Connect with us

Crypto

It’s the bitcoin boom, baby! I’m bailing on Beanie Babies and investing bigly! | Opinion

Published

on

It’s the bitcoin boom, baby! I’m bailing on Beanie Babies and investing bigly! | Opinion


I haven’t been this excited about obtaining oil-baron-level wealth since the Beanie Babies boom of the mid-1990s.

play

Great news, fellow dream chasers! Bitcoin is booming and we are all going to be rich!

Advertisement

If you pay attention to mainstream media sources (I don’t), you’ve probably seen headlines like “Bitcoin tops $100,000 as monster 2024 rally reaches new heights” and “Bitcoin breaks $100,000 barrier amid post-election cryptocurrency surge.”

USA TODAY reported: “The price of bitcoin surpassed $100,000 for the first time Thursday amid expectations that Donald Trump will create a friendly regulatory environment for cryptocurrencies when he heads to the White House next year.”

WOO-HOOOO! It’s raining difficult-to-comprehend cryptocurrency that is apparently rooted in nothing but vibes but somehow still exists, according to the anonymous person or persons who created it! Hallelujah!

From Beanie Babies to bitcoin, baby! Let’s get rich.

I haven’t been this excited about obtaining oil-baron-level wealth since the Beanie Babies boom of the mid-1990s. 

Advertisement

Back then we were taking sharp investment advice from people who predicted unprecedented returns on plush stuffed animals with names like Nip the Cat, Inky the Octopus and Bongo the Monkey. They knew what they were talking about, as evidenced by my three mortgages and the 37 large plastic bins filled with Beanie Babies that I call my “attic-based retirement.”

But now the bitcoin craze is buoyed by even-more reliable people: con artists. Chief among them, of course, is President-elect Donald Trump, who has made a fortune and become leader of the free world by persuading people to spend $30 on cheap-looking red hats.

Advertisement

If you can’t count on Donald Trump for investment advice, who can you trust?

Trump is all in on crypto, and he touted the bitcoin news Thursday on his social media site, Truth Social: “CONGRATULATIONS BITCOINERS!!! $100,000!!! YOU’RE WELCOME!!!”

Over the first three quarters of this year, Truth Social made $2.6 million in revenue while losing $363 million, and its stock was trading Thursday at about $34 a share compared with the $66-per-share high in March after it hit the stock market. Needless to say, I will walk through fire to follow Trump’s rock-solid instincts and investing advice.

Trump ally Elon Musk, famous both for paying way too much for Twitter so he could destroy it and for creating the overpriced electric car presently burning in my driveway, is also a strong crypto advocate, and he doesn’t seem at all weird or volatile.

If Trump, Musk and Ramaswamy tell me to buy bitcoin, I’m in!

Same with Vivek Ramaswamy, who Trump has paired with Musk to form the made-up Department of Government Efficiency, which is an acronymic reference to “Dogecoin,” which is another type of pretend currency I don’t need to understand to believe in.

Advertisement

The fast-talking Ramaswamy doesn’t sound at all like someone who would show up on a late-night informational and try to sell me a “forward mortgage” to go with my “reverse mortgage,” or a knockoff ShamWow.

So you better believe I’m going to follow the lead of these not-at-all-self-serving billionaires and ignore the so-called experts and Nobel-prize-winning economists out there saying bitcoin is wildly risky.

Just because bitcoin sounds like a scam and looks like a scam …

Did the U.S. Justice Department seize more than $112 million linked to crypto investment schemes last year? Perhaps.

Advertisement

And did federal prosecutor Martin Estrada say in a statement at the time: “Using the methods of traditional con artists, high-tech fraudsters have taken advantage of the publicity and hype surrounding cryptocurrency to encourage an untold number of Americans to invest in get-rich-quick schemes.”

Yes, sure. But that overlooks my desire to get rich quick, which inherently requires a get-rich-quick scheme. Duh.

Primary currency used by criminals? Where do I sign up?!?

Did Eric Maskin, a Harvard professor and winner of the 2007 Nobel Prize in economics, recently tell the Miami Herald that cryptocurrencies are “very far from being a safe investment”? And did he also say: “Cryptocurrencies are a very good way of conducting criminal transactions and hiding them under anonymity”?

Don’t threaten me with a good time, Prof. Maskin! When you say “far from being a safe investment,” I hear, “I don’t want you to invest in this great investment so there’s more of it for me to invest in, sucker.”

Advertisement

Nah, I’m going to go with the guys who will benefit from me believing everything they’re telling me. It’s high time I sink my life savings into a thing that doesn’t technically exist.

And if anything goes wrong, I’ve always got my attic full of Beanie Babies to fall back on. Those things are going to be worth a fortune any day now.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

Crypto

Wisconsin lawmakers crack down on cryptocurrency scams

Published

on

Wisconsin lawmakers crack down on cryptocurrency scams

MADISON, WI (WTAQ) — A new bipartisan bill is the state legislature is attempting to keep Wisconsinites safe from scammers.

Assembly Bill 968 creates consumer protections around cryptocurrency kiosks—and is aimed at stopping criminals from using crypto-kiosks to steal from victims. It was passed by the assembly last month and is now heading to the senate.

Americans lost over $330 million to scams involving crypto-kiosks in 2025.

As amended; the bill that passed the assembly would:

  • set daily transaction limits at $1,000
  • require cryptocurrency-kiosk operators to provide users with receipts
  • implement consumer-identification measures for every transaction
  • allow scam victims to receive refunds

“This also requires crypto-kiosk operators to be licensed as a money transmitter with the Department of Financial Institutions,” said bill co-author Representative Dean Kaufert (R-Neenah). “Right now there is no state statute with regards to these crypto machines, and there has to be some oversight.”

Over 700 cryptocurrency kiosks are located in convenience stores, gas stations, restaurants, and other locations throughout Wisconsin.

Advertisement

Detective Kevin Bahl with the Green Bay Police Department says although these scams don’t discriminate, scammers usually target the senior population.

“That’s because they’re the ones with more of the built up funds; that they can lose a significant of money, but we have seen a lot of younger victims too,” said Det. Bahl. “Victims are losing anywhere between a couple thousand dollars, all the way up to hundreds of thousands of dollars.”

The senate will reconvene beginning the second week of March, where Rep. Kaufert believes they will pass Senate Bill 975. Then the bill will go to the governor for approval by April 1. If approved, the law would likely go into effect around June.

Continue Reading

Crypto

HSBC Says Lasting Iran Conflict Would Boost Oil, Gold, USD and Hurt Equities

Published

on

HSBC Says Lasting Iran Conflict Would Boost Oil, Gold, USD and Hurt Equities
Rising Iran conflict risks are jolting global markets, with HSBC warning oil shocks, currency swings, and equity volatility hinge on whether supply routes and production are disrupted, shaping inflation expectations and investor risk appetite worldwide. HSBC: Long-Running Conflict Would Reshape FX, Rates, and Equity Leadership Escalating geopolitical tensions are reshaping the global market outlook. Global […]
Continue Reading

Crypto

Crypto Sector Suffers Exodus of Reliable Retail Investors | PYMNTS.com

Published

on

Crypto Sector Suffers Exodus of Reliable Retail Investors | PYMNTS.com

Retail investors are reportedly leaving the cryptocurrency sector, robbing the industry of a dependable driver.

That’s according to a report Sunday (March 1) from Bloomberg News, which says the speculative demand that once centered around crypto has shifted into stocks.

Since late 2024, retail investors have steadily shifted toward equities, a trend that sped up following the crypto crash last October, the report said, citing a new report from market-maker Wintermute which itself drew from JPMorgan Chase data.

Bloomberg characterizes the shift as striking at something key to the crypto’s market structure, which has long relied on investor mood as a key demand driver. If that demand is moving to other trades, it goes against the belief that digital assets can recover without something to draw back retail investors.

We’d love to be your preferred source for news.

Advertisement

Please add us to your preferred sources list so our news, data and interviews show up in your feed. Thanks!

“In prior cycles, excess retail risk appetite tended to concentrate in crypto,” said Evgeny Gaevoy, CEO of Wintermute, who added that crypto is now “one of many risky-asset classes with similar volatility profile that retail can use to invest and speculate on.”

More than $19 billion in positions were wiped out in October — $7 billion of them in less than an hour — liquidating more than 1.6 million traders, the report added.

Advertisement

Advertisement: Scroll to Continue

Since then, there’s been “a near-complete pivot into equities that is still ongoing,” the Wintermute said. Bitcoin has fallen from its record high of around $126,000 down to $66,000 amid reports of American and Israeli strikes against Iran, the report added.

In other digital assets news, PYMNTS wrote last week about the significance of Morgan Stanley’s application before the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC) for a charter for a digital asset-focused national trust bank.

As that report said, a trust bank, as opposed to a traditional commercial bank, does not offer loans or deposits, but rather focuses on custody, fiduciary services and asset administration, basically acting as a highly regulated vault/legal steward. This structure, PYMNTS added, could be ideally suited to digital assets.

“The trust bank charter offers a solution,” the report added. “It allows a firm to handle digital assets under the supervision of the OCC while avoiding the capital and liquidity requirements associated with deposit-taking institutions. In regulatory terms, it is a bridge. In strategic terms, it could be an on-ramp for traditional finance to take over functions once dominated by crypto-native firms.”

Advertisement
Continue Reading

Trending