Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: As a divorced mom, I was conflicted about dating. Until I met him
I was three years post-divorce, with a 12-year-old son and a newly adopted puppy, living in Park La Brea, where a community of single moms had come together. We were all free from the burden of marriage and entertained the idea of “getting back out there.” None of us had ever really dabbled with dating apps. We took the plunge together and began sending profiles of potential suitors around. We’d hype each other up for dates and then share hilarious post-date stories on group calls.
I was conflicted about dating. After my marriage had failed, I discovered I needed a lot of solo time to regenerate myself with regularity. I also didn’t want to bring anyone new into my son’s life for fear that he’d think another man had become my priority. I thought it would be fun to take a lover, but nothing serious. Ideally I could get dressed up once a week and go to a great restaurant or experience something fun in the city with zero expectations for the future and no strings attached.
My first app date was coffee with a drummer from a Midwest band I regularly saw in college. The conversation consisted of him endlessly name-dropping and asking zero questions about me. That made me ruthless in my swiping, inevitably resulting in corny app messages including “There are no more bees in your Hive.”
My three red flags for profile photos were: no photos on a step-and-repeat; no photos with a celebrity; and no photos cheers-ing with a drink. I had zero interest in dating anyone obsessed with stars or fame. Try steering clear of those in this city.
The idea of dating again had me sobbing to a girlfriend while driving to my next date. She reminded me of my dating plan by saying, “It’s just one date.” Expecting the worst, I was surprised instead to meet a successful entrepreneur and triathlete with sexy curly hair, an empty nester who lived in the suburbs an hour north of L.A. We had matched because he happened to be in the city, and my five-mile radius setting allowed him to appear. However, we came from worlds apart.
Him: Married young, clean-cut professional, impeccable dresser, no TV watching, a generous philanthropist, up at 5 a.m. to work out daily. He was a go-getter, a ball of energy, and he knew virtually nothing about pop culture. He was an adult man with a retirement plan, which made him sexy.
Me: Married later, unconventional creative type, tattoos, a lover of colorful trendy clothes, a free spirit and, after decades of wild partying, sober.
We found each other equally fascinating. We were dating outside our boxes. It was intoxicating.
I had declared that I didn’t need a man or a relationship, but this guy was different. This magnificent man kept showing up with flowers, leaving sweet cards, washing my car and filling my fridge. He did what he said he was going to do and always picked up my calls. A giver, not a taker, he showed me how to be a true partner in a relationship. Bit by bit, I was falling in love, and our chemistry was euphoric.
But even with all that, it soon became a game of Tetris, lining up the windows of time to spend together and where work, friends, parenting and solo-time pieces fit into the puzzle.
One date turned into three years of adventuring, monthly travels, new restaurants, cities, family weddings and concerts. He still drove into L.A. once or twice a week and most weekends, adding 240 miles and six hours of travel to the weekly grind. There were casual conversations about the future and even living together. I was committed to getting my son through high school. And then my life would be my own, so my typical response was: “Life will be wildly different in three years, and we’ll figure it out then.”
We got more intertwined in each other’s lives all while trying to compromise and negotiate the appropriate amount of time together. I have a firm quality-over-quantity mentality, while he craved a full-time partner to kiss goodnight and wake up with every morning. I continued to try to find more time for us to be together, and he reluctantly adjusted to not living together or seeing me every day. We coasted this way for a while, but the lack of focus on future plans became more glaring. It became obvious to him that I did have a plan. But it didn’t include a man.
When my son leaves for college in two years, I plan to put some dents in my bucket list: spontaneously travel, do volunteer work, sail the seas, visit friends and family — to be “free” in the sense that I would have no other significant person influencing my decisions.
My boyfriend was exhausted from remaining hopeful that I would want to settle into domestic daily bliss together, and it became clear that scenario might never materialize with me. We found ourselves at a crossroads and ultimately ended it.
It’s easier to end a relationship when someone’s cheating or betraying you, which has been my experience. But when you’re with someone healthy, loving and emotionally present, more is at stake. Giving up something because the timing is off, coupled with the persistent desire to maintain your original wants and needs, takes courage.
We’re only a couple of months post-breakup, and neither of us regrets the decision. It’s been sad and hard with a zillion reminders of each other. However, there is a spectacular life to live out there and all kinds of ways to do it with or without a partner. I get to decide, not because I need someone but because I want someone. We had to follow our instincts and be true to who we are.
We met up for a final dinner to exchange items and made a future date to circle back and see where our journeys have taken us. Maybe then, the timing will be right.
The author is the co-founder of the Good Things agency (Instagram: @goodthingsteam) and lives in Hollywood.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
Sunday Puzzle: Pet theory
On-air challenge
Today’s puzzle is called “Pet Theory.” Every answer is a familiar two-word phrase or name in which the first word start starts PE- and the second word starts T-. (Ex. What walkways at intersections carry –> PEDESTRIAN TRAFFIC)
1. Chart that lists all the chemical elements
2. Place for a partridge in “The 12 Days of Christmas”
3. Male voyeur
4. What a coach gives a team during halftime in the locker room
5. Set of questions designed to reveal your traits
6. Something combatants sign to end a war
7. Someone who works with you one-on-one with physical exercises
8. Member of the Who
9. Incisors, canines, and premolars that grow in after you’re a baby
10. Nadia Comaneci was the first gymnast to score this at the Olympics
11. What holds the fuel in a British car
Last week’s challenge
Last week’s challenge was a numerical one from Ed Pegg Jr., who runs the website mathpuzzle.com. Take the nine digits — 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. You can group some of them and add arithmetic operations to get 2011 like this: 1 + 23 ÷ 4 x 5 x 67 – 8 + 9. If you do these operations in order from left to right, you get 2011. Well, 2011 was 15 years ago. Can you group some of the digits and add arithmetic symbols in a different way to make 2026? The digits from 1 to 9 need to stay in that order. I know of two different solutions, but you need to find only one of them.
Challenge answer
12 × 34 × 5 – 6 – 7 + 8 – 9 [or] 1 + 2 + 345 × 6 – 7 × 8 + 9
Winner
Daniel Abramson of Albuquerque, N.M.
This week’s challenge
This week’s challenge comes from listener Ward Hartenstein. Think of a well-known couple whose names are often said in the order of _____ & _____. Seven letters in the names in total. Combine those two names, change an E to an S, and rearrange the result to name another famous duo who are widely known as _____ & _____.
If you know the answer to the challenge, submit it below by Thursday, January 15 at 3 p.m. ET. Listeners whose answers are selected win a chance to play the on-air puzzle.
Lifestyle
Paul Gripp, one of the last great orchid explorers and hybridizers, dies at 93
After retirement, Paul Gripp still visited the nursery often, helping with weeding, as he’s doing here in this file photo, or just talking with customers.
(Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times)
Orchid expert Paul Francis Gripp, a renowned orchid breeder, author and speaker who traveled the world in search of unusual varieties for his nursery, Santa Barbara Orchid Estates, died in a Santa Barbara hospice center on Jan. 2 after a short illness. He was 93.
In a Facebook post on Jan. 4, Gripp’s sister, Toni Gripp Brink, said her brother died “after suffering a brain hemorrhage and loss of consciousness in his longtime Santa Barbara home. He was surrounded by his loving family, day and night, for about a week in a Santa Barbara hospice before he passed.”
Gripp was renowned in the orchid world for his expertise, talks and many prize-winning hybrids such as the Santa Barbara Sunset, a striking Laelia anceps and Laeliocattleya Ancibarina cross with rich salmon, peach and magenta hues that was bred to thrive outside in California’s warmer climes.
In a 2023 interview, Gripp’s daughter, Alice Gripp, who owns and operates the business also known as SBOE with her brother, Parry, said Santa Barbara Sunset is still one of the nursery’s top sellers.
Santa Barbara Sunset is one of the most popular orchids that Paul Gripp bred at his famed orchid nursery, Santa Barbara Orchid Estates a.k.a. SBOE.
(Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times)
Gripp was a popular speaker, author and avid storyteller who talked about his experiences searching for orchids in the Philippines, Myanmar (then known as Burma), India, the high Andes, Mexico, Guatemala, Brazil, New Guinea and other parts of the world, fostering exchanges with international growers and collecting what plants he could to propagate, breed and sell in his Santa Barbara nursery.
“Working in orchids has been like living in a dream,” Gripp said in a 2023 interview. “There’s thousands of different kinds, and I got to travel all over to find things people would want. But the first orchid I found? It was in Topanga Creek, Epipactis gigantea, our native orchid, and you can still find them growing in [California’s] streams and canyons today.”
Gripp was “one of the last orchid people who went looking for these plants in situ — where they occurred in nature,” said Lauris Rose, one of his former employees who is now president of the Santa Barbara International Orchid Show and owner of Cal-Orchid Inc., a neighboring nursery that she started with her late husband James Rose, another SBOE employee who died in January 2025.
These days, Rose said in an interview on Thursday, orchids are considered “something to enhance the beauty of your home,” but when she and her husband first began working with Gripp in the 1970s, “they were something that totally captivated your interest and instilled a wanderlust spirit that made you want to explore the species in the plant kingdom, as they grew in nature, not as produced in various colors from laboratories.”
She said Gripp’s charm and self-deprecating demeanor also helped fuel his success. “People flocked for the experience of walking around that nursery and learning things from him,” Rose said in a 2023 interview.
“Paul lectured all over the world, teaching people about different species of orchids in a very accessible way,” Rose said. “He didn’t act like a professor. He got up there with anecdotes like, ‘One time I climbed up this tree trying to reach a plant in another tree, and all these red ants infested my entire body, so I had to take off all my clothes and rub all these ants off my body.’ A lot of people’s lectures are boring as dirt, but Paul could command a room. He had charisma, and it was infectious.”
Gripp was born on Oct. 18, 1932, in Greater Los Angeles and grew up in Topanga Canyon. He went to Santa Monica College and then UCLA, where he earned a degree in horticulture, and worked as a gardener on weekends, primarily for Robert J. Chrisman, a wealthy Farmers Insurance executive and hobbyist orchid grower who lived in Playa del Rey.
After college, Gripp served a stint in the Navy after the Korean War, and when he got out, he called Chrisman, his old boss, who invited him to come to Santa Barbara and manage the orchid nursery he was starting there.
After retirement, Paul Gripp still visited the nursery often, helping with weeding, as he’s doing here in this file photo, or just talking with customers.
(Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times)
The nursery opened in 1957, with Gripp as its manager, and 10 years later, after Chrisman died, he purchased SBOE from the Chrisman family.
In 1986, Gripp and his then-wife, Anne Gripp, divorced. In the settlement, Gripp got their cliff-side Santa Barbara home with its breathtaking views of the Pacific Ocean, and his former wife got the nursery. When Anne Gripp died, her children Parry and Alice inherited the nursery and took over its operation in 1994, Alice Gripp said in 2023.
Gripp officially retired from the nursery, but he was a frequent helper several times a week, weeding, dividing plants, answering customer questions and regaling them with his orchid-hunting stories.
“Paul loves plants, but what he loves most in life is teaching other people about orchids,” Alice Gripp said in 2023. “He chats with them, and I try to take their money.”
Gripp wasn’t a huge fan of the ubiquitous moth orchids (Phalaenopsis) sold en masse in most grocery store floral departments, but he was philosophical about their popularity.
They’re good for indoor plants, he said in 2023, but don’t expect them to live very long. “A house is a house, not a jungle,” he said, “so there’s a 99% chance they’re going to die. But they’re pretty cheap [to buy], so it works out pretty good.”
“He used to say, ‘I’m an orchid man. I love every orchid equally,’ and he does,” his daughter said in 2023. “I don’t know if he would run into a burning building to save a Phalaenopsis from Trader Joe’s, but he told me once, ‘I’ve never thrown out a plant.’ And that’s probably true. When he was running things, the aisles were so crammed people were always knocking plants off the benches because they couldn’t walk through.”
Gripp is survived by his children and his second wife, Janet Gripp, as well as his sister Toni Gripp Brink. In a post on the nursery’s website on Jan. 5, the Gripp family asked for privacy.
“We are still very much grieving Paul’s sudden passing,” the message read. “If you would like to share your memories of Paul, please send them by mail or email for us to read in the days to come. We will welcome your remembrances and gather these into a scrapbook to keep at SBOE. We appreciate your understanding of our need for peaceful reflection at this time. In the coming weeks, we will announce our plans for honoring and remembering Paul with our orchid friends.”
Lifestyle
Veteran actor T.K. Carter, known for ‘The Thing’ and ‘Punky Brewster,’ dies at 69
Actor TK Carter arrives for the premiere of “The LA Riot” at the Tribeca Film Festival, Monday, April 25, 2005, in New York.
Mary Altaffer/AP
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Mary Altaffer/AP
DUARTE, Calif. — Veteran actor T.K. Carter, who appeared in the horror film “The Thing” and “Punky Brewster” on television, has died at the age of 69.
Carter was declared dead Friday evening after deputies responded to a call regarding an unresponsive male in Duarte, California, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department.
Police did not disclose a cause of death or other details, but said no foul play was suspected.
Thomas Kent “T.K.” Carter was born Dec. 18, 1956, in New York City and was raised in Southern California.
He began his career in stand-up comedy and with acting roles. Carter had been acting for years before a breakthrough role as Nauls the cook in John Carpenter’s 1982 horror classic, “The Thing.” He also had a recurring role in the 1980s sitcom “Punky Brewster.”
Other big-screen roles include “Runaway Train” in 1985, “Ski Patrol” in 1990 and “Space Jam” in 1996.
“T.K. Carter was a consummate professional and a genuine soul whose talent transcended genres,” his publicist, Tony Freeman, said in a statement. “He brought laughter, truth, and humanity to every role he touched. His legacy will continue to inspire generations of artists and fans alike.”
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