.
I did come back. He did propose. And I said the easiest yes of my life.
I found the love of my life at 42, in the most unrealistic way, place and time. This month, we’re celebrating our first anniversary, happily living in Marina del Rey.
Since that first cruise, we’ve had many more — each one different, but one thing never changes: our love for each other. If you don’t believe in true love or in angels, maybe you haven’t been to L.A.
This city gave me more than a new job, a new view or a new chapter. It gave me him. And now, it’s home. Happily ever after.
The author lives in Marina del Rey. She works in people strategy and leadership development and moved to L.A. from Budapest last year.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
Actor Michael Madsen, known for 'Kill Bill' and 'Reservoir Dogs,' dead at 67

Actor Michael Madsen was found unresponsive Thursday morning, following a cardiac arrest.
Bruno Vincent/Getty Images Europe
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Bruno Vincent/Getty Images Europe
Michael Madsen, the actor known for his collaborations with director Quentin Tarantino, has died. He was found unresponsive in his Malibu home Thursday morning after a cardiac arrest. He was 67 years old.
The news was confirmed by his managers, Susan Ferris and Rob Smith, and publicist Liz Rodriguez, who sent a statement stating, “Michael Madsen was one of Hollywood’s most iconic actors, who will be missed by many.”
Madsen had more than 300 credits to his name – across film, television and video games. But he was maybe best known for his role in Quentin Tarantino’s 1992 directorial debut, Reservoir Dogs. As Mr. Blonde, he was soft-spoken yet terrifying – exemplified by the now-classic scene involving a straight-razor and an ear.
He worked with Tarantino multiple times in Kill Bill and The Hateful Eight.
According to the statement from his representatives, Madsen was “looking forward to the next chapter of his life.” He has multiple feature films upcoming, and he was preparing to release a new book, titled Tears for My Father: Outlaw Thoughts and Poems.
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