Health
Grieving during Mother’s Day: 5 tips for navigating the first holiday after losing a mom
Mother’s Day is a celebration for most. Yet for those who have lost their moms, it can be a difficult day marked by grief and isolation.
“The first year after any loss can be awful, but the holidays stand out in particular,” noted Rebecca Feinglos, a certified grief support specialist in North Carolina and founder of Grieve Leave, an online community to support grievers.
“Your first Mother’s Day after the death of your mom can make her absence feel even more real. It’s a stark reminder of the permanence of the loss.”
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For those who had a close bond with their mother, Feinglos said the absence can feel like a “gaping hole” in their everyday lives.
“And for those whose relationships with their mothers were less than ideal, Mother’s Day can bring up a whole different set of emotions,” she said.
For those who have lost their mothers, Mother’s Day can be a difficult day to manage. A certified grief support specialist (not pictured) shares insights and help for coping. (iStock)
“There may be a mix of grief for the relationship they never had, along with anger or resentment over past hurts.”
“The key is to be intentional about how you want to spend the day.”
It doesn’t help that Mother’s Day is a highly publicized holiday with such an emphasis on the mother-child relationship, Feinglos said.
“Everywhere you turn, there are advertisements, social media posts and conversations centered around celebrating mothers,” she said.
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“For those who have recently lost their mom, this constant barrage of Mother’s Day messaging can feel like salt in the wound, regardless of the circumstances of their relationship.”
“For those who have recently lost their mom, [the] constant barrage of Mother’s Day messaging can feel like salt in the wound, regardless of the circumstances of their relationship,” an expert said. (iStock)
For those who are approaching their first Mother’s Day after losing a mom, Feinglos offered five tips for navigating the difficult emotions.
1. Make a plan
“Trust me, you don’t want to wake up on your first motherless Mother’s Day with no idea of how to spend the day,” Feinglos said.
“That’s a recipe for a major grief spiral and for potentially doom-scrolling other people’s ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ posts.”
The expert recommends thinking in advance about what you might want your day to look like — and then planning for it.
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“It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Maybe it’s watching your mom’s favorite movies on Netflix, ordering her favorite takeout, or going for a hike on a trail you used to walk together,” she said.
“The key is to be intentional about how you want to spend the day.”
“The first year after any loss can be awful, but the holidays stand out in particular,” a grief expert noted. (iStock)
If you do decide to venture out, Feinglos said, it’s important to be prepared for Mother’s Day-focused events, including restaurant menu specials.
“If that feels like too much to handle, consider having an at-home dinner plan instead,” she suggested.
2. Reach out to others
Grief can be isolating, Feinglos said, and it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who has ever felt this way.
“But when you’re open and willing to ask for help, you might be surprised by how much better you’ll feel just saying that you’re having a tough time,” she said.
“Your first Mother’s Day after the death of your mom can make her absence feel even more real.”
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or just need someone to talk to, Feinglos said to take the initiative in reaching out, rather than waiting for someone to contact you.
“Pick up the phone, send a text or even just post on social media about how you’re feeling,” she suggested.
Those who are grieving should reach out to family and friends for support, an expert advised. (iStock)
“I have a feeling that your community will be ready and willing to offer their support.”
3. Let people support you
Those who are grieving may be afraid that they’re a burden on friends and loved ones, Feinglos noted.
“But here’s the thing: The people who care about you want to be there for you,” she said.
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“So, when your best friend offers to come over on Mother’s Day and hang out, or your sibling suggests a family Zoom call, say yes. Letting others show up for you can make the day feel a little less overwhelming.”
4. Create a ritual to make space for your grief
One of the most meaningful things you can do on Mother’s Day, according to Feinglos, is to “intentionally create a ritual that makes space for your grief.”
Journaling or writing a letter to your late mother is one way to process your feelings on Mother’s Day. (iStock)
“That could mean writing your late mother a letter and burning it or casting it into a body of water, visiting a place that was special to both of you, listening to her favorite music — or doing something that reflects her values and passions,” she said.
The idea is to do something intentional that helps you feel connected to your mom, even though she’s not physically there, the expert said.
“By creating space for your grief, you’re giving yourself permission to feel all the complicated emotions that come with loss.”
“Your relationship with your person can continue even when they’ve died,” Feinglos said.
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“By creating space for your grief, you’re giving yourself permission to feel all the complicated emotions that come with loss.”
5. Know that there are different shades of grief
Grief doesn’t follow any rules or timelines, Feinglos said — and it can look completely different from one person to the next, especially because every bond is unique.
“There’s no one ‘normal’ way grief plays out,” she said.
“For some, it might hit like a tsunami of tears, especially on gut-punch days like Mother’s Day.”
It’s important not to suppress or ignore feelings of grief on Mother’s Day, a mental health expert said. (iStock)
“Maybe you vacillate between being present one moment and feeling utterly numb the next, laughing through tears one day and feeling bitter anger the next.”
On a day like Mother’s Day, Feinglos said, you might find that your thoughts loop back to your loved one regularly, or you could tend to avoid anything that could stir up memories.
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Whatever way your grief manifests, Feinglos emphasized the importance of not trying to suppress or ignore it.
“At its core, grief underscores one truth: You’re alive, you’re human, and you’re going through a loss,” an expert said. (iStock)
“When we disregard our grief, it can pop back up in ways that are really inconvenient, or even scary — like lashing out at loved ones, feeling hopeless or [engaging in] risky behaviors,” she told Fox News Digital.
“Give yourself the space and time to relearn what your life is like now with this loss in mind,” she continued.
“At its core, grief underscores one truth: You’re alive, you’re human, and you’re going through a loss.”
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A new report by the American Heart Association (AHA) included some troubling predictions for the future of women’s health.
The forecast, published in the journal Circulation on Wednesday, projected increases in various comorbidities in American females by 2050.
More than 59% of women were predicted to have high blood pressure, up from less than 49% currently.
The review also projected that more than 25% of women will have diabetes, compared to about 15% today, and more than 61% will have obesity, compared to 44% currently.
As a result of these risk factors, the prevalence of cardiovascular disease and stroke is expected to rise to 14.4% from 10.7%.
The prevalence of cardiovascular disease and stroke in women is expected to rise to 14.4% from 10.7% by 2050. (iStock)
Not all trends were negative, as unhealthy cholesterol prevalence is expected to drop to about 22% from more than 42% today, the report stated.
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Dr. Elizabeth Klodas, a cardiologist and founder of Step One Foods in Minnesota, commented on these “jarring findings.”
“The fact that on our current trajectory, cardiometabolic disease is projected to explode in women within one generation should be a huge wake-up call,” she told Fox News Digital.
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“Hypertension, diabetes, obesity — these are all major risk factors for heart disease, and we are already seeing what those risks are driving. Heart disease is the No. 1 killer of women, eclipsing all other causes of death, including breast cancer.”
Cardiovascular disease is the leading cause of death for women in the U.S. and around the world. (iStock)
Klodas warned that heart disease starts early, progresses “stealthily,” and can present “out of the blue in devastating ways.”
The AHA published another study on Thursday revealing one million hospitalizations, showing that heart attack deaths are climbing among adults below the age of 55.
The more alarming finding, according to Klodas, is that young women were found more likely to die after their first heart attack than men of the same age.
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“This is all especially tragic since heart disease is almost entirely preventable,” she said. “The earlier you start, the better.”
Children can show early evidence of plaque deposition in their arteries, which can be reversed through lifestyle changes if “undertaken early enough and aggressively enough,” according to the expert.
Moving more is one part of protecting a healthy heart, according to experts. (iStock)
Klodas suggested that rising heart conditions are associated with traditional risk factors, like smoking, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, obesity and a sedentary lifestyle.
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Doctors are also seeing higher rates of preeclampsia, or high blood pressure during pregnancy, as well as gestational diabetes. Klodas noted that these are sex-specific risk factors that don’t typically contribute to complications until after menopause.
The best way to protect a healthy heart is to “do the basics,” Klodas recommended, including the following lifestyle habits.
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Klodas especially emphasized making improvements to diet, as the food people eat affects “every single risk factor that the AHA’s report highlights.”
“High blood pressure, high blood sugar, high cholesterol, excess weight – these are all conditions that are driven in part or in whole by food,” she said. “We eat multiple times every single day, which means what we eat has profound cumulative effects over time.”
“Even a small improvement in dietary intake, when maintained, can have a massive positive impact on health,” a doctor said. (iStock)
“Even a small improvement in dietary intake, when maintained, can have a massive positive impact on health.”
The doctor also recommends changing out a few snacks per day for healthier choices, which has been proven to “yield medication-level cholesterol reductions” in a month.
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“Keep up that small change and, over the course of a year, you could also lose 20 pounds and reduce your sodium intake enough to avoid blood pressure-lowering medications,” Klodas added.
“Women should not view the AHA report as inevitable. We have power over our health destinies. We just need to use it.”
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Nearsightedness (myopia) is skyrocketing globally, with nearly half of the world’s population expected to be myopic by 2050, according to the World Health Organization.
Heavy use of smartphones and other devices is associated with an 80% higher risk of myopia when combined with excessive computer use, but a new study suggests that dim indoor lighting could also be a factor.
For years, scientists have been puzzled by the different ways myopia is triggered. In lab settings, it can be induced by blurring vision or using different lenses. Conversely, it can be slowed by something as simple as spending time outdoors, research suggests.
Nearsightedness occurs when the eyeball grows too long from front to back, according to the American Optometric Association (AOA). This physical elongation causes light to focus in front of the retina rather than directly on it, making distant objects appear blurry.
The study suggests that myopia isn’t caused by the digital devices themselves, but by the low-light environments where they are typically used. (iStock)
Researchers at the State University of New York (SUNY) College of Optometry identified a potential specific trigger for this growth. When someone looks at a phone or a book up close, the pupil naturally constricts.
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“In bright outdoor light, the pupil constricts to protect the eye while still allowing ample light to reach the retina,” Urusha Maharjan, a SUNY Optometry doctoral student who conducted the study, said in a press release.
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“When people focus on close objects indoors, such as phones, tablets or books, the pupil can also constrict — not because of brightness, but to sharpen the image,” she went on. “In dim lighting, this combination may significantly reduce retinal illumination.”
High-intensity natural light prevents myopia because it provides enough retinal stimulation to override the “stop growing” signal, even when pupils are constricted. (iStock)
The hypothesis suggests that when the retina is deprived of light during extended close-up work, it sends a signal for the eye to grow.
In a dim environment, the narrowed pupil allows so little light through that the retinal activity isn’t strong enough to signal the eye to stop growing, the researchers found.
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In contrast, being outdoors provides light levels much brighter than indoors. This ensures that even when the pupil narrows to focus on a nearby object, the retina still receives a strong signal, maintaining healthy eye development.
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The team noted some limitations of the study, including the small subject group and the inability to directly measure internal lens changes, as the bright backgrounds used to mimic the outdoors made pupils too small for standard equipment.
Researchers believe that increasing indoor brightness during close-up work could be a simple, testable way to slow the global nearsightedness epidemic. (iStock)
“This is not a final answer,” Jose-Manuel Alonso, MD, PhD, SUNY distinguished professor and senior author of the study, said in the release.
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“But the study offers a testable hypothesis that reframes how visual habits, lighting and eye focusing interact.”
The study was published in the journal Cell Reports.
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