Health

Mom’s Gripes About Sister-in-Law Put Daughter in a Bind

Published

1 year ago

January 16, 2025

Mom’s Gripes About Sister-in-Law Put Daughter in a Bind

My mother is hypercritical of my brother’s wife, to the point that she blames my sister-in-law for my brother’s “failings” (not getting a better job, not taking better care of his health, etc.). It has gotten worse now that there are grandchildren. My mother constantly criticizes how my sister-in-law is raising the kids, who are lovely and adore their grandparents.

Although my mother will occasionally raise criticisms with my sister-in-law and brother, I am mostly her audience.

I have a great relationship with my sister-in-law, and when my mother goes off on one of her rants, I defend her. I tell my mother how lucky she is to have such wonderful grandchildren, and point out that my brother is an adult who makes his own decisions. This just leads to an argument between my mother and me.

When I finally told my mother how much it hurts me to hear her say these things about my sister-in-law, she said that she needed to air her frustrations with someone. I want to be there for my mother, but I don’t like being put in this position. How do I navigate this?

From the Therapist: The short answer to your question is that you can navigate this by no longer engaging in these conversations. But I imagine you already know this. What you might be less aware of is that you aren’t being “put in this position” of supportive daughter, protective sister-in-law and unwilling confidante. You’ve chosen it, and it’s worth examining why you’ve signed up for a job you don’t want — and what makes it hard to resign.

Usually when we find ourselves repeatedly engaging in uncomfortable family patterns, it’s because they echo familiar roles from our childhood. It sounds as if you’re struggling with enmeshment, a relationship pattern in which boundaries between family members become blurred or are nonexistent.

Think of enmeshment as being like two trees that have grown so close together that their branches have become intertwined. While this might look like closeness, it actually prevents either tree from growing in a healthy way. In your case, your mother’s emotions and grievances have become so entangled with your own emotional life that it’s hard to distinguish where her feelings end and yours begin.

You mention wanting to “be there” for your mom even though these conversations hurt you. Many adult children who struggle to say no to their parents grew up serving as their parents’ emotional support system, or absorbing their parents’ feelings, even at the expense of their own. When you told your mother how much her venting hurt you, she responded not by acknowledging your feelings, but by asserting her need to “air her frustrations.” Her response reveals something important: She sees you as a vessel for her emotional overflow rather than as someone with valid feelings of your own. And yet, despite your hurt, you’re still more concerned about her feelings than yours.

You’re asking how to navigate this situation, but I think the deeper question is: How can you begin to value your own emotional needs?

You can start by reframing what it means to make a reasonable request, which is essentially what setting a boundary is. A boundary isn’t about pushing someone away. Instead, it’s about making a bid for connection. It’s saying: “I want to feel good being close to you, but when you do X, it makes me want to avoid you. Help me come closer.”

Establishing a boundary consists of three steps:

State the issue and the desire to come closer (what will make this possible): “Mom, I love you and want to support you, but these conversations about my sister-in-law put me in an impossible position and make me want to avoid talking with you, which I know isn’t what either of us wants. I’m happy to talk about other things together, but in order to keep our relationship strong, I need this topic to be off limits.”
Set the boundary (what you will do): “If you’re struggling with their choices, I’m happy to support you in finding a therapist who can help you work through these feelings. But if you bring up these frustrations with me, I’m going to end the conversation and we can talk another time about other things.”
Hold the boundary (do what you say): A boundary isn’t about what the other person will or won’t do. A boundary is a contract with yourself. If you say you’ll end the conversation when your mom brings up your sister-in-law, you need to hold that boundary every single time. If you end the conversation only 90 percent of the time, then why would the other person honor your request when 10 percent of the time, you can’t honor it yourself? Honoring your request might sound like: “Mom, I’m going to end the conversation now because I’m not comfortable talking about my sister-in-law. I love you, and we’ll talk later.”

If you start to feel guilty, remember that just because someone sends you guilt doesn’t mean you have to accept delivery. Remind yourself that when you become your mother’s outlet for criticism of your sister-in-law, you’re participating in a cycle that strains loyalties and causes you personal distress. And keep in mind that being a good daughter means setting boundaries that encourage our parents to grow, rather than enabling patterns that harm our family relationships.

Want to Ask the Therapist? If you have a question, email askthetherapist@nytimes.com. By submitting a query, you agree to our reader submission terms. This column is not a substitute for professional medical advice.

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Health

March Madness sparks surprising surge in sexual procedure for men

Published

17 minutes ago

March 24, 2026

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March Madness sparks surprising surge in sexual procedure for men

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For some men, March Madness isn’t just about brackets — it’s also prime time for a vasectomy.

Previous research has shown that demand for the procedure tends to spike during the NCAA Division I men’s and women’s college basketball tournaments, which are held every spring.

Some surgeons have agreed that this is a real phenomenon, largely because the steady stream of games offers the perfect activity for men recovering on the couch.

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A vasectomy is a simple surgical procedure for men that blocks the vas deferens, the tube that transports sperm, serving as a permanent form of contraception.

Recovery typically takes a few days to a week, with doctors recommending rest for 48 hours and light activity soon after.

Previous research has shown that demand for vasectomies tends to spike during the NCAA Division I men’s and women’s college basketball tournaments, which are held every spring. (iStock)

David Gentile, MD, chief of the department of urology at Highland Hospital, recently spoke to the University of Rochester Medical Center about the uptick in vasectomies during March Madness.

“It’s a great excuse to watch without interruption.”

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“We tell patients they should plan on going home and putting their feet up after a vasectomy, so timing the procedure to watch some games while you recover works well,” he said.

“And it’s a great excuse to watch without interruption, as you won’t be able to do physical labor around the house while you’re recovering.”

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Jim Dupree, MD, associate professor of urology at Michigan Medicine, has also spoken about the trend.

“Major sporting events are a popular time for men to schedule a vasectomy because we advise them to take it easy for two to three days after the procedure,” he said in a press release for Michigan Medicine.

A vasectomy is a simple surgical procedure for men that blocks the vas deferens, the tube that transports sperm, serving as a permanent form of contraception. (iStock)

“For most men, this means sitting on the couch in front of their television, and sporting events offer them something to watch while resting.”

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Yet another surgeon, Dr. Ali Dabaja, director of male reproductive and sexual medicine at the Vattikuti Urology Institute at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit, Michigan, weighed in on the topic in 2024.

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“After a vasectomy, we ask men to rest, not to lift anything heavy, and to go back to light duties during that week. So, timing the procedure for watching some games while you recover works well, and it’s a great excuse to watch March Madness without interruption,” he told the Urology Care Foundation.

“Historically, we have usually seen a rise in vasectomy consultations and vasectomies during March Madness,” he went on. “Other urology offices have reported a rise in vasectomies between 20% to 40%.”

“After a vasectomy, we ask men to rest, not to lift anything heavy, and to go back to light duties during that week, a surgeon said. (iStock)

A 2018 study published in the journal Urology found that March was one of the higher-volume months for vasectomy procedures, but the highest peaks were actually later in the year, particularly November and December.

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There were some limitations to that study, primarily that the monthly variation was observational, and the data lacked context of patients’ behaviors and scheduling.

Melissa Rudy is senior health editor and a member of the lifestyle team at Fox News Digital. Story tips can be sent to melissa.rudy@fox.com.

Health

Wegovy Pill Side Effects To Watch for and How It Compares to Injections

Published

12 hours ago

March 24, 2026

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Wegovy Pill Side Effects To Watch for and How It Compares to Injections

Wegovy Pill Side Effects To Watch for and How To Minimize Them

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Health

Parkinson’s risk increases with exposure to common chemical, study suggests

Published

12 hours ago

March 24, 2026

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Parkinson’s risk increases with exposure to common chemical, study suggests

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A pesticide commonly used in America’s food supply has been linked to Parkinson’s disease, new research suggests.

A UCLA study published in the journal Springer Nature Link suggests that exposure to chlorpyrifos could increase the risk of the neurological disease.

The chemical is often used on agricultural products like soybeans, fruit and nut trees, broccoli, cauliflower and other row crops, according to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.

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The study compared 829 people with Parkinson’s to 824 people without the disease over a 45-year period, focusing on their proximity to chlorpyrifos.

The researchers also conducted mouse experiments, where mice inhaled the pesticide as humans would for 11 weeks. Experiments were also carried out on zebrafish to study cell-level brain damage.

Chlorpyrifos is often used on agricultural products like soybeans, fruit and nut trees, broccoli, cauliflower and other row crops, according to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. (iStock)

In humans, the study revealed that long-term exposure to chlorpyrifos led to more than a 2.5 times higher risk of Parkinson’s.

In mice, exposure to the pesticide caused movement problems similar to Parkinson’s symptoms, loss of dopamine-producing neurons, increased brain inflammation and build-up of harmful proteins.

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Zebrafish suffered brain cell death and damage linked to failure in the cell’s “cleanup system,” according to the study press release.

Dr. Jeff Bronstein, director of the Movement Disorders Program at UCLA and professor of neurology and molecular toxicology, noted that previous human studies also suggested an association between chlorpyrifos exposure and Parkinson’s.

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“[We were] surprised that the mechanism of toxicity was apparent in both mice and zebrafish,” he said. “We rarely find such consistent results in different animal models.”

A researcher commented that the consistency in results between human and animal subjects is “rare.” (iStock)

The researcher emphasized that the association between pesticide exposure and Parkinson’s was “very strong,” and the longer someone was exposed, the higher the risk became.

“People should avoid exposure to CPF and similar pesticides (organophosphates) by not using them in their home, eating organics, and washing fruits and vegetables before eating them,” Bronstein advised.

Study limitations

The study did have some limitations, the researchers acknowledged, primarily that it was observational, meaning it shows an association but cannot prove causation.

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It also estimated exposure based on participants’ locations, and did not measure diet, indoor exposure or personal lifestyle behaviors. Additionally, the results of the animal models can’t be translated directly to humans.

There was also the possibility that chlorpyrifos was used along with other chemicals, which means it could be difficult to measure its specific impact, the study noted.

Chlorpyrifos is used to control different kinds of pests, like termites, mosquitoes and roundworms, among crops. (iStock)

Industry reaction

Chlorpyrifos is used to control different kinds of pests, like termites, mosquitoes and roundworms, among crops, according to the National Pesticide Information Center (NPIC) at Oregon State University.

People can be exposed to the pesticide by breathing it in or by consuming contaminated food or water.

In 2021, the EPA banned the use of chlorpyrifos on food crops, but a federal appeals court overturned that decision in 2023, allowing its use to resume on some crops while regulators revisit the rule.

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In January 2026, the EPA issued an update outlining plans to move forward with a rule that would ban most uses of chlorpyrifos.

“Chlorpyrifos is subject to registration review, a process required under FIFRA (the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act) in which registered pesticides are comprehensively evaluated every 15 years against current safety standards and the latest scientific evidence,” the EPA said in a statement sent to Fox News Digital.

“EPA is currently developing a revised human health risk assessment for chlorpyrifos as part of that review, and will consider this study alongside any other relevant submissions,” the agency said in a statement sent to Fox News Digital. (Getty)

“EPA is currently developing a revised human health risk assessment for chlorpyrifos as part of that review, and will consider this study alongside any other relevant submissions. Where the science calls for stronger protections or tolerance revocations, EPA will act without hesitation and without delay.”

Fox News Digital reached out to several manufacturers of the chemical for comment.

“People should avoid exposure to CPF and similar pesticides.”

Corteva, an Indiana agrichemical company formed in 2019 through the merger of Dow Chemical and DuPont, announced in 2020 that it would end production of chlorpyrifos within the year, citing declining sales.

In April 2022, the German chemical company BASF requested the cancellation of its pesticide registrations for products containing chlorpyrifos.

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“BASF does not manufacture chlorpyrifos and does not have any pesticide registrations issued by the U.S. EPA for chlorpyrifos-containing products,” the company told Fox News Digital.

No products from Corteva or BASF were included in the study linking chlorpyrifos to Parkinson’s disease.

Angelica Stabile is a lifestyle reporter for Fox News Digital.