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'I wanted to buy her time': A mother looks back on her daughter's terminal cancer

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'I wanted to buy her time': A mother looks back on her daughter's terminal cancer

Sarah Wildman and Orli, photographed in early summer 2021. Orli was finishing a second round of chemotherapy after her liver cancer had metastasized when she was asked to participate in a project chronicling the beauty of baldness.

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Abby Greenawalt/Sarah Wildman

In 2019, Sarah Wildman’s daughter, Orli, was just 10 when she was diagnosed with hepatoblastoma, a rare form a liver cancer. Over the next few years, Wildman chronicled Orli’s illness for The New York Times, where she is a staff writer and editor for the Opinion section.

Wildman’s articles detailed Orli’s bout with several rounds of chemo, a liver transplant, two brain surgeries and a tumor that pinched her spine, leaving her unable to walk. Orli died in March 2023, at the age of 14.

“I thought I understood pain, but she was facing a kind of pain I realized I really had never encountered,” Wildman says. “She would sometimes ask me, ‘What do you think I did to deserve this?’ And of course, that’s not an answerable question.”

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Wildman also wrote about the expert medical care Orli received — and the unwillingness of some doctors and nurses to speak openly and realistically about what she was facing. Wildman believes the medical establishment tends to view the death of a child as a failure. As a result, she says, “there is a reluctance to face the idea that medicine has limits. … Children’s hospitals really are always advertising that they will cure children.”

Wildman says that Orli’s illness and death made her question her own Jewish faith: “I had to redefine what God meant to me. It couldn’t be waking up and saying a prayer in the morning or praying for something specific. … I had to really see it in the divinity of people who went out of their way to help us and that weren’t afraid of us.”

Orli would have turned 16 on Jan. 13. To mark the occasion, Wildman and her younger daughter, Hana, spent the weekend doing things that they thought Orli would have enjoyed doing.

“I think one of the really difficult things about facing a parent who has lost a child … is that you cannot make it better. There is no betterment of this,” she says. “What’s easier, though, is when people aren’t afraid of mentioning her name or reminding me of a story or telling me something I didn’t know that she’d told them or that she’d done for them.”

Interview highlights

On interviewing Orli on Instagram

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I wanted people to see what it meant to be a kid in cancer care, a really articulate kid, a kid who was really grappling with it and thinking about it and considering it, especially at a time in the mid-pandemic where people were weary of lockdown, really feeling quite sorry for themselves. And what Orli does in that interview, in addition to sort of winning over everyone who watches it, is to sort of realign the way people are thinking about their own sadness, their own sense of isolation, and to show how she was so joyful even during extremely hard experiences.

On the questions Orli and her sister Hana asked that Wildman struggled to answer

At one point we had a very severe experience where Orli ended up in the ICU in Hawaii. We were on a Make-A-Wish trip. It was brutal and terrifying. And Hana said, “Do you think God doesn’t love us?” The kinds of questions that they asked during this really showed my hand, if you will. I was not able to really offer a concrete answer to any of these things. I would say I don’t think that there is a God that is that activist in this way — because there is so much pain around the world and we are experiencing this. But I don’t think it’s about God not loving us. You have to see divinity in the people who are helping us. I would try to turn it into thinking, “How can we see good in the situation?” But sometimes I was really stymied.

On parenting a child with a terminal illness

It really challenged parenting. … I didn’t know how to discipline in this space when all the rules seemed to have been thrown out the window. I didn’t know how to put limits on things. How do you put limits on phone use when you have so little outside interaction? How do you say you have to really focus on algebra when you don’t know actually if any of it will matter? It’s really difficult. And I once said to her, “Well, isn’t it good that we have so much time together, we really get to bond?” And she said, “This is the time I’m supposed to be breaking away from you.” She was hilarious and cynical and tenacious and would often really try to push the boundaries of permissibility when she could.

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Orli (third from left) poses with her parents and sister Hana on her 13th, birthday in 2022.

Orli (third from left) poses with her parents and sister Hana on her 13th birthday in 2022.

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On maintaining hope and optimism throughout Orli’s treatment

I think hope can be a form of denial. It can also be a motivating force. It can mean that you do seek out treatments that do give you days, months, maybe even years. I think that the hope is essential because cancer care is grueling. It can be demoralizing to face the consequences of cancer care. It can be the cancer care that itself comes with pain. It comes with nausea. It comes with hair loss. I can come with all sorts of indignities. …

It was brutal because she really tried to live each moment in such an enormous way. She really, really loved living and she would try to make life different in the hospital. I mean, she made every single nurse do TikTok dances with her. She would make the music therapists sing Lizzo and Olivia Rodrigo and Taylor Swift, and she would play Taylor Swift and Lizzo in every operating room. And she had many, many surgeries. She would force people again and again to see her not as a patient, but as a person.

I wanted to give her everything. I wanted to buy her time.

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Monique Nazareth and Susan Nyakundi produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey adapted it for the web.

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‘Stranger Things’ is over, but did they get the ending right? : Pop Culture Happy Hour

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‘Stranger Things’ is over, but did they get the ending right? : Pop Culture Happy Hour

Millie Bobby Brown in the final season of Stranger Things.

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After five seasons and almost ten years, the saga of Netflix’s Stranger Things has reached its end. In a two-hour finale, we found out what happened to our heroes (including Millie Bobby Brown and Finn Wolfhard) when they set out to battle the forces of evil. The final season had new faces and new revelations, along with moments of friendship and conflict among the folks we’ve known and loved since the night Will Byers (Noah Schnapp) first disappeared. But did it stick the landing?

To access bonus episodes and sponsor-free listening for Pop Culture Happy Hour, subscribe to Pop Culture Happy Hour+ at plus.npr.org/happy.

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JasonMartin Says Adin Ross Disrespecting Doechii Stops in 2026

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JasonMartin Says Adin Ross Disrespecting Doechii Stops in 2026

JasonMartin
Adin Ross Disrespecting Doechii …
Will Not Be Tolerated!!!

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‘Everything I knew burned down around me’: A journalist looks back on LA’s fires

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‘Everything I knew burned down around me’: A journalist looks back on LA’s fires

A firefighter works as homes burn during the Eaton fire in the Altadena area of Los Angeles County, Calif., on Jan. 7, 2025.

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On New Year’s Eve 2024, journalist Jacob Soboroff was sitting around a campfire with a friend when he made an offhand comment that would come back to haunt him: The last thing he wanted to do in the new year, Soboroff said, was cover a story that would require donning a fire-safe yellow suit.

Just one week later, Soboroff was dressed in the yellow suit, reporting live from a street corner in Los Angeles as fire tore through the Pacific Palisades, the community where he was raised.

“This was a place that I could navigate with my eyes closed,” Soboroff says of the neighborhood. “Every hallmark of my childhood I was watching carbonize in front of me. … There were firefighters there and first responders and other journalists there, but it was an extremely lonely, isolating experience to be standing there as everything I knew burned down around me in real time.”

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In his new book, Firestorm: The Great Los Angeles Fires and America’s New Age of Disaster, Soboroff offers a minute-by-minute account of the catastrophe, told through the voices of firefighters, evacuees, scientists and political leaders. He says covering the wildfires was the most important assignment he’s ever undertaken.

“The experience of doing this is something that I don’t wish on anybody, but in a way I wish everybody could experience,” he says. “It’s given me insane reverence for our colleagues in the local news community here, who, I think, definitionally were exercising a public service in the street-level journalism that they were doing and are still doing. … It was actually beautiful to watch because they are as much a first responder on a frontline as anybody else.”

Interview highlights

Firestorm, by Ben Soboroff

On the experience of reporting from the fires

You’re choking with the smoke. And I almost feel guilty describing it from my vantage point because the firefighters would say things to me like: “My eyeballs were burning. We were laying flat on our stomach in the middle of the concrete street because it was so hot, it was the only way that we could open the hoses full bore and try to save anything that we could.” …

I could feel the heat on the back of my neck as we stood in front of these houses that I remember as the houses that cars and people would line up in front of for the annual Fourth of July parade or the road race that we would run through town. Trees were on fire behind us — we were at risk of structures falling at any given minute. It was pretty surreal because this is a place I had spent so much time as a child and going back to as an adult. … I had no choice but to just open my mouth and say what I saw to the millions of people that were watching us around the country.

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On undocumented immigrants being central to rebuilding the city

These types of massive both humanitarian and natural disasters give us X-ray vision for a time into sort of the fissures that are underneath the surface in our society. And Los Angeles, in addition to being one of the most unequal cities between the rich and the poor, has more undocumented people than virtually any other city in the United States of America. Governor Newsom knew that with the policies of the incoming administration, some of the very people that would be responsible for the cleanup and the rebuilding of Los Angeles may end up in the crosshairs of national immigration policy. And I think that that was an understatement. …

Pablo Alvarado in the National Day Laborer Organizing Network said to me that often the first people into a disaster — the second responders after the first — are the day laborers. They went to Florida after Hurricane Andrew, to New Orleans after Katrina, and they’d be ready to go in Los Angeles. And I went out and I cleaned up Altadena and Pasadena with some of them in real time.

And only months later did this wide-scale immigration enforcement campaign begin … on the streets of LA as sort of the Petri dish, the guinea pig for expanding this across the country. And it’s not an exaggeration to say that the parking lots of Home Depots, where workers [were] looking to get involved in the rebuilding of Los Angeles, has been ground zero for that enforcement campaign.

On efforts to rebuild

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The pace is slow and it’s sort of a hopscotch of development. And I think for people who do come back, for people who can afford to come back, it’s going to be a long road ahead. You’re going to have half the houses on your street under construction for years to come. And for people that do inhabit those homes, it’s going to an isolating experience. But there’s an effort underway to rebuild. …

There’s also a lot of for-sale signs. And that’s the sad reality of this, is that there are people who, whether it’s that they can’t afford to come back … or that they just can’t stomach it, I think, sadly, a lot people are not going to be returning to their homes.

On what the Palisades and Altadena look like today

They both look like very big construction sites in a way. There are still some facades, some ruins of the more historic buildings in the Palisades. … But mostly it’s just empty lots. And in Altadena, the same thing. If you drive by the hardware store, the outside is still there. But it’s a patchwork of empty lots. Homes now under construction. And lots and lots of workers. … There are still a handful of people who are living in both the Palisades and in Altadena, but for the most part, these are communities where you’ve got workers going in during the day and coming out at night. …

We have designed this community to be one that’s in the crosshairs of a fire just like the one we experienced and that we will certainly, certainly experience again, because nobody’s packing it up and leaving Los Angeles. People may not return to their communities after they’ve lost their homes, but the ship has sailed on living in the wildland urban interface in the second largest city in the country.

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On seeing this story, personally, as his “most important assignment”

Jacob Soboroff is a correspondent for MS NOW, formerly MSNBC.

Jacob Soboroff is a correspondent for MS NOW, formerly MSNBC.

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Jason Frank Rothenberg/HarperCollins

I don’t think I realized at the time how badly I needed the connections that I made in the wake of the fire, both with the people who have lost homes and the firefighters, first responders who were out there, but also honestly with my own family, my immediate family, my wife and my kids, my mom and my dad and my siblings and myself. I think that this was a really hard year in LA, and I think in the wake of the fire, I was experiencing some level of despair as well. Then the ICE raids happened here and sort of turned our city upside down. And this book for me was just this amazing cathartic blessing of an opportunity to find community with people I don’t think I ever would have otherwise spent time with, and to reconnect with people who I hadn’t seen or heard from in forever.

Anna Bauman and Nico Wisler produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey adapted it for the web.

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