It’s not a great movie, and no one cares.

Michael Jackson fans turned out in force around the world this weekend. They drove receipts for “Michael,” directed Antoine Fuqua, to around $217.4 million counting every country. In the US, $97 million.

So Lions Gate says.

The result is the biggest opening ever for a musical biopic.

Damn the critics, which gave it a 40% on Rotten Tomatoes, including yours truly.

The movie is fact free, riddled with narrative issues. But no one blinked an eye. They just wanted to see Michael Jackson sing and dance, moonwalk, twirl around, and perform the most popular music since the Beatles.

Indeed, Jackson’s three main albums — “Thriller,” “Bad,” and “Off the Wall” — are in the Amazon top 10.

The huge amount of money is partially because the film opened in 1,700 IMAX theaters, almost half its venues in the US. The prices are high — up to $30 in some locations. That’s twice the price of a regular movie ticket in the most expensive theater.

Fuqua’s movie and its success says nothing about truthfulness, which is no longer an issue in the Trump-verse. It’s about entertainment. It’s 17 years since Michael Jackson died, but his music has never gone away despite lingering accusations of child molestation. The audience was thirsty to see the King of Pop again, and that’s what Fuqua gave them. No third act? No problem.

Kudos to the producers also for casting Michael’s real life nephew, Jaafar Jackson, to play his uncle. That was value added for fans, who couldn’t get enough of the story. And to be the son of the man who sang “Word to the Badd,” and wrote a book about resenting his brother — well, that’s PR lightning in a bottle.

The last time I heard Anne Hathaway sing was in 2012 when I saw her give the performance of a lifetime in “Les Misérables” as Fantine. I was eight years old.

Therefore, when I saw that Hathaway would be starring in a new musical drama — an A24 film, at that — with original music written by Jack Antonoff, Charli XCX and FKA Twigs, my 21-year-old self was intrigued.

In retrospect, I should have just re-watched “Les Mis.”

The film opens with mega-famous pop star Mother Mary, played by Hathaway, as she enters the stage of a packed stadium and performs to her adoring fans. Her wardrobe, sound, energy and overall aesthetic are reminiscent of Lady Gaga, and were, to me, obviously inspired by the well-known singer.

Viewers are then introduced to Sam Anselm — played by Michaela Coel — a clearly successful and respected British designer in her studio that also doubles as her home. Sam enters her bedroom from her studio and lies down. During the scene, viewers can hear Sam’s inner dialogue.

“I haven’t seen her in over 10 years, but I could tell she was coming from a thousand miles away,” Sam’s voice says as she falls in a fetal position on her bed.

Mother Mary, who is not referred to in any other way for the entirety of the film, then shows up to Sam’s studio as rain pours down in London, looking disgruntled, pale and generally unhappy — opposite of the Mother Mary we saw on stage a few scenes ago.

Mother Mary storms through Sam’s studio up to her bedroom as many of Sam’s assistants try to stop her, while also looking in shock as they realize they are in the presence of the iconic pop star.

After breaking through the assistants and storming into Sam’s room, the two have a conversation as Sam tries to get to the bottom of why Mother Mary is really there. In this scene, it is implied that Sam was once Mother Mary’s designer and the two shared a close bond, but that Mother Mary did something to destroy their relationship.

With tensions high in the room, Mother Mary reveals she needs a dress for a performance that is happening in three days. This isn’t just any performance, though — this is her first performance since “the incident.”

“The incident” is different from whatever occurred between Sam and Mother Mary. “The incident” happened after Sam and Mother Mary’s relationship ended, but Sam knows all about it, as it was all over social media. Whatever happened traumatized Mother Mary, and she has not performed since — until now.

After Mother Mary begs and pleads with Sam to make her a dress that “feels like her,” Sam begrudgingly agrees. Then the two get to work.

As Sam takes Mother Mary’s measurements, holds up different fabrics to the singer and tries to get a feel for what Mother Mary is looking for in a comeback dress, the layers start to peel back on what happened between the two of them, and what happened to Mother Mary in “the incident.” The film gives most of the context through flashbacks that appear in the design warehouse they are working in, in a very A24 fashion.

Through the two working together on the dress and also hashing out their issues from years past, it is finally revealed to viewers what happened between Sam and Mother Mary and also what happened to Mother Mary more recently in “the incident.”

The reasoning behind their relationship ending was anticlimactic, while the story of “the incident” was just ridiculous. When this information is revealed to viewers around three-quarters of the way through the film, it turns into a horror-style drama. As a fan of horror, this plot was just too silly to get on board with.

There was a lot of symbolism that felt on-the-nose, which was nice when you’re trying to catch on to deeper meanings, but the whole film felt very “fake deep” in that way. Similarly, Sam and Mother Mary pretty much only speak to each other in metaphors, which they even directly address at one point, but the dialog translates pretty cringe-worthy.

One thing to appreciate about the film was the tension between the two main characters. The feeling of betrayal from Sam left you wondering what happened between them — only to be unimpressed with the answer — and if their relationship went not only beyond designer and model, but also beyond friendship. It would have been interesting if the film explored their potentially romantic relationship in more depth.

The film also is very slow, creating boredom for the first part of the movie, and was still boring even when the plot picked up, because everything occurring was so confusing and unremarkable.

The film ends with an important breakthrough for Sam and Mother Mary, which honestly left me more perplexed than anything else. I wanted to be mind-blown by all of it, but it just came across as various creative swings and misses. The acting was so dramatic and exaggerated, which was impressive and enjoyable, but met with the lackluster plot, it made the film seem kind of full of itself.

On the note of acting, the acting was not an issue with the movie. Hathaway and Coel give great performances, and other notable actors including Hunter Schaefer and FKA Twigs give enjoyable performances as well. Paired with a better plot and better execution, this small cast would be unstoppable.

The original songs written for Mother Mary were also not half-bad, and fans of Antonoff, FKA Twigs and Charli XCX will likely enjoy the musical moments.

As someone who not only truly wanted to enjoy “Mother Mary,” but also someone who tends to love movies that leave me baffled, this one missed the mark.

Rating: 2/5

Bailey Zimmerman performed Friday night at Stagecoach, where his set mixed post-grunge country hits like “Religiously” and “Where It Ends” with a cover of Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb” and an appearance by BigXthaPlug on their duet “All the Way.” Before Zimmerman’s set, I met with the 26-year-old singer inside a denim-bedecked pop-up presented by American Eagle, for whom Zimmerman serves as an official spokesbro.

Did you only agree to become an American Eagle ambassador because you thought you might be able to meet Sydney Sweeney?
I would understand why you would think that. But honestly, no — it was a full circle moment in my life. Before my American Eagle deal, I had all the American Eagle underwear. They couldn’t send me new ones — I had ’em all.

Do you get free jeans?
They give me everything for free.

Could you get me some free jeans?
Maybe? I could do one of those things where I’m like, “Oh, it’s for me,” but it’s really for you.

By my count, this is your fourth Stagecoach in a row.
Yep.

You never miss this, bro.
It’s my favorite time of the year — it’s sick. I come out here the whole weekend. The first year, I brought my best friends, and we’ve done it every year since — all my friends and their fiancees now because we’re getting older and they’re getting married. So it’s just a big party all weekend. It’s something I look forward to.

Speaking of getting married, last year you you told me you were looking for a wife. Any progress?
Well, you know, honestly, I’m still just kind of doing my thing. I’m on God’s timing, truly —I’m just letting it roll.

You’re a Justin Bieber guy.
Beliebe it.

“Swag” or “Swag II”?
I was hesitant to want to listen to “Swag II” because I love “Swag I” so much. But then once you get into “Swag II,” it’s like, Dude, this is so fire, bro. Both albums are so fire — I’ll listen to either one.

Did you watch Bieberchella?
Yes!

What did you think of the YouTube of it all?
I thought it was really cool. I loved it — it was just something way different. I’ve never seen that done like that. Iconic — I would call it iconic. That’ll go down in history.

Bailey Zimmerman on Stagecoach’s main stage.

(Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Times)

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You have a current radio hit, “Chevy Silverado.” What was your first truck?
A 2005 white Chevy Silverado. That’s what the song’s about.

Yes, of course. But I didn’t know it was true to life — I thought you were using writerly inspiration.
No, true to life, man. My grandpa had a 2005 crew-cab short-bed Chevy Silverado, and I bought it off of him. I had to borrow money from my bank in my hometown, and I bought it of him because times weren’t good at the time. When the used car dealership was going good, maybe he would’ve given it to me, but at that time, it wasn’t going good, so I had to borrow money and have a payment at the bank. Adult things.

You know where that truck is now?
I still have it. Honestly, I didn’t think anybody would resonate with the song — I didn’t think anybody would listen to it just because it was so personal to me. Every single line is a real life story from my life, so to see it resonating with everybody and seeing it do what it’s doing — it’s so cool, man.