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Tracking a Single Day at the National Domestic Violence Hotline

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Tracking a Single Day at the National Domestic Violence Hotline

They call from work, to avoid being overheard, or from home before someone returns.

They reach out because they have decided to leave or need to ask a stranger if they should.

9:01 a.m.

I’m at my wit’s end.

2:14 p.m.

He stalks me outside of work.

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3:56 p.m.

I just wanted to know that I’m not crazy.

To listen to the National Domestic Violence Hotline is to witness how a confluence of stressors — high prices, a lack of affordable housing, easy access to firearms and drugs, the ubiquity of technology — can leave a person vulnerable to another’s cruelty and manipulation.

Spikes in calls often align with highly publicized events: natural disasters, recession, quarantine during the height of the coronavirus pandemic, a celebrity’s acknowledgment of being a survivor of domestic abuse.

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But in recent years, staff at the hotline said more of the spikes could be traced in part to crucial court rulings, as people press for answers about the impact of the decisions or how they have factored into the violence they have experienced at home.

Already, the number of calls that mention forced unprotected sex or a partner sabotaging birth control — as by puncturing condoms or hiding pills — have nearly doubled in the first year since the Supreme Court eliminated the constitutional right to an abortion, according to an analysis of calls and surveys done by the hotline. And calls mentioning firearms rose 40 percent after an appeals court in New Orleans last February struck down a federal law blocking people subject to a domestic violence protection order from owning a gun.

Staff members had been focused on the outcomes of two cases resting with the nation’s highest court, involving gun access and the availability of a commonly used abortion pill. On Friday, the Supreme Court reversed the appeals court ruling, saying that the government may prohibit people subject to restraining orders from having guns.

But even before the courts took up the gun case, the hotline, understaffed and underfunded, struggled to keep pace with an escalating number of calls over the years. The legal battles have underscored the pervasiveness of domestic violence and the strains on existing support for survivors.

Isadora Kosofsky for The New York Times

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“That makes me sad that we need lives to be in jeopardy for this to become a national conversation around domestic violence, because it shouldn’t take a Supreme Court case,” said Katie Ray-Jones, the chief executive of the hotline.

To capture a snapshot of the experiences of domestic violence survivors, The New York Times observed some of the calls and messages the hotline received in one day. The Times agreed to only disclose certain nonidentifying details and limited excerpts from the conversations to protect the safety of those who consented to speaking with a reporter present.

Over 24 hours, the hotline received 2,002 incoming calls and messages and answered 1,348. Transcripts of calls to 1-800-799-7233 and website chats, observed with the consent of the caller, have been condensed to ensure anonymity.

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0 incoming calls and messages

9:01 AM

Latina, 51, California

I just need to get away. I need to find myself. I’m scared.

You have the power to make that decision. It can be very difficult to know if you want someone to get involved.

You’re being very brave and strong by reaching out.

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9:29 AM

A father seeking help for his daughter in New York

It just drove me crazy. She called me on a daily basis crying. I’m starting to cry here. It was just hard for me to see what she was dealing with.

He does have access to a firearm. His father has a handgun.

I would encourage you to validate any feeling she has.

9:58

Woman in a relationship, 52

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Is there a way to document physical abuse without involving the police

I want to document it for a restraining order but if I call the police to file a report I’m afraid they will stop by and my husband will hurt me when they leave.

10:09 AM

Young Black woman, the South

Maybe if I sit here and hold my baby, he’ll stop hitting me. He didn’t.

I still sometimes have dreams of that night — hearing the glass shatter and seeing stars

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Youre being very empathetic. We are shaped by others, oftentimes, and we are shaped by our experiences, but it is our responsibility to heal.

10:51 AM

White woman, 30s, New England

I’m feeling really confused about it. I don’t know if I’m being abused.

This is a judgment-free space. And we will never pressure you to make any decision.

I feel like I am representing every woman who has ever hurt him when he sees me, but then I wonder if this is gaslighting, which I didn’t think I would ever fall for.

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Is this gaslighting? Is this why I feel like I have no idea what is real and what isn’t?

Congress approved creation of a national hotline dedicated to domestic violence in 1994, including it in the landmark Violence Against Women Act. Founded two years later in Texas, the hotline now receives as many as 3,000 calls and messages a day. Everyone is kept anonymous, with the only formal record describing basic demographic and circumstantial categories, often leaving other details unclear.

They are typically women, but their ages, ethnicities and locations vary, as do the circumstances of their relationships. In a single day, those contacting the hotline included a 51-year-old Latina in California; an Asian mother, 38; and a white woman asking how to quietly document her partner’s physical abuse.

Sometimes it is a question of finding housing during a nationwide shortage or seeking protection after leaving. Other times, it is about wrestling with the emotional contradictions of still having love for someone who makes you feel alone.

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Working under pseudonyms remotely or at its headquarters in Austin, Texas, staff respondents spend as much as an hour at a time on calls and messages sent through a digital chat that arrive from across the country, at any time of day.

They pose sensitive but probing questions to uncover how a relationship has spiraled into deceit or danger, before connecting the survivor to support nearby. Many of the 158 staff respondents are women and survivors themselves.

Isadora Kosofsky for The New York Times

They cannot directly offer legal or medical advice, but give encouragement or recommendations.

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On a recent morning, a young Black woman from the South called in, describing the relationship she had recently escaped: “I still sometimes have dreams of that night — hearing the glass shatter and seeing stars.”

Around the same time, another woman wrote from New England, expressing uncertainty. “Is this gaslighting? Is this why I feel like I have no idea what is real and what isn’t?”

0 incoming calls and messages

11:10 AM

Woman, 30s, Michigan

Does he have any tracking devices on your vehicle?

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If he does have access to the weapon, that can increase the lethality a lot.

1:19 PM

Woman, 50s, Seattle

I don’t feel like myself anymore.

You have to realize it’s not you. What you’re feeling is very real.

I got pushed out of the way. Things got thrown against the room to me.

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It just changed my whole reality, like, am I like that? But I know I’m not.

What you’re feeling is very real. You don’t have to stay there.

Everything is replaceable except your life.

1:40 PM

Woman, 40s, Alabama

I don’t trust him, but he seems to be so hurt when I bring up these trust stuff.

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I feel if I don’t send pictures, he will just go to another person for them.

The rise in calls reflects an increased willingness to confront domestic violence, as survivors have publicly shared their experiences and lawmakers have moved to improve support.

It also reflects a deeper understanding of what abuse can be: monitoring someone through their devices, keeping a person financially dependent, twisting emotions to isolate someone from their loved ones.

“Domestic violence is very complex, and I felt like at different stages in my life, the people around me kept trying to simplify it,” said Jose Tobias, 29, who has worked at the hotline for nearly two years. A soft-spoken Mexican immigrant who once enrolled in Catholic seminary, he turned to the hotline in part to more directly counter what he sees as the weaponization of faith and other, more nebulous, forms of abuse.

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“It’s never the same, so the solution is never the same,” he added.

“Getting deep into my faith — I saw a big overlap between abuse and spiritual abuse,” said Jose Tobias, a hotline employee.

Isadora Kosofsky for The New York Times

Conversations at the hotline take on a new urgency once a caller confirms an instance of strangulation or the presence of a weapon. Research shows that millions of women have been threatened with a gun by an intimate partner.

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“If he does have access to the weapon, that can increase the lethality a lot,” Mr. Tobias told one woman, who was unsure whether her former partner had access to a gun.

To a tearful father, who recounted how his daughter’s abuser had access to a gun and already had physically assaulted her, he outlined the heightened risk: “We’ve seen this person weaponize his body. We could see him take it” further.

Isadora Kosofsky for The New York Times

And while gun rights groups highlight the experiences of survivors who arm themselves as a means of self-defense and their constitutional right to own a firearm, many domestic violence groups say the presence of a gun exacerbates the psychological trauma of being threatened with one.

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If the Supreme Court had upheld the ruling by the appeals court, it would have rolled back a federal law that makes it a felony to possess a gun while under a domestic violence order.

In the three states covered by the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals, the increase in calls mentioning a firearm was even more significant after the lower court ruling, the hotline said: 47 percent in Texas, 59 percent in Mississippi and 63 percent in Louisiana. And given how difficult it can be to ensure that any person subject to an order no longer has access to a gun, domestic violence groups fear losing a crucial means of ensuring the safety of survivors.

“One way or another, the survivors are going to be affected — it’s just about to what extent,” Mr. Tobias said.

0 incoming calls and messages

2:14 PM

Woman, 20s, California

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He stalks me outside of work.

Do you carry a copy of your protection order wherever you go?

He was punching me in the stomach when I was pregnant.

2:28 PM

White woman, 40s, California

I’m looking for housing that is not a shelter.

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Does he know where you are right now?

Focus on your safety. It can feel overwhelming.

3:36 PM

Asian mother, California

Today he discussed with me and used bad words and told me get out.

Now I don’t have income.

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3:56 PM

Woman, North Carolina

I feel like I’m losing myself because I’m not that kind of person.

It does more damage than the physical. I’m so disappointed in myself.

Find out who you are as an individual. Find out what your powers are.

I just feel really lost and confused.

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Look at the strength you found to get out. You’re a survivor.

The next step is up to you.

Staff members have also struggled with a swiftly moving landscape on abortion laws, as reports of forced acts like unprotected sex have flooded their lines and as the prospect of further limits on abortion access and reproductive care looms.

In an analysis of nearly 3,500 responses to a survey conducted last fall, the hotline found that nearly a quarter of respondents were pressured into becoming pregnant, 20 percent were forcibly prevented from using birth control and nearly 10 percent faced threats of violence over seeking an abortion.

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And even as the Supreme Court last week maintained access to a commonly used abortion pill, it did not weigh in on the merits of medication abortion or rule out the possibility of other challenges. On the day of the ruling, hotline employees said calls mentioning interference in reproductive health increased about 75 percent from what had been a daily average of about seven calls this month.

“Thank goodness that I was able to have an abortion because my life — I would not be sitting here,” said Hannah Tucker, 33, an employee with a shock of green hair and an array of colorful tattoos, adding: “I can’t fathom being attached to that person.”

The outcome of the two cases does not eliminate the financial and physical barriers that ensure a person stays in an abusive relationship. It will not change ingrained cultural and societal stigma about leaving, or the fact that certain communities are already more at risk.

And the hotline has only the resources to answer about 53 percent of its calls and messages. Ms. Jones and other staff estimated that it would take at least $20 million a year to fully staff the hotline.

Hannah Tucker, who answers digital messages at the hotline, had an abortion after an abusive relationship. “I can’t fathom being attached to that person,” she said.

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Josie Slawik, who began working to support domestic violence survivors after she arrived at an El Paso shelter, was there when the hotline took its first call in 1996.

Isadora Kosofsky for The New York Times

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“Domestic violence does not discriminate,” said Josie Slawik, 74. “Domestic violence affects everybody — no matter what race you are, how much money you have, you don’t have, it happens.”

She still remembers what it felt like in 1978, as she fled, her rib broken and two young daughters in tow, to a shelter in El Paso. With a warm personality, bright red curls and gold eye shadow shimmering around her eyes, she was there when the hotline took its first call in 1996.

Like others, she said she still had the capacity to be moved by hope and by horror.

“He was punching me in the stomach when I was pregnant,” a woman told her by phone. She soon hung up, saying she needed to return to work.

Ms. Slawik paused, removing her headset.

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“I’m going to take a reset — that was hard for me,” Ms. Slawik said, her voice soft. “This movement has come a long way, but we have a ways to go.”

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Tornadoes hit Illinois, Indiana and Texas as severe storms sweep US

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Tornadoes hit Illinois, Indiana and Texas as severe storms sweep US

A series of tornadoes hit parts of Texas, Illinois, and Indiana late Tuesday and overnight, as forecasters warn that the threat of severe weather, including flooding, will continue on Wednesday for tens of millions of people from Texas to Michigan.

At least four tornado touchdowns were reported in eastern Illinois, the National Weather Service (NWS) said, leaving a trail of damage stretching into Indiana, where at least two people were killed.

Video of a separate tornado in Taylor county, central Texas, on Tuesday was posted to weather.com. Officials there reported 60mph wind gusts and “baseball-sized” hail.

A search continued on Wednesday for possible victims of a supercell of storms that followed a path from Kankakee county, Illinois, into Indiana late on Tuesday. Rob Churchill, chief of the Lake Township fire department in Indiana, said in a video on Facebook that the small town of Lake Village had taken “a direct hit”.

“We have multiple homes destroyed, please stay away from the area,” he said.

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Fire department officials said at an early morning Wednesday press conference that there were two fatalities, WTHR News, an NBC affiliate, reported. Details were not immediately available.

Shannon Cothran, sheriff of Newton county in Indiana, said in a separate Facebook video that the immediate threat of dangerous weather had passed, but first responders were faced with challenging circumstances as they dealt with the storm’s aftermath.

“[There’s] a lot of damage. Please do not come here. Do not try to help right now. We’ve got a lot of first responders out here doing their job, just give us some room,” he said.

The tornadoes in parts of Illinois and Indiana downed trees and power lines in an area south of Chicago, and overwhelmed 911 operators, officials said. The Kankakee county sheriff’s office said one tornado touched down near the Kankakee fairgrounds before moving north-east into Aroma park, where it caused extensive damage.

JB Pritzker, the Democratic Illinois governor, said in a post on X early Wednesday that he was briefed on the storm and tornado damage and that the state’s emergency management agency was in contact with local officials.

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“Keeping in our thoughts all Illinoisans impacted by the severe weather – we’ll be here to help them recover,” he said.

Severe storms dumping rain and hail in parts of the midwest were threatening to bring intense tornadoes, damaging winds and very large hail from the southern plains to the southern Great Lakes, according to the NWS. States from Oklahoma to Michigan were under tornado watches.

Andrew Lyons, a meteorologist with the weather service’s storm prediction center, told the Associated Press that the exact number of tornado touchdowns would not be known until after officials conducted damage assessments.

He described it as a fairly typical early spring strong storm system that was expected to continue to move east and northeast towards the Atlantic coast on Wednesday, likely bringing more severe weather, he said.

Brandon Buckingham, an AccuWeather meteorologist, said at least 10 tornadoes were spotted in Illinois, Indiana and Texas.

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“There were nearly 200 filtered reports of severe weather spanning more than 2,500 miles from Texas to Michigan,” he said in a post on the weather service’s website.

The forecaster said the chain of storms would peak midweek and “could become the most widespread and impactful severe weather outbreak so far this year”.

The severe weather could reach Washington DC by Wednesday afternoon, CBS News reported, bringing new threats of damaging winds and tornadoes. A line of storms was forecast to sweep east and move into Ohio and Tennessee, including the cities of Cincinnati, Memphis and Nashville, it said.

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Wheelchair curler Steve Emt’s path from drunk driver to three-time Paralympian

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Wheelchair curler Steve Emt’s path from drunk driver to three-time Paralympian

American Steve Emt competes in Sunday’s mixed doubles match against Italy, which the U.S. won.

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Anyone watching the Winter Paralympics has probably taken note of Steve Emt, who — along with Laura Dwyer — is representing Team USA in the Games’ first-ever mixed doubles event.

Their performance is one thing: The pair notched three dramatic, back-to-back wins in the round-robin tournament to reach the semifinals, marking the first time the U.S. has qualified for a medal round in wheelchair curling since the 2010 Paralympics.

After losing to Korea in the semifinals, Emt and Dwyer will face Latvia in the bronze medal match on Tuesday, in the hopes of winning the U.S. its first Paralympic medal in wheelchair curling.

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But it’s their teamwork and attitude on ice that really set them apart. Emt, in particular, has charmed the internet, with his booming baritone delivering a steady stream of encouragement to his doubles partner and demands to the granite stones they’re sliding (“curl!” “sit!”).

“I have three older siblings. I was always on the basketball court getting beat up by them, so I had to assert myself on the court, around the kitchen table, everything,” he said when asked about his deep voice this week.

Steve Emt and Laura Dwyer celebrate during a match this week.

Steve Emt and Laura Dwyer have made sure to celebrate their wins, of which there have been many throughout this wheelchair curling mixed doubles round-robin tournament.

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While Emt, 56, is competing in a new event, he’s no stranger to the sport: The 10-time national champion and three-time Paralympian is the most decorated Paralympic curler in U.S. history.

But he didn’t know what curling was until he got recruited off the street just over a decade ago.

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Emt, who is 6 feet, 5 inches tall, was enjoying a day in Cape Cod, Mass., in 2013 when a stranger with slicked-back hair approached and asked if he was local. Emt replied that he lived in Connecticut and suspiciously asked why.

“He said, ‘Well, I train with the Paralympic rowing team here in the Cape. I saw you pushing up the hill back there. With your build, I could make you an Olympian in a year,’” Emt recalled, referring to his wheelchair. “And I heard ‘Olympics,’ I’m like: Let’s go. What the hell is curling?”

After their conversation, Emt drove home and did some research, confirming that curling was not related to weightlifting, as he originally suspected.

“I went back two weeks later and I threw my first stone, and it just bit me,” he said.

Before long, Emt was making the two-and-a-half-hour drive to Massachusetts to spend the weekend training with that stranger-turned-coach, Tony Colacchio. He made the U.S. wheelchair curling team in 2014 and competed at his first world championship in 2015. Emt made his Paralympic debut in Pyeongchang in 2018, five years after that fateful encounter.

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Emt, speaking to reporters in October, said the sport of curling has changed him as a person, mellowing him out. But the existence of the sport as a competitive outlet for athletes with disabilities changed his life.

Emt had been an all-star high school athlete, an Army West Point cadet and a UConn basketball walk-on before a drunk driving incident paralyzed him from the waist down at 25 years old.

“I’m a jock … I need to compete, and I didn’t have anything going on in my life,” Emt said. “Seventeen years after my crash, I had a hole, and then [Colacchio] came along and stalked me into the sport.”

By that point, Emt had spent years working as a middle school math teacher, a high school basketball coach and a motivational speaker. The latter has been his full-time job for almost a decade, taking him to over 100 schools across the country each year. He tells those teenagers about the chance Colacchio took on him, encouraging them to “be a Tony.”

“Go sit with that kid at lunch that’s sitting alone … smile [at] somebody in a hallway, get your heads out of your phones, get your heads out of the sand,” he continued. “We’re all going through something … and a simple ‘hello’ or ‘good morning,’ it could change their day. It could change somebody’s life.”

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Why Emt now shares his story 

This is the third Paralympics for Emt, who is already eyeing Salt Lake City 20

This is the third Paralympics for Emt, who is already eyeing Salt Lake City 2034.

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Emt wasn’t always so willing to open up. For the first half a year after his 1995 crash, he told everyone a deer had run in front of his car rather than admit he had gotten behind the wheel drunk.

“I was lying to myself, I was lying to everybody around me,” he said. “I didn’t want kids to look at me in my hometown, in the state, and everyone around the country, as a drunk driver. I wanted them to look at me as a stud athlete and a great person.”

Emt had been a “stud athlete”: His talents in high school basketball, soccer and baseball made him a star in his hometown of Hebron, Conn., and earned him a spot on the basketball team at West Point.

But he dropped out two years later, after his father’s sudden death from a heart attack. He went home to Connecticut and eventually enrolled at UConn, where he walked on to its storied basketball team, joining future NBA greats like Donyell Marshall. Emt says, with a chuckle, that he had 38.7 seconds of playing time in his two years.

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Emt was wearing his Big East championship jacket the night of his 1995 accident, which he says left him for dead on the side of the highway. When he woke up from a coma a few days later, he learned he would never walk again.

And he didn’t want to tell people why, until a newspaper reporter approached him six months later wanting to tell his story — and encouraged him to be honest. He said the opportunity to “come clean” helped him accept what he’d done and forgive himself.

“That’s my label: Yeah I’m a curler, yeah I’m a speaker, yeah I’m a drunk driver,” he said. “I’m in a wheelchair because of a drunk driving crash, and I want you to know it and I want you to learn from me.”

Emt first got into motivational speaking about eight months after his accident, and has been doing it ever since. He calls it his therapy.

He says that and curling — which is about shaking hands with competitors instead of smack-talking them — has helped him slow down and appreciate the little things. Relocating to Wisconsin and the chiller pace of Midwest life has also helped. And he says he cherishes the platform that curling has given him.

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“I want people to know: ‘Hey, when you’re ready to talk, I’m here for you.’ This is what I do, from my speaking to my curling, whatever it is, there are so many opportunities to be successful again,” he said. “When you wake up and you’re told you’re never going to walk again, it’s like, what do I do now? … And I just want people to know that there are so many avenues out there, so many things to do.”

Emt, the oldest Paralympian on Team USA, originally aimed to make it to three Games. But he’s now eyeing even more, as he’d like to compete on home turf in Salt Lake City in 2034 (two Games away).

“I’m going to be like 90 years old competing at the Paralympics,” he laughed.

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Map: 2.3-Magnitude Earthquake Reported North of New York City

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Map: 2.3-Magnitude Earthquake Reported North of New York City

Note: Map shows the area with a shake intensity of 3 or greater, which U.S.G.S. defines as “weak,” though the earthquake may be felt outside the areas shown.  All times on the map are Eastern. The New York Times

A minor, 2.3-magnitude earthquake struck about 12 miles north of New York City on Tuesday, according to the United States Geological Survey.

The temblor happened at 10:17 a.m. Eastern in Sleepy Hollow, N.Y., data from the agency shows.

The Westchester County emergency services department said in a statement that it had not received any reports of damage.

As seismologists review available data, they may revise the earthquake’s reported magnitude. Additional information collected about the earthquake may also prompt U.S.G.S. scientists to update the shake-severity map.

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Source: United States Geological Survey | Notes: Shaking categories are based on the Modified Mercalli Intensity scale. When aftershock data is available, the corresponding maps and charts include earthquakes within 100 miles and seven days of the initial quake. All times above are Eastern. Shake data is as of Tuesday, March 10 at 10:30 a.m. Eastern. Aftershocks data is as of Tuesday, March 10 at 2:18 p.m. Eastern.

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