Nike sure is high on Denver being high. As in, high up.

So the fashionistas up in the Grading The Week offices got a gander at the Nuggets’ new “City Edition” jerseys that leaked online a few days ago, along with those of their NBA peers.

The usual gang of idiots walked away with eight immediate takeaways:

1. Yuck.

2. The Knicks’ jersey hurts our eyes.

3. The Celtics’ jersey hurts our brains.

4. Thumbs up to any throwback nods — especially ABA throwbacks.

5. Memphis’s look rules. Bring back the Sounds!

6. Thumbs up to the Mavs and Clips.

7. Why does the Sixers’ drop seem more like a classic Nuggets look than what Nike gave the actual Nuggets?

8. And speaking of the Nuggets, why does Nike insist on putting a “5280” where a “Denver” or a “Nuggets” would suffice?

Nuggets’ new drip — C-minus

That said, Team GTW sincerely hopes you enjoy today’s edition of the 5280 Post. Especially our coverage of the 5280 Broncos. And the 5280 Nuggets. And the University of 5280 Pios. You could even read it on the way to 5280 International Airport. But before you go, make sure to try the 5280 Omelette, which reportedly evolved from the 5280 Sandwich.

Really? We’re doing “5280” again? Is there a reason the Nuggets’ jersey is one of only a handful of “City Edition” jerseys that don’t make a reference to a city on it anywhere?

Even Toronto gets a little red raptor dude doing his best 2000 Vince Carter, for pity’s sake. Would it be too much to ask for a jersey that features Maxie Miner doing the Sombor Shuffle?

Over in the GTW offices, we don’t just love clever. We adore it.

That said, the Nuggets’ new alternate has so much clever slammed into one jersey that it’s hard to tell what the heck is going on.

And, sorry, Nike, call us old fogeys, but … yeah, this whole “5280” thing was played out two years ago. Enough.

Hey, we love tasteful white-on-white looks as much as the next Fanatics.com shopper. But the whole “rainbow” theme on this one is so subtle that it comes off as a psychedelic mess.

Is that a meteorological map going down the side panels?

Is it a light show from a 1967 Pink Floyd concert?

Are those the ultrasounds from a gender reveal?

Oooohhhhh! Got it. It’s a topographic deal but done in classic Nuggets “rainbow” colors. And we see it now: It also features a line of mountain peaks, in a sort of “rainbow” pattern, hidden within the “5280” graphic splashed across the chest. You know, where actual letters should be. How crazy is that?

We can count the ways. About 5,280 of them, now that you mention it.

DU men’s soccer — A

Meanwhile, in college news that came across the GTW inbox that didn’t involve CSU changing leagues or a member of the Sanders family, it turns out the Pios are No. 1 again.

Only it’s not the hockey squad. Or the latest gymnastics poll.

After a stretch of seven unbeaten matches, the Top Drawer men’s soccer poll on Monday slotted DU as the nation’s No. 1 program. It was the first No. 1 ranking for the Pios (4-0-4) since October 2018.

The United Soccer Coaches poll, released Tuesday, slotted DU third nationally, behind only Pittsburgh at No. 2 and Stanford at No. 1.

The Pios thumped Yale 4-1 last weekend and celebrated their ascent up the polls with a 0-0 home draw against Portland this past Thursday evening. DU hosts Seattle (2-2-2) at 7 p.m. Sunday.

Originally Published: September 21, 2024 at 10:00 a.m.