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It’s the bitcoin boom, baby! I’m bailing on Beanie Babies and investing bigly! | Opinion

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It’s the bitcoin boom, baby! I’m bailing on Beanie Babies and investing bigly! | Opinion


I haven’t been this excited about obtaining oil-baron-level wealth since the Beanie Babies boom of the mid-1990s.

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Great news, fellow dream chasers! Bitcoin is booming and we are all going to be rich!

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If you pay attention to mainstream media sources (I don’t), you’ve probably seen headlines like “Bitcoin tops $100,000 as monster 2024 rally reaches new heights” and “Bitcoin breaks $100,000 barrier amid post-election cryptocurrency surge.”

USA TODAY reported: “The price of bitcoin surpassed $100,000 for the first time Thursday amid expectations that Donald Trump will create a friendly regulatory environment for cryptocurrencies when he heads to the White House next year.”

WOO-HOOOO! It’s raining difficult-to-comprehend cryptocurrency that is apparently rooted in nothing but vibes but somehow still exists, according to the anonymous person or persons who created it! Hallelujah!

From Beanie Babies to bitcoin, baby! Let’s get rich.

I haven’t been this excited about obtaining oil-baron-level wealth since the Beanie Babies boom of the mid-1990s. 

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Back then we were taking sharp investment advice from people who predicted unprecedented returns on plush stuffed animals with names like Nip the Cat, Inky the Octopus and Bongo the Monkey. They knew what they were talking about, as evidenced by my three mortgages and the 37 large plastic bins filled with Beanie Babies that I call my “attic-based retirement.”

But now the bitcoin craze is buoyed by even-more reliable people: con artists. Chief among them, of course, is President-elect Donald Trump, who has made a fortune and become leader of the free world by persuading people to spend $30 on cheap-looking red hats.

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If you can’t count on Donald Trump for investment advice, who can you trust?

Trump is all in on crypto, and he touted the bitcoin news Thursday on his social media site, Truth Social: “CONGRATULATIONS BITCOINERS!!! $100,000!!! YOU’RE WELCOME!!!”

Over the first three quarters of this year, Truth Social made $2.6 million in revenue while losing $363 million, and its stock was trading Thursday at about $34 a share compared with the $66-per-share high in March after it hit the stock market. Needless to say, I will walk through fire to follow Trump’s rock-solid instincts and investing advice.

Trump ally Elon Musk, famous both for paying way too much for Twitter so he could destroy it and for creating the overpriced electric car presently burning in my driveway, is also a strong crypto advocate, and he doesn’t seem at all weird or volatile.

If Trump, Musk and Ramaswamy tell me to buy bitcoin, I’m in!

Same with Vivek Ramaswamy, who Trump has paired with Musk to form the made-up Department of Government Efficiency, which is an acronymic reference to “Dogecoin,” which is another type of pretend currency I don’t need to understand to believe in.

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The fast-talking Ramaswamy doesn’t sound at all like someone who would show up on a late-night informational and try to sell me a “forward mortgage” to go with my “reverse mortgage,” or a knockoff ShamWow.

So you better believe I’m going to follow the lead of these not-at-all-self-serving billionaires and ignore the so-called experts and Nobel-prize-winning economists out there saying bitcoin is wildly risky.

Just because bitcoin sounds like a scam and looks like a scam …

Did the U.S. Justice Department seize more than $112 million linked to crypto investment schemes last year? Perhaps.

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And did federal prosecutor Martin Estrada say in a statement at the time: “Using the methods of traditional con artists, high-tech fraudsters have taken advantage of the publicity and hype surrounding cryptocurrency to encourage an untold number of Americans to invest in get-rich-quick schemes.”

Yes, sure. But that overlooks my desire to get rich quick, which inherently requires a get-rich-quick scheme. Duh.

Primary currency used by criminals? Where do I sign up?!?

Did Eric Maskin, a Harvard professor and winner of the 2007 Nobel Prize in economics, recently tell the Miami Herald that cryptocurrencies are “very far from being a safe investment”? And did he also say: “Cryptocurrencies are a very good way of conducting criminal transactions and hiding them under anonymity”?

Don’t threaten me with a good time, Prof. Maskin! When you say “far from being a safe investment,” I hear, “I don’t want you to invest in this great investment so there’s more of it for me to invest in, sucker.”

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Nah, I’m going to go with the guys who will benefit from me believing everything they’re telling me. It’s high time I sink my life savings into a thing that doesn’t technically exist.

And if anything goes wrong, I’ve always got my attic full of Beanie Babies to fall back on. Those things are going to be worth a fortune any day now.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

Crypto

Bitcoin Mining Promises Under Fire as SEC Alleges $48.5M Investor Funds Were Misused

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Bitcoin Mining Promises Under Fire as SEC Alleges .5M Investor Funds Were Misused
Federal regulators are tightening the vise on crypto investment schemes, spotlighting alleged fraud tied to bitcoin mining that raised nearly $100 million while misleading thousands of investors about operations, capacity and the use of their money.
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The Cryptocurrency That Could Be About to Explode 1,000% | The Motley Fool

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The Cryptocurrency That Could Be About to Explode 1,000% | The Motley Fool

This tiny AI coin could be ready to skyrocket in 2026.

It’s slim pickings in the crypto market right now, with nearly every cryptocurrency down 25% or more over the past 90 days. But if you’re willing to dig for bargains and hold your nose at the same time, it’s possible to come up with some potential blockbuster plays for 2026.

My favorite pick right now is Artificial Superintelligence Alliance (FET 0.25%), down 68% over the past 90 days, and more than 80% for the year. This is exactly the type of beaten-down cryptocurrency that could be ready to explode higher by 1,000% or more over the next 12 months.

Rules for picking 1,000% winners

In order for any cryptocurrency to soar 1,000% or more within a relatively short period of time, it needs to meet a few key criteria. First of all, it needs to be dirt cheap — that’s the only way to attract speculative retail money. So, as a first cutoff, let’s narrow our search to beaten-down cryptos trading for $1 or less.

Second, the cryptocurrency needs to be in a red-hot sector or backed by a red-hot investment thesis. Within the blockchain and crypto world, there are plenty of potential hot ideas to choose from, including real-world asset tokenization, stablecoins, and decentralized finance (DeFi).

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But let’s face facts here: If you try explaining real-world asset tokenization or stablecoins to your friends and family over the winter holidays, you’ll probably be met with a very frosty reception. The investment narrative needs to be easy to grasp and easy to explain. And I can’t think of a better one right now than artificial intelligence (AI).

Image source: Getty Images.

So let’s further narrow our search down to so-called AI coins. This was once a red-hot category, and includes some major names like Bittensor, Render, and Artificial Superintelligence Alliance (FET 0.25%).

The case for buying Artificial Superintelligence Alliance

Of these AI coins, the only one that’s trading for less than a buck right now is Artificial Superintelligence Alliance (the cryptocurrency formerly known as Fetch.ai). It has a super-low discount price of $0.20 — almost as cheap as some meme coins. In order for FET to explode in price by 1,000%, all investors need it to do is hit a price of $2.20.

Fetch Stock Quote

Today’s Change

(-0.25%) $-0.00

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Current Price

$0.21

Thankfully, it has already done that in the past. In March 2024, Artificial Superintelligence Alliance hit an all-time high of $3.47. So, getting back to a price level of $2.20 may not be as insurmountable as it seems at first.

Moreover, the crypto (via the involvement of Fetch.ai in the alliance) is at the forefront of the hot new field of agentic AI, so there’s plenty of long-term growth potential.

Just keep in mind that there’s a big reason the price of Artificial Superintelligence Alliance has cratered by nearly 95% over the past 18 months. Simply put, investors have given up on the “alliance” that was supposed to create the world’s foremost AI coin.

The multistep merger process that was supposed to result in a single token called ASI has gone on much longer than expected. It has also been much messier than many people expected. In October, Ocean Protocol — one of the three big AI players involved — finally pulled out of the alliance, and that sent the price of FET tumbling.

What can investors expect in 2026?

As recently as December 2024, the price of Artificial Superintelligence Alliance was around $2. That’s why I’m optimistic about a potential rebound in price in 2026. Crypto traders have likely overreacted and are now dumping this AI coin indiscriminately.

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That being said, a 1,000% surge in price is by no means guaranteed. It’s quite possible that the price of Artificial Superintelligence Alliance could go to zero. So, buckle up now if you plan to invest in this AI coin — the path ahead is likely to be filled with turbulence and stomach-churning moves up and down.

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China Discovers ‘Largest’ Undersea Gold Deposit in Asia as State Mining Ambitions Expand

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China Discovers ‘Largest’ Undersea Gold Deposit in Asia as State Mining Ambitions Expand
China says it has uncovered Asia’s largest undersea gold deposit, a massive offshore find that strengthens domestic supply, reshapes regional resource rankings, and highlights Beijing’s accelerating push to secure strategic minerals.
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