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Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Under Paris’ on Netflix, a shark-in-the-Seine thriller that delivers the ludicrousness you crave

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Stream It Or Skip It: ‘Under Paris’ on Netflix, a shark-in-the-Seine thriller that delivers the ludicrousness you crave

Thanks to Shark Week and Sharknado, it doesn’t take much to get a goofy-ass shark movie greenlit these days – hence Under Paris (now on Netflix), whose pitch line was likely, “What if a giant shark cruised up the Seine – days before a triathlon?” If you’re worried that this is just another purposely-bad-CG Syfy original, allay those concerns, because veteran director Xavier Gens (you should see his deranged debut, Frontier(s)) is on the job, with Berenice Bejo (an Oscar nominee for The Artist) in the lead. But having some recognizable names involved doesn’t mean the movie can’t be at least a little bit ridiculous, as I found out. (Note: The film is the subject of a copyright lawsuit that may see it get pulled from Netflix, so if you’re all in on seeing it, you might want to get to it soon.)

UNDER PARIS: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: We open with one of those hilarious overly detailed subtitles: NORTH PACIFIC. MISSION OCEAN ORIGINS. PROJECT “EVOLUTIONS.” A BUNCH OF LONGITUDE AND LATITUDE GIBBERISH. This is very important detail! Why? Because knowing the longitude and latitude to 25 digits is crucial to understanding that this scene is playing out in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, duh! We’re on a boat with some shark people who tag sharks and track sharks and study sharks and aren’t at all afraid of sharks – BUT THEY SHOULD BE. I’d name them but, as you’re no doubt delighted to learn, some of them don’t last very long, because what is a shark movie without someone’s chomped-off arm floating through the water? Sophia (Bejo) barely survives an encounter with a toothy sweetie named Lilith that she’s been following for a while – a toothy sweetie who’s tripled in size in an astonishingly short amount of time, and has become terribly aggressive. So it goes.

THREE YEARS LATER, BUT WE DON’T NEED LONGITUDE AND LATITUDE BECAUSE WE’RE IN PARIS NOW. Sophia works at the aquarium, conducting informational tours for nasty little school shits who tease her about how her former research team became chum. She meets a couple of young women, Mika (Lea Leviant) and Caro (Sandra Parfait), who have a super badass underground lair full of computers and a big projector and screen that they use to track sharks because they love sharks and want to protect sharks. Don’t ask how they afford all this. They’ve spotted a shark in the Seine River, and it’s not just any shark, it’s Lilith, her tracker still intact, and all of Sophia’s trauma comes flooding back. Now, we shouldn’t ask why the very same shark that nearly ate Sophia is now essentially ringing her doorbell pretending to be delivering a candygram, but I’m going to ask it anyway, and make the very reasonable assumption that it’s not a coincidence, but rather a Jaws: The Revenge development where the shark knows where she lives and wants to finish the job. Who says sharks don’t deserve a little closure too?

Sophia gets the river cops involved, led by Adil (Nassim Lyes), who doesn’t believe her assertion that there’s a giant shark in his river, because that has to be a big raging pile of bull roar, right? It takes some cheesy jump scares and some chomping on his fellow cops to convince him that it’s not, though. They go to the mayor (Anne Marivin), a very aggressive eater of lunch who just doesn’t want to hear any of this because she just spent like a billion dollars on PR and logistics for a triathlon that’s a trial run for the Olympics, so get the hell out of her office with this shark nonsense, please, prompting all of us to put her at the top of the list of people who need to get chomped. Wait, did I just type “triathlon”? As in “hundreds of swimmers splashing around like bait”? I did. Oh hell. Will Sophie and Adil save them or WILL THE SEINE FLOW WITH BLOOD? God, I hope it’s the latter. 

Under Paris
Photo: Netflix

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: With zero apologies whatsoever to The Meg, Under Paris is the best shark movie since please-don’t-eat-Blake-Lively thriller The Shallows. And yes, I know that’s not saying much. 

Performance Worth Watching: With all due respect to a vet like Bejo, who very ably sells some of this silliness, we’re not here to see her. No, we’re here to see how fake the CGI shark looks. 

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Memorable Dialogue: Sophia explains away all the plot holes about little sharky-poo’s unusual behavior: “Lilith is the first of a new species.”

Sex and Skin: No time for love when you’re trying not to get apex-predatored.

Our Take: But, I can hear you asking, does all this pay off? Yeah, sort of. The action and drama ramps up for a third act that hits ludicrous speed – it really goes plaid – in a pair of sequences that are a bit hacked-up in the editing room, but deliver some reasonably satisfying carnage, and can be pretty merciless when it comes to the fates of key characters. The film courts ingenuity by setting scenes in the flooded underground catacombs of Paris, which is a way of setting shark-slaughter in an ancient crypt without contorting reality too egregiously. You won’t be surprised to learn that our heroes concoct a Plan So Crazy It Might Just Work, even though it’s kind of confusing and murkily executed when it comes down to showing us what exactly is going on.

But this also means we don’t get any real laughs out of Under Paris for more than an hour – which may lead you to believe that the movie might be “about” something, like evolution or climate change or (sigh) trauma. Don’t bite on those red herrings though. Gens clamps down on the tone and keeps things fairly serious — he sidesteps campiness for the most part, which is no easy feat — until the jackass mayor turns up as the villain who consciously doesn’t give a rip about human life, unlike the shark, who’s just doing as her instincts dictate: Being entertaining in a dumbass movie. Isn’t that what sharks were put on this planet to do? 

Our Call: We don’t go into a shark thriller with high expectations, so Under Paris being merely good enough is plenty to warrant a recommendation. STREAM IT. 

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John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. 

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Movie Reviews

Cora Bora (2024) – Movie Review

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Cora Bora (2024) – Movie Review

Cora Bora, 2024.

Directed by Hannah Pearl Utt.
Starring Megan Stalter, Jojo T. Gibbs, Manny Jacinto, Ayden Mayeri, Thomas Mann, Chrissie Fit, Andre Hyland, Chelsea Peretti, Margaret Cho, and Darrell Hammond.

SYNOPSIS:

Fearing her relationship status, Cora returns home to win her girlfriend back, but she realizes much more than her love life needs salvaging.

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Who knew Cora Bora would be the most triggering film of the year? No, we aren’t talking about the jokes. The comedy did not offend me, but the film surprisingly hit so close to home that it almost felt ripped out of my social media feeds. We all know someone like Cora, brought to life by comedian Megan Stalter.

That friendship can be tiresome and toxic. We struggle with the growing pains as they seek redemption for their past deeds. That’s what watching Cora Bora conjured up, the feelings of watching the awkward comeback of a person from your past, and goodness, it has its ups and downs.

Director Hannah Pearl Utt deserves all the acclaim for nailing this indie darling and walking the fine line of handling an insufferable leading character. And that is not a swipe against Megan Stalter, who plays the role with true conviction and perfection, but it’s a role that asks a lot from its viewers.

In the grand tradition of “I’ve messed up my life and have to return home” dramedies, Cora Bora follows our titular protagonist as they make the walk of shame back home and bring a cloud of chaos with them. Coming off a rough run in Los Angeles, Cora ventures back to Portland to confront what she believes is her long-distance girlfriend, Justine (Jojo T. Gibbs), having an affair…even though they’re in an open relationship.

That exact contradiction is the basis for so much of what happens with Cora that it quickly begins to wear thin on you. Still, Hannah Pearl Utt’s direction and Statler’s performance reel it back at the moment of pure second-hand embarrassment.

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That’s not to say cringe and awkward moments aren’t the basis for most of the comedy, as is how the media is geared at this demographic. I just chalked it up to not understanding the chunks of comedic bits I didn’t enjoy in the film, as it sometimes felt super Gen-Z.

Surprisingly, the “drama” is where I felt most of the film’s weight, seeing that Megan Statler had more range than the early parts of the script gave her. A particular monologue from late in the movie rounds out many character choices, even if it would still take me a lot to justify just how much of a headache Cora was early on.

Again, that’s the odd beauty of the film. Hannah Pearl Utt thrusts you into this situation with a realness that makes you look into your life.

Outside of Megan Stalter, no actor or performance stands out. And that’s no fault of the performers themselves. Great talents like Manny Jacinto, Jojo T. Gibbs, and Margaret Cho barely exist to support our protagonist’s journey, so they come off like NPCs in a video game rather than supporting roles.

It’s easy to chalk this up as a vehicle to get Megan Stalter into the mainstream and serve as a comedy showcase, but it would work better if she had better characters to work off of. Take Chris Farley’s Tommy Boy or Adam Sandler’s Billy Madison; both served as essential showcases for the central talents, but they at least knew to surround the lead with worthwhile characters. Even with that, there are small glimmers of what could work, and those actors make the most of them. Jacinto gets the most character development and makes every charming moment believable, even in the most unbelievable circumstances.

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Returning to the likability and the grating nature of the film’s tone, it does hamper the overall experience when the characters are contrived or off-putting. As someone who doesn’t like the quirky tone of a Portlandia, it feels like this film is filled with the little weirdos you’d meet there.

Come for Megan Stalter’s comedy, but stay for that powerful monologue. When she eventually wants to leave comedy behind and become a prestige actress, it could be there. Let’s hope she doesn’t hang around in the cringe trenches too long.

Cora Bora is a great starting point for all involved, but it lacks the secret sauce that elevates it from a “Meet This Bright New Talent Movie” to an all-time comedy classic.

Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★

EJ Moreno

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=embed/playlist

 

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Movie Reviews

Rail Movie Review: A story lost on the tracks

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Rail Movie Review: A story lost on the tracks

Rail Movie Synopsis: Muthaiah, an electrician and alcoholic, feels his world slipping away as migrants from the north take his jobs. He’s got a wife who despises him and a neighbour, Sunil, who he despises in return. What is the dynamic that plays out between the three forms the crux of Rail.

Rail Movie Review: Initially titled “Vadakan”, which got rejected by the censor board, Rail follows Muthaiah (Kungumaraj) in a village somewhere near Madurai. The opening scene itself shows him passed out among the bushes, but like clockwork, his buddy Varadhan (Ramesh Vaidya) arrives to pull him into their daily drinking routine. Muthaiah’s wife, Chellama (Vairamala), hates him more and more when he comes home wasted every day. They have a neighbour Sunil, a worker from Mumbai, who is nice and hardworking. Muthaiah thinks that all these migrants are the source of his woes, and he can’t stand the sight of Sunil. To cut to the chase, Sunil dies in a bike accident and Muthiah’s story is all about his decline and eventual redemption.

There’s a mismatch in Rail. Muthaiah is portrayed as a good-for-nothing drunkard, yet the source of his woes are outsiders? That’s fine if the intention was to show entitlement, but then his arc has a soft spot with the whole fatherhood angle. Like, the guy has a drinking problem, that’s it. There’s plenty of chances to find work and make things right with his wife. His blood alcohol level won’t let him function as a normal human being. And that’s pretty much all we see of Muthaiah in this film: drinking and whining. We barely know anything about how migrants displace locals, as the only worker we follow is Sunil.

The film’s a bit monotonous. You go from a shabby home where the couple and Sunil live, to the bushes and a watering spot off-road where Muthaiah and his buddy drink daily. There’s not much to read between the lines. What you see is what you get. Same vibe and no substance is not a good mix. As mentioned, they tried to give Muthaiah a redemption arc in the second half, but it’s messed up by how quickly his wife and father-in-law forgive him for stealing Sunil’s money. You’re just unamused.

Kungumaraj and Vairamala did what the script asked, and they’re solid. Ramesh Vaidya’s screenscape is decent and some of his comedy lands. Theni Eswar has captured a few impressive scenes. Janani’s music is adequate.

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Rail is a social-drama that doesn’t have a start or a destination to even derail. The movie goes down some road and you’ll still be wondering what it all means after watching it.

Written By: Abhinav Subramanian

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Movie Reviews

BATWHEELS: Episodes 1.1-1.3 Review

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BATWHEELS: Episodes 1.1-1.3 Review
The first three animated episodes of BATWHEELS streaming on Max bring to life the world of Batman and his crime-fighting colleagues, Robin and Bat Girl. Batman, Robin and Batgirl’s talking vehicles team up to help the three heroes fight crime and keep Gotham City safe. The first three episodes find the team confronting Joker and his girlfriend, Harley Quinn, the Penguin’s souped up Ducky Boat and Mr. Freeze.

The action BATWHEELS is set during the cloak of night in Gotham City. So, the animation is visually dark. However, the creators employ bright colors through the character’s outfits and the animation to make the series lively. The episodes aren’t long, but they keep viewers of all ages engaged and even laughing. BATWHEEELS has a strong moral worldview. It promotes helping others without expecting anything in return, staying together as a team, and instilling confidence in others by believing in them. Episode Three even has a strong redemptive theme of love thy enemy. Each episode contains fights that aren’t overly violent. There are some scenes involving creepy villains, however. So, Movieguide® suggests discernment for younger children.

(BB, C, V):

Dominant Worldview and Other Worldview Content/Elements:

Strong moral worldview promotes helping others without expecting anything in return, staying together as a team, and instilling confidence in others by believing in them, plus Episode Three has a redemptive theme of loving thy enemy, which leads to repentance;

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Foul Language:

No foul language;

Violence:

A few scenes contain mild violence with several heroes and villains fighting one another such as vehicle chases, villain’s boat causes vehicles to crash, and Mr. Freeze tries to freeze Batman and finally is able to freeze Batman in his Batmobile, but a side villain repents and helps Batman and his friends;

Sex:

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No sex;

Nudity:

No nudity;

Alcohol Use:

No alcohol use;

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Smoking and/or Drug Use and Abuse:

No smoking or drugs; and,

Miscellaneous Immorality:

There are more minor questionable elements such as stealing, lying, deceiving.

BATWHEELS is an exciting, funny animated adventure series on Max based on the famous comic book characters Batman, Robin and Bat Girl. The three famous vehicles of the superheroes jump into action to save Gotham City and put villains behind bars. Each episode features action sequences that are not overly violent but include some violence. There are creepy scenes involving villains such as Harley Quinn’s menacing gaze. So, MOVIEGUIDE® suggests discernment for younger children.

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BATWHEELS Episode One opens after the notorious villain, the Joker, and his cohorts have stolen a boatload of money. Just when they think they’ve gotten away with the robbery, Batman, Robin and Bat Girl come to the rescue and stop the villains from completing the robbery.

Following the trio’s successful mission, the Gotham City mayor offers to honor them with the keys to the city. Bat Girl and Robin are excited by the recognition, but Batman initially declines the invitation stating they “don’t protect Gotham for awards.” After some convincing, Batman relents, and the group accepts the mayor’s invitation.

Meanwhile, back at the Batcave, an intruder triggers the bat computer to activate the heroes’ vehicles to protect the cave and the city in the absence of the heroes. Assisted by Batman’s robot aid, MOE the Bat Mobile (BAM) receives upgrades, bringing the vehicle to life to fight crime in Gotham City.

Episode Two shows the Batmobile, Redbird and the Batgirl Cyle and their friends thwarting the villainous Penguin’s Ducky Boat’s evil schemes. As the Batwheels hit the streets of Gotham City, they arrive at the marina where Ducky Boat can be found. Ducky Boat has been given a fuel cell upgrade and has become the fastest boat at the marina. The Batgirl Cycle impulsively races towards Ducky Boat, jolting the rest of the Batwheels into action. However, each vehicle is plagued by an obstacle from Ducky Boat, ranging from beach balls stuck in tires or green slime which cause crashes. Ducky Boat escapes, so the Batwheels return to the Batcave for needed repairs.

One of the team’s challenges is establishing a leader to turn to in times of trouble. Bam, the Batmobile, takes on that role and does his best to lead the team to victory. However, he messes up, and the team flops. Bam soon realizes that being a good leader requires more than barking orders. It’s about trusting the team to do what they do best and step in only when necessary.

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In Episode Three, Batman is battling Mr. Freeze and his snowcrusher vehicle, Snowy. Batman ends up chasing them, but Snowy swerves to avoid an animal and crashes. As a result, Mr. Freeze is thrown from the vehicle. Mr. Freeze keeps running, and Batman keeps chasing him.

Buff, the Bat Truck, stops to help Snowy. He suspects Snowy is not such a bad vehicle, because he risked injury to save the animal. Buff and Snowy become friends, and Buff takes Snowy to the Batcave to get repaired. The other vehicles are wary of Snowy, but they start making friends too, and Snowy creates a bunch of fun ice ramps for them to play. He even makes it snow in the Batcave!

However, Mr. Freeze orders Snowy to return so he can use Snowy’s ice machine to freeze Batman. A fight ensues, but Buff still believes in Snowy. He doesn’t think Snowy will hurt him. However, will Buff’s faith in his new friend be rewarded?

The action in the first three episodes of BATWHEELS is set in the cloak of night in Gotham City, so the atmosphere is dark. However, the creators employ bright colors through the character’s outfits and the animation, which makes the series lively. The episodes aren’t long, but they keep viewers of all ages engaged and even laughing.

BATWHEEELS has a strong moral, redemptive worldview that promotes helping others without expecting anything in return, staying together as a team and always instilling confidence in others by believing in them. Episode Three adds a strong redemptive theme with a wonderful message of love thy enemy.

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Each episode in BATWHEEELS contains fights, but they aren’t overly violent. There are a few creepy scenes, however, involving villains such as Harley Quinn’s menacing gaze. So, MOVIEGUIDE® suggests discernment for younger children.

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